Flight from Darkness
by Frantastic1993
Summary: In the world of the Underground Katsumi is as ruthless as anyone else, but when her world once again collides with Levi Ackerman's she finds that even after 10 years, the past is persistent. Kat inadvertendly finds herself wrapped up in the mess of her old friend and current enemy, Levi; helping him and his two new allies Farlan and Isabel as they contend with the Survey Corps.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi reader: this is another idea I'm toying with continuing, set in the underground at the time of the 'No Regrets' OVA, spoilers ahead for that and the main anime (as and when I continue the story). You have been warned.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan, I only own my OC and some of the plot points. Some. The initial part of this story will follow the OVA to a certain degree, but not necessarily to the letter. Therefore don't assume you know what's coming ;)**

 **Hope you enjoy, leave a review, like or follow, all are appreciated!**

 **Thanks, Fran**

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I throw my rope up and over a roof. It hooks on and I go swinging, momentum building till finally I kick off another wall at the right angle and there we are. Home free. I sit down and hide behind the small wall, waiting as the footsteps rush past me, roars and grunts going with them. The idiots were soon long gone and I check my bounty was intact. Three loaves of bread and a shit-tonne of preserved meat. The jackpot of jackpots. I still couldn't believe I'd stumbled across a store of meat, in the Underground? My stomach gurgles and I put everything back in my bag before heading for home. I head for the edge of the roof, hook the rope in place and swing down into the street, people dodge but they needn't, I'm a good few metres above them when I unhook my rope and flip down into an alley. Takes a good chunk out of my commute time. I begin jogging through the crowded streets, winding up my rope as I go. I avoid the worst streets, and dash through the darkest. Soon my home is in sight, I can just taste the bread and meat, washed down with some hot tea. I was in for a good night. Hopefully without interruption.

I slow a little as I hear light sobbing.

So close!

Hearing someone crying was nothing new, but this was so young sounding I couldn't help but stop. Damn you instincts, why do you have to stall me from dinner? I look and see a young woman hunched against the wall. She keeps hitting against it, clearly annoyed with herself about something. Her auburn hair is spiky, and tied into pigtails. She's sobbing her heart out. I look around but no one seems to be looking for her.

"Hey, kid?" I call quietly, not wanting to attract unwanted attention. She sniffs violently and looks up with wide green eyes. I don't react on the surface, this could easily be a hook for an attack. But I see no shadows move, and there's nowhere all that easy to jump out from nearby. If it was a hook, it was a damned good one. I kneel down and nod towards her. "You hurt?"

"No…" she spits angrily, like I've just insulted her. I nod slowly and continue to scan the area, nothing so far.

"You alone?"

"Duh!" she huffs, sobbing again, hitting off the wall again as well. And then I think she realises why I'm asking and snorts a little, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "I'm not robbing you, lady."

I smirk, she was a pretty smart kid. And clearly upset about something. I rub my hands together and frown as a thought enters my head. Give her something to eat. Maybe even let her come inside till you can find out what's wrong with her. I glance around a little, wondering where the hell this came from. As her breathing evens out a little I clear my throat and nod towards my home.

"You hungry, kid?"

"Yeah…" she frowns but just holds her knees closer to her chest. I sigh and stand up, shifting my heavy bag on my back. She looks… shit I have no idea how old, but she's definitely younger than I am. "Why'd you care?"

"I don't particularly. But you caught me in a generous mood, apparently." She looks at me a little weirdly, narrowing her bright eyes like suspecting me of something. To be fair, generosity wasn't a common notion down here in the Underground. Murder was the order of the day for most. When she's done looking me up and down meticulously, she shakes her head slowly.

"I ain't got nothing to give you."

"That implies you have something to give." I snort, "Double negative… "

"Huh?"

"Come on kid, this bag's fucking heavy. Want some grub or not? Then you can come back and continue uselessly crying in the street." I hitch my bag again, underlining the heavy factor. She gets up slowly and trudges over to me, fiddling with one of her pigtails as she does. I never understood the term pigtails, I'd only ever seen one pig, but I had only seen one tail there… I turn and lead her towards my door.

"I really don't have anything missus."

"And I really don't expect you to, kid. No funny business, plus there's plenty windows you can jump out of. Coming? I just did pretty well today and feel like some good karma, close the door behind you yeah?"

I lead her in and head up the stairs. My shite apartment opens in front of me and I take a deep breath, no place like it. Really I couldn't complain, it had four(ish) walls and a roof almost entirely intact. More than many had. But I'd worked damned hard for it, so I was entitled to bitch.

I set down my bag and set the flame alight beneath the make-shift kettle.

"Tea? Or what I have deemed tea…" I flake some leaves into a cup, she shakes her head and wrinkles her nose. I shrug and get a loaf of bread out and some meat. Her jaw drops. I smirk and get the one plate I own and hand it over to her. She stands there holding the plate and staring at it in disbelief. I wonder how long it is since she ate. Not that I was a porker, but the kid was incredibly slight.

"You serious missus?"

"Dig in, kid. I have more in the bag, but that's mine okay? No nicking it?"

"Nah, you're clearly a crazy, I ain't stealing from you." She laughs, grabbing the bread and wolfing down a mouthful. I indicate the seat and she sits, heavily, nearly dropping the plate as she is lost in ecstasy.

I pour my 'tea' and stand by the window, or rather hole in my wall. There's still no one wandering round calling a name. People go missing all the time, but this kid still seemed fairly innocent, so there was someone looking after her. Down here you got bitter real quick without a boundary protecting you. I blow the steam away from my cup and sigh, wondering how far she is from home. I peer back to her and consider that she can't be from up-top, she's too scrappy for that. Then I frown, she wasn't a prozzy either, she was too boulshy for that. I sit on the sill and swirl the leaves round in the liquid.

"You lost, kid?" I ask carefully, not really wanting her to start crying again, I'm awful at dealing with people crying. I'm pretty bad with people in general. Or at least I thought I was, I think back over the past five minutes and smile. Perhaps loneliness had made me sociable? I smile into my tea. But then I stop when I realise she still hasn't answered, she's swallowing hard staring at the plate. "Kid?"

"I got lost from Big Bro…" she grits her sharp little teeth, "I'm so stupid."

"Hey, hey, I'm sure we can find your brother… does he look like you?"

"Nah…" and she goes on to describe someone I'd hoped to never have to run into again. At least not in this lifetime. I groan as she describes Levi to me. Really? I look up and feel like flipping the bird at whatever God thought this was funny. Of all the kids I had to run into, it had to be one of his brats? I meet her gaze when she hears my reaction, she sees the contempt. "You got history with Big Bro?"

"In a sense…" I laugh draining my cup and putting it back by the kettle, she chews slower now, watching me closer. I guess she now suspects I'm an enemy of his, and might use her as leverage against him. It was an oldy, but a goody. And indeed I was kind of an enemy, but I had no need to use leverage. I had no need, or want, to be anywhere near his stoic ass. "So what's your name, kid?"

"What's yours?" she replies coldly, still watching me fixedly. The kid was no dumbass. I make a little bow, and wonder if this name will even mean anything to her. I doubted he had ever spoken about me to new brats, and he might well have banned the subject of me from old ones.

"Katsumi. But I'm mostly known as Kat."

"K-Katsumi? _The_ Katsumi?"

"I dunno do I?" I laugh raising a brow at her, she blushes a little and shrugs.

"I thought big Bro made you up."

"Ha, you mean he actually talks about me?" I snort, not really believing this. He always swore I'd never cross his mind after I left. So much hate in his eyes. She's watching me with a little bit of hate too. I raise my brow higher and tilt my head, come on little girl, don't start.

"You hurt Big Bro."

It isn't anything more than a statement, but I know she wants to hurt me too. The devotion is there. It was always there in his brat's eyes, there would have been a time when it was in my eyes also. That was a good ten years ago now. Sixteen years old and a nemesis. It was quite the achievement. I think back and almost laugh, we had been kids, and yet oh-so-grown up.

"I left and he got pissy, there's a difference, kid."

"That's not how he tells it."

"Oh I'm sure it isn't. Eat your food and I'll take you back." I sigh and go to look for my gear, these shoes weren't that great for running and I knew I'd need to bolt once delivering this kid home. I hear her shift in her seat. I glance over my shoulder.

"You're still gonna help me?" she's still shovelling food in her mouth, probably ready to run off if I suddenly turn vengeful, but I just nod and wink.

"Not your fault he's a tool."

"But he'll—"

"He'll yell at me, maybe even keep his word and kill me, but heck I can take him kid. Don't you worry. I'll get you home and be on my way. Not a problem." I shrug and then pause, "What _is_ your name then?"

"Isabel."

I nod and head through to my room to change, this was not going to be a pleasant reunion, but it was inevitable really. Levi was such a prominent aspect of the Underground, I was amazed I'd dodged him for ten years. As I tug on my proper boots I begin to wonder what he looks like now, will he have finally gotten taller? Or had he stopped using that silly little dagger yet? I smile as I do up my straps for holding my twin knives. I hope he has changed, but I hope it was back to how he used to be. Back to the man I'd known all my childhood. Not the monster I ran away from at sixteen.

As I head back through I hear something shift, but I see Isabel stood by the window I assume she just moved the chair or something. I nod my head and shrug on my coat. She takes the final bite of bread and turns to me with a strangely confident smile. This kid was weird.

"Ready to go missus?"

"Yeah, please call me Kat? I'm nobody's wife."

"Can I call you Kitty Kat?" she tilts her head and her auburn hair falls into her bright eyes. I smirk and nod, it didn't really matter. It wasn't like I was going to be seeing the kid beyond tonight. "By the way… thanks…"

"No problem, though maybe save the thanks till I've _actually_ gotten you home?" I say nodding towards the door.

We make a move but then I hear that shifting noise again. Isabel had definitely not moved the chair this time. I tense and angle myself in front of the kid. Something is not right here. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I reach for my blades.

"Kid? You might need to make a jump through the window…"

"Why? We got trouble?" she asks, I look over my shoulder and see the fighting stance I taught Levi to do. I shiver a little, but look back to the matter in hand, our potential visitors. I might've been being paranoid, but as my instincts raged at me to be ready, I feared I wasn't. What was it now? Some ass trying to steal something? Pasen coming to get my 'final' answer to his lewd suggestions. Or my landlord trying to pretend he hadn't received my rent this month, despite the fact I'd owned the damn apartment for the past three years.

"I think so, kid… let me check. You stay here okay?"

"I can look after myself." She huffs, and I give a small smile.

"I'm sure you can, however, I don't fancy handing you back to Levi damaged."

She's about to argue but she backs down, smart kid. I then turn and reach for my door, a blade in the other hand as I brace for whatever's waiting behind the door. I tug open the door and grimace at the familiar face leering back at me. Shit, not today Pasen.

"Well hello my princess, and who do we have here? Entertaining? What good timing I have." The large man with bristles coming out his ears waddles across my threshold and I back up till I'm just in front of the kid again. This was definitely not good. And this asshole, very rarely travelled alone.

"Isa run." I don't want to use her full name in front of this swine. Unfortunately though, living with Levi had clearly made this kid more loyal than logical, she suddenly stands next to me, fists raised as though it'll make a blind bit of difference. "Kid, seriously, run the fuck away."

"Nah, I'm good thanks. What's this piggy want anyhow?"

"Piggy?" he repeats in a coarse laugh, striding inside with smoke coming from his pipe. I glance around, wondering where his damned greasy henchmen are. They better not break any furniture this time. "My dear little child, I am no pig. I am a business man, and one that _this_ beautiful lady has been kept waiting."

"I told you a hundred times _Piggy,_ I'm not interested."

"You really should reconsider my _dear_." He rumbles, lips pulling back slightly.

"I'd rather steal money than make it on my back."

"Then I'm sick of your games woman."

He loses all sense of forced charm, and gives a low growl as he produces a long baton made of steel. It glimmers in the pale light of my home and I shudder, the kid could not end up on the end of that thing. I then hear scrambling, and through three of my four windows climbs a henchman, each brandishing some kind of weapon. The only window free is the one in the kitchen. I edge back, taking Isabel with me as they advance.

"She said no Piggy, so leave!" shouts Isabel defiantly, I glance her way and feel a swell of pity. The kid was so attached to me already? This kid was well protected, I could tell. So that meant I had to try and keep that going. This world needed unbridled hope, and sincerity like hers.

I meet her eyes and glance backwards, towards the window, she grins and catches on.

"I'm sick of this woman teasing me whenever I see her, I won't have my face rubbed it in any longer! Either come work for me, or die here like the useless rat you are!"

"How the fuck do I tease you?" I snap, hoping to keep him riled up enough to not notice the remaining escape option. We just needed a little time. "I don't even speak to you if I can avoid it!"

"Exactly. Your very presence is an insult to me,"

"You're kidding right?"

"I feel myself losing money every time I see you waltz by all superior looking. You probably do earn money on that pretty little back, you just don't fancy following the rules like the other girls!"

"How dare you, you cretinously vile little weasel! And I am superior to you, you're just the filth that trickles along the gutter."

"Well you won't be so superior once I bash that little head in, will you?"

As his poisonous words spill out I'm looking at the other men; there's a bat, a length of pipe and one knife. I reckon I can deal with these idiots. I sheath my own weapon and stand straight, still edging back, but throwing them off with my confident stance. I have no idea if this'll work or not, but I can't let them get a hold of Isabel, she was a sitting duck for men like these. Such a pretty little thing, too easily attached to people that showed her even the smallest kindness. I couldn't let them sway her and manipulate her. I nudge her back and hope she makes a break for it.

"Come on then lads, give it your best fucking shot."

They growl and swarm.

I dodge the baton and kick Pasen in his large gut, sending him toppling backwards with shrill wails. Next is the length of pipe, quickly followed by the knife. I grab the pipe, wrench it out his hands after kicking his forearms hard, the cracking sound indicating I'd at least fractured if not broken them. I whip the pipe round and crack knife man round the jaw with it, he stumbles and drops the knife. But before I can get a hold of the blade, the bat swings round and catches my shoulder. I roll but keep moving for the knife. Then I hear the feral shriek of Isabel as she lunges and rides the bat wielding man's back, clawing at his face as they stumble around. I grab the pipe and shove it under his ribs, whilst removing the bat from his hands and cracking it off his stubbly jaw. Isabel then takes the bat, and holds it against his throat to choke him. Without pause I spin and reach for the knife, but it isn't there and I feel it slice into my back.

Well… shit. Air whooshes out of me but I know it hasn't hit a lung, it's too low for that. But it's bleeding badly already, blood dribbling onto my floor like good wine.

I grit my teeth against the irritating pain and spin, the man loses grip as my blood coats the handle and he stumbles. I tug the blade out, stand on his chest to quickly slice open his throat. By this point Piggy has righted himself and is about to come back through the door, he sees the bloodied knife and backs off a little. Baton shaking.

"If I ever see you again, _pig_ , I will gut you myself. Stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of yours. Got it?" I growl, ignoring the fire burning up my back as blood seeps into my clothing. He gives a shaky nod and scurries away, grunting as he escapes with his pathetic life. I turn and go to Isabel who is still holding the bat guy in place, I look into his watery eyes and kick his jaw hard. I wonder if the snapping noise was his jaw or his neck, but I frankly don't care. This was my home dammit, my home!

"You all right kid?" she nods and I set about removing the bodies.

Who's alive and who isn't doesn't concern me right now, I just want them out. I tug the first two henchmen over to the back window, and shove them through, taking no heed of how they land in the street below. When it comes to Isabel's victim though I stumble a little, a shiver running through me. Woman, suck it up. I shake myself down and gesture her off, she's watching me closely, but I ignore her green eyes and throw him down with the others.

"Hey Kitty Kat? You okay there?" she asks as I toss their weapons down onto the pile of pieces of shit. I tug my drape back over the 'window' and then brush myself down. It was sweet that she seemed to care, but right now we had a job to do. And the longer it took me to return her, the less likely it was I'd be able to get back out of Levi's presence with my life. Be it because I couldn't outrun him from blood loss, or the sheer fury he felt. Either way, we had to hurry up. I'd had worse though, it wasn't going to kill me. At least there was a good 60% chance it wouldn't. The odds had been worse before. I grab a scarf from my cupboard and tie it round my waist. It'd clot up in no time.

"Let get going Isabel. But you did well, kid. Levi taught you well." I doff my non-existent hat to her and she gives an uneasy smile. But I turn and walk away before she can pester me, I don't know if she's the type to fuss, but I'm not all that willing to find out. "Move it kid!"

"H-hey wait up!" she comes running after me and soon we're making our way through the dim streets.

I keep a good pace and am amazed at the muscle memory that leads me. I've barely been concentrating on where I'm going, and mainly focusing on keeping my heartrate slow to avoid too much blood seeping out. But we're on track, we'd be there soon. The buildings are different, but the street layout is the same. Same gutters, same filth. The underground looked all the same to the untrained eye, but I knew I was heading back. I knew I was head ho—I knew I was leading Isabel home.

She keeps pace and stays quiet, kicking stones and skipping every few steps. She was just a kid. How had she ended up mixed in with Levi? If he had stayed the way he was, such a vibrant soul shouldn't be anywhere near him. Or was she an indication that my plan had worked? Had I managed to save him? I glance her way, wondering if she'd be willing to tell me a few things. I remember how she came and stood with me when those men threatened me, it seemed plausible she'd be open to talking.

"Isabel?"

"Yeah Kitty Kat?" she sing-songs, thwacking a pebble against a building with an odd smirk.

"How did you meet Levi?" as the question passes my lips I'm surprised at myself, that wasn't what I'd intended at all. But I keep it out there, watching for her to finished deducing whether or not she wanted me to know.

"I… I tried to get past the 11th stairwell without paying…"

"So you were on the run and he helped?"

"Yeah… I ended up at his and Farlan's place and… they helped me."

"Trying to live on the surface huh? Brave."

"Nah, I was trying to help a bird." She laughs and I stop dead, looking up for a moment before back at the kid, not quite believing what I'm hearing. She sees my confusion and blushes, shrugging and blowing the hair out of her face. "It wanted to fly… stop looking at me like that yeah? That's how Farlan and Levi-bro looked at me."

"Sorry I just… you got a good heart kid… that's not exactly common down here." I smirk and continue walking, finding my regard for this kid growing. It was worrying. "So what got you into the group?"

"I kinda asked in all honesty… I dunno they took pity on me I guess, or they were impressed, I dunno really. Merchants were after me so—"

"Levi protected you and never specified why… yeah… he does that. Good to know he still has that side to him, at least." I pause and gather my nerve, "How is Levi these days?" I try and sound non-chalant, but I'm not sure I accomplish my goal. She looks my way with narrowed eyes, smirk still in place. "Still a short-arse?"

"You're shorter than him Kitty Kat!" she laughs and slaps my shoulder, gasping a little when I wince. Thanks, kid. I wave it away with a smile and she continues, blushing at her forgetfulness. "He's good… I think… as much as Big Bro is anything other than being Big Bro. He's… wow it's been like forever since you've seen him huh?"

"Ten years I think." I feel an ache in my body and know time is against me these days. People didn't live to good ages down here, I wasn't hitting 30 down here. It was either get out, or get killed. I knew this. I just wasn't sure how I'd get out. I probably had enough for the stair-toll, but citizenship was a bitch to get hold of. If not impossible these days. Then again, getting killed wouldn't be so bad, it wasn't like I had a family to tend to. Not anymore. I frown as my thoughts delve into this dark place, it had become a habit of late. Was I really becoming so lost? I look down at my hands, they used to hold onto so much hope…

"Why… why did you leave Katsumi?" she asks walking a little closer to me, her head tilted like a begging pup. Well, shit, we got to that point did we? I want to brush it off and change the subject, but those green eyes are relentless. How could anyone say no to them? I put my hands in my pockets and purse my lips. "Big Bro never tells that story."

"What stories does he tell you? Before I tell you… I will." I say with a nod when she looks disappointed. It was partly curiosity, and partly time to brace myself against that memory. That day had been when my hands lost their grip on hope, that day had lead me down a very dark path. Ironic really considering the reason I'd left in the first place. I sigh and focus on her words.

"He tells all sorts when I bug him about it."

"I'll bet, he's great at telling stories."

"I like the one about how you used to be the best at fighting, taught him how to do it proper. Oh and then how you nicked the wrong guys wallet, and you both had to run for two days straight." She starts laughing at that one, holding her gut. I find myself almost joining in, that had been a crazy time. I wonder if he even smirks when telling that one. I'm hoping for her to keep going, but she just stares at me, and raises her eyebrows expectantly.

I sigh and delve into my silly past.

"I got sick of the fight." I murmur, not really sure where to begin. She was a kid, devoted to Levi, would she even understand the story from my point-of-view? She looks confused as we round another corner. I send a warning glance at a shady looking bloke who just kicked off a wall in our direction, he takes the hint and fucks off. I look back at my eager audience and shrug. "The constant fighting, the thieving with knives before we did it with stealth. He got so bloodthirsty by the end… like he was becoming…"

"Like he was becoming someone else?"

"Yeah…" I swallow, refusing to let this kid see my pain. Fuck it, I was as cold now as I ever had been. Time might have made me older, but it hadn't made me soft. The only time I ever had been soft was with him, when I'd cared too much.

"So I said I wanted out. I needed to try living instead of fighting. He called me so many things I forget… coward, traitor, liar, bitch… he hated that I could even imagine another way of living I guess… but I never really understood his rage. I had wanted him to come with me, but I didn't ask him too, I knew he couldn't do it. I think by the end, the rage was all he knew…"

It's my turn to kick a stone, only I lob it all the way down the street and I tense as I see the familiar corner come into view. This was it. We were here. The house is almost in view, then this bright little thing will run home, cheering and yelling to her family. I'll make sure she gets to the door, then I'll scarper.

"I don't get it Kitty Kat…"

"Don't get what Kid?" I ask, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. I didn't know how much longer I'd be standing upright in all honesty, the edges of my vision were already blurring. Her big green eyes, so open and easily read, bore into me and her lips dip down.

"Levi-bro is always helping us out, me and the others round here! I don't get what you mean by all this stuff about rage and... and…"

"If he's changed back, then I'm glad." I smile at her properly for the first time, relieved to hear something in him had come back. Though something in me ached. I'd always assumed it had been me making his days so dark, but never had it really confirmed till now. With me gone, he'd been able to find his good intentions again, to focus on the bigger picture.

As a shadow enters my vision I quickly nod forwards and Isabel realises where we are. A smile breaks her sweet young face, and she turns to beams at me. Those green eyes shine with gratitude before she throws her arms round my neck and hugs me tight. It hurts like hell and I sway a little, but I just make her think its part of the hug.

"Thank you so much Kitty Kat! I'm home!" she shouts, dancing between her feet. I smirk and ruffle her hair affectionately, the kid had a weird charm to her, I could see why Levi had taken her in. "Come in please I wanna—"

"Kid this isn't some sweet reconciliation." I shake my head and rock back on my heels, about to turn and leave when I feel something hit my shoulder before my back is pinned to the ground and my head smacks off the cobbles. "Shitting Titans…" I grumble, the wound on my back and the fresh one on my skull screaming at me.

Hello old friend, not so nice to see you too.

"Where the hell have you been Isabel?"

"I got lost Big Bro!" she says trying to tug him off, bit of course she makes no difference to the way he constricts my throat and pins me down with his body. I'm meeting his gaze head on, not about to be the one to look away first. But he looks down with absolutely nothing there. Only a dim flame of anger. But otherwise it's dead as he looks down at me for the first time in almost a decade. It's been a long time since I felt it, but my heart aches a little. Nothing?

"Isabel go in the house." He mutters, tightening his hold over my throat a little. I feel like he's going to enjoy this a lot. Maybe he's been planning how he'll do it for all these years. Meticulously planning how to make it last for days. Torturing me the way he probably thinks I did him. Then again he might just snap my neck here in the street, be done with it.

"Please let her go! She helped me get home, and she's hurt!"

"I don't give a fuck. She _knows_ what's going to happen." He snarls down into my ear, raising me up a little, to thrash me back into the cobbles. Lovely. "I told you never to bother coming back, you knew this was what was waiting for you."

"Good to see you too, sweetheart." I mumble as consciousness slips a little. "I just wanted to get the kid back home. Nothing else."

"What did you do to her?"

"Fuck off, pipsqueak." I spit in his face and feel him press down on my windpipe. I was in no position to be this sassy with him, but I wasn't about to let him colour me the absolute villain. I had my reasons for leaving, but that didn't make me evil. To insinuate I would harm the girl was enough to make my blood boil, and it was. I knew he hated me, but had he really forgotten who I was?

"Levi-Bro please!" wails the kid and I smile faintly as my eyes roll back, oblivion impatient for me to enter its numb void. I don't know if its blood-loss or the fact I must have a couple concussions. But the numbness is welcome. Only it's short-lived. I'm slapped back into the waking world. Dammit man, let me sleep, or die, whatever the hell I was about to do there.

"I'm waking her up, Isabel, stop hitting me." He grunts, no longer on top of me as I wearily look around and feel air fill my burning lungs. Must have been the concussions sending me to sleep then, I feel myself grow more aware, and into more pain. I groan and roll over to get up, but just slump back down. Blood oozes past my scarf binding and I curse under my breath.

"See, she's hurt." The kid almost says this triumphantly, putting her hands under my arms and helping me up. I can't see much so I just lean on her, shaking my head to encourage sight back into the situation. "She got attacked by some pig man, wanted her to sell or something. She protected me Big Bro!"

"You don't need the likes of her looking after you."

"But still! She did!"

"You seriously got mixed up with Jargen?" he asks, not looking my way. I try and stand straight but mainly wobble in Isabel's hold.

"No, I killed Jargen seven years ago you prick." I hiss, flipping him the bird and trying to take some more of my own weight, to only stumble all over again. Fuck it, this was pathetic. Ten years and he'd still think I needed looking after. "This was Jargen's second hand, dunno if you recall him?"

"Pasen?"

"That's the delightful gentlemen," I mumble, feeling the world numb again. "Could you slap me again? Feeling a little slee—"

He didn't need to be asked twice apparently.

I rub my jaw and feel my head fizz before my eyes finally clear. I touch my forehead and nod at him. He hasn't changed much; still wearing that stoic mask, and still that undercut with dark raven hair falling in front of his steel eyes. Still handsome, and still a short little prick. But he's less harsh. He looks more like he did back then, back before I started to ruin him.

"Thanks, much better." Though I feel the tingles begin at the back of my skull again. Fuck sake. Then again, I had to take into account I'd probably been gradually losing blood for the past hour or so.

"Don't mention it, seriously." He mutters, looking to Isabel and scrunching his nose slightly as he watches her hold me up. "Let it go Isabel, let it crawl back to its hideaway."

"She can't be left alone like this!"

"She isn't coming in."

"She is!"

"She _isn't_. She's going home."

"She's coming inside."

"She's passing out." I don't know who the third speaker is, a blonde blob came into view before I sink to my knees and feel the ground give me a big sloppy kiss. Ow. "Help me bring her inside, Isabel. Move out the way Levi. Stop scowling, she's hurt and clearly helped Isa—"

"Whatever."

I feel two sets of hands lift me up and jostle me inside. The place even smells the same. I'm first laid on the wooden floor, and that'd suit me fine, but then something soft is underneath me. Oh they were in for it now. A door closes, but I hear yelling far off. He wasn't a happy bunny. I give in and let sleep take me, it was getting impatient with me.

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 **I hope you enjoyed, updates will be coming along soon enough! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

 **Spoilers for Choice With No Regrets OVA in this fiction. However don't assume you know what's coming...**

 **This chapter is still more focused on Katsumi and Levi's past, but the next one is when the story gets really going. I just really wanted to set them up properly and get the foundations well done. I would also point out, I am still in the process of acquiring "ACWNR" and have only watched the OVA, so I have filled in certain gaps myself. So if there are things that are not in the OVA apologies, but this is a FANfiction, so its likely to have discrepancies anyway! Plus I generally follow my own tune in these sort of things anyway!**

 **Hope you enjoy, leave a review, like or follow, all are appreciated!**

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I stand and watch as Levi, 18 years old and full of fire, pummels the man who just tried to steal my bag. It was a simple thing, in the Underground it was like saying 'good morning', but the rage broils in Levi's eyes as he kicks the man into submission. I feel afraid. Not of the man getting up, and not of the man somehow getting up and hurting Levi. No my fear came closer to home. I swallow hard as I accept the fact I feel fear of him, I'm afraid of Levi. I understood in that moment, what that weird feeling in the back of my mind had been for the past few months. It had been this same fear, but I'd denied it till now.

I began to back away, my hand to my mouth as I tried to not cry. I didn't want to admit it, but I'd started to not recognise the man I loved. Bit by bit his heart was turning dark, and I felt him grow distanced to me. It had been a slow process, but this latest outburst seemed to highlight it all with stark clarity. He fought for me, he protected me, despite the fact I didn't need protecting, but he never looked at me with anything other than duty. His burden of protection had taken over everything. I understood I was shit at most things, but I could handle myself fairly well in a fight. Dammit, I taught him how to fight, and yet now I wish I hadn't. I'd given him claws.

"He's had enough!" I snap, swallowing my tears and shoving him away from the puddle of blood. He turns to me and bares his teeth. Can he even see, it's me? I glance down at the man, or what's left of him, then back to Levi as he fails to regain composure. He's open, like a fresh wound, his rage bleeding out for all the world to see. My heart quickens.

"He tried to rob you Kat!"

"So what?" I cry throwing my hands up in the air. Can't he see the ridiculousness of all this? Doesn't he know the hypocrisy of his words? My mind whirls at the idea he is this lost. I'd let him slip away, and now had to deal with the monstrous husk of a man left behind. "We rob people all the fucking time! Let's just go home, please?"

"I won't let him think he can hurt you."

"He can't! I can look after myself, and you damn well know it."

"Yes, but—"

"Since when did I become your charge? Let's go, please?" I tug on his hand and let my desperation enter my voice. It takes a minute or two, but he sighs heavily, gives the man one more kick, and then follows me home. But he takes his hand back roughly. Like he can't stand to be seen being attached to another human being. As though he's ashamed of me. I cast this thought from my mind, he probably didn't want anyone knowing of our connection, in case they used it against him. I was sure that was it. It had to be.

"You had no right to stop me." He growls, looking to the floor angrily, he doesn't even seem able to look my way as he grumbles along. I hear his words and let them hang on the quiet breeze. Someone whistles a few streets over, the quiet letting it drift far and wide.

"No right?" I repeat, looking up a little as I try and understand. But as we get home and I pass under the threshold, a few feet scamper around above but soon fall silent again, my mind remains clouded. Damn kids. I put my bag down, and begin unpacking what we'd gotten on our run. It was a decent haul today, but not worth half killing a man over.

"No right…" I say it again as I empty the bag and lean against the counter.

"What're you muttering about?" he's already sharpening his blade again, like he's desperate to get back out there. Desperate to be killing. It was becoming a weird kind of addiction. I felt like he was turning into Kenny, and as soon as the thought forms fully in my head I gag a little and tremble. God no.

"I had no right to stop you?" I say it louder now. He pauses in his work.

"What're you on about, brat?"

"Back there… you said I had no right to stop you. How the hell do you figure that?"

"It's my job to look after—"

"Fuck off!" I roar, slamming my hand against the counter-top.

He jolts upright and almost enters his fighting stance. I stare at him, looking him up and down as he slowly uprights himself again. His eyes are downcast and I'm damned glad, he at least knows _that_ was a fucked up reaction. Entering his fighting stance, like I was just another enemy, waiting to be taken down.

I take it in, what he's become.

His skin is littered in bruising, dark smudges of dirt appear all over, his hair is in disarray and hasn't been washed in days, and his shirt is ripped in parts, hanging off his shoulders, exposing his scarred chest. His bruised eyes finally look at me, and where once I saw love, I only see contempt.

He hates that I'm questioning him.

He hates that I'm not thankful.

Perhaps he even hates me now?

We used to be happy, we had a hard life, but we made it good. We made it decent. With Levi I'd felt safe, wanted, appreciated. It was something I'd never know before knowing him, and I'd always been grateful for him showing me such devotion. I showed said gratitude by giving a similar devotion back. But now? Now I didn't know who this was, the man who treated me like some delicate burden he was dutifully protecting. Like I was a chore. But a chore driving him to do evil things, like it was that or he failed.

I feel sick.

But it might not be too late, and I cling to the hope I can still fix this. That I can still fix my failings. I pick up my bag, and sling it over my shoulder. He watches me, something flashing in his darkened eyes. I can't read them though, suddenly the walls are up, but now I'm outside them all of a sudden. I'm the enemy. I feel my heart ache as I realise I have to leave, if it was this duty turning him dark, I had to leave. I had to get away from him, and let him see the light again.

I couldn't be the burden that dragged him lower than the hell we lived in.

I couldn't do that to him.

"I can't do this anymore, I can't let you do this to yourself."

My voice holds nothing; no regret, no pain, no love.

But inside?

I'm screaming. I'm throwing shit all over the place as I comprehend having to live alone, I'd always been with Levi. It was all I knew. And now I was poisoning him with that connection. I was killing his goodness, and my heart breaks clean in two as I remember how good he was. When we first met, when we first began to know each other. So much light had been in his eyes, those heavy lidded and deeply beautiful eyes. And I'd sucked the life out of him. His need to protect me, had made him forget to protect himself. The Underground was a poisonous place, and if you weren't careful, it claimed you. My heart then shatters completely, as I accept the fact it's me that has turned him to this. I had driven the shadows into his heart and lit the flame of rage.

His need to look after me was turning him into a monster.

"You can't do what? What am I doing to myself?" his nose wrinkles and he takes a step towards me, but I just take it backwards. His eyes narrow, but he just waits for me to speak. I swallow hard and try and find an explanation. My throat burns a little.

"You're so… angry all the time. I don't know who the hell you are anymore."

"What? You know me better than—"

"Yeah, I used to. But now? You look at me like I'm some kind of chore to cross off a fucking list! And in order to cross me off that list you have to be violent, you have to hurt people for me."

"What're you—"

"I-I'm done. I can't keep fighting the whole world, even if it doesn't feel like fighting me. I'm… I'm tired Levi… I can't." I head for the door, but he grabs my wrist, spinning me back round, and pinning me there. He leans closer till we're a millimetres apart, I feel his hot breath against my skin and I shiver. I'd always love him, but I couldn't let him turn into Kenny. Not because of me. "Let me go, Levi. Th-This is for the best. You can stop worrying about me and—"

"Shut up." He snaps, thumping his fists against the door. His mouth is then pressed into a thin line. When his eyes finally meet mine, I only see the cold determination I'd identified earlier. Even when this close to me, in such a position, it's like I'm a bag full of money that he needs to guard. Precious to him, but only in a cold way. "You're not leaving."

"And why not?"

"You can't." he growls, a snarl warping his lips for a moment. I feel like he just gave me an order. As though he doesn't want me to stay because he cares, but because it'll be too troublesome for him to tend to me from far away. Then I realise it isn't even that. He doesn't think I can do this without him. My pride flares and I make my own snarl.

"Can't? Ordering me around now too? Well sorry _Kenny_ but I'm not—"

"Shut up!"

"No!" I shove him back, and he stumbles a bit. "Why're you so angry? We used to be happy didn't we?"

"We were delusional." He hisses, looking to the side, eyes downcast again. I want to reach out and cup his cheek, I want to kiss him and try to remind him of how intimate we used to be, how he used to hold me and whisper my name. But I don't. My pride and stubborn heart hold me back, and fix my mask. He glances my way and sees it sealing into place. His eyes flash again. "This world is cruel, and we were kidding ourselves, Kat. You just couldn't see it, till now."

"Fine, shit all over the past we had." I say, wiping away the stray tear escaping. "But I'm not staying around to watch you become a monster, and I'm not going to let it be because of me." I shake my head at him as I open the door. He sucks a breath in between his teeth, and I head through the threshold, feeling my body turn to ice as I descend the small stoop.

"Don't you dare pretend this is for my benefit." He growls, coming after me as I begin to traipse along the cobbled street. Fresh tears prickle my eyes like cold needles, but I fight them back, clenching my fists by my side as he roars after me. "If you walk away now I will _never_ think of you again. Hear me?!"

I don't respond.

"You selfish bitch! You coward! You _traitor_!"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I can't help but shout it out, hanging my head as I realise the hole I'm creating in my life. But I had to do this for him, I had to free him.

"Go on, fuck you, fuck off you liar!"

I'd never heard this kind of rage coming out of his mouth. In actions, yes, many times. But not in his voice. And certainly never aimed at me. Yet I feel his glare burning into my back, I feel it grip me and squeeze the life from me. Hate me Levi, but stop poisoning your heart, just let me go and remember who you were. Please.

"If I _ever_ see your face again I will kill you myself, you ungrateful whore!"

His words die out as the distance grows, and the little pieces of my heart are blown away into the muck beneath me. I pound my feet onwards, desperate to create as much space as possible. If I made more distance perhaps I'd be able to breathe? As I reach the end of the street I stop and look back, he's stood there outside the house. I can't tell if it's just the distance, but it almost looks like he's on his knees? I shake my head; that was just my imagination feeding on my hope. He wasn't broken. He was free.

But it didn't matter how far I went.

I didn't breathe properly for years.

As the dream swirls out of my reach, I wonder if I ever breathed properly again.

I jolt awake and stare upwards. My breathing calms and I'm left listening to the pathetic thumping of my panicked chest. It was a frequent dream, but it had seemed all the more vivid being back here. In such familiar walls, I felt my mind rebel against me, determined to make me remember it all. For ten years I'd walked alone, and ignored the confused looks of those that once knew me as Levi's Katsumi. He had never owned me, he had never claimed to, but that's what I was to them. It took years for them to see me as anything else. Not that this mattered much. It merely stung to hear his name so often. It kept the wounds open, kept them fresh and searing whilst I tried to get on with life. I think back to my little apartment, with its lonely little kitchen and bedroom. I had been existing. I wasn't sure it counted as living anymore.

Well no, that was perhaps a bit melodramatic. I sit upright and rub my face. I had to at least check in tomorrow, or Chia would begin to wonder where I was. It would be a couple days before she worried, but the woman hardly needed extra woes. I wonder how she's doing, but then I stop myself. There was no point fretting myself into a frenzy. She was fine, the kids were fine, they were up on rent, and they were well stocked for food. It was fine. Then my bones ache. Fine wasn't really enough. Down here, you could be fine, but still end up with useless legs and then no means of moving around. In the damned sunlight, that was where Humans were meant to be. Not down here in the eternal gloom. It messed with people's health. I yawn widely, the work never ended.

I sigh and get up, groaning a little as my back aches. It would take a while to heal, but I could get home like this. The dreariness had worn off, and the room only spun slightly. I'd get out from under his roof before he woke-up, and threw me out. I was grateful to Isabel and Farlan for bringing me in, but wasn't about to let them get into further trouble with Levi. Not for the likes of me. I grab my jacket and shrug it on, along with my boots. The house is quiet, and I think it must be the middle of the night as no sound comes from the outside world. The Underground never really sleeps, but it seemed to be at least dozing at present.

Somehow I seem to remember all the creaky floorboards as I tip toe around the noisy bastards, keeping silent as I approach the front door. There's no light on anywhere in the house and as I grasp the door handle I can't help but pause. Nostalgia washes over me and I grit my teeth, don't you dare woman. Keep it together till you get home. But as I breathe in the oh-so-familiar smell of my home I feel my eyes warm up, and the damned tears escape. I let a singular sob choke out of me before I raise my head and hang it back, forcing the tears to stay behind my eyes. This was not the place for them to be shed.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

I tighten my hold on the handle and hold my breath. His voice is steady, monotonous, but demanding all the while. I glance over to the shadowed kitchen, where his voice rumbled over from. He's already seen the tears fall, so there wasn't much point in hiding them. I let go of the handle and turn to him a little, watching him sip from a cup in that odd way he did. I smirk. Some things, thankfully, never changed.

"I asked you a question, idiot."

"I wanted to get out before you woke… didn't think you'd want to wake with me still hanging around." I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Without bothering to thank the other two? Nice."

"I didn't want you blaming them for me lingering." I explain, leaning against the door and folding my arms. He sips his tea and shrugs.

"Not their fault you got yourself hurt. They bound you up pretty good, must feel better than it did."

I think that was a thinly veiled attempt at asking how I was. I shift my weight and give a half-hearted smile. I feel like I'm treading on eggshells, on thin black ice, above a fire-pit of death. One wrong word and he'd probably pin me to the floor again, and I couldn't be sure the other two would hear, or bother to come intervene. I hated being afraid of him. But I still was. I still didn't know if the darkness still lingered, just waiting on an excuse to be unleashed.

And if it was unleashed, I didn't fancy finding out if my own darkness was a match.

In the ten years I had tried to free him, and let him find the light, I'd found myself becoming further muddied by darkness. Once alone, a woman had to be extra tough to endure in these harsh streets. I knew I was tainted now, but it only backed up my original reason for leaving.

I turned good things to shit.

"It's a lot better, my vision is almost back to completely normal."

"Must've bled a fair bit."

"I've had worse, we've all had worse." I say with a careful shrug, he nods in approval.

I notice there's still steam rising from the small, cracked teapot next to him. The silence continues, and his expression remains blank. I head over, keeping a close eye on his reaction. There is none. I grab a cup from the cupboard and pour myself some tea, all the while feeling him watch me closely. He probably wonders how I remember where everything is. In truth I do too. I spent so long trying to forget all these little details, yet now it was all second nature. I take a couple steps away and lean back, he now watches with a small frown and continues to drink his tea.

"I'm not actually going to hurt you." He sighs, shaking his head as though I'm an idiot. I shrug and sip the tea, it's bitter and not the good stuff, but the warmth was comforting. I'm glad he said it though, it dulls my fear and increases my shame of feeling it. Doubt wasn't something I enjoyed, but it wasn't something I was immune to either.

"Can't blame me for being cautious… well you _can,_ but you shouldn't. You did tackle me to the ground when laying eyes on me." I look into the tea-cup, but see him turn to the window and sigh. It sounded tired, very tired.

"Why did you help her?"

I'm caught off-guard by the question, but soon gather my thoughts. Surely he knew why, surely he hadn't actually completely warped his memories of me with his hate?

"She was alone, and upset, she happened to be slumped by a wall just down the way from my house. Purely a chance encounter."

"Hm…"

"I'm also not as much of a heartless bitch as you think." I add sternly, meeting his gaze head-on when he eventually turns. "Plus she didn't even mention you, till after I'd taken her home for some food."

"You fed her?" he repeats, his frown deepening. I click my tongue.

"Yeah, weird isn't it? A normal human reaction to an upset kid."

"Not normal for down here." He again shakes his head, and I smirk a little.

"Hence why I said, _human_ reaction, not _Underground_ reaction."

"Did it make you not want to help her? Knowing she was affiliated with me?" he asks, again not looking my way. In an odd sense it comes across as shy, almost anxious. But I doubt my ability to read him now, there was no way he felt anxious about my opinion. Perhaps it was anxiety over what his name meant for Isabel?

"No, you prat." I huff, draining the mug and setting it on the counter, staring down at the surface as I remember the last time I touched it. The way I slammed my hand down, outraged at his obnoxiousness, and twisted mind-set. I glance at him, and find him watching me again. He seemed to have improved. He seemed to be doing fairly well. I begin to hope that my absence had actually worked.

"She was stupid to tell you though." He muses and I nod, well aware that had any of his enemies found out they had one of his 'brats' in such a vulnerable position, they'd have used it to get at Levi. But Isabel was young, she was allowed to be a little foolish still. Even here. "You shouldn't have got her involved with Pasen."

"I didn't." I snap, having wondered when I'd get berated for that. As though I was somehow magically able to teleport the kid out of the way, when the creature turned up at my house unannounced. He raises a brow and I raise one back. "He turned up out of the blue, I told the kid to run, but she stuck around for some reason. Not my fault. Plus I did my best to protect her, so take the judgement and shove it—"

"If you knew he was after you, you shouldn't have even—"

"Let her inside? Right… so on the vague off-chance that he _might_ finally turn up, after a good month, and a half, of silence, I should have left the kid outside alone and hungry. Great use of logic there, Levi, just great." I snort and fold my arms across my chest, he knew I was right. He just wanted an excuse to berate me. He finishes his tea and sets the cup down a little harder than necessary. An awkward silence takes over the room, and I look to the front door again.

"Look, Levi… I'm not expecting this to be some happy reunion, thanks for letting me stay and get some strength back, but I won't tread on your toes any longer. You never have to see me again, all right? Just like before. Just let Isabel know, and Farlan too, that I'm grateful for their help."

But as I move to head for the door, he grabs my wrist. I gasp and shudder at the sudden contact, his skin is still warm from holding his tea-cup. I look at his hand for a few seconds, remembering how I used to intertwine my fingers with his, how those fingertips used to graze across my cheekbones, and push the hair from my face. It seemed like a life-time ago. The silence drags on and I feel my heartbeat quicken a little. He seemed to be undecided about something.

"Do you ever regret it?"

"What? I have plenty to potentially regret, Levi." I say, stepping back a little, to alleviate the pressure of his hold on my thin wrist. Ow. He grits his teeth and ponders for a few moments, before licking his lips and drawing a deep breath. It's only then that I smell liquor on his breath. It was more than tea he'd been drinking. At least that explained the talkativeness.

"Meeting me, staying with me as long as you did."

"Where the hell has this come from?" I almost reach out to place a hand to his cheek, but then I remember who the hell I'm dealing with. This isn't my Levi anymore. I don't know what Levi I'm dealing with in all honesty. He looks me in the eye and I lean back from the intensity. It's as though he's trying to look right through me. "Levi? What's this about?"

"Just answer the damn question, idiot."

"Well as you asked so nicely…" I scoff, tugging my arm back. He leans back against the counter and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I only ask where the question came from, because it's a damned stupid question."

"Excuse me?"

"Why would I regret having known you? You're the one that decided all the happy times we shared, were just foolish naivety. I never said shit about that. I'd never regret us Levi, you damned moron of a man."

"Then why did you never come back?" he mutters, almost too low for me to hear, but I catch it. His eyes flash to me again. I have no idea why he suddenly wants to know this, after ten years of silence and hatred, but I feel the need to point out the most obvious of all the reasons I carry on my shoulders. I tilt my head and look him up and down slowly, ensuring he is fully and completely aware of his current state of ridiculousness. His expression darkens as my intent sinks in, but before he can bite my head off, I do in fact, answer him.

"The death threat? Ring any bells? You _did_ say you'd kill me if I ever did come back, you bag of hammers."

"Don't be a dumbass."

"Force of habit by now."

"You can't really have thought I would have?" it's his turn to look me up and down in disdain and disbelief. Only it doesn't work on me. He may be oblivious to the fact, but back then, in amongst his obsession and bloodlust, I very much believed he might have. His ignorance is worrying. I square up to his judgemental look and set my jaw. If he wanted this all out in the open, he was going to get the whole shebang. I just hoped he was ready to face his demons. In fact, I hoped I was too.

"I knew the Levi I met when I was a kid, wouldn't have. But that wasn't who you were when you made those threats. It's like I said at the time Levi, I didn't know you, you were—"

"If you don't regret it, how could you stay away so easily?"

"Nothing about the past ten years has been easy, Levi." I reply quietly, hoping he notices and brings his own voice back down to just above a whisper. This was our shit, and no one else had to know about it. I'm unsure of how drunk he is, and similarly unsure of how he'll react to my words, so I really don't need him riled up.

He gives a knowing nod and clicks his tongue, his eyes momentarily looking up to the ceiling. I realise that this is what he's worried about, this entire conversation had very little to do with our past. Instead, it was about the past potentially repeating itself, and him wanting to know how to avoid it.

"How did you just bail?"

"You make it sound like I abandoned you." I murmur, uneasy at the amount of pain I can hear in his voice. I was prepared for rage, I was ready for hate, but I hadn't expected pain. I had never thought he would let me see the fact I'd hurt him. I blame the drink. Levi always guarded his wounds well, that had even been the case before the shadows entered his heart.

"Didn't you?"

"Only after you kept pushing me away. You may think I abandoned you but—"

"You left me here to deal with this shitting hell on my own, it was like nothing we'd done even mattered to you."

"Like I said before, it was _you_ that decided our past meant fuck all. You threw our past on the fire. Not me."

"If it meant so much to you, how could you walk away?" he hisses, "Help me understand. Because I still can't, and it's a damned decade later! Just… dammit, brat… just tell me why?"

Whatever was going on between him and his two comrades, may have had echoes of what went on between us in the past. But it didn't make me accountable. I had only done what I thought was right. I look at the floor, realising that it might be time I explained why I left. If anything, it might stop this self-pity. It really didn't suit him.

"Levi… I was turning you into a monster."

"I still don't know what the fuck that's meant to mean. You said something like that then too, like I was hurting you, when all I did every damn day was _protect_ your sorry ass."

"Exactly. That's _all_ you fucking did."

"Go on."

"Somewhere between loving me, and looking after me, it became a chore, a duty, and it was consuming you. It just made you blood-thirsty. I couldn't just stand by and watch as I turned you into—" I stop myself, he sighs and runs his hands through his hair.

"Maybe you'd just been ignoring my blood-thirstiness till then? Maybe I was always a monster." He looks to the side, face clouded by something I can't place. Regret? Shame? I knew Levi hated to dwell on his past, on where he had come from. But I also knew he'd broken free of it, risen above it, proven his worth despite all that. And that had been what I'd sought to protect. I stride over to stand in front of him, and I grab his chin. He snarls a little but I hold steady, an old ache reappearing in my chest.

"No, I know you weren't. And you don't seem to be now either."

"Maybe you're just shit at reading me."

"Well according to you, I know you pretty well. So shut it. Along with the fact that Isabel was confused when I mentioned your rage to her. So she's obviously never witnessed it."

I can't help but let the smile take over a little. His eyes watch my lips for a few seconds before flickering back up to mine, narrowing a little in suspicion. I wonder if he thinks I'm mocking him.

"Look… go ahead and hate me Levi, but if my leaving worked? If me leaving you brought you back to the man I knew, and grew up with? Then I'm glad I left. And from what I've seen? There's a lot more light in you, than dark, these days. So I wouldn't worry, they're not going anywhere." I let go of his chin, and begin to back away. "You three seem to have a good thing going here, I'm just glad I was able to bring Isabel home."

"You really think it worked? You really think they'd stay?"

"Appears it to me."

"Why?"

"For one thing, you haven't sharpened your blade once whilst we've talked, you used to do it at every single opportunity." I stop walking, and smirk as he touches the knife that sits in his belt strap. Always on hand, just in case.

"How is it you seem to know me so fucking well, yet I feel like I don't know you at all?"

"Maybe I'm all insightful, whilst you're an ignorant fuckwit?" I suggest with a shrug, and I could have sworn I just saw a smirk. The ache in my chest dies away a little, and I take a deeper breath.

"It's a pretty fucked up world isn't it?" he looks back out the window and I watch him, I know something has triggered this. Something has him all thoughtful and philosophical. This was far from the norm for him.

"Always has been, Levi. So… you gonna tell me what sprung this open-mindedness? Or do I have to guess?"

He walks over to the window and leans over the sink, looking up as though expecting to gaze at the stars. But there's nothing but darkness. The black of the overhanging dirt and rock that holds the rest of society far above us. Both literally, and metaphorically. I head over and take my old place, by his side. I don't bother looking out the window though, I'm well aware of the dank darkness waiting to stare back. Instead I look at him, and wait for him to answer. I knew he would, if he was willing to finally hear me out, he must be willing to discuss this.

"I may have a chance at getting them out." He says, drumming his fingers against the counter-top. I swallow hard, realising why he was so determined to keep them around. If he was close to freeing them, to actually making their lives better, he couldn't risk pushing them away. Living up top. That was the dream - the ultimate goal, for anyone stuck down here in the gutter of gutters.

"But?"

"But…" he clenches his jaw and looks at me sideway, "But I don't need to tell you any of this. Stay till the morning, then leave if you want. We may have patched this shit up but… that doesn't mean—"

"It's not an instant fix, really? I'm so shocked, usually you're so good at letting grudges go Levi." I half-laugh, rolling my eyes at him and leaning on the counter. "I'm well aware we're a long way off friends Levi, however, I think it can be said we have a mutual understanding. As well as experience, for common ground. Let me help? If I can…"

"How could you help? You've been flying solo for the past ten years." He continues to look out the window. My heckles rise a little at his assumption.

"No, I've just not been with you for ten years. That doesn't mean I'm stuck going solo. We all have our shit to deal with, we all have our responsibilities. So let me at least see if I can help?" I gently nudge him and he purses his lips, narrowing his eyes at the window as though choosing which door to go through. Left or right, to tell or not to tell. I wait and let him choose, there was no point in pushing any further. It never worked.

"I have the chance to get them up top. But there's a big fucking shit of a catch."

"How big of a shit?"

"Colossal shit." He mutters and I blow out my cheeks. "Colossal and dangerous shit."

"Well I assumed, not many things colossal are cute and fuzzy." I twiddle my thumbs together and nudge him again. "You know you need to do it. If it was a certain shit-storm, you wouldn't be considering it. And if there's a chance you can get out there, and it'll all pay off? You know you have to take it, Levi. I can't say much for Farlan, I don't know the man. But Isabel? She's not meant to be cooped down here with the rats."

"Yeah… I know…"

"She told me how she met you and Farlan."

"Crazy, brat."

"But you did always like them odd." I snigger and scrape my hair back, yawning again. "I get that you don't want to give me details, and judging from the size of the shit you mentioned, I probably don't want the details… but… you know what you're capable of Levi. If you think there's a chance, take it."

"And what if I live to regret it?" He fiddles with the knife's handle, still staring out the window as though hoping the answer will fly by on angel's wings. I groan and feel the nostalgia wash over me all over again. The man acted so stoic, so calmly collected, and yet really he was in constant doubt over himself.

"You won't. You'll live knowing you gave it your best damned shot."

"I guess so…"

"Now then, were you serious when you told me to go back to bed?"

"Why wouldn't I have been?" he sighs, pushing off the counter and walking towards the couch where he sits heavily, and leans back. As he sits with one leg over the other, and arms draped over the back of the seat, I smile a little broader. A creature of habit. When he looks to me with question, I just raise my hands and shrug my shoulders.

"Just checking… didn't want to push my luck."

"You brought Isabel home, I can't just let you wander off and bleed to death. Idiot."

"It stopped bleeding."

"For now. Knowing you, you'll get it going again. It's a damn miracle you found her though, it's pretty much the worst possible time for her to get herself lost. Could have killed the damned brat myself when I realised she was gone."

"Why's it so bad right now?" I ask, but notice his eyes tighten, I then nod and raise my hands again. "Guessing it's to do with the big poop?"

He nods.

"Keeping my nose out. Although… why _did_ it take you so long to realise she wasn't with you anymore?"

He stares at me for a solid minute, but this time I don't let it drop. I hold his gaze without faltering. I knew Levi, and his powers of observation, and between here and my house was a fair old slog. They had to be travelling by something other than foot, to lose track of Isabel and get that far away before noticing.

"You got gear." I whisper, and grin as he narrows his eyes at my perceptiveness. He always hated it when I did that. I wink and tap the side of my nose. He's always wanted a set, and now he had it. I wonder how well he flew. Then my grin broadens, I bet he was damned magnificent.

"Nearly got three people killed, but yeah, we got it." He shrugs, but I see the proud smile attempting to break through. He then nods my way and tilts his head. "Never thought to try and get yourself some?"

"I make do with old fashioned rope and hook. Pretty good at it too…" I begin to walk out, but pause by the door heading to the bedrooms. I glance over my shoulder, about to ask a question I'm fairly sure will be shot down immediately, but I find him smirking at me.

"I _might_ teach you."

I nod, and doff my non-existent hat to him.

"Good night, short-stack."

"Good night, brat."

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!**

 **See you next time for a bit more action!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

 **Spoilers for Choice With No Regrets OVA, but don't assume you know what's coming, i generally take my own way with these things, however the BASIC structure to the sequence of plot will generally remain in tact. Timings may be out though.**

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When I open my eyes I feel groggy. I'm unsure how long I've slept, but judging from the dryness of my mouth, I'd say quite a while. I head towards the living room. I smile and go to the kitchen, running a hand along the countertop. I think back to all the meals I made here, dishing up for two instead of one. The cupboards are well stocked, and I grin at the pack of loose tea leaves. Real tea. How hard had he fought for that? I wonder why he didn't have it last night, then again he may save it for special occasions. I snigger as I remember his face when I first stole him real tea, it had been our third year anniversary. So much joy had been in this house back then. I shiver and consider the quiet wrong, there were always feet running around, or voices outside when I lived here. Where had all the voices gone? As I go to stand by the window I notice a scrap of paper.

What's this?

"Gone on a supply run Kitty Kat, be back soon. Help yourself to food!"

I smile and take her up on the offer as I nibble on some dried biscuits. I never needed much in the morning, but I wasn't so sure it was morning in all honesty. The light in the Underground told you nothing.

I wash my face and scrape back my brown hair, it's in a mess as it tumbles down to my shoulders, but I didn't bring a tie with me. I sigh, soon finding myself with nothing to do. They had been gone a while, that was clear. I felt like an intruder in the house all of a sudden, and shrugged on my coat that I found by the front door. I run a hand along the front door and smile again. I'd wait for them, I wanted to say thank you before saying good bye.

Isabel and Farlan seemed to have done a world of good for him. I wasn't sure, but Farlan seemed a lot closer to us in age than Isabel. But whether he was a brat or not, he seemed to understand Levi pretty well. That in itself was a major point in his favour. He also seemed fairly trustworthy, so that helped ease my mind also.

As I go to sit on the couch, I get this feeling in my gut.

It's definitely not morning, it doesn't feel like morning at all. They must've gone early, that was when Levi liked to go do jobs. But they had clearly been gone too long. I click my tongue and know I have to go looking, my mind won't let me rest now that I've thought there might be trouble. My head was difficult that way; calm and collected, but as soon as I even considered there being danger, it went haywire. Damn brain didn't know when to quit. I sigh, either I go looking, or I sit on that sofa wrestling the knot in my gut. It clenches and I know that isn't a real option.

I grab my twin blades and fix them into their holster. Hopefully they wouldn't be needed, but then again, they probably would. They graze a little against my wound, but it's bound up well and healing. It'll be fine. I head out, and look around, where the hell would they go? I head towards me and Levi's old route, but I'm not confident it'll still apply.

Unless the merchants were really that stupid.

As I get further into the underbelly of the Underground, I hear a commotion, people whispering and glancing over their shoulders. Talk of some kind of chase. My heart pounds. No, not now, not when he was so close to getting himself, and the two of them out.

Damned Military Police.

I run through the crowd and stop in my tracks, heart in my mouth. Levi stands grasping 3DMG blade away from himself, and his own blade in the other hand being held back by his tall blonde, attacker. Don't do it Levi, just drop the blade. If you kill a Military Police officer that's it, you're done. But then I see the crest on the tall blonde man's uniform. The Scouting Legion? Or Survey Corps… or whatever they called themselves.

This wasn't normal.

Something was up.

It was no wonder they'd managed to catch these three. The three of them would be good on the gear, I'd bet, but the Legion fought Titans. They were on a whole different level. But I see it there, clear as day in Levi's face as his brow furrows and a snarl warps his lips, he'll keep fighting. No Levi, please don't give in. Just stop and think. I look around but can't see the other two, when suddenly Isabel's voice catches my attention. Levi looks over as I do; Farlan and Isabel stand in custody.

Oh shit.

But then I see it.

Reason and thought come back into his pale eyes, and his hand loosens on his blade. It swivels and falls to the ground with a decisive clang. Bloodshed was avoided. At least from Levi. I shift round and seek out a good vantage point. I'd try and find out what the hell was happening before I charged in, but I knew I couldn't leave them to their fate. Not when the Military got involved.

As they seal his wrists in shackles, I turn a little cold.

This is all so wrong to me. This was never something that was even possible in my mind. And yet here I was, helplessly watching from the damned sidelines, as soldiers surrounded Levi and chained him up. He'd done wrong, and he'd almost gone fully rogue. But he'd only ever hurt the bad doers, the wrongful men and women of this damned place. Never the innocent. I feel like marching over to the tall blonde man; with his stupid calm expression, and ridiculously big eyebrows, and shoving a list in his face. On that list would be the countless psycho killers, robbers, pimps, loan-sharks and Merchants, that deserved to be shackled. Idiots. It seemed like as soon as you put on one of those damned crests, you became a simple minded buffoon. One with a big weapon, and the authority to do whatever the hell you liked.

Levi kneels on the ground, and says nothing. Beside him, in exactly the same position are Isabel and Farlan. The tall blonde man stands in front of the floored three, his dark eyebrows furrowed as he asks inane questions. Behind Isabel and Farlan, stands another blonde man with a shaggy beard, he wrinkles his nose every now and again.

"Are you the leader?" another pointless question comes from the man with the eyebrows. I bite my lip, what the hell was I going to do? Then I back away a little, should I do anything? I think back to how Levi hadn't wanted me involved in his plans to free his 'brats', and so now I wonder… does he want me involved in anything? Sure we'd patched up the past. But that didn't mean he wanted me messing with his present.

They want to know if Levi was trained in the Military. I chuckle a little darkly, before choking a bit as the bearded blonde pulls Levi's head back harshly, before throwing him forward and pinning his head into the muck.

My heart aches.

I clasp at it, but it won't die down. I grit my teeth. Ten years and I was still a damned fool. I take a deep breath, and know I have to do something. I'd abandoned him before, it was for his own good, but at the end of the day it was still abandonment. I had to admit that to myself at least. This time I couldn't do that, this time I had to try and fix it myself. Farlan is telling them what they asked, and Isabel is pleading for Levi, but I know it'll only be annoying him. He doesn't care about pain. He might care about the muddy water though… I try and think. The hell was I going to do?

I clench my hands, it was now or never. I march out, keeping a confident stride as I make eye contact with the blonde man speaking. He glances my way and frowns a little.

"The fuck do you think you're doing?" I snarl, casting warning glances at the others positioned around. They knew someone would have to be pretty damned crazy to do this, and I was well aware it was a bad idea. But intimidation and surprise were all I had right now. I hadn't time to get better weapons, for all I knew they'd vanish in the next few minutes, and then I'd never find them.

"I could ask you the same question." He drawls at me, blue eyes piercing as he looks me up and down slowly. I raise a brow at him and nod to the bound three.

"Release them."

"And why would I do that?" I glance at Levi who's looking up at me, but he only looks with anger. I'm trying to help you moron, at least look at me with concern, or confusion. Anger is just getting me angry, which will just… I calm myself and focus on the task in hand. Damn he was annoying.

"Because, Blondie, if you _don't_ , then I'll call in the cavalry and you're sorry asses won't see the light of day again." I feel like I'm turning back into my 16 year old self, all intimidating and fierce. Well, I was still fierce, but less wordy about it. The blonde glances around, and narrows his eyes at me. Well, he wasn't as simple minded as I thought.

"What's your name woman?"

"Katsumi. You blondie?"

"Katsumi…" his eyes go off to the side, then flash with recognition. I feel my reputation precede me, and he looks me up and down in disbelief. I feel like taking a bow or something. "We'd heard about you but thought you'd evaded us."

"I did, but I'm not about to let you swan down here and act like you have some right to do _this_." I hiss, gesturing to the three on the ground. Isabel and Farlan are staring at me in wonder, Farlan is more confused than Isabel, but I don't react. Levi continues to glare silently. "And have the common decency, or pretend to, and tell me your name sunshine."

"Erwin Smith, a pleasure."

"A one sided pleasure perhaps. Now then, like I said, unhand them."

"I don't think so." He rumbles, a faint smirk pulling at his lips. I sigh, and brandish my twin blades, sinking down into my fighting stance. "What about calling the cavalry?"

"Why bother them when I can deal with you myself?"

"You're awfully confident."

"You're awfully pompous."

"There's no need for this to get bloody." He murmurs, eyes going up and down me like I'm a prize horse for him to claim. And then I realise my bargaining chip. Me. He's looking at me like he wants to put me in his pocket and keep me.

They all freeze as I throw my chip it into the ring.

They expected me to lunge at Erwin, perhaps try and free the other three, but no. I stand with one of my own blades to my throat. I saw the way Erwin's eyes flashed when he realised who he had caught. He knows I can teach him, and his shitting regiment countless things. And so I'm banking on that being important enough to bargain with. I hope this worked. I had an awful lot of things still to be doing this week.

"Unhand them, or I will permanently evade you."

He keeps his cool, but straightens up a bit. I grip the blade tighter.

"You assume a lot about your worth, Katsumi."

"You have a fairly shit poker-face."

"That so?"

"Unhand them… Do it blondie, or I will do the deed right here."

I press the blade to my flesh, and hear Isabel give a small whimper. Farlan shushes her, I think I hear him whisper at her, but the pathetic noise continues to bubble out of the girl. I don't look her way though, I just glance down at Levi and smirk. But he's lost a bit of composure, he's frowning, eyes a little wide and lips parted. To anyone unaware of the sheer lack of variety that came with Levi's expressions, this change would go unnoticed in all likeliness. But to me it was starkly obvious. He was worried. He knew I'd do it if I have to, and I think that caught him off guard. He was now, all of a sudden, made perfectly aware of how much I still cared about him. I look back to Erwin, fresh determination in my face as I press harder and feel my flesh break, warm blood gently trickling away from the blade.

"Fine. Then have this on your conscience."

I grit my teeth and make to draw my hand across when there's a vague shout. I pause and look over with a raised brow. He's holding his hands out and towards me, surrendering. I grin and nod towards the three still bound. He gestures to a soldier on the right, who seems unsure, but heads over to do as bid. I watch the soldier, making sure he doesn't try and hurt the remaining three prisoners. Initiative wasn't a good idea right now, kid. But as my focus falters I feel the hairs on the back of my neck twitch, I turn, but feel my blade whisked away by another blade from behind me. Pain flares in my throat as the side of my neck is torn open, and more importantly, my weapon is cast across the street.

I keep turning, side-stepping when the beardy one makes a lunge for me. He managed to sneak up on me, and disarm me. He was quick, I'd give him that. Nevertheless, my slight frame easily evades him and I elbow him down into the dirt. Blood spatters, but it's coming from the wound on my neck. It wasn't too deep, but I was sure it was on the artery, too much blood was coming out for it not to be. Erwin draws his blade and walks towards me, relentless as he glares me down. I hold my other blade up and block his swipe, as he attempts to hit the handle of his blade against my head. The teeth of my knife lock into his and we stand jarring till I step and keep the dance moving. I try and swipe at the handcuffs on Levi, but Erwin kicks me away.

"Grab them! Dammit, woman stop!"

Two other soldiers appear, and hold the three down when they try and run for it. I flip back and kick off the wall behind me, spinning past the blade flicked my way and catching Erwin across the cheekbone. He hisses through his teeth, but dodges the rest of my attack. As I make for another, the beardy one breathes in heavily through his nose. That was creepy. But then he grins, and strikes out hard at my side. How the hell had he known? My body crumples to the floor, and I gasp for air as pain suffocates me.

" _You-bastard_ …"

"Kat! No!" I hear Isabel scream as a hand grabs my hair, and wrenches me up onto my knees. Well, this rescue didn't exactly go to plan. I cringe against the pain, but just smile at Isabel to calm her. Farlan looks at the ground, his eyes closed as he realises their last chance had failed. Yes, I had failed miserably. But as I'm thrown onto the ground myself, I catch eyes with Levi, and for just a moment I could have sworn I saw concern. It's quickly replaced with contempt, before he rolls his eyes, and looks away from me.

"Seems your cavalry decided you weren't worth the trouble." Rumbles Erwin as he goes back to his original standing position. I shrug at him, not seeing much point in continuing our sass match, now. "Now then, you all have a number of crimes accounted to you. Especially you Katsumi, and this one here. Care to tell me his name?"

"Care to fuck off?" a slap goes across my cheek, and I jolt against the bearded ones grip, cracking my elbow off his shin. He holds my hair tighter, and thrashes my head against the stone again. Another soldier has appeared to begin binding my throat, I glare up at the man, his straggly little goatee looking ripe for ripping off. I can feel the hate building inside me, the side of my nature thirsting for justice as these 'soldiers' do as they please.

"Flagon, make sure its bound tight enough to stop that damned bleeding." Orders Erwin grimly, and the man attending my neck grins a little. I wonder if he's tempted to try and cut off my breathing at the same time. I hope he can see the threat in my eyes as I stare him down, my expression carefully blank.

"Give me his name." Erwin demands, but I just spit at him, only to have my side kicked again. I wail, and grit my teeth, the warmth of my blood seeps through my bandages and I know it'll soon seep through my clothes. "Give me his—"

"Levi." He snaps and I look at him with a frown, what the hell was he doing? "My name, is Levi."

"Finally…" Erwin pinches the bridge of his nose, and I feel my temper flare, along with my injuries. "I'm here to give you a choice, unless you're too foolish to refuse it out of pride."

"Say your piece already, bastard." I growl through my bloodied teeth. I see Levi smirk a little before the mask of anger takes hold again. In a strange way this seemed almost nostalgic. Only we were usually the ones doing the kicking. Erwin kneels in front of Levi, and holds a grim expression.

"Give me your strength to aid Humanity, join the Survey Corps. I'll keep you away from the Military Police. Considering the amount of crimes you are all accounted for, if you refuse me, and are given to them..? They won't treat you very nicely."

"Whereas you roll out the five-star treatment." Another kick and I feel myself gag. Flagon finishes binding my neck and steps away from me, a grimace in place as he wipes his hands. These men were all begging for a slap, and a bite and a—I stop myself and focus. This was not the time to lose myself.

"What's it to be Levi?"

I focus on breathing, the air is bitter as it slides past my blood coated tongue. But I can see it slipping through Levi's calculating mind. He's actually considering this. I fight against my holder, but he just shoves me further into the dirt. I remember how Levi and I, had considered such an option for escape, sign up for the Survey Corps, a one way ticket to the outside world; but we also concluded it was suicide. Levi glances my way for smallest of instances, but I see that he's made up his mind. I brace myself.

"Fine. I'll join." He holds his chin a little higher.

The cold sensation I'd felt when seeing him in those shackles intensifies; like death itself was invading my body. He would die out there. He couldn't do this alone, he couldn't shoulder the blame for us all. I look to the other two; their faces are awash with amazement, and a hint of fear. What would they do without him? I consider that Farlan had lived alone before, but I wasn't so sure Isabel would adapt. I gasp quietly a little as my breathing thins, I'd only just got him back into my life. And whilst I hadn't expected to be suddenly seeing him every day, I had looked forward to the occasional visit. A ray of hope that my past might not be totally lost. I look to Isabel, she was small and she seemed to like me; she could live with me if needed. I wouldn't leave the kid out in the cold.

"No," corrects Erwin suddenly with a sneer. The cold in me almost makes me whimper as I realise what that blonde bastard intends to do, his eyes casting over the rest of us a little greedily. "You all will."

Levi pauses, and his eyes widen for the smallest of moments. He didn't intend this. And he is well aware of the danger posed in such a deal. The two youngsters sit and look to the ground, well aware there is no getting out of this. I feel like their tombs have just been crafted, and all that was left was them to be thrown in, and sealed up. The outside world had always been my dream; but not like this. Not putting these kids in danger. Shit this was so wrong. I look across to Farlan and Isabel, I know little of their history, but I know they mean the world to Levi. He probably hadn't said it to them, he probably never would. But it was clear as day to me. When Isabel called him brother, I saw a little warmth enter his eyes. I bet it happened every time she uttered it. It was beautiful. And it was something that needed protecting. I close my eyes and sigh tiredly; at least this time I'd be able to help in person. This time I would let him know he isn't alone.

We're tugged to our feet and made to march towards a stair-well about ½ a mile away. My feet are heavy, but I don't know if it's because of the situation, or the fact I could still feel blood trickling down from my neck wound. People stand to the side and stare as we go past, mumbling and whispering like fools. The Corps had taken my blades off me, but they had at least picked the discarded one up. They knew a good blade when they saw one. So they weren't completely stupid. But still my hands itched to hold them, they twinged at the idea of slicing past these caped cocks. But it was all pointless daydreaming, this was our lot right now, I had to damned well deal with it.

I also had to get my mask back in place, down here I'd let it slip a little, but up there? Dammit I didn't know what to expect. I needed every scrap of armour I could cling to.

I fall into step next to Levi, and grit my teeth when the bearded blonde pushes my head down, making my neck flare in pain. I curse under my breath but otherwise stay quiet. People's whispering gets louder as the general rumour spreads, and the crest of the Corps is taken into account. The people of the Underground care little for the authorities, and barely care about the MP's, but the Scouting Legion was something they didn't know. And what people don't know, they don't understand, and that only leads to fear. We weren't getting any help from anyone, no matter what they owed us.

This was a ticket to the surface, but the price was too damn high for my liking. For anyone's really. It also came with heavy chains. I glance at Levi and feel a blush take over my face. I can't believe I'd failed him all over again. It seemed like I was living on a big disappointing loop.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly, he frowns a little.

"For what?"

"Hardly a successful rescue, was it?" I snort and shake my head, neck still aching. He grunts a little but remains stoic. As always.

"You tried, brat. Was a decent effort."

"Didn't really make a difference though did it?"

"Well you got more blood on the ground, congratulations."

"It was a last minute tactic, stupid sniff boy fucked it up." My head is bent forward again, "You know the more you do that, the more I want to rip that scraggly beard off and jam it down your throat?"

He sniffs.

"Just keep your trap shut." Hisses Levi, glaring at the ground as we ascend a stairwell. "If you'd done that in the first place, you wouldn't have ended up mixed up in this."

He was angry with me? That was the reason for all the glaring? I think about how I'd wondered if he wanted me involved in his present; I guess I had my answer. I realise his concern was less about my wellbeing, and more him realising he had another person to look out for. I was a burden once again, on the list, waiting to be crossed off. I grit my teeth, no, this time I would protect him. I would show him that I didn't need his help, I never had, but now I had ten years solo behind me. He would see me as the capable woman I was, not his weakling responsibility.

"You never could shut it when you were supposed to, brat."

"You just said it was a decent effort!"

"Didn't say it was a wanted one." He mutters and I let my shoulders sink a little.

There wasn't much point to the argument, and there it was, the confirmation; he didn't want my help. I recall our conversation last night, he said it himself, we were far from okay now. But still, even as I feel my chains rub against my wrist and my old/fresh wounds burn, I don't feel regret. For a long time I'd wondered if I ever wouldn't feel it. But right now my heart was clear. Untainted by it.

I see a doorway to the surface and feel my chest tighten a little, the weightlessness weakening as nerves took over. We'd always said we would go see the surface together, and now it seemed a little odd that we were. And it was even stranger that it was in chains.

I look his way, but see only cold determination. I sigh and return to watching my feet.

"I'll keep that in mind, next time. Apologies for giving a shit."

"Stop wallowing."

"Stop belittling me."

"You two shut it." An unfamiliar soldier barks and I just let my head hang, before Sniffy decides to give it another shove. I can hear Isabel mumbling something, but the words aren't clear. I then glance at Farlan and he stares at the ground, jaw set, and lips pursed. Was he scared? Or just angry that this had happened? Possibly it was a bit of both really. Erwin marches ahead of us, and as we pass the guards, and continue along, the air grows lighter and fresher. I wonder how they feel when they come down to our level, is it difficult for them to breathe? Do they feel the same knot of nerves I was, when seeing the dark pit, as I now see an open gateway? The blonde remains tall and broad as we walk into the light and I snigger a little to myself. I doubt that man feels anything but self-righteousness.

As we enter the bright light of day I clench my jaw and squint my eyes, damn it burned. The warmth seems to bounce off the pale stone of the street, and blast us right in the face as we continue to march without so much as missing a beat. I hear Isabel gasp wildly and pant a little, I could just imagine her throwing her head around, eyes wide as she takes it all in. Farlan hissed, his eyes probably burning a bit too. Levi doesn't react. I knew he used to live on the surface, he had told me little snippets of that, but surely it felt good to be out of that hell-hole? But nothing changes on that angular face. Except perhaps a narrowing of his gimlet eyes.

"Cockroaches don't like the light it seems." Mutters the unfamiliar soldier, and I chuckle along with him, he growls a little, not enjoying my participation in the joke.

"But they are hardy little fuckers, difficult to catch and even harder to kill."

"But in the end they can be squished."

"Yeah but by the time you find one, you probably have an infestation. Then there's no getting rid of them." I sneer as his metaphor turns on him.

"Consider yourself a bug then?"

"At least I have a little self-awareness, unlike you load of—"

"Get in the carriage, and remain quiet." Orders Erwin, opening a door to an overly fancy looking vehicle. We stumble inside and sit awkwardly, our hands still behind our backs. Three can sit on each side; I sit with Farlan and Isabel, whilst Levi sits with a gap between him and Erwin. My, my, this was cosy and comfortable. I shift and jolt when the carriage suddenly begins to move, the crackle of the cobbles against the wheels loud as we make progress through the fairly quiet streets. It looked like it was just after midday, judging by the sun.

I held back a smile as I looked up at the big glowing orb. It was as beautiful as they'd always said it was. I want to smile, gasp and jabber on about how all the stories were true, but I don't want Erwin to see my happiness. That wasn't for his cold eyes to witness. I look at Levi, and as he sits across from me, looking sideways out the window at the new world we lived in, I think he has the same idea. Although as usual he was taking it to a further degree. He almost looks disgusted at the outside world, like it's even filthier than where we just crawled out of. I look to Isabel and see her doing exactly as I want to, she looks amazed, her head snapping left and right constantly as little gasps escape her. She didn't really care what the blonde thought did she? I sit back and let her enjoy the feeling. Farlan's expression I can't see, but he's very tense as he sits next to me. I wonder if I'll ever get a read on him.

Erwin keeps looking at us all though, not moving his head, but those big blue orbs keep swivelling from one to the other. Me, Isabel, Farlan and Levi. He lingers longest on me and Levi, and I feel a chill every time he lands on me. What was he trying to do? Remember our faces or something? Was the uniform of the Corps so identity crushing that he was worried we'd simply disappear? Or did he think he'd have to search us out in a crowd should we run off? On the other hand, he might just be a creepy man with a face fetish.

A smirk cracks my mask and I internally cringe as I realise he was watching me when it happened. Dammit man, stop studying me like some weird looking plant. Well if he was going to stare like a creep, I was going to at least have a bit of entertainment on this journey. Fuck knows how long it'd be. And I seriously need to pee right now. To keep myself distracted I decide it's time for some conversation to break the tense silence. I don't like sitting on powder kegs. I keep my expression blank, maintaining my Levi-like composure as I play with my new toy. Men were so easy to mess with.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you, Blondie? It's rude to stare."

"Erwin."

" _No_ … I'm Katsumi, _you're_ Erwin." I correct with a shake of my head. Isabel giggles, and I feel Farlan jolt a bit as he holds in laughter. Levi doesn't react, but his eyes squint a little more. I'd don't know what I'm up to either Levi, but I fancy some fun.

"You will address me by my proper name and title, Cadet."

"Cadet? That just makes me feel awful." I shudder, "What's your little title then?"

"Squad Leader."

"Squat Feeder? My, my, how proud you must be." I continue to stare blankly, and I see a faint blush appear on his cheeks as his brow furrows. I roll my eyes and click my tongue. "Okay, apologies, just trying to lighten the tension a bit."

"By infuriating your superior, not all that wise."

"Superior… hmm… I'll elect to ignore that sentiment. So tell me, how far is it to your HQ then, blon- _Squad Leader Erwin_?"

"Not long, at this rate we should be there in an hour or so."

"And what'll happen when we do get there?"

"You'll be staying a night in a make-shift room, whilst we get appropriate dwellings set up for you. But until tomorrow, you may look around the base a little. Though do not think you can simply escape."

"No?"

"Guards are all round the perimeter, and all are being informed of your arrival, crimes, and appearance. You won't get away."

"Sounds like you don't trust us, Erwin, I'm truly hurt to the bone." I drawl and yawn widely. Again Isabel titters and I decide I should probably quite cracking the jokes, she might get in trouble. He raises a brow at me, smirking a little.

"I had always wondered if you'd meet expectation."

"And am I? I'm so concerned about your opinion."

"I haven't decided yet. I won't cast my opinion on you based on a tantrum inside a carriage." He murmurs and I feel a little impressed, the blondie had some sharp teeth when he wanted to. Not exactly what you expect considering his otherwise meticulously poised exterior. I glance at Levi and again watch his eyes tighten a bit. He found that one funny. Prick. I look back at Erwin and shrug.

"A tantrum eh? Trust me on this at least, Squad Leader, if you think that was a tantrum, you can expect a fuck tonne worse from me. But if you had to cast an opinion, what would it be?"

"Sounds like you might care about my opinion, after all."

"Silence is tedious, you're filling it with hot air. That's all."

"Fair enough. Though really, I'd rather see how you do in training before putting you down as nothing more than a talkative woman with lacking social quality."

"How gracious of you, and I'd rather see you doing something other than preying on young innocents, and beating into those less fortunate than you, before putting you down as nothing more than a polished thug for hire, with a God complex to compensate for his presumably tiny dick." I say it all without so much as a twitch. He stares at me for a long time, eyes burning with outrage but expression contained to nothing more than pursed lips. He wasn't happy, and I wonder if he's regretting bringing me along. I keep staring, holding back my grin. Slowly the blonde blinks and lips his lips before speaking curtly, now looking out the window to avoid my unyielding stare.

"You do realise discipline is a large part of being a member of the Corps."

"Good thing I'm not a member." I snarl, mask still in place, but voice with a razors edge to it. He raises a brow, but continues to watch the outside world slip by.

"Then what are you?"

"A prisoner with a sword dangling above her head."

"I see."

"I'll play the game, but that doesn't mean I want to be here. Keep that in mind, _blondie._ " I sit back and look out the window, crossing my legs as though irritated, but in actual fact trying to hinder the need I feel to piss.

We roll up to a large gate, and I hear it slowly creak open, the wood groans as it's pulled out of the way. And a large shadow I cast as we go underneath. One set of walls for another. Only this set had a much higher ceiling. The sun is still hot as we leave the carriage, but the dull stone of the courtyard is a lot less reflective. I stretch as best I can and go to nudge Isabel, she's stood a little hunched, shifting about uneasily. This was a big adventure for her, but it was understandable she might feel a decent amount of fear. The kid was tough, but she was still a kid.

Of course she might have just needed to pee too.

Without so much as a single order, or even indication as to what the fuck we're meant to do; Erwin gets out the carriage and marches off. I wonder how annoyed he actually was. I smirk a little, if I was able to get under his skin that easily, this might well prove amusing as well as educational. The bearded and sniffing soldier comes and undoes our shackles, but leaves without a word also. The unfamiliar soldier walks past us, but pauses to glance over his shoulder.

"I need to get the final okay, wait here and don't move. Guards are watching you, so no funny business, rats."

"Got it." I say waving him off as I continue to try and stretch my aching body.

We stand in our little group in a strange silence. No one really knows what to say. It seemed so odd that we had left the Underground and suddenly appeared in the HQ of the Survey Corps in so little time. One minute miles underground, the next, baking under the endless blue sky. A little weird.

I stand between Farlan and Isabell, running a hand along the girl's arm to comfort her. Gradually she stops fidgeting so much, and smiles at me meekly. She doesn't know how to act brash here, yet. But I knew it wouldn't be long. Farlan sighs and shoves his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels as he glances about, clearly taking note of where the guards were posted for later reference. He was an observant and thorough man; that much was clear.

"So what exactly did you mean by join, Levi? Seems a bit too formal don't it?" and I sense I shouldn't witness this argument, I was with them, but they were still a family that I wasn't fully part of yet.

I don't go far, but far enough that I'm clearly trying not to listen in. And I do try not to. I mainly miss it, just the rumblings going back between the two men a little angrily as they disagree about something. Isabel is occasionally piping up, her light voice cracking into the tension nicely. But as I hear a change to Levi's voice. That odd, dead sounding hiss had entered it. My chest tightens as I remember that edge to his voice; that was the voice he used when the bloodlust took over. It never lead to anything but misery. Then the word 'kill' is uttered and I stop in my tracks, tensing as my ears zone in.

What was this shit now?

He wants to kill Erwin.

Those are his words, like he's bargaining that he be the one to do it out of the two of them. How had they planned this without saying anything? I frown, they can't have known about Erwin beforehand surely? This was all a random thing. But as I watch the two men talk, I realise they probably understood each other incredibly well. If they didn't, Levi wouldn't trust him. It was that connection that had created this understanding, and I guess they knew they wanted him dead the second they saw each other in shackles. Devotion leading to death. How messed up this world was.

Levi looks my way and we share a long, hard look. I realise why he hates Erwin, I hated him for it as well. He had put him down in the mud, he had threatened his friends, and he had made him feel small. Levi never felt like that, not in the Underground. There he ruled. To have a stranger waltz in and threaten that. I shudder, amazed at how restrained he was actually being. The voice had scared my initially, but I let my mind drift back to when his rage had peaked. Had someone done, or managed to do as Erwin had, back then? They'd have been found scattered all around that alley way, little bits of person sprinkled like breadcrumbs. So really, an edge to Levi's voice was something I should praise. It was a mere hint of the terror I had once known.

The look between us ends and I look to the ground, my heart thumping as I hear Farlan mention a plan. I head further away, determined not to be involved in this. I wouldn't let Levi include me in his need to shelter those two. A shadow passes over me, and I look up to watch a small bird fly overhead, skimming along smoothly. I rub my wrists and clench my jaw. We were freely imprisoned. And then I feel my own darkness creep into view once again. I know how I'll help Levi shoulder this; I'd be the one to kill Erwin. But I had to make sure Levi and the others weren't affiliated. I may have started his recovery to the light ten years ago, but this would allow me to conserve that ideal. For the sake of the Levi I knew. If I got rid of Erwin, the main thing he was blood-lusting over, would be gone. Then he could remain up top with the other two without temptation. He would be free to live without having to kill. I smile and feel my heart swell. This would finally make things right in our little bubble of the world. Finally I could help him fly free of the darkness.

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 **Hope you enjoy, leave a review, like or follow, all are appreciated!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

 **Spoilers for Choice With No Regrets OVA, but don't assume you know what's coming, i generally take my own way with these things, however the BASIC structure to the sequence of plot will generally remain in tact. Timings may be out though.**

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Eventually we're taken to a small room where a few measly blankets have been left for us. And that's it. We're told we'll have our meals brought here, and that we are otherwise to remain in this room except for bathroom breaks. I sink down onto a box and fiddle with my blanket. Its scratchy, and I can smell the neglect on it. Where did they dig these things up? Isabel is making the best of it though, spreading out her blanket and rolling up in it with a weird little grin. Then she frowns and continues her little rant about the bastards doing this to us. I sigh, but can't disagree with her summary. This was all kinds of fucked up. I could just imagine Erwin sat in his plush office, probably behind a big desk, mulling over his own greatness whilst swilling whiskey. My teeth clamp together as I hear voices rumble along the corridor outside. Levi steps forward, in front of us three as the voices get clearer. I glare at his back a little, over-reaction much?

The door creaks open a little, and the sniffing man steps in with a basket type thing and hands it over to Levi with a grimace.

"Eat, and sleep. You'll be given quarters tomorrow. No trouble, got it?"

"Loud and clear," I wave my hand, but he just huffs and turns to leave again. Levi gives a low growl and kicks an errant pebble across the floor. He's seething. "Levi calm down, there's no point in getting riled up. This room isn't big enough for one of your tantrums."

"Shut it, brat. This is disgusting and you know it."

"Didn't say I didn't." I sigh and take the basket from him, handing out a bit of bread to the other two as he continues to pointlessly sulk. "You hungry?"

"They probably poisoned it, that's how you deal with street rats, right?"

"Correct, but not after you've gone to such lengths to catch them and recruit them into your own private army." I snap, standing up and shoving the bread into his hand. He huffs and walks over to sit down by Isabel. I look to the heavens, but no extra patience is supplied. I wanted to help him, but when he got into funks like this, there was nothing to do but wait. I try sitting down again, but it's like he's stealing all the oxygen with his hate, and I can't stand it anymore.

I head out the door with my bread under my jacket, I need some air.

The two guards eye me suspiciously.

"I need to use the little girl's room. Which way?"

"Left then right at the end, don't wander off. We'll give you five minutes."

"Oh, then you'll barge in and make sure I'm taking a shit properly?" I snort with a raised brow, they splutter and blush amongst themselves. They'd give me as much time as I needed now, at least that was what I hoped. Men were all brazen balls till you called them out with your own brazen words, then they were like children. Well, this sort of men anyway. Levi was pretty good with a brazen woman, and I chuckle as I remember how our fights used to escalate. To out brazen each other; things quickly got messy.

I head along the corridors, and dodge all that wander there. It takes a good while, but I soon find a small staircase that leads upwards. I head up, and am relieved to be freed into the open night air. I breathe in deeply, and let my lungs tingle with the cold of the night. My arms are spread out behind me as I walk along and stare up at the stars, a few clear patches amongst the clinging clouds. Having seen the same ceiling for so many years, the changing nature of this world's sky made me wide eyed. It was amazing. It made me feel wonder to my core. But with that wonder comes a twinge of fear, to have all this open space seemed reckless to an extent.

How did you watch your back when everything was so open?

I shiver a little as the wind picks up, but smile, if I had to deal with a little fear I would gladly do so. I hadn't really felt afraid for a long time, perhaps without a ceiling, I would become more attached to myself again. Emotions cost time in the Underground, in such a small space you had to be careful about what you allowed yourself. But out here? I sit on the edge of the small wall that runs round the roof, my legs swinging a little as my feet dangle mid-air. Out here I felt like my heart had vacant space, willing to feel again. It had been a long time since I'd felt open to that idea. I laugh a little as I retrieve my bread and break a bit off. It seemed like this whole ordeal did have a silver lining.

Along with red.

I gnaw on the bread, and cast my eyes towards some lit windows below me. I have no idea whose quarters they are, but I imagine Erwin has quarters with large windows too. Perhaps even a private office. That would make it simpler. I wonder when I should do it, Levi was meticulous about things so he would want to plan, he would want to learn all he could about his enemy too. So that bought me a few days. Along with the fact Farlan was clearly wanting to do something _before_ they killed the soldier. So that was potentially a week. I swallow hard, could I risk asking them what their plan was? The breeze picks up and more shivers go down my spine. No, they'd potentially shut me out completely. I was still an outsider, I wasn't fully trusted. It made sense, it wasn't like it offended me, it just made this whole thing a little harder to deal with efficiently.

I hear the door open and sigh, presumably the guards had gotten suspicious of my shit-taking time. But then I hear a familiarly soft foot-fall. I glance over my shoulder, and smile reservedly at Levi who nods back at me, then looks out over the compound. His brow furrows a little. I wonder if the open frightens him as much as it does me. I only notice how hard I'm gripping the wall when I raise my hand to wave, my fingers aching at the sudden movement.

"Stopped sulking yet?"

"Mm." He shrugs, and sits next to me, glancing my way with slightly narrowed eyes. "As scared of it as you always thought you'd be?"

I admit I'm surprised he remembered. I give a small nod and shrug, looking out to the horizon where the great Wall sits, and protects us from the monsters outside. It seemed weird to actually consider the outside a real thing. For so long the surface had seemed unreachable, but here we were. Where to now? I contemplate the wide open plains where this regiment fought the Titans. Everything was so big up here. And I was feeling smaller with each new realisation.

"Just use it." He says, brushing non-existent dust from his leg.

"Use what?"

"Use the fear against them. It's how they keep people in the Underground, so don't let it beat you now that you're finally out." He murmurs, looking down at his hands. I shift to lean back and lie along the wall, wondering what has made him so talkative all of a sudden. But perhaps it was having this all come to life before him? All those years of planning, and here he was, under the big blue sky. Well… cloudy with stars at the moment, but the sentiment remained the same.

"You afraid?"

"Don't by stupid, brat."

"Guess you'll have to find another way of fuelling your Erwin hunt then." The words are out before I can question them, and I tense a little. I guess I was about to find out if he'd shut me out or not. I glance his way but he's just looking at me with determination, not suspicion or anger. They're nowhere to be seen amazingly enough.

"I'm only getting him, before he gets us."

"Why do you think he wants you dead? He was desperate to recruit you."

"Every time he looks at me… I feel like he's plotting, to get rid of me, or the other two… even you."

"Despite the fact he freaked when I threatened to take my life?"

"He could tell it was a bluff."

"C'mon Levi, you're being a bit paranoid don't you think?"

"You _used_ to call it experience."

"I _used_ to think you could do no wrong." I laugh, my leg swinging down over the wall a little. He gives a small chuckle and clicks his tongue, letting the quiet of the night take over again. But I'm enjoying conversing with him too much. I can't let the silence settle.

"Do you remember things before you went to the Underground? Or is this as new to you, as it is to me?"

"Thoughtful tonight?"

"Hard not to be with this big pile of nothingness sitting on top of me." I wave my arms up and he gives another slight chuckle, very slight and quiet, but it was there. This is starting to feel weirdly familiar.

"I don't remember much no, just flickers. So… yeah it's pretty much new to me."

"And?"

"Not bad." He says leaning back on his hands and letting his head hang back. "I reckon I could get used to a view like this."

"What changed your mind about the military?"

"I haven't changed it."

"And our current location doesn't jar with that at all… why the hell did you agree to this?"

"It was this or the MP's, and I didn't fancy dealing with those pigs. At least this lot seem competent. Kind of. You would rather be handed over to the letches of the Military Police? You of all people understand what those men are like." I shudder at the memories but he just nudges my knee. "Exactly. I wasn't about to risk that on Isabel, or you."

"Guess I should thank you…"

"But you won't."

"I still have a feathered noose wrapped round my neck, Levi. Forgive me for being a tad bitter about that."

"I didn't ask you to intervene."

"And you wouldn't have hated me _all over again_ if I hadn't? Or rather, hated me more."

"Hate is a strong word." He mutters, and sighs. "You're meant to be the one that sees the bright side."

"So? I'm allowed a moan."

"No you're not, do your damn job." He snaps and I sit up with a frown, did he seriously depend on my happy chappy comments that much? It seemed weird that he needed my input after ten years. He looks at me and clicks his tongue again. "Don't look at me like that."

"You managed without my 'optimism' for ten years, why the need for it now?"

"You're here aren't you?"

"I guess… well it'll all work out in the end. Hey look, a rainbow! And do I see a fairy? Ah a magical flying pig as well. My, my, what wonders there are up here." I sing-song with a slack jaw and wide eyes.

He huffs and shakes his head, but I see that smirk, he's fighting it, but I see it. I was glad I had managed to forget for a long time, how much I missed this with him. It was very apparent to me in this moment, but for years I'd thankfully had the pain dull to a mere ache. I wonder if he'd had the same, or if he'd been true to his word and never thought of me. I had always known him as a man of his word, but then again, I'd also known him as kind and thoughtful. So where had his head landed during our time apart?

Whilst I'm enjoying the quiet, I keep thinking something like a gunshot will break it. Silence always meant trouble in the Underground, and despite my open surroundings, I still didn't enjoy it. Levi seemed happy enough though, as happy as he ever looked anyway. I hum a little, and remember all the times he had plotted with me about getting here. How had he thought so big from such a small place?

"I wonder if you being originally from the surface is the reason…" I let my musing slip out as I sit up properly, and swing round to face outward again. He looks my way.

"Reason for what?"

"For you being able to dream so big, despite being constantly beaten down."

"Dream big do I?"

"You never doubted us getting out of that damned little box. Seems pretty big to me."

"Little boxes aren't so bad, depending on who you're sharing them with."

"I'm gonna take that lovely sentiment and run with it, but not the metaphor if you don't mind. It could quickly get very weird."

"A decent assumption."

"You know me, always thinking outside the box…! Aw… shit." I laugh putting my hands over my face and shaking my head. I hear him give another chuckle but then a weird huff, I peek through my fingers and find him frowning at me as though confused. "I know, I know, I'm sorry, I kept the box thing going."

"No… I… I missed this." He says with a momentary smirk.

"What? Bad metaphors and mindless philosophical jabbering about the past?"

"Kind of, I guess…"

"Well don't you two just look like a sweet little old couple!" chirps Isabel suddenly appearing from by the doorway. I lean back and wave, a large grin spreading across my face. "Reminiscing about olden times are ya?"

"You bet kid, back when you were probably still in your Dad's balls."

"For fuck sake we are not _that_ old." Groans Levi as they come and sit by us, Isabel next to me and Farlan by him. The two of them laugh, but soon get distracted by looking up and seeing the bright lights above us. I wonder if I looked that odd, and entranced, like moths to the flame.

A calm quiet settles around us, and it only occurs to me then that we were _all_ out here. What the hell were the guards doing? I nudge Isabel and frown a little, she's blushing lightly. This wasn't going to be good news was it? I imagine big bumps growing out the guard's heads, and a livid Erwin jumping up and down with a big red face. It was hilarious, but it would have dire consequences potentially.

"Isabel?"

"Yeah, Kitty Kat?"

"How did you, and Farlan get out here? What about the guards?"

"We didn't hurt them, if that's what you're hinting at." Mutters Farlan, and I shoot him a look, he grimaces a little, "Y'know you can almost be as bad as the guards yourself, we aren't idiots. Why would we intentionally—"

"It was a simple enough question Farlan, no need to have a hissy fit at me."

"Yeah, yeah."

"So what _did_ you do to get out?" I press as the original question goes unanswered. Levi is ignoring all of us, just staring up and clasping his hands onto his lap. I guess he was used to juvenile shit to ignore. I wasn't used to being part of it though. I knew Farlan didn't know me very well, but this assumptive attitude would have to leave sooner rather than later. Either that or he'd quickly have a fat lip.

"They weren't there when we left, reckon they went looking for you two."

"Great, let's get back then before they wet themselves and flood the castle."

The morning comes around too quickly, and I feel exhausted as orders are barked around the room before a pile of clothes is handed to us each in turn. To tide us over until we have our quarters assigned. I stare at the neat little pile of uniform and shudder. It wasn't shackles per-say, but they may as well have been. I tug the shirt on and button it up, the trousers are tight and I think about the idiocy of choosing white as the colour. Really? White? For trousers? For any normal person that was impossible to keep clean, but people that were supposedly fighting Titan's on a regular basis? Surely this made even less sense? I knew keeping these damned things clean was going to be a task and a half. Then I remember I'm here with Levi, and I smile a little. If there was anyone who would figure out how to keep something clean, it'd be him. I'd just have to take notes. Or pay him to do it for me.

The HQ is nice enough, it's still a damned maze, but I figure it'll become more and more familiar as we traipse through day after day. With each new area we're dragged along to, I feel my mind fizz; the Underground was a rabbit warren of alley ways and dark corners, but this was maddening. Everything looked the same. I know for a fact, I'll get lost sooner rather than later. But thankfully I find the individual officer quarters are a bit more distinct, and on top of that the Squad leader offices are even more so. Erwin's is the second floor, in the West wing, and has a small blue crest set in it. Blue like his cold, calculating eyes. I was definitely going to enjoy scratching them out.

The tour continues begrudgingly into the compound and grounds. The sun is harsh as it beats down, but I just focus on the information being rambled off by our impatient tour-guide. She's small with brown pig-tails and a sour face. But I reckon we're just getting in the way of her normal duties, more work for her. Not her fault I guess. Though I try and catch as much as I can, Isabel is too busy looking round excitedly to be possibly paying attention. She'd get in shit if I didn't run this all by her later. Levi watches the ground, and barely glances up when the different areas are listed off. He didn't need to know this, I guess, he was only here for one reason right? I sigh, and try to focus on the lecture; the quicker I took away his reason for being here, the sooner I could get him to focus on what he was going to actually accomplish whilst topside. But I stop myself as we stand by a small platform, the tour having ended. I had to get him thinking about that _before_ I killed Erwin. Otherwise I'd potentially be executed before I got the chance.

Would he rage out?

I try and think of how Levi would react if they execute me. But I don't know how to avoid that. If he did, they might just execute him too. Then it would all be for naught. But if I discussed the plan with him, he'd jump the gun to get the kill. Then he's just get himself into trouble nonetheless.

I sigh; this situation just got messier and messier the harder I tried to clear it up.

Gradually a crowd of Cadets gathers in front of the platform we're stood next to. They all stare; some ogle, and others just grimace. Yep, we were a sideshow. An order is barked our way and we traipse up onto the platform, so the audience can get a better look. I tug on Isabel's sleeve, trying to diminish her dancing about. But the kid just grins and continues regardless. I don't know if she is ignorant of her actions, or just not giving a single fuck. I hope the latter, or else she'd just get into trouble sooner.

We have to introduce ourselves?

Oh for the love of the Walls.

I hang my head back, and ignore the tutting noises from the 'Commander' who is barking away like the dog he was. Did he really expect me to be happy about this? Or any of us? It seemed ridiculous that we were being paraded in this fashion, but then I take note of Erwin's small smirk. This was so they _all_ knew what we looked like, so if any one of us stepped out of line in front of any other Cadet, they'd know they could punish us. We were rats here, and the Scouting Legion considered themselves cats. Holding our tails in place as we squeaked. I meet Erwin's cold gaze and glare. Rats had sharp little teeth, I hope you remember that Blondie.

Levi goes first, curt and cold. Gasps go around. Yes, amazingly enough, we can talk you morons. I seek out patience, wherever it had run off to. This wasn't me, it was my darkness, swirling madly as my anger grew for this place. The surface was meant to be a fresh start, not penned in and controlled. This was all wrong. When Isabel has her turn, she is her usual bubbly self, and I feel myself smile. The last of my darkness fades away. She was a breath of fresh air, even out here in the open. Farlan is, well, he's Farlan. I then dip my head nonchalantly and state my name. Whispers flitter around and I just wave a hand dismissively at my reputation.

"Yah, that's right. _That_ Katsumi."

More whispers and gasps, more ogles turn into grimaces and some grimaces turn into full on disgusted scowls. Oh deary me. But when I look to Levi, I find him frowning. I have the feeling he lost track of me for some time, I wonder how much he knows. But this wasn't the time. I look over the crowd and wink.

"Don't worry kiddies, don't piss me off and you can keep your genetalia."

"Cadet! Mind your tongue!"

"You got it." I say, rolling back on my heels and staring anyone down that had the gall to make eye contact with me.

You see the big difference between me and Levi? He was a little more anonymous in his reputation as he built it up. People knew of a short man with raven hair, who was basically death incarnate when he wanted to be; but his name was elusive. It was rumoured here and there. But that was it. No more than whispers. Whereas me, I basically signed everything with a big old fingerprint and accurate portrait taken. I had aimed to be known once going solo; if I was known I was feared, and if I was feared, I was usually left alone. Without Levi's legendary reputation to protect me by simple association, I'd had to make it up as I went. And the path had been bloody. I can feel Levi watching me, questions burning into the side of my head as he realises he might not know me as well as he thought. Yeah I still made bad metaphors and jabbered about the past, but I had to clean my blades a little more thoroughly too. Up here I wasn't sure how much that applied. But I'd have to deal with the reputation now. No going back on it.

Then we're assigned to Flagon.

I touch the small bandage now round my throat, and glare at him as he stumbles over the newly revealed fact. He'd hoped Erwin would be dealing with us. But apparently Erwin has more important things to be doing. I wonder how true that is, or how much the Commander knew we'd all be wanting to knock the blonde bastard's head off. Flagon accepts his charge but grimaces wildly. I hope his face gets cramp, and stays that way.

He stands tapping his foot whilst the rest of the Cadets turn to leave, I watch Erwin as he goes. Annoyed that I have to go and talk to that oaf. I need to get word to Chia. One way or the other she had to know what was happening, or as much as I could tell her. Shit. That was something else that muddied this. What was Chia going to do if I was executed? I'd have to get word to her about my stash… but how? My body already feels tired, and it isn't even lunch. Flagon sighs dramatically, and leads us towards where I can only assume our quarters are.

I immediately know it's separate for men and women, its common sense. And also made my life easier for not having to constantly worry about pretty little Isabel. Bugger knows when these pent up soldiers got relief, if ever, I didn't want them anywhere near her innocent little hide. And yet this idea of separation makes the girl give out a harsh wail of protest. I sigh, and shoot Flagon a look as he scolds her. He catches my look, and makes the clever decision not to press me. I walk along with them till they reach where Levi and Farlan are to sleep. It's a bunk-bed. I smirk.

Who's gonna be on top?

My laughter doesn't make it to the surface though, as I watch Levi run his hand under the wood of the top bunk and dirt sprinkles down. Aw shit. I edge a little closer, angling myself in between him and Flagon. Don't say anything, Levi, you can clean it once the prick is gone. Keep your cool. His scrawny head isn't going to make as good a duster as you think it will.

And then then our gracious Squad Leader speaks. Oh how I wish he hadn't.

"Just try and keep it clean? I know you're used to the filth of the Underground, but here we have different standards."

"Oh, you really _are_ a moron." I hiss, putting a hand on Levi's shoulder as he spins with a curse. But thankfully Farlan is on the case, interrupting Flagon's retort by assuring him that they would try their best, blabbering on long enough to drive Flagon further out the room. I could have kissed Farlan right there and then. Levi shrugs off my hand, and begins stripping the beds of their presumably unfit sheets. He grumbles under his breath as he does so. Flagon looks me up and down slowly, a wrinkle on his lip as I meet his gaze with a raised brow.

"You want me to take you to your dorm now? Cadet… what's your last name?"

"Katsumi is fine, thanks. I can find it from here, me and Isabel will be fine. Thanks for all your sneering, and judgemental looks, we can take it from here. _Bubi_!" I chirp with a doff of my head. He blusters.

"You lot seriously need to learn some discipline."

"And you seriously need to give up on that pathetic beard."

Ultimately he gives up, or just decides to cease caring, for now, as he storms out.

"What. A. Prick."

"Levi you need to calm down," snaps Farlan, turning and squaring up to Levi. I had to hand it to Farlan, he was a brave one. To stand up to Levi wasn't something I'd even considered doing for a lot of years, then again he may well have known Levi for a decade by now. I wasn't sure. But I do wonder how he met Levi… but as my mind drifts I catch sight of Isabel climbing onto the top bunk, grinning. I was going to have a task and a half trying to get her out of here wasn't I? Stubborn kid. "Don't forget why we're here, Levi!"

"I haven't forgotten, but did you hear what that shit was saying out of his piece of shit mouth?"

I do a double-take, whilst tapping Isabel's nose as she dangles down with a small chuckle. What they were here for.

Why were they really here?

I feel an old sensation build in my chest, and I curse. How fucking stupid was I? Isabel frowns at my anger, but I just smile up at her, unaware of how involved she might be, or not. Then again I didn't really know her did I? This kid might be as conniving as Levi, but just damned cute about it. This was clearly no unplanned situation, for the three of them. For some reason they'd wanted to be caught. Surely this _wasn't_ Levi's plan for getting out of the Underground? I frown at this repetitive train of thought, Levi knew better than that surely. His desperation can't have got that bad.

I look at Levi, who is glancing my way without expression, had he changed his mind?

"C'mon Farlan! Leave big-bro alone, you can just beat them all up like you did in the Underground." Her sign-song voice makes me jolt out of my gloom a little, but Farlan turns with a disapproving scowl. I really couldn't read this guy yet. One second he was looking out for them, the next he was berating them. I suppose he was trying to be like Levi, but he wasn't nearly as refined.

"Shut it. Dumbasses shouldn't talk so much."

Wow, that was a bit harsh. I take a few steps back to avoid my temper getting the best of me, I wasn't sure why, but I really did feel protective over the kid. But I stop myself this time, I really felt like I was intruding on a family moment. Isabel puffs up, face going red as she yells back at Farlan; and they continue for a few minutes like bickering siblings. But then Levi steps up and just ruffles her hair, calming the tantrum.

"You're a pain in the ass, dummy."

Sweet, but still a little harsh as he shoves her face away in the next second. They were an odd little family, I had to give them that. But as the conversation continues Farlan glances my way a few too many times; I was clearly not wanted here. It hurts a little, but I just shrug and head out the room, calling back to Isabel to wait here whilst I find our quarters.

Flagon is long gone thankfully but it's not there's signs around here. I sigh and regret getting rid of the little beardy bitch, he might have been a little more useful after all. I wander for a few minutes in all the wrong directions, not finding a damn thing, before heading outside. I thankfully catch sight of a slightly familiar face. I had noticed her in the crowd of faces; she had been an ogler. Her big glasses flashed in the midday sun as she ranted at someone, a tall blonde man, and I grimace as I realise it's the sniffer. I approach nonetheless, needing to know where my quarters were before heading to find Erwin.

Her quick eyes catch sight of me, and give an overly-excited wave. I am immediately suspicious. Why was she seemingly happy to see me? When every other Cadet seemed to hate us? This made little sense, but then again she did seem to have about twice as much energy as anyone. Even Isabel seemed a little down compared to this pile of perkiness. The Sniffer isn't nearly as pleased to see me, but I ignore him as I nod to Glasses and hold out my hand for a shake. She has the grip of a vice. Ow.

"Hi there, I'm Katsumi, I was wondering—"

"You shouldn't be wandering around." Snaps the Sniffer and I look at him coldly.

"I'm allowed, bite it."

"It's Mike, you—"

"I'm Hanji!" chirps the Glasses, and I turn to her with a nod. "I couldn't believe it when Mike was telling me who they'd brought in!"

"Yeah, Levi will make a great addition to your regiment." I nod with a little pride swelling in my chest, they were all secretly thrilled to have him here. It would help once I'd got rid of Erwin. But she frowns and shrugs.

"Yeah I guess the Shorty will prove useful, but I was more meaning you!"

I should have been angry at her nickname for Levi, but the lacking malice in her voice made me smile. She wasn't a git, she was just an overly honesty weirdo. How refreshing. And then I realise she had just complimented me, and I tilt my head. Maybe it wasn't a compliment. Maybe she meant she couldn't believe Erwin had brought in a serial killer?

"Sorry? You couldn't believe it how?"

"The Katsumi of the Underground, you're a damn legend! And a fascinating one!"

"Thanks… I think… why do you look so pleased? If you know my rep, then you know my crimes." I squint a little, and look up at Mike who is now watching me with a little confusion. Did he not know? Did Erwin's sniff-dog not know who he had been throwing into the dirt? But Hanji just laughs loudly, head thrown back as she holds her belly.

"Yeah but I know you ain't a maniac, you were a vigilante!"

Me and Mike look at her in amazement. I don't know how she deduced this; my crimes had never been put down to anything but mindless violence of the Underground. It wasn't it at all. But that was how the MP's reported it. It only took a couple years before I was known as the Claws of the Underground. My twin blades left pretty distinct wounds. That was why my name caused so much whispering; but with this woman it created amazement. She got more interesting, the longer I stood with her.

"She was a _what_?" Mike scoffs shaking his head. So he'd known about the killings, but assumed the Military Police as truthful. Maybe he was a moron after all. Hanji turns and slaps his arm playfully.

"Yeah, all those guys she chopped up and lopped the bits off? Rapists, pedo's, you name it! They misuse their sausage, and she came along and lopped it off!" she chuckles tapping at his lower region making him jolt a little, and then look down at me with more confusion. And maybe a slight hint of fear. I'm blushing a little but shake my head.

"I didn't just chop guy's dicks off…"

"Oh I know, you dealt with all the scumbags in turn! Just the dick stories were always the funniest, and most interesting!"

"Little psycho then?" muses Mike with a small sniff. I look to my scuffing feet for a moment and click my tongue loudly, not enjoying his summary of my hard work.

"I was trying to help the Underground where the MP's didn't bother… in case you give a shit."

"I don't."

"Whatever. But… how the hell did you figure that out Hanji? You're not from the Underground."

"Nah, but I'm real good at looking between the lines of the Military Police. Damn Unicorns are shit at writing reports."

"Shit… good to know… and good to know not everyone in these uniforms is a mindless thug." I laugh, looking a Mike with a little more meaning. He turns away with his frown, walking without a word to either me or Hanji. His head is shaking slightly. What the heck was that nose thinking now?

I ignore him and keep chatting with Hanji, and soon we stumble onto the topic of Titans and I feel her intensity increase tenfold as we do. That was a lot of weird stuffed inside such a small head. Eventually I manage to ask her where the female dorms are; finally getting a word wedged in sideways between Titan habits and digestive systems.

"Oh yeah! You're in the bunk across from me!"

"Goody…"

"Where's your little red haired friend? She's adorable."

"That she is, but don't be fooled, she has a good set of claws herself."

"Oh I'll bet. You four are the talk of the regiment, things are finally getting interesting around here."

"I'll bet you're the only one looking at this situation positively Hanji."

"Oh don't be so down! Hey, is it true you taught Levi to fight? The main stuff I'd heard about _him_ in the Underground was that he was brutal, but I only heard from Erwin like… today, that you taught him to fight."

"Erwin has known that a lot longer than that."

"I know! I gave him a good telling off for holding back on me! So is it true?"

"Yeah… but don't get me wrong, he kicks my ass in a lot of ways."

"Sure he does, Claws, sure he does."

"Please don't call me that?" but I sense the name has already stuck.

We enter a similar room to where Levi and Farlan are staying. Only this one smells a lot less of feet. There's a few sets of uniform and civvies on my bed, and Isabel's too. We were all unpacked it seemed. I glance around the other bunks as Hanji makes pointless attempts to introduce me to the other Cadets. I ignore their judgemental eyes, and panicked flinches away from my outstretched hand, being held in place by Hanji all along. On their bunks I see small trinkets, little signs of home and small tokens of love from family. Small, and all fairly well hidden for inspection in all likeliness, but still there. I then look at my own bunk and Isabel's, we really only had each other up here. But then Hanji lets me go and I smile a little, nah, I had Hanji too now, I guess. She seemed like a good egg; a completely cracked one, with half the yolk misplaced somewhere, but definitely a well-intentioned egg. Ugh, another bad metaphor. I really needed to practise.

"One last thing Hanji? Sorry, I'll stop bugging you after this."

"No problem, don't hesitate to ask me a question! I know I won't hesitate to ask you, so there's no point in you doing so with me. What's up?"

"Which way to Erwin's office?"

"Why you wanting to talk to Erwin?" she laughs, but as I look to the side and try to avoid her keen gaze I hear a sharp gasp. Oh no, wrong assumption. "You got a little thing going on there with the eyebrows?"

"No!" I groan looking up, "I just need to ask him a… a favour… it's about something back in the Underground and I…" I glance at the other women present, not wanting them in my business. "I don't want everyone knowing anymore about me, than absolutely necessary. Okay? I'll tell you later all right? But I dunno where the bastard's office is from here."

"I'll take yah, c'mon lover-girl."

I hang my head and let her drag me along. She was lucky I was feeling more maternal than murderous right now. She was great, but I was finding her thinning my patience faster than most. And I did well at retaining patience. You had to when dealing with brats, Levi's temper and the general buggering mess of the Underground. But Hanji? She was an entirely different force of nature. I was a little out of my league.

"Here we are, don't make too much noise. You'll make Shadis all jealous!" she calls down the corridor after leaving me next to the blue crested door. I flip her the bird and she just laughs louder on turning the corner. Dammit. That would be new rumour about me going round already, was this a regiment or a damned school? But as I remember the flocks of Cadets sticking together I sigh and smooth down my hair. It was both.

* * *

 **So there we go, more relationships being built on, again another fairly slow chapter, all about the world building at the moment. Sorry, i do promise action will happen!**

 **ANOTHER shout-out to the wonderful Guest reviewer Trisana, you really are such a source of encouragement, especially on these smaller stories as I'm never as confident when I update these! So thank you again for your support, your reviews for RBW are equally awesome, but I just felt I should highlight the ones on here.**

 **So yeah thanks again, and thanks to everyone still reading and those following. You're all awesome and I hope you enjoyed the update.**

 **I'll shut up now, see you next time!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

 **Potential spoilers for Choice With No Regrets OVA though never assume you know what's to come, sometimes I don't! The BASIC structure to the sequence of plot will generally remain in tact though timings may be out.**

* * *

I take a moment to calm down; then once I'm sure my temper is back in its cage, I knock three times. He rumbles for me to enter, and I do so, hoping my patience can endure whatever crap he says whilst I deal with this issue. I had to get word to Chia. In all the commotion I hadn't managed to send her word. She'd be freaking out soon. I walk in front of his desk, and he doesn't even look up. Arrogant prick. I wait and hold my hands behind my back, firstly because it was how we'd been told to stand when idle, and secondly because it stopped me slapping him, or stringing his neck. Mind you, watching that big blonde head topple over the desk and smush onto the carpet below, did sound awfully entertaining. Though admittedly, a bit messy. It was a very nice carpet.

"How can I help you, Cadet Katsumi?"

"I need to send word to someone in the Underground… sir." I add when he seems to be waiting on something. He lets my words slink through his mind and then he smiles, but its fake, and brimming with patronisation. Here we fucking go.

"Why?"

"Because I need to let someone know that I'm alive, and won't be around for some time."

He waits.

I bite down hard on my tongue and speak through my teeth.

" _Sir._ "

"I can't do that, Cadet."

"Why not?" I snap, glaring at him and ignoring the way he raises those bushes at me. Damn the chain of command, he was being a bitch for the sake of. I wasn't about to put up with this juvenile nonsense. "I just need to let her know I'm alive. A simple enough request surely? You're not the only one with responsibility, _sir_."

"And how is it I know you're not plotting something?"

"Because you can read the damn message for all I care!"

"That so?"

"Yes, you suspicious…" I sigh and count to ten, "Sir, I just need to let this woman know where I am, and what's happening. She has enough to deal with without worrying about me needlessly, when there's no need to."

"Hm…"

"Surely, as a Squad leader, in charge of people's lives, you can understand that?"

"What is this woman's relation to you?" he persists, resting his chin on his clasped hands. I don't see the relevance to any of this, but it seemed like he was going to milk this for all it was worth. When the time came that I did kill him, I had the feeling I would enjoy it a little too much. "Cadet? I'm waiting. What is her relation to you?"

"Great, great, great, great grandmother." He does a double-take and looks at me with open confusion. I roll my eyes, apparently the uniform also rendered a person's sense of humour moot as well. "She's a friend."

"I'll need a few more details than that, Cadet." He murmurs, returning to his paperwork with a sorry shake of his head. I groan, this man had no reason to need this information, he was just wanting to push my buttons. I knew this, and yet had no way of avoiding it. I wasn't used to being so permanently backed into a corner; it was getting a little boring. I knew I'd end up lashing out at something soon. I just hoped it was inanimate.

"We set up an Orphanage together."

"An Orphanage?" he scoffs, open disbelief in his face. I clench my fists and ignore his utter shock. This man acted like he knew me, as though he understood my entire character from damned rumours, and reputation alone. A shallow bastard he had to be, in order to think that was all I was capable of.

"Yes, big building with lots of unfortunate kids inside? Without parents and in need of—"

"Don't be smart with me, Cadet. I simply find this hard to believe, considering your long list of crimes, you being involved in such a philanthropic venture seems… out of place. "

"Actually there's a shocking number of parentless children in the Underground, _sir_ , so it is in exactly right place as it so happens." I mutter, but as his frown deepens I feel my chances slim. This was ridiculous. I smooth down my hair again and click my tongue. "Look… my friend, Chia, she's the head of the Orphanage. I just supply money, and occasionally a bit of protection. Happy?"

"Not particularly, why didn't you mention this before?"

"Why the hell would I? What business is it of yours, or this regiment's, that I help out an Orphanage in the Underground. Why do you even care? Ugh, if you're just going to waste my time, I'll leave…" I groan turning and making for the door, it was a pain, but I'd find some other way of getting word down there. There had to be another option, other than this prissy little prick.

"In order to have you serve here, we have to have a proper understanding of you." He replies, putting away his paperwork and getting out of his chair noisily.

I turn at the noise, and as he strides over to me, I retreat backwards. That chiselled face is oddly blank and I feel ice run along my spine. I had faced all manner of demon and miscreant in the Underground, and yet this man, with his bright blue eyes and glowing blonde hair made me more uneasy than any of them. He looked so pure, so good; there had to be something truly awful bubbling under that surface. In order to kill him, I had to know him. I hit against the door, and realise that it is a similar meaning to his own words.

"In order to control me, you need to know me."

"Why would I need to learn to control you, Katsumi?" he chuckles, looming over me, a small smirk in place. "You joined the regiment along with Levi, therefore you are under obligation to follow orders, yes?"

"Depends on the manner of the order, _sir._ "

"It shouldn't." he leans down and whispers in my ear. I shudder at his close proximity, my hands itching to wrap round that neck and forget about the messy consequences. But I just draw a deep breath and meet his cold gaze straight on. Don't let him know you're intimidated. Sod that. I had a job to do, I had people to protect. Nothing had stopped me before, and this jumped up boy playing solider, wouldn't manage it now.

"Could we get back to the matter in hand? Will you allow me to send word to the Orphanage or not?"

"I suppose you didn't want to officially attach your sullied name to the Orphanage, for fear of any possible investors being scared off by your reputation?"

"My, my, the clever-clogs gets it again. Now then, answer my question."

"Write the letter, hand it to me, I'll see it gets where it needs to go."

"That better not mean the bin."

"Now, now, Katsumi, I'm your superior, don't forget that." He leans closer, and I get ready to bite his nose off if he does what I fear he's going to. But instead he just opens the door behind me, smirking as I shrink away from him and duck under his arm to exit. Prick. "Get the letter back to me by tonight if you can. I'm a busy man you know."

"I'm sure you are." I mutter, walking away without looking back for fear of seeing that damned smirk again. What kind of end-game did he have in mind?

I turn the corner and avoid a gaggle of Cadets that look at me with curiosity blatant on their young faces. Though the curiosity soon turns to contempt, and one even wrinkles her freckled little nose. No one would be very good at poker here, that was a given. I head for the stables as I was meant to be training with Isabel today, and so I try to focus on that. It didn't really matter what Erwin thought he had planned for me, I knew it would end with his blood on my hands. Whatever that mind was cooking, be it bad, perverted, or the very rare concept of 'good'; whatever it was, it would never come to pass.

A mousey cadet takes me and Isabel out to a paddock area with a few horses. She seems slightly less hostile than most of the cadets, and so I don't mind when she helps the kid onto a horse. There's clearly no weapon to hand, so she won't hurt the kid easily. I realise I sound absolutely ridiculous, and paranoid, but I can't shake the feeling this regiment would rather have us out the way sooner rather than later. We were an inconvenience. But this cadet seems nice enough, she tells me her name, and I immediately forget it. I don't plan to make any more connections that absolutely necessary. It only complicated things, or lead to annoying emotional surprises. I had a lot of love to give, but I knew all too well it lead to burns.

Speaking of surprises.

I hadn't expected Isabel to be quite to skilled on a horse. I watch her race around like a maniac, swerving and jumping, the horse reacting to every little command she gave it. I had decent control over horses, having stolen many over my lifetime. But as far as I was aware, the kid had never even been near one. Levi had stopped stealing them after one shat all over his shoes once. He likes the beasts, but not what comes out of them. Isabel cheers as she races around, and the mousey cadet fiddles with her own pigtails as she watches the new recruit exceed all expectation. I lean against the fencing, and smile proudly at my Auburn haired friend; she was a wee scrapper, but she'd show them all.

"Who taught you to ride a Horse miss?" she asks meekly when Isabel slows the beast momentarily, the kid grins as she pats the mane affectionately.

"No one, I've always had a thing with animals. I like them, they like me, c'mon boy!" and she's off. The Cadet stares after her, still fiddling with her hair as she retreats to where I stand by the fence. Eventually Isabel would burn through the joy, but for now there was no stopping the kid. When the Cadet looks my way with confusion, I just stare her down coldly. I don't mean to be harsh, but the more walls I built up out here, the less these big open spaces would freak me out. I can't show it. Obviously. But the bigger this sky gets, the colder I feel deep down. Freedom was fucking scary.

"Did she really not know how to ride before now?"

"You accusing her of lying? Behind her back? My, what noble people within the Scouting Legion." I hitch myself up onto the fence and swing my legs, watching Isabel fly with euphoria. The woman kind of squeaks at my retort, and twists her hair. If she keeps doing that, I may just slice the damn pigtails off. Be less troublesome for one thing.

"I-I didn't mean that… I just… she's very skilled already. And I heard she was taught by the Levi guy and… Forlorn…"

"Farlan. Forlorn is an emotion, not a name, genius."

"S-sorry. Farlan. Is it true they self-taught, then taught her?"

"All true, and all very skilled. Just because they come from the Underground, doesn't mean they can't measure up to you surface folk. Street rats can be clever wee shites." I wave back at Isabel who is looking my way with a frown, but when I smile at her reassuringly, she heads for another jump with a loud 'whoop'. "I realise you may not be one of the ones whispering behind our backs, and I apologise for being so harsh. But frankly my patience is wearing out on your lot."

"I can understand that…" she mumbles, flinching a little at the brash way Isabel dismounts before leading the beast our way. The Cadet looks at me, and I give her a small nod of appreciation. I didn't have to like her, but if she was willing to at least understand us, then I wasn't going to argue.

"Thanks, maybe spread the word around your lot then?"

"Sorry? I don't understand." She mumbles, a pink blush blooming under her freckles.

"The three of them are better than your fellow Cadets think they are, they'll fight hard for you. Your regiment should appreciate having such skilled allies in their ranks." I get down and begin walking to meet Isabel, my turn on the horse I guess. The Cadet scampers after me, and finally stops messing with her damned hair.

"I will do, they'll get over it in a couple days. You guys are new, and therefore something to gossip about. Can't be helped really… though… I-I notice you didn't include yourself?"

"Perceptive aren't you?" I drawl, ruffling Isabel's hair before taking the rein from her and mounting the horse. I see the confusion on the Cadets face, but I see no reason to clarify. Isabel is looking from me, to the Cadet, then back at me with an odd little simper on her lips. She can sense something is up, and wants in on the fun. Sorry kid, no dice.

"What's up Kitty Kat? Scared to try the horse out?"

"Nah, just clearing up some shit."

"B-But w-wait!" stammers the Mousey one, and I halt the horse, rolling my eyes as the pigtails are swirled in her hands.

"What? I'm trying to 'train' here."

It was strange to think this little girl was allowed to go up against these Titan beasts. Then again, perhaps she was formidable on the battlefield. But I doubted it. This kid needed to sent home surely? I can't imagine what her parents were thinking letting her go here. The Mouse looks from Isabel to me, and bites her lip pathetically.

"Why do you not include yourself? Doubt is the last thing we need from you." The passion that suddenly enters her voice catches me off guard. Where had that come from? "I've heard so much about you, surely you can't think that you won't be of help to the regiment?"

"I appreciate this little attempt at a pep-talk, but that really isn't my issue. I'll kill plenty Titans for the _Commander._ Isabel? Do me a favour, head on over to the 3DMG area and get some gear ready for us? I won't be long."

"But Kitty Kat—"

"Please kid?" I snap a little bit, and she looks hurt, but the big green eyes soon clear to understanding. She knew I didn't want her to hear whatever I was about to say, and thankfully the kid respected that.

It wasn't that I thought of her as a snitch; I'm sure the kid could be the best secret keeper in the world, when the need called for it. However, I did believe she would be in the habit by now, of talking to Levi about anything she was worried about. Half the time he wouldn't listen. But if she heard what I had to say to this Mousey Cadet, she'd mention it to Levi and he'd be put on high alert. I didn't want that. I just wanted the other Cadets to know I wasn't messing around. Their cold looks didn't bother me, but the idea of any of them acting on that disapproval, and hurting either Isabel, Levi, or even Farlan… It made my blood boil. In the other Cadets eyes, we were vermin, and we were underfoot. They didn't trust us, and they wanted us out the way. I wasn't sure, but I didn't want to risk anyone being bold enough to try and intimidate us out. Not before I'd managed to remove Levi's source of vengeful thinking. If it wasn't snuffed out soon, it'd be the new poison to darken his heart. And I couldn't allow that. Not after he'd done so well.

Isabel wanders off, a slight skip in her step as she fails to even consider I'm hiding something important from her. She probably just thinks I'm a private person, which I am, but of course right now my motives are a little more specific. The Mouse watches Isabel leave and looks back at me, stepping away a bit, with a bite on her bottom lip again. I wonder if she thinks I'm about to attack her for questioning me. In a way, I hope she does. It would just make this easier.

"You satisfied with my answer, Cadet?"

"N-not really…"

"Didn't think so."

"But if you're willing to fight, and kill the Titans with us, why not include yourself with the other three when asking me to reassure the Cadets? It makes no sense…"

"Because I said they were your allies, and I do not consider myself that."

"Why?!" she gasps, eyes shining a little and I cringe away from the pitiful sight. Get yourself together woman; that was unsightly. "I assure you the regiment is a close-nit family, we look after each other really. The others… they're harsh but you don't need to be afraid—"

"You're kidding right?" I laugh, and she flinches back a little. "Afraid? Why would _I_ be afraid of a snivelling group of kids? I've dealt with worse than you, love, trust me on that."

"Th-then what…"

"Look, what I mean is, all I'm concerned about is keeping those three safe, and if that means I have to cut down a few overly suspicious Cadets? Slice I will." I say it all matter-of-factly. There was no need to hiss, or bare my teeth. The sheer calm of my voice was unnerving enough. It even makes me a little uneasy. She flinches back further and puts a hand over her mouth, shaking her head.

"What kind of monsters do you think we are?"

"I think you're mindless sheep." I snap and she frowns, "I think if Shadis, or Erwin said jump you'd all ask how high, I think if he asked you to rough up my three companions in order to get them to stay in line, you'd all reach for a blade, or bat before even considering that they hadn't done anything wrong."

There is only disbelief in those young eyes.

"The military has always been my foe, it always will be. Certain people can become allies, but otherwise? If I see a crest, I take note of where the heart is and how I can pierce it quickest."

"Y-You're mad…"

"Oh darling little girl, I'm not even a little irritated right now." I wink, "If no one causes trouble, I won't do a thing. But the second someone threatens my family? Then you'll see the Claws legend right in front of you. Got it?"

"I think they can protect themselves you know." She pouts, finding her spine apparently. I smirk and doff my invisible top-hat.

"They don't need to. Pass the message around however you like, I couldn't care less in all honesty." I then flick the reins and head off at a slight trot, leaving her gaping after me.

I gradually get myself used to the rhythm before whipping the reins, and allowing the beast to run at full pelt. It was different from riding across cobbles, it was a lot less harsh, and a lot less deafening. But it still felt amazing. I smile, but refuse to let myself cheer. I see from a window above the compound a vague shape, watching me, and although it's merely a smudge, I get the feeling its Erwin. I continue to the tree-line and gradually loop back round. My mind fizzing with anger at the world.

At Erwin and his damned games.

At the childish looks from the other Cadets.

About the fact I had already considered those three my family, and yet I knew full well it wasn't returned. I was a sentimental fool even now, with my ledger dripping in blood and my name cast in the darkest of shadows. Even now, I felt like a fucking mother trying to defend her home. And it made no damned sense. None of this did.

I turn the horse sharply, and begin to round back to the mousey pigtails who is stood talking with Mike. He looks very unhappy indeed. Oh dear, whatever will I do? I get within a few yards of them, and leap off the horse. It continues to trot along for a bit before stopping to munch on grass. Not a badly behaved beast at all. I wonder if Erwin thought the same about Mike. Did he send him down here after seeing me train? Or was it a coincidence. As Mike looks me up and down, whilst I walk over with a smirk in place, I doubt coincidence has ever existed in our world.

"The hell have you been saying?" he grumbles, blocking my path when I make a move to pass him by. I pause and look at him sideways, not bothering to turn as I don't plan on lingering long. My message had been given out, whether they liked it or not, I would stick to my words.

"The truth."

"Excuse me? You've scared her half to—"

"I realise it's a novel concept for lying fuckwits like yourselves."

"And your being this hostile because?"

"Because every time I even see another Cadet I feel their hate, I see their beady little eyes travel all over me, and the other three and it makes my damned skin crawl. I only warned the Cadet here, what would happen should any of those _children_ act on their disapproving thoughts."

"And proclaimed yourself our enemy." He snarls, gripping my collar and lifting me from the floor. I continue to smirk at him, he didn't even have the balls to pick me up by the throat? Come on, this was a little insulting.

"Careful, you'll rip my uniform."

"What's all this about, Cadet Katsumi? Answer me. This isn't part of the deal."

"The deal was we joined instead of being imprisoned by the brutes of the Military Police."

I snap my arms up, and he loses his grip. As he lunges to grab me again I swing up and clock him under the jaw to send him flailing back with a grunt. He isn't floored, he's too good a fighter for that, but he stumbles and will have a nasty bruise. I straighten up and raise my chin a bit proudly.

"However, we did _not_ agree to being persecuted by the snobs here who don't think we're fit to be in this regiment, or fit to be on the surface world. And frankly I won't stand for it. She's already told you what I said, so I won't bother repeating myself. Report me to Erwin if you like, a loyal dog you are. _However,_ I stand by my words. I will serve, but I will also not hesitate to attack anyone who threatens my family."

"And you wonder why they look at you like animals?" He huffs, rubbing his chin a bit. I shake my head at him, he really didn't get it yet, did he?

"I don't wonder why they look at _me_ like that. If they've heard of my rep, then fine, look away. But the other three? They've done nothing to provoke such looks."

"Levi has his own rep."

"Never confirmed." I spit and begin to walk away, glancing over my shoulder momentarily to give a sneer. "Go on Sniffer, go tell the master what I said like a good boy."

I begin to jog, and head over to where Isabel is sat cross-legged staring up at the sky. Her big green eyes shine with wonder as the clouds skirt along carelessly. I hope this surface has lived up to her expectations, then again I didn't really know if she'd had any. I nudge her with my foot and smirk when she lets her head loll over to my direction.

"Finished being a badass?" she giggles and I blush a little, guess she will have seen my small spat with Mike then. I scratch the back of my head, and look towards the paddock. He's gone and Mousey is rounding up the horses, looking my way every now and then.

"Some harsh words were perhaps exchanged. He's a shifty bugger that one, don't trust him at all."

"Somehow Kitty Kat, I doubt that was all that was about eh?" she winks and hops up onto her feet. "But whatever, your business. I can always wrangle it out of ya later! Time to strap in and see what you can do!"

I decide not to press the fact there wasn't anything that needed wrangling, the kid was quite shrewd when she wanted to be. Instead I let her help me attach the clunky gear and try and accustom myself to the weight. The kid's aware I've done a version of this with my rather more primitive use of rope and hook. So she goes through the very basics; how to aim, how to manoeuvre best, and how to use the gas, or fire the hooks. It all seems simple enough in theory. And yet I can't shake this feeling I'm about to face-plant really hard. She helps me fire the hooks up into two trunks, across from each other, creating a sort of swing for me. In order to help me get used to the balancing apparently. Although as I hang there, and she watches me with a little irritation in her young face, I begin to wonder what it is I'm doing wrong. Was something meant to happen? I look around and continue to remain perfectly upright, surely this was a good thing? And yet she's getting angrier with each passing second. The hell was up with this kid?

"This is so unfair." She hisses, stomping her foot.

"What? I'm doing it right, ain't I?"

"Yeah, I fell over like a _thousand_ times before I managed that… show off."

"I guess I just have an amazing teacher?" I coo over to her, smiling broadly as I see her pout twitch at the side, she's fighting a smile and it's clear to see. "Come on kid, this only means you have less work to do. Plus, this is probably not as easy when being flung through the air like an unwanted potato."

"Why a potato?"

"Why not?"

"Doll would've made a bit more sense…"

"Never thought of you as a logic fanatic." I laugh as she helps me down and starts to fix on her own gear. It takes her a few seconds, as opposed to my five minutes, but I just hope I'll soon be that quick. Probably made for the decent get away, if you could get it on fast enough.

"Wanna run the course?"

"Maybe tomorrow eh? First I think getting off the ground with a little motion, might be the best idea."

"Well now who's being a logic fanatic…" she mutters as we head towards a slightly more open area and she begins the lesson.

We stay out there till the afternoon merges with evening, and my entire body aches with fighting against the momentum, as well as angling myself properly. The cadets round here must all have the core strength of… something with really high core strength. My stomach feels like three fat merchants just did a drunken jig on it. Frankly it was a bit frustrating, I was in good shape, and yet I felt like a complete novice. I mean, I was, but it still annoyed me to have it so blatantly highlighted.

We're heading back along towards the HQ when I notice the Sniffer heading our way. I can see he's annoyed, but he doesn't look like he's under orders. Usually he's more reserved when acting on someone else's issue. I quickly send Isabel ahead, explaining I had some business to attend to with the Sniffer-dog. She isn't pleased, but my tone is clear and concise. She isn't to be here. With a pout firmly in place she walks off, bumping forcefully into Mike as she passes him by with an audible 'humph'. He barely even registers her nudge, only looking down at her for a moment in mild irritation before continuing his stride at me. I stop and fold my arms, wondering what speech he's about to lay down.

"I need to speak with you Katsumi."

"Really? And here was me thinking you were simply going for a leisurely evening stroll."

"I'm serious."

"Then do get to the point sooner, instead of later? Dinner's served soon right? And I'm bloody starving."

"All right, I'll just come out with it then." He sighs and smooths back his hair. His expression smooths out, he straightens his uniform and makes a low bow. I am so confused, I can barely blink. This man had only ever looked at me in contempt or with disgust, and now he was suddenly bowing to me? I squeeze my arm, but find myself awake; half expecting to wake dangling from a tree, having face-planted myself into a momentary coma. But no. I'm awake and this weirdness was happening. I wait and eventually he rises, slowly, face oddly upset as he stares down at me. My glare softens, a habit of seeing another human-being in pain. It seemed odd that my reflex was kicking in towards this thug who had gladly kicked my side to bits, and smashed my face into the dirt. Why couldn't I revel in someone's suffering just once? Why was it only the bad people that got those moments of gratification? Lucky bastards.

"I apologise for my behaviour towards you."

"What…?" I half-laugh, looking round for the punchline. But he just nods his head solemnly, and perhaps in shame? Again I squeeze my arm, but I still remain in the waking world. This was getting very weird, very fast. I nod back, and seek out some words, but my tongue just lies there, as baffled as myself.

"I was misled as to what your reputation was for, I only learned when Hanji mentioned it, that you had in fact been doing technically 'good' deeds. And I now find myself ashamed of not acting upon this sooner,"

"Why so now?" I snort, raising a brow in suspicion. Was this some new tactic from Erwin? Get me and Sniffer close to keep an eye on me? I was from the underground, but that didn't make me blind like a mole. This was obviously bullshit. Right? But as he sees my suspicion his face becomes more pained, if only slightly, and he pinches the bridge of his impressive nose. I don't like it, but I begin to feel convinced.

"You have no reason to trust what I say, I can only prove my sincerity through time, of course. However… I felt I needed to voice this in order to… to avoid you feeling so backed into a corner."

"So you're pitying me? Well don't bother I—"

"You think I pity _you?_ " he snaps, eyes a little wide as he looms over me. "No, I pity the idiots, among whom I used to be, that still assume you're just a street rat. But I can see now you're just… you just want your freedom, and you've been hoodwinked into this regiment. And I pity those that end up pushing you to actually enacting what you threatened earlier…" he sighs, leaning against the nearby fence and looking towards the HQ, still seeming upset as the sun sinks behind the treeline.

I'm never easily fooled, but I don't know this guy very well. For all I know he was a damned good actor, and he was playing on my nerves. It could all be bullshit. Then again, he has already stated he knows it'll take time for me to trust him. One more ally couldn't hurt. Especially one so close to Erwin; and extra-especially one now potentially pissed off with the Eyebrowed Bastard.

"What did Erwin tell you I'd done to merit such a rep?" I remain in the middle of the track, but I don't look with malice any more. He pauses and clears his throat, lips pursed into a thin white line. He clearly doesn't want to repeat it. But he can clearly see I'll just wait till he does.

"He said you were an emotionless killer for hire, if the money was right, you'd kill your own mother. His words, not mine."

"What a dumbass." I snigger, shaking my head, he frowns at me and I bend over a bit as laughter takes a firm grip on me. "And if you're wondering who I mean? I mean both of you."

"Guess I deserve that… I thought that was why you had never given us, or even used, a last name. That perhaps Erwin had meant it a little more literally than I thought, that you had in fact killed your family for money."

"What an imagination." I begin to walk over to him and see that he's gritting his teeth.

"I really am sorry, for… shit… for everything. I never would have… I'm a damn fool."

"No arguments here Sniffer." I laugh, nudging his foot with mine. He looks at me and continues to frown, I shrug my shoulders at him, allowing my smile to remain in place. "I still reckon this is some stupid ploy from Erwin, the man who thinks he's Commander well before his time… but for now I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

"Why?"

"Believe it or not, I prefer not having to hate people." I yawn, stretching out my aching body. "Don't get me wrong, the second I find out this is some stupid ploy? I'll fuck you up in a second, but I'd rather be able to give you a smile in the corridor than glare you down into your grave. Much less troublesome this way."

"You're an odd woman, Katsumi." He smirks and I just raise my brow and shake my head at him, once again folding my arms. The man was a fool if he didn't think all women were playing some kind of game.

"I'm really not Mikey boy. I'm just protective of those I care about. Once my trust and affection is earned? I'll defend a person with everything I have."

"Why?"

"Because that kind of connection is so damned rare in this messed up, dark, and deranged world? It's something you have to protect."

"But why protect Levi so much? He seems perfectly capable of protecting himself."

"Not so fast Sniffer." I laugh, beginning to meander back to HQ, with him following, soon by my side as he watches me smirk. "I don't care if you know I'm protective, any idiot can see that. But I ain't about to explain my motivations fully, otherwise that suspected ploy of Eyebrow Man's will have worked all too easy."

"I suppose trust is something I'll have to earn over a long time…"

"Oh deary me yes, you have no fucking clue. But who knows Sniffer, you might get there."

I welcome the distraction of a general conversation as we walk. We chat about what training I still had to do, and how he had done in the early stages. Despite having not voiced my motivation for protecting Levi, I knew the answer right off the bat. I owed him too much to not do so. The list of reasons went on for years, and with each I thought of, my shoulders got a little heavier. I didn't know how much Time was on my side, or was against me, being so blind to my situation wasn't normal for me. Or comfortable.

When we entered the mess-hall we part ways, he gives a small nod instead of a bow this time, thankfully. Though as I go and sit with Isabel and Farlan, I see Erwin watching Mike collect his food, and the man in charge does not seem pleased. Either he was a good little actor himself, or he was genuinely confused as to why his guard dog had just fraternised with the enemy. What a bad pooch. It is a little sad to consider I'll probably have been executed by the time he would earn my trust, poor bastard.

Soon Levi joins the table, tea in hand as he sits and listens to Isabel gush about the potential I'd shown on the gear. He occasionally looks my way, but it's a weird look and not one I know. It's almost like he's angry, but confused about feeling that way. As long as I had known Levi he had always been firm on when he felt such things, and why. So what had I done now, to cloud that judgement? I needed him sharp, dammit, or else I'd never get him through this shit-show. He doesn't speak much, only answering direct questions. But I try and ignore him, focusing on the conversation with the other two. But all the while, all the way through our meal, I feel that cold confused gaze flickering my way and lingering a little longer each time. It had been only a day since he confessed to missing our little chats, perhaps he was annoyed he had confessed that? I sigh as I finish my meal, nah, he wouldn't give two craps about that. He didn't bother much with regret.

Whatever it was, it'd surface soon, as he was never good at withholding stuff from me.

The sun is fully set by the time we all head for our bunks, and finally Isabel's twittering dies down to little mumbles as we enter the dorm. A few glances are thrown our way, but I see the fruits of my labour from my interaction with Mousey. The eyes look, but the expressions remain carefully blank. A couple even smile, or wave. I nod back, not seeing the point in being hostile if they were willing to keep up their end of the bargain. Isabel has no clue why their attitudes have changed, but she definitely seems happier as we get to our bunks and say goodnight.

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 **See you all next time!**

 **Trisana: I am constantly thinking in metaphors, some work out really well, some have me stood wondering why my brain decided to go down such an odd path. The perils of being an English Graduate!**

 **Freyja: Thank you SO MUCH for your praise, I only hope the story continues to please! Oh the tension, i love writing tension! I am so glad you're enjoying it, and again, thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad people are enjoying it!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Yay correct chapter upload first time! Thank you to whomever the Guest was that pointed out my mishap last time *facepalm*...**

 **Thank you for reading, please leave a fav, follow or review; all are highly appreciated!**

 **This is a shorter Chapter, to keep things rolling, and to get onto some real action soon.**

 **As well as the fact I may take a little longer with the next update as I'm doing a MAJOR re-haul of one of my other stories, Chained Wings. Hopefully it'll be done fairly quickly, and I can update in the usual window of 5-7 days. BUT. I wanted to put up this wee warning, in case that didn't happen.**

 **I hope you enjoy, prepare for some feels.**

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Apparently sleep isn't a luxury I'm allowed tonight. A hand prods my shoulder, and I sit upright, defensive position ready, small blade from under my pillow drawn. Years alone in the Underground had trained me to sleep lightly, but I think even this surprised my disturber. There's a surprised huff and a few retreating steps. My eyes adjust to the dark, I see Levi stood with his hands outstretched and a bored look on his face. That stupid prick. I groan as I realise he's decided to voice his tantrum now. He had the worst timing. Didn't he know I'd had a trying day of intimidating people on his behalf? He waits as I put the blade back under my pillow, grab my coat and get up to follow him out. Whatever it was, it clearly couldn't wait. He was calm, but his hands were clenched into fists. Something was brewing behind those grey eyes.

He leads me up and out onto the roof, I guess he thinks it's the safest place to talk openly. I don't mind being out under the stars, despite that niggling fear, but really it's just cold. He paces a little, and I stand rubbing my arms, patiently waiting for the rant to begin. What the hell had I done now? I was looking after Isabel, and generally stayed out from under his feet. Don't tell me he's getting withdrawal symptoms from my wonderful metaphors.

"Just what the hell are you playing at?" he finally snaps, stopping in front of me and glaring fiercely. I stare at him, and try to deduce what he was prattling on about. Surely my little outburst with Mousey hadn't reached his ears that quickly? He was in a funk during Dinner, that seemed ridiculously quick for him to have heard. Unless my assumption about Isabel had been correct, and she'd mentioned me talking with Mike to Levi. As he grits his teeth, I guess I was right after all.

"Care to elaborate Levi?" I yawn, rubbing my eye. Suddenly he grabs my wrist, and holds tight, I hiss against the pain but he doesn't let up. I meet his fiery gaze, and notice the lack of reason there. What the hell had gotten into him? Even if he had heard, this seemed like an overreaction.

"What the hell Levi… gah… let me go!"

"First you make a damned stupid threat against the _entire_ regiment, and _then_ you cosy up to that damn sniffer dog. Just what game are you playing?"

"The threat was real enough." I snap back at him, and he growls lowly.

"I don't need _your_ protection. And _I_ can protect the other two. Just when did you start considering yourself my mother?"

"Never have, never will." I reply curtly, setting my mask in place as I try and dance around the Erwin shaped Elephant currently sitting on the roof with us. That conjured quite the image. An elephant with those eyebrows… wow. Hang on… what's an elephant again?

"Then why?" his jaw is taught and it feels like he's trying to break my arm. But I just glare back at him, all the while trying to break out of his possessive grip.

"Because I was sick of the stupid looks, thought I might scare the damn kids into some sense. They're being prats, you know it, I know it, and so I did something about it."

"And got yourself a hefty load of attention. We don't need that kind of attention."

"We? I didn't think you considered me in the 'we' collective."

"Don't be petty."

"Why is it you don't want the attention then?" I snap, then instantly regret it as I realise, that's not dancing around the elephant, that's bloody mounting it. He growls, and finally releases my wrist. I rub it but make no other move, he was clearly in a rage, and would easily lash out. It seemed his temper had calmed to all but me. Good to know I was special.

"How did you get such a reputation?" suddenly he's quiet, speaking barely above a whisper as he glares at the ground.

I decide to ignore his dodging of the question, as it actually helps me out of my verbal blunder. So instead I just sigh, and sit down on the wall, ignoring his flexing hand towards me. Bugger his temper, if this was where he was going now. It was too late for this shit.

"Answer me, brat."

"I got my reputation for exactly that reason."

"What reason? That I call you brat? I call every—"

"You call all the people you protect that, yeah? Well, when I suddenly branched out on my own, it didn't exactly make me a formidable opponent."

"Excuse me?" He marches over, and stands in front of me, probably enjoying the opportunity to loom. I lean back casually, hanging my head back as he demands this pointless tale. It didn't matter how I got the reputation, he hadn't known about it much in the Underground because no one wanted to speak to him about me. They were scared of his reaction, so I stayed a dirty little secret. Obviously he had never inquired after me, in all that time, so it seemed stupid to want answers now. I sigh, much to his annoyance, and look without patience at his pouting little face.

"I had to get a big reputation before those bastards tore me apart."

He almost says something, but the retort seems to die in his throat. He knew this was true. With Levi I was protected, that had been the damn source to all the trouble in the first place. But after leaving, and freeing him from that trouble, I had to counteract my sudden lack of formidable partner. The hungry looks I got from those weasels; I was a sitting duck. So I let myself use the anger I felt for myself, the hatred for what that hell we lived in had done to us. I used it all, and forged a reputation of my own. It didn't take long before my name was carved in bloodied stone.

I finally get the courage to look at him, and he's looking at me with something dangerously close to pity. I grit my teeth. My pride wasn't about to let that subject be lingered on. Not a damned chance.

"Why so curious now? Annoyed that people are as scared of me, as they are of you? Hurting your ego is it?"

"I just want to know, who the hell you are."

"So now I'm some monster you don't know? How fucking convenient. Look Levi, either you missed me, or you distrust me."

"It can easily be both." He snarls, a light pink dusting across his cheeks now. I click my tongue and shake my head at his stupidity, my eyes are getting warm. My emotions begin to bubble beyond my control, but I fight it.

"I left to save you from yourself, you know this, we've talked about this. My dark deeds since then are of little consequence."

"Fucking hypocrite." He barks, slapping me round the face. I shoot him a look, not flinching away from the piercing pain now spreading across my face. He looks, for a small moment, like he regrets having done that. But right now I'm too pissed to take that into account; I lunge forward, block his counter-attacks easily, and pin him to the floor. He struggles, as always, but I just squeeze his ribs with my legs till he yields and stays put. I taught him how to fight, and I could still take him down without issue. He stares up blankly, eyes occasionally flickering to the blossoming bruise on my cheek.

"I'm not a hypocrite."

"Bullshit. You claim you left because I was turning into a psycho, because I was too violent in protecting you. But as soon as you left, it seems like you went and did that yourself." He looks me up and down, and shakes his head almost in disgust. It stings but I keep most of it at bay. "The way those Cadets look at you, _the_ Katsumi. Claws of the Underground. You turned into a fucking animal. Who are you, to judge me?"

"I just let myself return to what I was always mean to be. You on the other hand were never meant to be a bloodthirsty monster. That's the difference, you foolish man."

"What? Why not? What makes you allowed to spill blood, and not me?" he mutters, staring at me coldly. I grunt and sit up, keeping him in place with my weight, and legs, but holding his gaze all the while. The cold wind whirls round us, moaning as it does so. It seems we left the top off the bottle, and the vapours of the past were gradually escaping now. He waits, and I suck a bitter breath between my teeth. Keep it together woman.

"You were never meant to be so cruel… but I was born into hell Levi, it is in my fucking blood."

"Just because I was born on the surface makes me exempt?" he snorts in disregard of my words, I tighten my legs and he gasps, but keeps going with a cold snarl. "So Isabel and Farlan are evil as well?"

"No, they met you early enough to avoid that."

"And you didn't?!"

"I did, but I ruined it." I say, a crack appearing as my eyes prickle and my damn lips wobble. His expression softens a little, but I just hold him down tighter. "I became a fucking burden, and made you do things you were never meant to."

I slam my hands down, either side of his head.

The tears brim my tired eyes as I relive the agonising truth about my damned soul.

"When we met, when we were kids… you showed me what kindness was. _Dammit Levi_ … I never even knew what it was before then. That's why I can't let you turn bad, you were the reason I even got a _chance_ at being a decent human."

"Katsumi…"

"You asshole…" I sob, letting myself crumble slightly onto his chest. "I love you too damn much to let you fuck it up now. Though don't go getting cocky with that sentiment."

"Never could, you crazy bitch." His arms wind round me and he runs a hand through my hair. "You never had to repay me for anything, and yet you've already done so a thousand times over. Stop punishing yourself, you beautiful idiot. Stop denying the fact I can be a prick."

"Oh, I'm not." I mumble, and he chuckles a little, laying an oddly affectionate kiss against the top of my head. The world is whirling around me, and I cling to him, trying to steady myself. "But I can't let you…"

"Let me what? I know I'm a prick…"

"I can't let you ruin this. You got out. You can't throw that away because of… shit…"

"How am I supposedly about to fuck this up?" his arms tense a little, as he suspects me having found out about his plan to kill Erwin. I can practically hear the realisation going through his head. I grip his shirt, and hold him still when he makes a move to get up.

The elephant is dancing.

"By giving… by giving into that same bloodlust I tried to save you from." I mumble, body shivering as I desperately try, and decide whether or not to fully divulge my plan. Would this all send him off the edge, to Erwin's office right now to do it? No, they had other things to do first. That was what Farlan had been planning; Erwin's death wasn't a viable option to them till after whatever that was, right? Well whatever this damned plan was, I knew it would only end badly. I had time. Perhaps I could let Levi know, perhaps he would tell me what this was all about at long last. Maybe?

"And _how_ won't you let me do it?"

I hold my breath, and wait for the coin in my head to fall. It lands on heads; a big fat golden head with ridiculously large eyebrows. I had to tell him. Levi wouldn't let this go till he had his answer. And he was almost as good at reading me, as I was at reading him.

"I'll kill him for you." I breathe, the weight only slightly leaving my heart as I confess my knowledge. Again he tries to move, but I just slam him against the stonework, and rest my forehead against his chest. It was so much easier fixing things from afar. Up close things got so damn messy. He's breathing deeply, and again the whirring of his mind is clear for me to hear. I slowly look up, and meet his determined gaze.

Nope, he isn't happy is he?

"What're you talking about, brat?"

" _Please_ , I know you hate him but…"

"Kat—"

"No Levi!" I yell at him, hitting his chest with my fist. "Just let me do it. Don't throw your life away for the sake of a pitiful revenge plot. Don't be so stupid with your life, you're too important for that crap!"

"How the fuck do you know…"

"It doesn't matter. Just let me do it for you."

"No." he growls, and I slam him against the floor again, baring my teeth at him as more tears fall. "Cut it out, brat. I'm the one who'll kill him. It's already decided."

"No, let me."

"Why?! You've sullied your name enough!"

"Exactly, it makes no difference now. But I can still save you."

"You've pinned a lot of hope, on the wrong person." He mutters, still furious as he tries to shift me. "I didn't think you were this damned stupid, I guess I was wrong yet again. Get off me, brat. This is my task, not yours."

"No!"

"You don't get to swan back into my life after ten years and order me around. That isn't how this works—"

"Levi…" I groan, putting my forehead to his and staring into his eyes doggedly.

"Spit it out, and get off me."

"It doesn't matter if you do it yourself or not, either way I'll be blamed. Just don't put more blood on your hands. Please." I sigh, closing my watering eyes as my composure is lost to this big open world. Without closed in walls, and a suffocating ceiling, I didn't know how to keep this shit contained. This was scaring the hell out of me, and all I could do was feel anger. It was ripping me apart.

He's very still all of a sudden, and I look into his broiling eyes.

"What do you mean? How can you be blamed either way?" it was the first time I'd heard fear in his voice for many a moon. But it was there. His eyes shone a little; he knew my bluffs, and he knew this wasn't one of them. I smile half-heartedly and sit up a little, our faces still only an inch or two apart.

"With those threats of mine going round the compound, it'll be easy to convince them it was all my doing." I snigger tiredly, and I feel him begin to shake with rage. "It wasn't even my original intent but… haha, it's completely true. And you know it."

I fall to the side, exhaustedly chuckling as more tears fall down my face. Perhaps I'd alreadt succeeded. Even if he did put more blood on his hands, he'd be able to live to clean it off. Either way it should be me that's brought down in flames. A little more weight flies from my heart. The burden of ten years wringing me out like an old rag. He gets onto his knees, and angrily pounds the rooftop with his fist. Pointless really.

"Why didn't you just stay gone?" he hisses, and I feel it sting me deeply, too deeply. I just sob again, and wipe my eyes pathetically, still half laughing as I gasp at the cold air. "Why didn't you just stay where I couldn't hurt you anymore…"

"I guess fate fancied giving us another go." I say as my stupid sobbing finally dies down, and I wipe away the last of my tears.

My whole body aches as the world is laid bare before us. He knows my intent, and my knowledge of his. He looks up at me, and huffs, shaking his head. I sniff a little and smile softly.

"We're stuck together Levi. And for now, I will do all I can to keep you from poisoning yourself." I look at the insignia on his jacket, and laugh quietly.

"What're you laughing about?"

"You always wanted to fly right? Well you got your wings, and now all we have to do is stay on our respective sides."

I stand over him, and as he straightens up, I grab his jacket collar and tug him will we're a breath apart. His eyes wander to my lips before snapping back to meet my gaze, a confused frown on that beautiful face of his.

"I'll do it. I'll be the dark wing for you, so you can stay in the light. Just keep climbing all right? Keep flying away from that hell hole, and stay where you were always meant to be." I shove him away, and walk back towards the door.

"Just live your own damned life, Kat." He pleads, voice cracking a little. Damn, I was really getting to him. Whatever happened to me being a traitor? Whatever happened to his hardened heart? I smile, perhaps I really had managed to save him. I stop just short of the door way, whole body shuddering now.

"I tried doing that, Levi. I really did. For ten, long, cold, years…"

"But?"

"As soon as I saw you again? I was made fully aware of how pointless those ten years were." I suck it up, and shake off the fresh tears, "So just stay out of my way, and let me do this. Let me make up for all I've done wrong."

"Against me, or the world?" he asks, a little closer now. I swallow hard, and look over my shoulder at him, a small smile tugging on my lips as a tear escapes my eye.

"You, obviously, you prat. I don't give a damn about the world."

"Would it make any difference if I said I forgive you?"

"No," I laugh, turning and walking over to him, placing my hands on his chest and kissing his cheek softly. "Because I know you're lying."

* * *

 **Dem feels tho... unless you didn't feel them... then... Dem Dramatics tho...**

 **Anyway! Hopefully see you all sooner, rather than later, but as I said, it may well be done within the usual 5-7 days anyway!**

 **Hope this will suffice for now, thanks for reading! If you're really impatient, there's always my other works... just saying...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for your patience! Again, might be a bit shorter, but things are rather busy for me at present, so I'm doing what I can. Chained Wings will also be updated soon. Hope you enjoy!**

 **Also: Frejya, thank you so much for your review, I'm glad you're enjoying the LevixKatsumi moments!**

 **And "Your 1 Fan" (little harsh btw, unless it was meant to be number 1? lol) I apologise for the OD of feels :P but I can't help it, Katsumi so emotional ya know?**

* * *

Blood drips form my blade. It leaks over the last shreds of my trousers, and pools across the stone floor. Steam rises from the hot liquid as it slides over the icy ground, and I shiver against nothing by the cold. The dead eyes stare up at me, demanding answers, but I feel nothing. I never did. The stilling of another human heart made me neither flinch, nor repent. I had been born into the shadows, and in the shadows I remained; trapped like the rat I was. I was only eleven years old, and yet I knew full well the weight of hell. It was where I lived, it had been where I was born, and it would be where I died. It would also be where I endured eternity. My father and mother, whoever they were, had clearly seen the evil in me. They dropped and ran.

On the wretches clothing I clean my blade, and sheath it in the make-shift leather pouch. Bedding it till another day. Or simply till another victim came my way. Whichever occurred first; it mattered little. I hiss as the pain in my side gets worse. The wound was deep, deeper than most. It was a decent blade he'd had, serrated at the edges with a fine bone handle. And it was mine now, safely stowed in my pouch till I can sell it, or decide to keep it for myself.

Shit.

I fall to my knees as the world swims. No. Not like this, not next to a mere victim. I was better than that at least. I was a hunter, not the prey. Wasn't I?

"You've made quite a mess, huh?" I spin at the voice, not recognising it. Voices never spoke to me; they yelled, they cursed, and they hissed. But none spoke. That would make me worth talking to. The figure stands at the end of the alley; about my height, and judging from that, about my age. I grip the blade tighter.

"Someone you knew I suppose?" I spit, readying to a new fight. There's a nonchalant shrug from the figure, and they push off the wall, shaking their head.

"No."

"Then why bother me? Stay back, I'll cut you down."

"Just wondered if you wanted to move away from my door. That's all." It sounds so bored with me already. I look around, confused by his words, but there's not door, just a small cubby hole. Oh. He's a street-rat, like me. I knew well, the territorial attitudes of my fellow urchins. We didn't play well together. I back away, keeping my blade held high as he matches my retreating shuffles, with approaching steps. "You can't get up huh?"

"I can…" I haul myself to my feet, swaying slightly, but I just grit my teeth and focus. I think I hear him laugh. How dare he? "I can s-still take you. S-stay back!" I hiss, shuffling back till another pang of pain crumples me, and I fall into the muck. Of all the ways, I thought this would end, this was far more pathetic than I'd ever imagined. Even at my lowest. As my world turns black I see him walk over to me, still silhouetted against a nearby streetlamp he seems swathed in light.

Who was this?

Who was going to kill me?

I at least wanted to know that.

"J-just tell me your n-name…"

"Why would that matter?" he says without emotion, closing in all the while. I flip the blade in my nimble fingers, and hold it handle side up to him. He pauses. "What are you doing? You want to die?"

"I figure I might as well die by my own blade, it's only me to blame for my death. And I want… y-your name… b-because I want to know who k-killed me." I'm slurring now, I know this but my pride sidles off out of sight. It can't be bothered with me anymore. The blade is taken from me, and I think he kneels by my head, holding the steel to my throat. It's cold. Why was hell always so cold?

"What does a name change?"

"Means I know who t-to look out f-for… n-next t-time …" and as my world fades to black, I see a flash of silver.

Little did I know that was when my life would begin, instead of end.

I sit bolt upright in the small bunk-bed. I hadn't had that dream for a long time. It wasn't a memory I minded revisiting; sure it had a bit of gore to it, but really it was the day he saved me. So why had I dreamt about it? I usually dreamt of memories I'd repressed. Not cherished.

I stare down at my adult hands, slim and pale. I remember how it felt to hold that blade, and cut short so many lives; I had been a demon. But an efficient one. How had he done it? Why had he done it? Taken such a broken little monster, and kept her by his side. I guess it started off as curiosity, and the fact he knew I'd be useful in a fight… but then? I scrape my hair back from my sweating face. At what point had our alliance become more than that? Even now, in 20/20 hindsight, with all that I'd learned over the years; his tells, his mannerisms, I still didn't know.

My legs wobble as I head for the showers, breathing still ragged as the past clings to my conscious mind.

The hot water runs down my back, and I sigh into the new day. I had been worried about forcing Levi's hand, and making him jump to kill Erwin. But I'd avoided that with my threats. I smile up into the torrent of water, and lather the soap in my hair. Somehow the mess was clearing, slipping away into a straight line. Which lead directly to an unmarked grave, beneath which would linger the rotting bones of Erwin Smith. Again I sigh. Next to it would be mine in all likeliness, but then again, walking in the free world would be Levi, Isabel and Farlan; I could certainly live with that. Live… that might not be the best word.

"Amazing how pleasing some hot water can be." Murmurs the unwelcome voice of Erwin Smith, and I sink my nails into the soap bar. Teeth clamped together; my dream flashing before my eyes in sickening detail. In that random man's place, now lies Erwin, beneath me as I free my friends form his games. The blood darkens; sullied by lies and scheming. The dead eyes turn blue; and they roll back slowly, bloodshot as I stab again, and again, dark flames of my old soul rising higher. My blade thirsts for more, and I breathe in through my teeth harshly. I rip out his blonde hair, I scratch at his chiselled face, I stab till he's nothing more than pulp.

And now I gag.

What the hell was I letting myself think?

I sink to my knees, and watch the water swirl round the plughole. All I had to do was end his life, I didn't need to make it so bloody. A simple slit of the throat. That was all. And yet I feel it burn, deep within me, the claws are aching for blood. And it doesn't even make sense. Sure, he had torn us out of our home; but it was a home we had all three, desperately sought escape from. Sure he had duped us into service, but what else would we have done on the surface but starved, and been refused a paying wage. He was making us deal with the danger of the world, and fight his crusade; but ultimately it was a golden ticket to the real surface world. Those huge plains that both terrified me, and enthralled me. So why did I thirst for his blood like a mangy dog at a bone?

"Cadet? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine Erwin, leave me be."

"Katsumi… I hadn't realised it was you. Apologies." And silence retakes the room, a gentle hiss of water being the only thing to break it. It was infuriating; one moment he was a smarmy bastard, well aware of his power over us. And the next? He was polite, reserved, and respectful. Just which way was the truth of it?

"No need to apologise, just… just leave me be." I breathe, shaking my head as I try and dispel the dark flames as they scorch my heart.

This man.

This _thing_ I had grown to hate so much; and yet I didn't understand why. And then the images flashes before my eyes; Erwin ordering Mike to throw Levi in the mud, toying with all of us, parading us around the compound. But even then; it was all to help in his fight.

Suddenly I see why he's done all this.

I tangle my hands in my soaking hair, fighting the urge to scream at myself. Why was I understanding this now? Why not take the opportunity, go into that cubicle, grab the shower curtain, and strangle him. Hold his face down till nothing but gurgled chokes interrupt the gentle hissing of water.

Why not?

I let go of my head as my skull fizzes with pain at my grip. My hands shake in front of me. The claws were cracked, and broken. I wasn't the untamed beast I had been as a child, nor was I the woman capable of love, and compassion I had been with Levi, and suddenly the Claws of the Underground seems a far off concept too.

Who the hell am I?

"Katsumi, may I speak plainly?"

"Stood in a shower cubicle with only a thin partition between us? Why the hell not Erwin. Go right ahead." I say, gripping my hair, again and focusing on the pain. What am I meant to do? What the hell was the right choice? I had to help them; I had to keep Isabel, and even Farlan, up here on the surface where they belonged. I had to save Levi from himself. I had to repay all the wrongs I'd done him. I had to… I grip tighter, I had to get a damned hold of myself. This wasn't me; I wasn't a confused little woman, sobbing into her lack of understanding. I was Katsumi, I stood tall, helping the weaklings beneath me. Wasn't I?

"With the mission coming soon, once you have gone through assessment for your hand-to-hand, most likely… I would ask that you refrain from your plans till then."

I freeze, choking a little. The straight line that I'd managed to create, suddenly seemed to be tangling. It was messed up knot of a tangle, and I stare at it, blank and breathing deeply. What plans did he already know of? How the hell could he know anything?

"Please understand me, I do not intend to fight you."

The choking continues. How did he know? What did he know?

"What the hell Erwin? What're you talking about, you damn sadist." I pant, standing up shakily, and leaning against the wall. I hear a sigh, and hold my breath for his answer.

"I simply ask that you wait. Postpone killing me, till after we have at least left for the mission."

"K-Kill you?"

"Please, do not muddy this with pointless lies. You waiting, it is vital to the continuation of my new formation, and for the regiment as a whole. And by extension, humanity."

My heart lurches. What the hell was happening? I steady myself on the walls, and listen to the water, wondering if I'm simply in my bed, still dreaming. This made no sense. Why allow yourself to be murdered? Why confront your damn murderers? All for the sake of Humanity. No one was that damned principled. I look at my shaking hands, and swallow hard. Except maybe Levi? Or… myself…

"I-I… I—"

"Admit to nothing, simply consider my request."

"Why?" I say through gritted teeth, trying to deduce his game as he throws the dice. How would this benefit him? Why not just withhold the information, and have me killed on the quiet instead? Even now, as he discusses me killing him, I feel like I'm the one at a disadvantage.

"I have already explained that. I looked into your request for sending a letter, and found your story to be true… it occurred to me, that whilst you are known as a bloodthirsty maniac… you are known as such for fundamentally noble reasons."

"Don't flatter me right now, or I will vomit." I didn't want his flattery, it wouldn't help him, I could still do it. I could still end him, no matter how many compliments he spewed out. My compassion, my ability to love; that was something reserved for those I deemed worthy of it. Worthy of loving, and worthy of protecting. I had thus far, not seen Erwin as worthy, I had seen him as nothing beyond contemptable. And yet now, that resolve shakes. Damn him.

"I do not intend to flatter. Simply explain why I would even hope that you might do as I ask. The compassion you show that woman in helping her vision for those children, for the good it has done, it led me to hope you might show that same compassion to the children we could help protect through the regiments work."

I lay my head against the tiling; the damned faces staring at me, young and innocent as they remained shrouded in darkness. But not consumed by it. The day I shook hands with Chia, was the day I clung to the last shred of light left in me. Left by Levi. I clutch at my chest, feeling like my heart might just try, and fully abandon this sinking ship. I'd supposedly saved her, and those children, a new face brought into the orphanage almost every day… but really? Really they'd saved me. And this clever bastard had figured that out. Somehow.

"Playing on my weakness… nice move, Goldie."

"It isn't a move Katsumi, simply a calculated plea."

"You doubt your ability to defeat me, that much?"

"I know that once the Claws of the Underground has you in her sights, escape is never likely. I only want to help Humanity, it's been my sole goal for a long time. Though I understand I have done wrong, in order to do that."

"You know, and yet you continue to do it…" I mumble, looking at my own hands as this applies to their deeds to. A silence ticks by, and scrape my hair back. This conversation was running along a knife edge, my nerves sung all the while.

"As you yourself do. I'm not entirely sure Levi is deserving of such devotion, but it's clear that it is there. By killing those criminals, you gained justice for the many. By spreading that rumour of your rage, you avoid him condemning himself. By killing me, you ensure their remaining upon the surface. It's only logical."

"It's just business."

"I like to think of it as a little more personal… if you don't mind."

"Think what you wish." I say between teeth, irritated by his continued attempts at charm. When asking someone to kill you, and at a specified time, it seemed a little annoying to try and be suave to them. Like demanding someone leave a room, whilst shackling them to the wall. Bastard. I take a deep breath, and make my choice. "I'll grant your wish. But on one condition."

"And that would be?"

"Ensure they are not falsely accused. You have to absolutely guarantee that they won't be blamed, as accomplices or anything. Absolutely innocent. Do that, and I'll grant your wish. I'll stay my blade until we have gotten well into our mission. And only then will I kill you. But if I even _think_ they could be given a _moment_ of blame? I will make you suffer for days. Do I make myself clear?"

"Absolutely."

"I will need that guarantee _before_ that mission. Understood?"

"Completely."

And with that, the deal is done. Our fates are sealed, and I feel my confusion clear. I could not let myself feel doubt again. The line was drawn; straight as can be. I cannot allow my foolish self to doubt this. And cloud the issue.

I stand, numb all over after my mindful turmoil. This morning was already too dramatic, and I hadn't even nauseated at my breakfast yet. I tug a towel from the wrack, and fold it round my solid body. Not a tremor runs through me now. The future was set. And Levi would be furious. But I wouldn't tell him this; I already regretted informing him, that I knew of his plans. And I knew I would further regret showing him the deal I had made. The hypocrite that he was, he would judge my deal as one with the devil. I walk along the corridor, barely seeing a thing as I contemplate how I'll do it. Clean, or messy? The calm in me satiates the dark flames, and I feel no thirst. Perhaps I would make it painless for the little saintly bastard.

Why did he need the extra time?

What could he be doing?

Did it have anything to do with why Farlan had asked for more time for his plan?

Was any of it connected?

The line was straight; but it seemed riddled with holes.

"You okay there, Kitty Kat? You look a little sad there." I suddenly stop as a pair of bright, beautiful green eyes block my path, auburn hair messily falling across them, as a gloriously curious look washes over me. I meet her gaze, and smile, well aware that those eyes would gaze upon the blue sky for the remainder of their days.

This little bird would be free.

She steps back, letting go of my arms as she grows cautious of me. My smile broadens. As if I could hurt you, one of the three people left in this world that I don't think I could kill. No matter how high the dark flames climbed. You are my exception kid, you're a flicker of light.

"Not sad, kid. Quite calm really… the world is finally starting to make sense again. Even out here, with all this unruly space." I chuckle, kissing her forehead and ruffling her hair. Her fear grows. "I'll see you at breakfast."

"Why didn't it make sense before?" she asks, eyes clouding in fret.

"Don't worry kid, I'm just being a daft woman. Get yourself ready, its hand-to-hand today, and I have lots to teach you. Time's running out you know."

"Why's time running out?"

"I don't think it'll be long till our first real mission, kid. I want you ready." I pat her head, and walk towards the dorms, well aware that she is still watching me go. I knew she'd be upset, perhaps a little heartbroken, once this was all over. But she had the world to see. I'd become nothing more than an old, bitter memory. I'd fade. Just like a shadow was meant to.

* * *

It's a chilled morning as I stretch my arms, and legs. The ring is small, as it's only for training. But still, there would be room to teach some lessons. I smile widely as Farlan enters, looking a little sheepish before noticing I'm watching, and smoothing out his expression. He had some pride. I relax as he rolls up his sleeves, and Isabel takes up a seat on the edge of the ring. Levi is elsewhere, presumably doing more gear training, showing those chumps what he could do. I wonder if he holds the Titan blades backwards... I also wonder if he refused this training because he saw it as pointless, or because he wished to avoid seeing me. Our late-night liaison had left him bruised. I had him beat into a corner, and it would take time for his egotism to heal. I just hoped not too much time. We were running out of it.

"So how come it's you, and not the Kid facing me first? I thought you'd want to test yourself against Kitty Kat, Isabel?" I laugh over to her, and she blushes a little, shaking her head as she swings her legs.

"I do. But I wanna see Farlan get beat first! Will make it hurt less when you're beating me."

"Decent logic kid, I like it."

"Yeah well I don't!" huffs Farlan, shaking his head at us both. "Let's just get this over with all right? Just don't go, and break anything."

"No promises." I chuckle, entering a fighting stance, and beckoning him forward. Time to dance pretty boy. Let's go.

We circle each other, low and lean as his quick eyes watch my movements. He has decent reflexes, which I test as we dance about. I make him a little nervous, shifting my feet about misleadingly, positioning my fists forward then back. Fooling him into flinches, and unnecessary dodges. He seemed nervous. That makes my smile broaden.

"You seem a little apprehensive there, Farlan… something wrong?"

"Look I'm well aware you're a good fighter, and I'm no glutton for punishment."

"Yeah but you have to train, and in order to do that, you have to engage."

"Why poke a bear, I _know_ I can't beat?"

"A bear… not something I've been called often. But thanks all the same." I chuckle tilting my head with squinted eyes, he sighs and straightens up, thinking I'm not going to attack. I know you're blonde Farlan, but please, give yourself some credit. I swing down with my legs, and punch out to the side he automatically jumps to, as he leads with that leg. I crack him in the rib, and throw him into the dirt in the next instant. He stares up at the clouds, dazed as he contemplates his new view on the world.

"Okay there Farlan? Seems like the bear got you after all. Shame you never got the chance to give it a poke, eh?"

"Smart-ass."

"Sore loser." I laugh, holding out a hand to him. He takes it, a little flash going across his eyes as he readies himself, and attempts to wrench me from my feet. It's a decent move, and a good attempt at it. But all he does is enhance the force behind my head-butt. He lands once again, with mud around his ears. "Tsk, tsk, such unchivalrous behaviour from you Farlan, and here was me thinking you were a gentlemen."

"What gave you that idea?"

"Letting a lady go first, providing ample and generous opportunities for her to win. Practically giving me the victory. So lovely of you."

"No need to rub it in…" he grumbles, sitting up and brushing himself down. Somehow he could pout more than Levi, and that was impressive. I kneel down, and tap his chin so the sulking child will look at me. He does so, begrudgingly.

"Would you like me to show you where you went wrong?"

"I suppose… though don't throw me in the dirt again, woman. This stupid uniform is ridiculous to keep clean. Levi'll have a bitch fit if he sees this mess."

"You know, that just makes it _more_ tempting to do it."

I help him up, and we begin the dance again. I tell him where he leaves the openings, and I instruct him on how to hide them. As well as how to find the opponents openings. He's foolish enough to think I haven't any. But as I point out; an old injury to my right upper ribs, always made my favour it, leaving the other side, ever so slightly exposed. As soon as I mentioned it, his quick eyes zone in, and widen. Perhaps not understanding how he'd missed it. I explain that an opponent using obvious misdirection tactics, was either very tricky, or very keen to keep something hidden. Usually the latter.

Despite his prideful demeanour, he is willing to learn. He takes it all in, and soon he's almost a challenge to me. Almost. I keep my word though, and avoid sending him to the dirt, instead I cast him against the ring's fence. It gives him splinters; but no stains. Really it had to be one or the other, how else was he going to learn?

"Isabel get your scrawny ass in here." He says as he limps away, and shoves the girl over, she's grinning but it soon fades as she stands across from me. I do the teaching with her first, but ignore the protestations of the sandy-haired man. She was cute, he was less so. I didn't fancy hurting her, wasn't so bothered about bruising him up. It wasn't fair, but I never said I was.

"Why is it you know how to fight so well, Kitty Kat?" pants Isabel as she just manages to dodge my latest attack. The kid has amazing speed; she just needs to match it with some poise. I nudge her other foot, and she stumbles immediately. "It's plain inhuman!"

"I got a lot of good, harsh beatings when I was a kid. And I decided to learn from them. All my technique is old bruising. Simple as."

"I guess that means Levi was better at avoiding trouble, if you had to teach him." Laughs Farlan as he sits, a little gingerly, on the fencing. I smile at him and take a bow, twirling out of the way of Isabel's flailing punch. I grab her wrist, pull it up behind her, and only then come out of my bow with a sly wink. Farlan is gaping.

"Indeed he was, and I have never understood how. Guess some were born in the shadows, whilst others enjoy simply hiding in them when need be."

"How come you were born down there, but turned out so decent Kit Kat?" asks Isabel as I teach her a better blocking method; kid was leaving herself out there, exposed and vulnerable. It's only after I show her the proper way to stand, that her words hit me. And they strike hard. I lower my hands, and smile at her. Again her fear appears, and Farlan leans forward slightly as I smile lamely at them.

"Decency is very contextual. But thanks all the same, kid. Say… I know how _you_ wound up with Levi, but what about you Farlan?"

"If I start training again, can I dodge the question?" He replies looking away with a blush.

"If you can dodge three hits, sure."

He considers me, and the fact I've already told him all my tells, and agrees.

He was clever; but funnily enough still pretty stupid.

One.

Two.

Three.

He lands on his back, wheezing as dust circles round and lays into his hair. Isabel is rolling on the ground, howling in laughter. When he grits his teeth, readying himself to launch upwards, and into a fool hardy attack, I decide to avoid such an embarrassment, stopping it before it can begin. I kick him down, flip over on my hands, and pin him down. He struggles, but his arms are under my knees, and I'm thinking heavy thoughts. The bugger can barely wiggle.

"C'mon. Spill."

"I can't breathe, Kat!"

"If you can whine, you can breathe, now spill it mister!" I coo, pinching his nose and wiggling it. I used to do this with troublesome children in the Orphanage, to the ones that had given Chia too much cheek that week. Or had refused to clean their bedrooms.

"C'mon Farlan! How'd you end up with big Bro?!" giggles Isabel, though I'm sure she knows the answer. I sense embarrassment comes with this story, which only makes me pin him harder. He squeaks.

"You're sadistic, y'know that, woman!?"

"Now _that's_ something I've been called many times."

"Look, I saw him fight off a bunch of guys, wanted him to join my gang. It just went from there… especially when I lost my gang." he struggles, but again I tweak his nose. "Get off!"

"Not buying that for a second. There's more to it!" I laugh, and his blush deepens when he meets my eye. This makes me tilt my head, his heartbeat just increased. Why was he nervous? "What's with the big secret?"

"Look not everyone is a badass, like you… okay?"

"Never said they were, and I have never claimed to be that. Isabel is the one always claiming I'm one of those." I say, leaning down, and peering into his eyes, as though trying to read the answer written on the back of his skull. No such luck. His blush deepens, and I frown. "It can't be _that_ bad."

He looks to the side, dodging the question and my eyes. Or is he doing something else entirely? He's checking all around, like he's making sure a certain someone can't hear him. Levi is far across the compound; and even his hearing isn't that good. I look down at Farlan, who continues to turn his head as best he can. I snigger.

"You didn't try, and take Levi on did you? In some dumbass attempt to recruit him?"

"No, no, I didn't!" He wails, and I snort loudly, joining in with Isabel, whose howling only gets worse. She's heard this story. And it's still funny.

" _You_ tried to recruit _him?_ Oh… you sweet little thing…" I lean my head against his chest, and continue to giggle. I feel him judder, as he finds our laughter infectious. "You were in charge of a gang though, that's pretty impressive considering your age. Not too far off a badass after all." I chuckle, finally getting off him, and helping him up. He's still bright red, but is now looking at me, with lots of confusion.

"Why _wouldn't_ I try, and recruit him?"

"Because he _clearly_ enjoys being alone? Kind of puts up a big sign plastered across that shiny forehead of his." I go, and sit with Isabel on the fence, nudging her as her giggling finally dies down. She had pebbles stuck in her hair.

"Well you joined up with him."

"It was actually more of a case of… wrong place, right time, colliding forces. Just sort of… happened. So when did you see him?"

"I was out on a job with my group, and we saw him strolling along. Thought nothing of it at first but then…" he leans on the fence, and sighs at the memory, still baffled by it. "He took on five men, twice his size, and all by himself. I don't think he even broke a sweat. I was desperate to have him!"

"Kinda like Erwin eh? Everybody wants a bit of Levi… he's such a hussy."

"It isn't the same at all!" he huffs, outraged at my comparison. I smile, though inwardly note that Farlan is correct. Not entirely the same. Erwin wants Levi to help him, save humanity. Farlan probably wanted him, to help rob the merchant's blind. Slightly less honourable. Though the fact I had attached that word, the likes of Erwin Smith… it sort of made my blood chill.

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry. Your secret's safe with me, kid. Though after him handing you your ass… hold on… you said you lost your gang… that's what happened to your gang isn't it? You tried to take him on, 'persuade' him to join, and he sorted _all_ of you out. The wee buggers ran off, right?"

"I hate that you can read me that well."

"Sorry, love."

"Yeah… I guess he kinda took pity on me after that." He growls, but with a smirk. "Plus, I'd like to point out, I'm practically the same age as you. So less of the kid?"

"Pfft makes no difference." I chuckle shaking my head, and he smiles. "Though there's no way it was pity. Levi doesn't do that. He probably thought the way you went about trying to get him, was smart or something… whatever it was, he saw _something_ useful in you. So no, not pity."

"Thanks… Can I say something?"

"You've been managing it, this entire time, so I don't see why not. What's on your mind?"

"Don't tell Levi I said this but… seems like you should've been the one in charge."

"Excuse me? Don't go making me doubt your intelligence now, kid."

"Look, I can take Levi fairly well, but you just _decimated_ me."

I get off the fence and smirk at his good intentions, but scheming manner.

"You trying to start a fight?"

"No… but—"

"Let's just say, you're better than Isabel, Levi's better than you, and I'm better than Levi; but we're all better than these clowns. That's all we need to know out here." I wander round the ring, arms up and head hanging back. Light footsteps charge up to me, and Isabel gives me a grumpy shove.

"I can take Farlan!" she pouts, I smile and whisper into her ear, winking at Farlan as I do.

"Yeah I know kid, but he's a man, and they need their little ego's attended to."

Out of nowhere, the slightly squawking voice of Hanji starts laughing, before she snorts and slaps me hard on the back. I fight the urge to deck her.

"Finally! Someone else with a human brain!" she chortles, holding her stomach and soon enough Isabel has joined in. I shake my head at them, and notice Farlan sat scratching his head at the female species.

"Fancying a lesson Hanji? Or you think you can take Kitty Kat?" says Isabel, punching Hanji's shoulder, and waggling her eyebrows. The scientist holds up her hands, and retreats to the edge of the ring.

"I have basic hand-to-hand down, and against normal people I'm good. I'll stick to my books otherwise okay? Don't feel like gaining a concussion today, too much work to do!"

"Maybe tomorrow then?"

"Sure thing Claws, sure thing!"

* * *

 **See you next time, hopefully at a more regular interval, but if not, I apologise in advance, however be assured all stories will be updated as and when I can. Your patience, and continued support is all appreciated.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello Hello hello!**

 **So sorry it's been so long, still so busy, but I hope this is worth the wait! Although I would reiterate right now, that no matter how long its been, i WILL be updating. If for whatever reason, i DO decide to end this story, or any others, I'll put it on the description, or list it as completed etc. I know the pain of never knowing if a story will be updated or not, and will not leave you guys in the lurch like that.**

 **Anyway! On with the show!**

 **Disclaimer: Still don't own AOT, and obviously spoilers for OVA A Choice With No Regrets. Duh.**

* * *

The training feels like it'll never end, and I'm growing tired of it. This mission had to happen soon, or I really would lose my patience and simply go for the kill. Damn him and his charming words. Damn him and his plans. I was not a patient woman at the best of times, and this was quickly becoming the worst of times. But of course before all that, I had to get my confirmation. That had been our deal. Those three had to have completely assured innocence. I realise that with each passing day, I'm just giving him what he wants, but he should also be aware that he is only risking a terrible death. He knew my reputation, and so he should also know I have many a twisted method at my disposal. With each day he potentially double-crossed me, added another day of his suffering. I knew how to make death last.

Levi continues to avoid me, unable to look me in the face until he's figured out a way for me to get out of this. He won't though. He can't. I know that, and can't help but feel a little guilty for backing him into such a small corner. But it was all for his sake. That in itself makes me squirm, I was beginning to sound like Kenny. I shudder at the idea, but comfort myself with the fact I was _preventing_ him from doing bad things, instead of _encouraging_ him, as Kenny would have. I was nothing like that scraggly bearded bastard.

I speak to Mike about what Erwin asked of me, but he finds it hard to believe that his comrade would know of my intent, and not act on it. Wasn't his style apparently, not that this is news to me. Mike warns me against assuming it to be the truth, Erwin could easily have another motive bubbling away under the surface. That man was an excellent juggler. I ask Mike why he would warn me of this, I knew he had discovered a sense of respect for me, but it didn't make sense for him to completely turn his back on Erwin. The man just smiles at me, almost like a brother would.

"I just want you to have all the facts."

It seems he doesn't wish to take sides, and in the end it's probably the wisest decision possible. Considering how little everyone seemed to actually understand about the Blonde Squad leader, I was amazed anyone had bothered speaking to me about it. Hanji didn't know anything, simply because I couldn't read her mania very well. I couldn't tell if she was to be trusted or not. But she continued to be amazingly friendly, to both me and the other three, so I was fine with her. If a little weary.

I'm walking back from dinner when I hear an owl hoot.

Inside.

I edge to the corner and peer round, watching Farlan leave Erwin's office and relocking it. Those idiots were still trying to do something. Didn't they know their freedom was assured? Then again, no. Of course they didn't. I look to the heavens, all these secrets were getting annoying. I needed a list of who knew what, and how. My mind, being the old ragged thing it was, really couldn't keep this going much longer.

I shake my head and head to the roof for my nightly cool off. The more days passed, the less calm I was able to remain. I was fidgety, and uneasy. I knew what I needed to do and yet I was treading water, letting the bastard I was intending to kill, buy time. The more I thought about it, the more I questioned my own brain faculty.

The cold night air helps. I was even getting used to the fact the sky changed every single time I looked at it. Originally it had unnerved me, and made me nervous at the inconsistency. But now I found it refreshing. Enlightening even. Change wasn't something I was used to; but was something I'd always aspire to. Even if I never accomplished it. Even now, as the clouds smothered the stars, and moonlight, it was layered, and ever changing. Nothing like the tomb of our past. I was lucky to have known such changing wonder, before the end.

"Idiots." I hear the familiar mutter of Levi, and then an irritated huff as he realises I've beaten him up here. Well I'm not going anywhere, I parked my ass first. I glance at him, and pat the wall next to me. He hesitates, but knows there's no helping it.

"So who's got under your skin this time?" I ask, looking back up at the sky to avoid him feeling scrutinised. For someone so composed, he always seemed uneasy under my gaze. Had it always been like that? I can't really remember.

"Isabel and Farlan refuse to listen to reason."

"My, my, how you're rubbed off on them, _big bro_."

"Weird, I was about to say, that _you_ had." He huffs, sitting down heavily, and giving me a harsh nudge on the shoulder. I snigger a little, and lean back, shaking my head at his little tantrum. Normality returns a lot easier to us than I always expect. It never fails to surprise me.

"What's the problem then? Didn't they find anything with their snooping?"

"How the… never mind. You always seem to know." He murmurs.

"Of course I do, it's my job to keep an eye on you young roughians."

"I'll ignore that…" he mutters shaking his head, but he purses his lips and gives a tired sigh. It seems like he was really at the end of his rope, and that usually made him desperate, which made him over-protective, which made him stupid. "They need to find some documents Erwin has… it was part of the deal we made when coming up here."

"No luck so far then?" I muse, and he shakes his head. I feel relief, but keep it to myself. My own deal with Erwin might end up on the rocks if he got pissed off at them. For now I was in the clear, but I clearly needed that guarantee sooner, rather than later.

"When are you planning on doing the deed anyway?"

"I thought I'd do it on the mission, it might get put down to a casualty of war."

"Not likely, but it's a decent enough idea."

"Oh Levi, stop, you do know how to make a girl blush!" I fan at my face and flutter my eyelashes. He ignores me, staring out over the compound. I feel like I should be smelling smoke, he looks so deep in thought.

"Still being a stubborn ass about it?" he finally mutters and I sit up, nudging him back.

"I'm not the subject here. What exactly did those two do? Must be bad to have gotten your knickers so bunched up? Or… more than usual at least."

He hesitates, but thankfully realises there was also no helping my curiosity. It was never ending, so it was easier to just spill the beans, before I stole them. He explains about the original job they were brought up here for, and I have the sneaking suspicion everything was connected. This document they sought out, was likely tied to the reason Erwin wanted me to postpone his death. Gathered information on a certain nobleman. Blackmail. Yet again connections were made, and potential complications. It was always so damned tangled up here. Then he mentions how he wants them to stay behind on the mission, about how he wants to keep them safe as he isn't sure he can protect them out there. This being what lead to the argument. They wanted his trust, and they wanted to go with him, so that he wasn't alone. He didn't understand it. The moron looks completely lost.

I try my best, but I can't help but laugh.

"And you're cackling at me because?"

"Because you're a fucking hypocrite." I slap his shoulder, and lay my head there with another giggle as I feel the frown he's throwing my way. I supposed we were as bad as each other at this, but I was enjoying the frank conversation too much to think on this too long. I would miss this. I would miss him. I wonder if he'll miss me.

"Explain, brat."

"You _hate_ that I won't let you do in Erwin, and you also hate that I'm doing it in order to protect you. And yet there you go, doing the same thing. Of course they won't agree to you going alone, you absolutely marvellous dumbass." I sigh, still chuckling every now and again. He sighs heavily, and shifts uneasily beneath my head. I sit up and frown at him, he seemed uncomfortable to be so close to me. Since when was that the case?

"I…" he grits his teeth a little angrily. "I don't want to lose them, like I lost you."

I tense, but he doesn't move otherwise, just looks at his hands clasped on his lap. It isn't a dig, it isn't even him being cruel or pointed. He just confessed. I ignore my guilt, and lace my hand into his squeezing tight.

"You won't, if you accept the fact they want to protect you just as much as you want to protect them."

"Not that easy."

"Levi, don't be a bitch. Let them in, trust them a little more. Everything'll work out."

"Since when were you such an optimist?"

"Keep in mind you're _finally_ up where the birds fly, start looking for the brighter side of the picture. Would be a change of pace for you, grumpy old bastard." I breathe, squeezing his hand again. A smirk threatens to break free and he squeezes back, looking up with a slight frown.

"Kind of difficult when it all looks the same."

"What's that now?"

"When it's all cloudy like this. The sky looks no different to the ceiling down there, just as dark, just as stagnant."

"You're an idiot." I sigh, letting go of his hand so I can walk along the little wall to allow some breathing room. He watches me, but doesn't move. "Clouds shift a lot faster, and easier, than solid rock. Just be patient, it'll all work out."

"You keep saying that, and yet I know you're lying." He looks back out over the compound, dodging my look as I spin round. "Please make it look like an accident. Please?"

"I…"

"We always seem to fucking run out of Time." His jaw sets. "I'm sick of it. And it's always because one, or both of us, is being an ass. Why can't we learn?"

"Because we're old bastards set in our ways."

"I guess…"

"Look Levi, they'll be up here any second, so I'm going to scarper. But just… just keep in mind that they want to protect you too. You're important to them, and you shouldn't belittle that." I say, jumping down from the wall to pat his shoulder and kiss the top of his head. He turns to look at me, and I feel a shiver run down my spine.

"Try looking in a mirror, Claws."

"And see this ugly mug? No thanks." I laugh, but before he can retort, there's the tell-tale sign of jabbering voices. I smile at him, and head down from the roof so they can all have their little moment together. This was his little family now, and I was simply a visitor in that. This was something they needed to sort out the three of them, and yet I knew they would. Despite his stubborn habits. They made a good team. I really think they'll be able to look after each other in this big world. Now all I have to do is ensure they can.

* * *

It doesn't take long to make it to Erwin's office, and I see a light from under the door. He's pacing I think, the light cutting off every now and again to the sound of footsteps. It's late, and really a commanding officer should either be buried in paperwork, or asleep, readying for a new day. Tut, Tut, Erwin you naughty boy. He's thinking, and therefore potentially scheming. With the opportunity to derail one of his trains of thought presented, I march over and knock loudly.

"I do not wish to be disturbed."

"Could care less if I tried."

I wait as the steps suddenly stop, to quickly approach the door. It flies open, and he stands there looking a little confused. I smirk at his surprise, and take note of his slightly informal appearance. No straps for gear in place, and he doesn't even have his jacket on. Such scandalous behaviour. I look over his shoulder, standing on my tip toes slightly.

"Interrupting something am I? Do you have a Cadet in there earning extra credit? It's all right deary, I'm sure he's paying you handsomely!"

"What is it you want Katsumi?"

"To talk business, now be a good little gentleman of the regiment, and invite me inside. It's chilly out here, a lady is likely to catch cold."

He frowns, but steps aside and gestures me in. I smile and enter, enjoying the strong scent of fine liquor. A fire is blazing in the hearth, and a generously filled tumbler sits upon his desk. The office seems a lot more welcoming right now, than it did when I first came in. I walk over to the grand desk, take up his lush leather seat, prop my feet up, and swirl my newly acquired drink. Stinks of money.

"I have your confirmation." He says after I've taken a few long sips, enjoying the quiet crackle of the fire. I smirk at him, and make the dark liquid swish in the glass hypnotically. He remains standing there, looking like he has a flag pole rammed between his cheeks, but I see no reason to ask him to relax. I want him on edge. I want him scared. If he had already done as asked, then I wasn't allowed to torture him when the time came. So these little moments would be all I had for solace. My cruel side would have to make do.

"Then why haven't I heard from you? Seems strange that _I_ had to come to _you_ to find that out. You wouldn't be trying something stupid, would you, Erwin?" I drain the glass and suck air through my liquor washed teeth. It's fiery as I breathe it in. It's wonderful. He shifts his weight, and smooths back his already pristine hair. He really was nervous.

"I simply failed to come up with an appropriate reason to call for you."

"If you're going to lie, at least do me the service of putting a little effort into it?" I chuckle, removing my feet from the desk, and standing up. He watches me closely, probably searching for weapons as I make my way round the desk, and causally drop the heavy glass onto the surface.

Clunk.

"Whatever your reason, it matters little now. Where's my confirmation?"

He stares at me as I approach him, and I see something weird twinge in his eyes. He's going to try something, I can tell. He doesn't have a weapon on him, I know that much for certain. But was he seriously going to attempt to persuade me against killing him? Seemed a little late to do that now.

"I'm waiting Erwin?"

"I have sent frequent reports of progress to heads of state, including the head of the MP's, the Garrison, and Darius Zackly. Those reports speak highly of those three, and of their co-operation. Whilst I list your lack thereof."

"Painting me the villain, and them the heroes. All right, I guess that's all you can do." I look to the fire, wondering if there was anything I could do to seal the deal, but I didn't want to lay it on too thick. Or else it would just cause the opposite effect, and make them look guilty.

"Why are you risking so much for them?" he says, stepping a little closer to me. I tense, unsure of whether or not he would actually be stupid enough to attempt attacking me, but as I read the atmosphere, that isn't what I sense. I frown and turn to him. His hand lowers, had he been about to touch me?

"Why do you care?"

"Is that not allowed?"

"You got Levi, and two other damn good soldiers. Your mission continues, and I get to keep him good, and repay an old debt. Everyone's happy."

"And yet, you have to end up on the hangman's noose?" he frowns, face aglow in the light of the fire as his voice softly rumbles through the warm air. I ignore the way he's angled his body, and I ignore the way his eyes travel over me. It might work on the high society ladies mate, but this cat ain't thirsty for your milk.

"And you end up dead, keep that in mind Erwin. I'm not the only one running out of wick to burn." I smile and begin to walk for the door, wondering how stupid he thought I was. Was he seriously going to try charming me? Create some slapdash connection, and hope my fluttering female heart latched onto him. That I couldn't possibly kill him? How good did he think he was in the sack? I pause at the door and look over my shoulder at him, he watches the fire, face unreadable. I'd like to assume him arrogant to the bone, but somehow that seems misplaced all of a sudden.

"When is the mission?" I ask, halfway out the door already. He doesn't look at me, just puts his hands in his pockets and gives a slightly forlorn sigh.

"Two weeks. Prepare yourself for hell, because that's where we're going."

"I'd say it's you who has to prepare, after all, you're the one sticking around."

I leave and head for my bunk, a weight suddenly lifted from my shoulders as my guarantee is in place. It was possible he had been lying, but I doubted he could fool me so easily. Nevertheless, I'd ask Mike to do some digging, see if he could confirm a few things for me. I wasn't asking him to side with me. Simply supply all the facts.

* * *

23rd Expedition beyond the walls.

It definitely sounded like a big deal, and yet I find myself yawning as we line up before the gate. It was ungodly early, and there wasn't enough coffee in the world to make me feel alert. It made no sense, I should be terrified. But I guess I was so sure of how this was all going to go down, I felt little thrill. My body makes no sense to me at times like this, I should be like Isabel, fidgeting and nervous. But I'm calm to the point of catatonic. I already had my insurance assured, Mike had been good enough to confirm everything for me, and I was sure he spoke no lies.

Everything was set.

This was my last hurrah.

That makes me pause, and glance around at the anxious faces. Levi is watching me. I sit upright, and hold the reins tighter. This would be how they remembered me, if they ever even bothered to do so.

This was my last hurrah.

Suddenly I need no coffee.

It's another hour of pointless waiting, till finally the gate groans open and we feel a rush of air whoosh past. It smells weird. So clean, and unhumanified. Isabel is muttering to herself, and I see Farlan sweat in his saddle. Levi is deadpanned and focused as always. Erwin is nowhere to be seen. I guess he's further up the line, closer to the brass, and therefore further out of danger. Not for long of course, but the formation was a predetermined thing. Plus I was waiting, that had been the agreement. I'd wait till the second day at least, that way avoiding too much attraction being drawn to the other three, and allowing plenty distance between me, and any MP's lingering in the outlying regions. I wasn't particularly concerned about getting out of it with my life, but I was concerned about involving too many people in a fight. I was fine with being caught; but my instinct might have other ideas.

As we advance, and pass under the large cage door, I shiver in the dank air under the wall. Its icy as we race through, to suddenly be blinded by open sky and relentless sunshine. From small box, to endless expanse. I hold my breath as my eyes adjust to the glare, and I feel the world once again open up around me.

It's staggering.

It's beautiful, and terrifying.

How were we, as such small humans, ever meant to reclaim this enormous place from the Titans? It seemed impossible. I'd never seen a Titan of course, and had never thought I would. But seeing these great open plains, with mountains, and expanses of forest, I shudder a little. They must be massive. Hearing their height in numbers did little to help; and the practise dummies didn't do much either. I knew full well, it wouldn't be until I had one looming over me, that I'd know if I was cut out for this. Not that it mattered much. This would be my one and only mission, after all.

I look at my three comrades, and see that they are as perplexed as I am.

Isabel looks fit to burst as her big green eyes gaze around, but they lock on the skirting clouds above. She even blushes she's so excited. I'm half expecting her to begin singing, but thankfully she doesn't. Falran looks dazed, eyes a little glassy. I think this is a little out of his depth; he was brave, and was a good fighter, but I don't think he ever really intended leaving the walls. He wanted the surface, he wanted the freedom of the sky, but this might prove too much. I'd keep an eye on him, but I doubted he'd let his nerve break under Levi's watch. He was proud too.

Levi is staring upwards, watching birds fly overhead, and he smirks before looking my way and smiling properly for just a moment. I share in that look and feel warm all over. I had always felt I belonged, when I was with Levi. But right now, I felt like we'd come home. He then looks back to the sky, transfixed.

They were so happy. Generally speaking.

"Wow!" gasps Isabel at last, seemingly lost for words otherwise. I laugh at her lack of garbled speech, she was usually so vocal about her emotions. I think she's a little overwhelmed by it all though. I turn to Levi as he agrees with his passionate little sis.

"Yeah, not bad at all."

"My god, I think Levi is impressed." I chuckle, and we share another smirk. We'd talked about this kind of moment for too many nights whilst living together, we'd schemed, we'd dreamed, we'd planned to our heart's content. Yet it had happened now. It seemed other worldly for it to be actually happening, and for us to actually be seeing it together. My heart swells. This was to be my last hurrah, but my god it was starting well.

Farlan kind of laughs along with us, but he still looks a little out of it. I pull over closer to him, and punch his shoulder lightly. He does a double-take and seems to come back into the real world.

"Don't worry kid, we're all here together. We've had the training, and we're more than ready. Plus you're a beast on the gear. Don't go panicking on us eh? Can't do much with you wetting yourself."

"Nah, I'm good." He says, sitting a little straighter with his jaw a little too tightly set.

"Glad to hear it. But just in case, keep in mind we'll take care of those pesky Titans for you, don't worry, they won't be snacking on your hide today!" I cheer, standing on my stirrups to give a cheer. He laughs properly now, and I see the faintest hint of a blush. This was scary for me, but it was also the realisation of a dream. I'd always wanted to be out here, exploring this world of ours. Well… I had since Levi spoke of it. Having been born into a small hole in the ground, I'd never dreamed big till Levi taught me how. But this kid was entirely different. He was out of his depth and needed some help. I was willing to throw a floatation device or two, even if I had to downplay my own terror whilst doing so.

Our wonder is suddenly cut short.

"What're you doing?! Stay focused, you're not here to sightsee and chatter." An angry voice snaps from behind us. I glance back, and am surprised to see the little freckled girl I'd berated back in training. For one so mousey on the training grounds, she had some claws of her own out here. "You never know when a Titan will appear."

"Sorry am I meant to wet myself and say, we're all gonna die?" I ask innocently.

"Yeah, what's your problem lady?" scoffs Isabel with a roll of her eyes. Freckles hisses a little at both of us.

"You can only talk like that because you're yet to face a Titan for real. You have no idea how many good soldiers have been eaten. Don't cheapen those that have already fallen."

"Oi, freckles, that is the last thing I'm doing." I yell at her, watching her speech sink into Farlan like a hot knife through his nerves, and into Isabel, smothering her previous joy of freedom. This was hell it was true, but at least allow momentary distraction? "All I'm doing is keeping a comrade focused on the fact he's been trained and can do this. And reminding him, he isn't alone. All _you're_ doing is freaking him out, hardly seems the logical thing to do does it? You want him passing out in fear and flopping off his horse?!"

"Being formidable within those walls, means nothing out here."

"Never claimed it did." I say, returning to my original position in the formation. "Don't you dare belittle us just because we've never been out here before. You want us to be part of your team? Fucking treat us that way."

Farlan looks at me in awe, but all I want him to do is feel confident in his ability to fight. I see Levi watching, face composed as Freckles backs down and rides a little further off. I turn back to the world before me, and focus on the task in hand.

Keep these guys alive, and wait till the right time to slit Erwin's throat.

That was why I was here, nothing else mattered.

My thoughts are cut short by a yell.

And it was the words I'd feared hearing, and hoped we wouldn't for at least a little longer.

"Titan sighted! A 15 metre!"

I scan the trees and see a large human looking _thing_ lumbering along, arms upwards and waving stupidly. It looks like a child trying to catch its mother's attention, weirdly innocent as it goes. The big empty looking face, glazed over in lacking comprehension. My heart clenches, and my veins feel like they're filled with ice all of a sudden. It was huge. I look to Isabel, she looks so small, and yet she looks so determined. How was she not scared? But I see that fire in her, and know its keeping the ice of fear at bay. Hold onto that kid, that'd get you through.

"That's… a Titan?" I hear Farlan stutter, and see him look oddly calm as he sees the enemy we had come to deal with. I say calm, but he's obviously terrified. Which was good. If he was scared, he was alert, if he was alert, that made my life easier. As long as he didn't pass out like I'd said to Freckles, him flopping off his horse would cause some problems.

"Two 10 metres are coming from behind, with a 12 from the right!"

They were a little ways off, but still too close for evading them. Seemed like Erwin's revolutionary tactics would have to wait. I bet that pissed him off no end. The Squad ahead of us, closest to the 15 metre, engages their gear and soars towards it. Going for the kill. Despite our own enemy, hot on our tail, I find myself transfixed as the battle continues ahead of us. Flagon, our squad leader has pushed forward in case he is needed, and soon enough he is. One soldier is caught as the 15 metre moves much quicker than I'd have ever expected, and instantaneously is devoured in the massive jaws.

It's over for him in an instant.

At least it didn't look like the pain lasted long.

That was something.

I hate to admit it, as he's a complete asshole, but Flagon is impressive. Like a bird in flight he soars over, swirls back round, dodges easily and swings in for the kill. Slice and dice, it's done so quick. Same as us, as it is for them. He seems to have taken the beast down in a few seconds flat. Impressive didn't seem to quite cover it. Not that I'd ever admit to him of course.

"Incredible!" cheers Isabel.

"They're so much better than the MP's!" yells Farlan, and I think it's a comfort to him to know we were riding out with such skilled people. Whatever got him through this, I was happy with. But in our distraction, the other three Titans have come upon us. The two 10 metres are right behind Isabel and Farlan, and the 12 is to my right.

"You three, stay your course!" I hear Flagon yell, but I have a better idea. His intentions are good, and I know he doesn't want rookies engaging a Titan alone, but I can't risk this 12 metre suddenly cutting those two off. They'd be blindsided. I turn about, and ready my gear, hearing the other two call out to Levi as I do. Presumably he had a similar plan to mine. But with the two 10 metres. I just hoped he wasn't being greedy.

I fire off to a nearby tree, and use as much gas as necessary to get some momentum going. I swing round, and propel upwards till I latch onto the upper neck, and feel the speed of the thing drag me along. It's more powerful than I thought, but I deal with it. I have to. My bones creak, and my muscles object to the mistreatment, but I ignore them. They could deal. This thing was on a collision course with Isabel and Farlan, and I had to rectify that. I retract my wire, and feel the heat of the beasts flesh as I swing round in for the kill. My blades make contact, and I hiss against the heat of the steam that billows out. But I did it. I feel victory claim me, as I cut the nape in one swoop, and ride the beast to the ground. I'm fizzing with adrenaline, and am thrilled to see the look on Flagon's face as he needlessly rides to my aid.

"Holy shit…" he mutters, and I jump back on my horse.

"Less gawking, more talking, where are the other three?"

But they've already dealt with theirs too.

It seemed the street rats were living up to the hype.

I beam as I ride over to the triumphant three who stand in the wake of their own little victories. Isabel and Farlan had worked as a team to take down one, whilst Levi dealt with the other. He's sort of staring at them, amazed at their success. Or perhaps relieved was a better word. We all share a grin, and I ruffle Isabel's hair.

"Fucking pro's already. Show offs." I laugh and the kid gets back on her horse. Farlan is a little pale, but he looks over the moon, elated. In fact he looks a little drunk.

"Yeah you see, Levi, we did it!" Farlan says, grinning like a fool. Isabel cheers, and Levi gives a little simper.

"Yeah… you guys did well."

"How'd yours go Kitty Kat?"

"Well obviously it consumed me, can't you see the nibble marks all over me?" I snort with a shake of my head at the kid, she pouts a little at my sarcasm, but the smile still breaking through a little bit. "Come on, we should probably regroup once Flagon rounds the others up."

I turn my horse to see where the rest of our Squad have gone, and see them approaching with Erwin in tow. He's far off, but I can still see the excitement in his eyes as he looks at Levi. His experiment was working, and Humanity had a new weapon. It seemed to all be working out for Erwin Smith. He then looks at me, and becomes solemn. His eyes cast over to the Titan I conquered and further clouds. He's angry that I managed it? Seems a little childish. I was allowed to be good at my job, before murdering him. Or was it that he knew I'd be a decent addition to the regiment, and was throwing it away for the sake of Levi's revenge? I snort to myself, that was over estimating my value. What an ego I was getting.

"Well done," he says as the group gets closer, his cold blue eyes focus on Levi all of a sudden and I feel a chill. No longer is their excitement, but warning. "But you're using too much gas. Out here we must be careful with resources."

My defensive nature blusters. Don't look at the man like he's heaven's gift to Titan killing one second, then berate him like a toddler in the next!

"I suppose conserving hot air isn't a problem for you, is it Erwin? You're fucking full of it." I snap, and ignore the warning look from Flagon. Erwin's gaze shifts to me, and he sneers a little.

"Getting lucky with your first Titan, does not make you a veteran. Do not make light of my words, simply because you haven't experience the terror of suddenly loosing mobility in Titan territory." Erwin drawls, and Farlan makes to fight back. Levi simply holds up a hand to silence his young friend, and frowns at Erwin in challenge.

"Are you seriously expecting me to priorities equipment, over my comrades?" Levi says coldly, but with genuine curiosity there as well. I look between the two men, and swallow hard in the tension. I could lunge in between them in case Levi felt like being stupid. But I don't think it'll come to that. Not so soon.

"You made a lot of unnecessary moves, do not doubt yourself now, Levi. Or all hell will break loose. Causing not only your death, but others as well." And with that he rides off, I turn to Levi to smirk with him, to joke at the ridiculousness, but when I do turn, I see fear there. The other two can't see it, he's turned away from them. But I see it plain as day.

Erwin was getting to him.

We begin the ride again, and rejoin the formation quickly. Despite our recent victory, Levi remains quiet, staring at the ground ahead of him instead of the horizon, or sky. Erwin's under his skin, and I can see it from here. Even with me doing this job for him, he was worried of failing those two. He was worried he wouldn't be good enough. I hate to think of the man at any time, but it's whenever I see that defeated look in Levi's face, that I think of that scraggly beard, and hanging cigarette. Kenny had a lot to answer for. I just hoped the old bastard was still alive, so he could get his karma served one day. Perhaps not by me, but by someone.

By the time the sun it setting we've arrived at the rest point with no other incidents accounted for. It's an old building, crumbling and derelict, and yet with the fiery blend of orange and red of the sunset, it looks like a palace. I stare at it as we wait to file inside the compound.

"Why does everything seem nicer with the sky behind it?"

"Because you can see past it. There's no dead ends out here." answers Levi, suddenly next to me. I jump a little, having not heard his voice in a couple hours, but I turn with a smile. He returns it carefully, and we ride in slowly, watching everyone unpack and sort themselves for the night's stay. It was oddly calm considering we were still in Titan territory, but there were good sightlines, and watches would be in place throughout the night. I doubted I'd get much sleep; but that was more likely because of my nerves, than the man eating beasts roaming around us.

Tomorrow would be a big day.

I just hope I don't regret it.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **And so they're out there, in the big bad world, oooooooh!**

 **Freyja, thank you so much for your continued support!**

 **And thank you to everyone else being so patient with me, i do promise I am keeping things going as much as can, but still... BAD author *whacks hand* bad author! Anyway, see you next time, hopefully not as long till next time!**


	9. AUTHORS NOTE APOLOGIES IN BUCKETS

**TO ALL MY LOVELY READERS; OLD NEW AND CURRENTLY READING THROUGH FOR THE FIRST TIME.**

 **Despite not being able to tell you details, I am in the midst of a MAJOR personal project right now to do with writing. This is the main reason my updates have been becoming less frequent. I realise this doesn't give you new content, and doesn't help if you're feeling pissed off at me. HOWEVER. My deadline for this project is now only a month away, 4 short weeks.**

 **Safe to say that me = a stressball mess right now.**

 **So although I MIGHT be able to use my fics as downtime, relaxation, as my current project IS writing, i may not. Basically my dears, i don't fricking know!**

 **ANYWAY!**

 **The long and short of it is, over the next month I may or may not update. I am sorry, wholeheartedly, and frankly its poor planning on my part. HOWEVER. All stories are going to be continued, and ALL stories have a lot more planned to come along. Please don't doubt that, and I hope to retain your awesome support.**

 **Hopefully I can eventually tell you about this project, but for the time being it is hushilled up.**

 **Thank you for your patience, and once again, I AM SO SORRY!**


	10. Chapter 9

**Hello again my lovely readers, thank you again for your patience. This is indeed a slightly shorter chapter to tide you over before everything HITS THE PROVERBIAL FAN. Anyway, hope you enjoy, see you next time!**

 **Disclaimer; I don't own AOT.**

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We find a spot and get comfy, most of the regiment still giving us a wide birth as much as they can. It doesn't bother me, after all it just meant I didn't need to watch the bastards as closely. As long as Isabel, Farlan and Levi were safe, I was all good. It was pretty much my only task except for the blonde and big eyebrowed task looming over me. And then I frown, looking down at my hands, remembering how the kids would cling there and ask for another bedtime story, or ask me to help them with their reading. They would never really understand what had happened to me would they? I sigh. There was no helping it. I'd done all I could for them, and for Chia. She would understand wouldn't she? I'd always done my best for her, she would know I hadn't abandoned them. Or if she saw it as me having done exactly that, she'd at least know it was for a good reason. The best reason I had for doing anything.

I eat a little of my ration and sit back, yawning widely. I feel something drape over me, and smile at Isabel as she tucks me in with her cape. She was a sweet kid, I had to give her that much credit, even if she was a pain I my ass sometimes.

"Get some rest, Kitty Kat, you did amazing today."

"Not so bad yourself kiddo…" I murmur, drifting to sleep, vaguely hearing Isabel turn around and give a cheer about Levi being so strong during the mission. I smile and let my head hang, dozing comfortably. But I hear a clicking of a tongue, and I'm shifted so my head rests on someone's shoulder. I don't question it, I just shuffle closer and get comfy.

"Brat." He murmurs.

"Old git." I mumble, enjoying the laughter from Isabel and Farlan as my words slips into a pleasant darkness.

I wander through the warm dark, hearing echoes of the outside world as I go along, whistling contentedly. But as an arm drapes round me, pulling me closer, my mind smirks. He could be so distant and yet so close at the same time. I know these arms well, know their strength and their weakness. My head flits through memories and I sigh, it was incredible how inconsistent time was. It dragged its feet when being watched, and yet the moment you looked away to simply enjoy yourself it ran away from you. Some things faded so easily with it, whilst others stayed strong despite you wanting to forget. And then there was me and him. It seemed like a constant thing in my timeline, and whilst it used to haunt me, right then it comforted me. I consider the passion that remained after so many years, the affection and perhaps even love. We were souls bound by too much frenzied emotion bubbling within us. Allowing each other reprieve as we collided time and again. Basically we were ridiculous. And yet for some strange reason, going against everything I prided myself on being, I didn't mind. In fact I enjoyed it.

I remember all the times that fire had got the better of us. The times we had fought well into the night, roaring at each other about our own stupidity. Of the danger, of the risks. The way he defended me, the way I defended him. Against anything. What fools we were. It didn't matter what we were facing, we always seemed to find a way. Well… until it became clear to me that I was causing him all his problems. But that was a different story, something else woven into our time together that cast long and lingering shadows. But still, we had stuck together through a lot, and even now, so many years later, there he was holding me up when I needed it. It wasn't the first, but I suppose it might well be the last. My god when had it all started? He was always so brave for me. Hell, he'd even stood up against Kenny for me. What a fool Levi was.

My mind flickers through memories, zoning in with acute clarity.

I recall how Kenny had loomed over me that day, it hadn't been our first meeting, far from it. But on that particular day he'd really snapped. He just suddenly appeared, shouting and swearing out of nowhere after having abandoned Levi several years beforehand. It was insane, and whilst Levi was a little taken aback by the sudden arrival of the man who had broken him so completely, I was just thoroughly pissed off. Not that this helped matters. He shut Levi out of the room, confronting me 'at long last' or so he said. I presumed he was drunk. Levi hammered on the door, demanding to be let in, or for me to let out. I think he was terrified, he really thought Kenny would kill me. He really thought the old bastard would be able to. I'd been insulted at the time, and I still am in all honesty. I stood before the old man and listened to his snarled words, silently noting to myself how badly the man needed a fucking shave.

"You're nothing but filth, y'hear? Stay away from my pride." He grumbled.

"I'm nowhere near your fucking trousers, ya perverted old git."

"That boy is better than shit stains like you. Go back to the sewer you crawled out of."

"Surely, I'd have swum?" I spit at him, meeting his challenge as I step up and hold his gaze. Levi continues to batter at the door, probably worried I'd get myself killed out of sheer willpower to annoy Kenny. The old bastard's teeth are bared, and I can smell the heavy scent of cigarettes. "You know me well enough by now Kenny, to know that it doesn't make a blind bit of difference whether you approve of me or not. To me or him. You fucking _abandoned_ him anyway! Where've you even been for the last six years?!"

He grabs me by the throat and holds me in the air.

"I don't answer to the likes of you."

"Ditto." I croak, holding onto his arm to alleviate some of the pressure. Levi is still hammering on the door, it's beginning to creak as though the wood will soon give. "I love that man, and no amount of your oh-so-scary intimidation, will… change that." I gasp, gritting my teeth.

"Careful there, little girl, I'll happily slice that scrawny throat."

"We sewer rats are slippery wee fucks. Now get out of my way, and get out of our lives. You might be happy to linger down here, and stew in this hell hole. But we will get out, without you if we have any luck."

"You'll ruin him, you know that right?"

"Kenny!" the door finally gives, and Levi charges in, rugby tackling the man to the ground, and releasing me from the chokehold. I land in a heap, lying there with dazed eyes as my throat remains constricted by shock, and pain. I can't catch a breath at all. Suddenly my act of defiance seems a tad bit foolish whilst my vision blurs with shadows. I hear scuffling, and some muffled shouts, but it's only when I hear his voice in my ear that I realise I'm still awake. "Hey… c'mon brat… look at me."

I gasp a little, and blink hard, giving a lazy smile a second later. His grey eyes soften, and he hauls me up, cradled in his arms. I lay my head against his chest, and focus on refilling my lungs.

" _Where's the shithead_?" I rasp, coughing a little.

"Gone, just breathe okay? You've done enough talking…" he heads out and marches along the streets, holding me tightly as he heads for our own home, and getting us inside. It's not cold, as the brats are lingering around, and keeping the fire going. He nods to them, but says nothing as he carries me upstairs and lays me on our bed. He locks the bedroom door, removes my shoes, and his own, then sits next to my head, brushing hair back from my face.

"You're a fucking head case." He says, fingers lightly tracing my throat which is probably bruising. "Encouraging him like that. He could have killed you."

"Hardly." I croak with a small laugh, but as he shuffles down to lay next to me, running his thumb against my cheek, I can tell he's upset. I sigh, coughing slightly and look at him. "Sorry, but I couldn't let him just mouth off like that. Not after he'd just gone off and left you."

"No, of course not, that would have been sensible." He sighs, pulling me close to lay his forehead against mine. "You have too much fire for your own good."

"How about I share some then?" I whisper, leaning in to kiss him gently. He sighs and returns it, hand moving from my cheek to the back of my head, slowly sliding over till he was on top of me. "Seems like you're keen on that idea." I laugh as he kisses down my jaw and along my throat, making small circles against the back of my throat with his thumb. I sigh as he gets comfortable between my legs, and I squeeze his sides with my thighs gently, playfully.

"You scared me." He says against the hollow of my throat, slowly undoing the buttons and kissing each freshly revealed patch of skin. I run my hands through his hair absentmindedly.

"I'm sorry." I breathe as he undoes the last button and kisses under my belly button softly, leaning onto his knees as he slips my shirt off, cradling me gently up to his chest as he slides it from me, kissing along my shoulder as he does so. It never failed to amaze me how gentle he could be at times; fire and ice, rage and love, light and dark. "I'm also sorry you had to see him."

"I don't care about him anymore. You fixed that." He breathes, kissing under my jaw as he unwraps my chest binding slowly, I give a small hum of appreciation as the cold air kisses my back and then chest, and I gradually make progress with his shirt. "You fixed everything, brat."

"Careful, I'll get an ego issue." I chuckle laying back as I tug his shirt away and trace over his chest and abdomen like I always did, memorising it carefully. He shudders as I do, and I grin as I press all his buttons, finishing with a quick hitching of my legs round his waist and grinding against him.

"Nngh… Kat…" he topples back on top of me, hungrily kissing me again. His hands heading south as his tongue caresses mine, making me give a soft groan into him. Yes chase away the shadows Levi, bring me out of the darkness…

"Kat!" I jolt awake and look around seeing Hanji holding out a coffee. "Sorry to wake you, I bring coffee as peace offering, so don't kill me. But I know flagon will go nuts at you if you're sleeping before time. Where'd the rest go? I was having a lovely chat with Isabel just now!" her glasses flash in the lantern light and I cringe back a bit, happily accepting the coffee, trying not to let her see my annoyance. That dream had been getting good too. I seriously needed to get laid.

"Well considering you just found me sleeping, Hanji… how would I know where they went?" I chuckle, taking a long sip of the bitter coffee. She pouts and gives a slow nod.

"Yeah, you're right. Dang it… oh well, the kid seemed happy. I gave her some sweets."

"Then you probably just made a friend for life Glasses."

"Oh, I do hope so! She seems to have a keen mind. Anyway, enjoy the coffee, I need to try and find Mike!"

"Why? More science babble to vent?" I snicker and she turns with a flash of her glasses, and amazement in her face.

"How did you know?"

"I'm pretty good at reading people Hanji, thanks for the coffee."

"No problem!" she sing-songs heading off with a weird skip in her step. What did it take to make that woman glum? Not that I wanted to, but still… it was a little weird for someone to be that chirpy in this kind of situation. Then again why not be chirpy, never did anyone good to wallow. Especially when facing down giant humanoid beasts hunting us for sport. Might as well flash a grin whilst you piss yourself. I groan and get up to walk around with my coffee, the stillness making my mind whirl around too much.

Why the hell had I dreamt that?

I walk a little awkwardly, body aching a little after such an intense dream. Those had been good days, those had been fun days. But of course it had all lead to the darkness as well. I drain the cup and hand it to the supply team who are dealing with making dinner. It smells nice, and yet manages to look like a cat's vomit. Quite the talent they had. I wander around absentmindedly looking about, occasionally smiling at a cadet brave enough to glance my way. But still I find no sign of those three. Therefore I am immediately suspicious. It was exactly the same with the kids in the orphanage; you always wanted some peace, and yet when you got 10 minutes of quiet you _knew_ they were doing something they shouldn't be. And it was usually something including making a large mess.

Though as I approach the rear of the building, where the lanterns get less frequent and the echoes of voices get creepier, I hear the low rumble of Levi's voice, quickly followed by Erwin's. They were talking? I sidle along the wall, peering round the corner and am struck dumb by the sight. No blood. No drawn blades. Nothing but what appeared to be a normal conversation. Am I still asleep?

"I wanted to congratulate you on your work today Levi."

"Thought I was being wasteful?" snaps back Levi and I roll my eyes, he couldn't help being petty could he?

"I just want to make sure you're aware of how cut off from everything we are out here," says Erwin pinching the bridge of his nose, "You were doing a lot of manoeuvres that cost gas, as though you were doubting yourself. You can't afford to do that out here, it could cost you your life…" Erwin pauses as he sees me, his blue eyes seeming pained for a moment. "Or someone else's."

"I can look after my comrades, a damn sight better than you, Erwin Smith." Growls Levi squaring up to him a little, Erwin holds firm though, looking down with a hint of disdain.

"And yet you allow Katsumi to do your dirty work."

I'd kill him.

"You-son-of-a-bitch. The only reason I'm not throttling you right now, you useless Titan sized shit, is because of her. Be thankful for that. She knows more about mercy than I do."

"And yet she's the one known for being so formidable."

"Fuck off Smith."

"Are you so quick to be intimidated by her?" Erwin continues to stir the pot but I just stay where I am, well aware my appearance will only further rile things up. God damn it Blondie, I will mess you up! Levi does a double take, looking the taller man up and down slowly and I imagine his expression is one of disbelief.

"Just what kind of game are you fucking playing?" demands Levi, taking a small step back. Not in defeat, but in disgust. "Are you seriously trying to insinuate you're better for her than me? Is that really what's going through that thick head?"

I stare, mouth hanging open.

Say what now?

"I'm just saying, it seems petty for you to be so threatened by her because she's more formidable than you."

"Bullshit. You stay the hell away from her."

"Why?"

"Because she's mine god dammit!" roars Levi and I shrink away from the wall as Erwin's cold blue eyes flit up to mine again for a moment. That bastard. He had no intention of claiming me, he just wanted Levi to admit his attachment. Or was he trying to provoke Levi into attacking him there and then? No… that made no sense, he'd already assured Levi's innocence, so why spare me the blood on my hands? I grip the wall and focus on the cold nipping my fingers. You cold hearted bastard. Stirring shit up wasn't the goal, getting my plan messed up was.

"For how much longer?" mutters Erwin coldly, and I shakily approach the corner again.

Levi clicks his tongue and turns away, heading towards me. Erwin nods at me briefly before going in the opposite direction. I watch Levi, but I can't understand his expression. Is he upset? Is he worried? I internally scoff, I had clearly shown I could handle myself, as had the other two. And surely he wouldn't let himself get riled up by Erwin's ridiculous comments. Levi knew he was attached to me, as old friends. Right? He was worrying over nothing. But as Levi glances up and meets my gaze I feel ice run through me, as his eyebrows lift in the middle. It was as though he was seventeen years old all over again, carrying me through the streets and calling me a headcase. Like not a day had passed.

He grabs my wrist and pulls me along another corridor without a word. I glance back and see Erwin watch us go, sighing heavily with a shake of his head before disappearing completely. I try and tug my arm free from Levi, but I already know it's pointless, he has me in his grip. That's that. We go a few more corridors along till there's no more lanterns, and only the moonlight to guide us.

"As much fun as a moonlit stroll sounds Levi, I think we should—"

"Make it look like an accident." He says, ploughing on.

"What—"

"Just make it look like a Titan's work, and get the hell out of there." He snaps, turning and pushing me against the wall, holding me by my shoulders as he stands with his head hanging down, shaking from side to side. I take a moment to catch my breath, looking round but not seeing anyone around to distract him. There was no escaping this.

"Levi…" I say, the desperation in his voice confusing me further. It really was like we were kids again, fighting for survival in that hell hole. Like he was begging me to stay out of Kenny's way, for me to wait at home whilst he got us supplies from the merchants. This was foolishness. "Levi don't start—"

"Make it look like an accident!" he pleads, louder now, almost shouting as he shakes my shoulders, holding with an almost painful grip. I shrink back from him, but as soon as I meet his eyes I find my words gone, I stare, mouth bobbing open and closed as I try and comprehend how open he's being with me.

"L-Levi I… I'll…"

"Just try at least…" he whispers, closing his eyes and stepping forward to press a kiss to my forehead. He lingers a little, and I almost reach out, I almost put a hand to his cheek to pull him closer.

But I don't.

I can't allow myself that kind of selfishness.

"Okay." I sigh and I feel his lips quiver a little against me, I bite down on my own lip and shrug out of his hold, hugging my arms to my chest as I make my way back along the corridor. I head back to the main area and smile as Isabel waves me over. By the time Levi reappears you wouldn't know anything had happened. Except for the fact he now sits as far away from me as possible. Okay so that might have given _something_ away.

Hanji has come and sat with us, and is jabbering away about everything. Eventually she gets onto the topic of gear, and of course begins gushing about our skill on it. Especially Levi's. I smile a little as I rest my head against the wall, I wonder if Hanji likes Levi? But he doesn't seem happy to have the attention, he brushes it off a little rudely as always.

"Sheesh, take a compliment old man."

He gives me a cold look and I just wink, I knew he was upset that I hadn't promised. I'd agreed to try, but I know he was looking for the words 'I promise, Levi.' But I won't lie to him. I know he'd eventually figure out why I couldn't. I don't know what's going to happen out there, for all I know I'll be wiped out the second I venture out the door. I'm not about to start making promises I can't keep.

Isabel suddenly gives a cheer, talking about how they're starting to get treated better, looking to Hanji with affection. The glasses flash as Hanji turns to me with a blush. I give an encouraging smile, but can't help but internally cringe. Poor kid wasn't as thick skinned as us, the hard looks and judgemental words, it had all been getting to her a lot more than I realised I guess. But as I meet her fierce eyes I know there's no point in asking her about it. She'd brush it under the carpet, we Undergrounders were good at that it seemed. I sling my arm round her shoulder and back it up.

"Too right kid, these jackasses are starting to get the message that you're a force to be reckoned with." She looks confused by my words and I prod her nose playfully, "You're a badass Kiddo."

"Too right Claws!" cheers Hanji, turning to Levi again. "You're very quiet y'know that shorty?"

I cringe at the name, but he doesn't react. Much.

"I'm aware." He says with a curt nod, seeming to not mind the woman after she had shown such kindness to his Isabel earlier, the kid was sat there munching on the sweets previously mentioned, her keen green eyes aglow.

"What's it about then? The quietness. What's going on in that head?" asks Hanji leaning forward a little, eyes trained on Levi. I lean back on my elbows and laugh loudly, shaking my head at the foolhardy woman.

"Don't go there, you won't come back with all your limbs intact." Everyone looks nervous, but Levi just smirks at me for a second. "Y'see? He knows what I'm talking about." I chuckle.

"Uhuh… well, if no one's spilling, I'm gonna go see if I can find Erwin, bend his ear a little."

"Always gotta bend someone's ear right Hanji?"

"Correct Claws!" she sing songs jumping up and heading off once again. The woman was a yoyo I swear. "I'll buy you all lunch if we make it back alive!"

"And that kids, is why we don't make a point of snorting mushrooms." I snicker shaking my head at the eccentric. Farlan watches her go and turns to Levi with a sorry shake of his head. Oh dear, Levi in trouble.

"Why not throw the woman a bone, Levi?" he asks still shaking his head, "She's one of the few of them that's actually _talked_ to us. So why not—"

"I don't want to be responsible for anyone's life except you and Isabels…" he glances my way and unsuccessfully fights a blush. "And maybe this shit here."

"Thanks… prat."

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 **Basically just a bit of good old tension between characters and some shit stirring, always good for the heart!**

 **So yes, basically the feels will be arriving with the next update, it has been a long time coming I know, but DO NOT assume you know what'll happen. You never know, I might be merciful and rebel against canon 0_0 my god! Anyway thanks for the patience and support, I really do appreciate it, and updates will be more regular from now on, if not I WILL keep you aware of the situation.**

 **See you next time!**

 **A few shoutouts!**

 **DarkAngelny: No one is ever ready for feels tbh, but its ok, find a pillow to hug. And thank you so very much for the praise, to be anyone's favourite in anything is amazing, and there's so many brilliant authors on here that you have seriously made my day! If not month ;) thanks again!**

 **Maria: If I make you cry in the next update I am so sorry, but I will also be thrilled to have moved someone that much with my work. Thank you so much for your kind words of support, it really does help when the guilt train comes a calling! I hope this is up to standard, I just wanted to do the BIG scenes in a oner. So brace yoself my dear.**

 **Gracexxx: You are such a sweetheart, thanks for checking out my other work, means a lot!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Ok here we go. Thank you to everyone who has soldiered on this far, I never intended this to take so long to get to, but here we are. The big bit. I hope you enjoy, and I hope it was worth the wait. This isn't the end of this fic, but it is certainly a pinnacle moment for obvious reasons. But anyway, thanks for reading!**

 **Disclaimers: I don't own Attack on Titan, and there are SPOILERS for the OVA A Choice With No Regrets. Duh.**

 **Thank you all.**

* * *

With the dawn came the rain, and with it a sense of foreboding too potent even for me to try to ignore. But I try anyway, assuring myself it was nought but paranoia. Or newfound Hydrophobia. Apparently luck had taken a holiday as the wind also began to pick up, and I was sure this drizzle would soon become a typhoon. My attempts at calming myself grew weaker as I sensed the thick unease even in the most seasoned veterans. This was bad. I think by the time we're ready to head out Isabel is ready to knock my head clean off my shoulders, but I can't help it. She had to stay close by me.

"Kitty Kat back it up would ya? For the last time I'm gonna tell ya, I can flipping well handle myself!" she growls, hair still in a mess as she fails to tie it back properly. I sigh and fasten my saddle bag in place, soon moving over to help her with her own. Her bright green eyes narrow and she blows that wayward fringe out her face once again. Dammit kid you're too adorable for this situation, no one is that precious and not destined for a bloodied end. I'd read the books, I knew how this shit went down.

"I'm not doubting that, kiddo."

"If you don't doubt me, then what's with the pesterin'?!"

"Because if you're not by my side I'll freak out!" I yell back and then look at the ground as I grit my teeth, I'd meant to keep a lid on it. Apparently I'd failed. She snorts at my confession and just heads away, not understanding my words in all likeliness. She was young, headstrong, and felt invincible after yesterday's success; I was just a daft woman pawing over her.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Initially I recoil angrily, not liking the sense of pity from that simple gesture. But as I see Farlan look back at me with those soft eyes, I sigh and blush a little. Damn.

"Sorry Farlan."

"It's fine Kat, just don't take her dismissal too much to heart? She just doesn't get the whole worrying thing. Flies by the seat of her tiny pants that one." He chuckles and shakes his head.

"Just keep an eye on her all right, all the cadets seem jittery. I guess Erwin's damn formation doesn't work as well when you can't see the big pretty smoke signals…" I sigh and fasten my cape, "Not to mention we might all end up with pneumonia."

"And now you sound like an old woman again, congrats Kat, keeping the habit going!" he snorts as he gathers his own things.

"Hey at least I cut back on the bad metaphors!" I laugh and he just ruffles my hair on his way past, like I was the kid now. "Just stay sharp okay?"

"You got it claws." He winks at me and heads off. He was a good egg that one.

The formation gathers outside our little hovel, and we get ready to move off. The uneasiness has hardly lessened with the rumbling of far off thunder. But maybe we could outrun it? Erwin rides towards the front, giving me a small nod as he goes. I return it but offer nothing else. He knows today is the day he dies, and he knows I won't fail. Personally though? I can't help consider that I might. I have to make his death the priority here, the success of it looking like an accident was secondary.

Right?

I pull up next to Farlan, noting his uneasy expression again, and I feel the stare boring into the back of my head. I don't need to turn to know it's Levi. He always did that when he wasn't sure whether or not I would do as I'd said. I didn't break promises, but I did find loopholes. And this time I hadn't even promised.

The formation takes shape and soon enough the order is given.

Back into hell to head for home.

There's little to no trouble encountered, and I start to think of how to head towards the inner centre of the formation. My mind whirring away with possible plans and strategies. But how do I justify it? I could claim I need a supply of some kind, emergency supplies were kept in the centre of the formation just in case. But as I clear my throat to relay this lie to Flagon I flinch back from a cold breeze, and the rain begins to patter down upon our heads harder. I look up and swallow hard as I see the heavy clouds rolling in thick and fast. It seemed we hadn't outrun it after all.

I didn't need to be a veteran to know this was bad.

I ride closer to Isabel and make a point of ignoring how she pouts about it. With this rain visibility was bad and getting worse, and it's hardly helped by the thick coils of mist slowly crawling along the ground. Shit. This day is getting better and better.

"Flagon! Shouldn't we be tightening the formation in this shit?!" I yell a little angrily, uneasy thanks to the now rumbling sky as thunder broiled above us. It seemed to also dance around us. Unless of course that wasn't thunder at all...

I can't see anything and my eyes blear with rain whenever they're not blinded by mist. This was madness. We shouldn't have set off with this as a potential problem, Shadis you're a damn idiot for now postponing. I swear if something happens to any of them I will be coming for your head, your thinning brown haired, sunken eyed and horribly hoarse voiced head. Flagon turns back to me and gives a pointed look. In all honesty he is damn lucky I need to cling to these reins with both hands in such conditions, or else he'd have had a gesture, or projectile thrown his way sharpish.

"We await orders, Cadet!"

"And how are we supposed to get said orders when we can barely see our own fucking horses?!" I yell back, but he has no answer of course, so he just turns back and presses on. And that's where I really lose my patience with soldiers. Yeah they're brave, and yeah we need them, but holy hell could you colour outside the box occasionally? I feel the mist loom over us and try to ignore the panic rising in my throat like bile.

I look to my troublesome three and find them looking as uneasy as myself. Well, Levi looks like his usual calm self, but there's a slight edge to how he's set his jaw. He's shitting it just as much as I am. I know it. He knew this was bad, and he was having the same problem I was. We could only be in one place at one time.

"Stick together god dammit, this is crazy weather." I call to them, and Farlan rides a little closer to Isabel. Another tongue click probably happened, but as I can barely hear myself think, I can only assume. Levi remains quiet, and remains on the outskirts. I narrow my eyes, looking at how he's holding those reins at a slight angle. He's thinking of breaking away and going after Erwin.

"Don't you dare Levi!" I yell and he just smirks for a split second. "Levi I'm fucking serious!"

Apparently Flagon isn't hearing this, but the other two are. Isabel looks to her Big Bro and frowns at him, Darlan doing the same but with far more annoyance than his little counterpart.

"Big Bro?"

"Levi? You have to wait until the fog let's off!" he yells, and Levi just shakes his head at them. And then at me. But before I can say anything else a sound grenade goes off, making us all yelp and look to where it came from. That'll have been from command. And Levi turns to Farlan and nods before he pulls off and rides away.

Shit.

I stare after him and just as I move to flick my reins and bolt right after him, I stop. If I leave, then these two are left to fend for themselves with the group. We could be hit by Titans any second. In these conditions you needed all the help you could get. But then again, by remaining I was leaving Levi to go and sully his soul all over again. For a stupid bit of revenge, his freedom was already assured. God dammit this world was cruel. My heart aches, being pulled in two directions and not knowing which way to go. This kind of confusion isn't something I'm used to, isn't something I know well. But in the time it's taken me to consider my dilemma he's gone.

I've missed my chance.

He's flown off back into the darkness.

Dammit.

"The hell happened to Levi?" yells Flagon as we alter route with him and the dumb bastard finally looks back. Great timing Squad Leader. I grit my teeth and spout the lie that will buy Levi some time, and possibly innocence when the shit hit the fan.

"Got separated in the fog, but he'll have headed for the sound like us. He'll be back."

"So he ain't dead?"

"Too fucking right he isn't!" I yell, and Isabel gives a whoop as confirmation.

Their Big Bro wouldn't leave them like that.

But should I have?

We keep going, and we stick together. The mist gets thicker, and the rain gets heavier. It's hell on earth, and I really begin to wonder if we'll ever make it back to the walls. Would I ever be able to see Chai again? Would I ever be able to really see the fruits of my labour and know for sure this life would finally be kind to those I cared about? I've always hated those walls, hated that vaulted rock ceiling and those dank alleyways, and yet right now I wish I was there in those shadows. I wish I was sat there laughing with Isabel and Farlan over a rickety wooden table, a candle sputtering out of life as we talk into the night. It wasn't a memory, I hadn't been with them long enough to make such a memory. But as the rain lashes down against my face, soaking through my hood and into my bones, finally gripping my heart; I fear I never will.

But still, we keep going, keep riding and then of course the inevitable happens.

We start screaming.

My god they came out of nowhere.

Hands grabbing, teeth gnashing, great eyes staring in wanton hunger. Yesterday we were the victors, today we seem like fish in a barrel. They lumber over us, and they seem to swarm around us. The mist swirls, seemingly burning away with their gathered heat. I keep as close to Isabel as I can, but it isn't easy in all this madness of movement.

Suddenly the horse's rear up, startled by the appearance of a giant foot in front of us. Me and Isabel manage to pull back and dodge, but Farlan is knocked from his horse. He rolls and lands heavily, his horse landing atop his leg.

"Farlan!" yells Isabel, turning and chasing as best she can. I try to do the same but my horse skids and falls, I do too and rather foolishly let my leg get between my horse's hoof and the cold ground. Crack. I scream out, and the horse thankfully is able to back away and get off of me.

"Farlan!" I hear Levi's voice, but don't see him.

There's a figure a fair distance away in the fog.

Levi?

Somehow he had noticed all this going on, and was heading back to us. Perhaps this wasn't a lost day after all, perhaps he hadn't had time to doom himself yet. But as he races towards us, his horse stumbles, and Levi is in the dirt looking thoroughly pissed off. I give a sorry shake of my head, hearing him yell out our names from afar. At least he'll be kept out of it.

I shake my head, the image of three tombstones having been lodged there as I hit the muck. No. They wouldn't die, not while I was here to help them. I don't look at the leg, I know it's fucked, I grab a blade from my casing and use it as a brace. I shove it down into my boot and then use my spare straps to keep it firmly in place. No room for shifting, and already I can barely feel it.

I scramble to my feet.

"No! Stop! Not like this!" I hear Levi yell, but I don't turn to look. I don't need to see his panic, I can feel my own well enough. I could do this for them, I could do this for Levi. I launch myself over to where Farlan lies under his horse.

"No time to laze about Farlan!" I yell, yanking his horse up and off him as quick as I can, the poor beast is still scared, but thankfully able to respond to my tugging.

"Get out of here Kat… gah… god damn…" he grumbles, but I just ignore him, flinching as a feral sounding cry sounds from behind us. I turn and watch Isabel slice at the hand that was reaching down to me and Farlan. Frankly the kid is amazing.

"Brilliant kiddo, now get out of— no!" I cry out, as she gets too cocky. She wants to be like her Big Bro, I can see it in those bright eyes as she swings up and goes for the nape. But she misses, her angle all wrong.

"Dang it!" she yells in irritation, going for another try like the crazy fool she was.

"Get out of there Kid!" I yell, firing up to try and get the nape myself, but as I do she's dislodged on her retry and smacks into the back of the Titan. She's about as vulnerable as possible there, and I feel my blood turn cold. But still, I manage to slice down the big bastard leering in from behind to claim her as his own meal. But before I can turn and launch for the original target that she was dangling down from, the beast has grabbed hold of her himself. Reached round and clamped that filthy fist round her doll-like body.

"Isabel!" I scream and she looks down at me, an oddly wistful look reflected in those bright green orbs of promise and potential. No. Not like this.

"Kats—" her blood rains down on my face as I reach for her pointlessly.

Isabel.

I'm frozen, staring at where her life has been sprayed across the beast's ungainly jaws. No. Not those big bright eyes! They were meant to live in the open, meant to see the seasons change and live in a world that wasn't built to be a tomb. Of all the people to die out here in this mess of blood, sweat, tears, rain and mud. Not her.

"You bastard!" I hear Farlan yell out, and I turn, wrenching myself out of my wallowing bubble and I stagger after him. His gear is all messed up though, jamming when he tries to fire. "Just my luck…"

"Farlan move god dammit!" I yell, voice scratchy from my unvoiced sobs. I couldn't stop to mourn her properly just yet, there wasn't the time. He looks at me and nods, dodging and diving like the pro I knew he was.

There's seven of them around us, no five now?

My mind whirls at the looming masses. What the hell were we meant to do but die? My valour is all on the point of disappearing when I hear Flagon yell out and take on the Titan that had killed Isabel. Squad leader to the rescue I guess, but of course it isn't meant to be. Once again the rain fucks it all up. He slips, he slides, and he is consumed.

I feel Death sneer at me.

He was finally coming to collect.

I slip across the mud, desperately trying to get some traction, but as Farlan staggers back from seeing another comrade fall he's caught by a hand that loomed out of the fog. They were never ending. This world was never ceasing in its atrocities.

"Fuck no, not him too!" I yell at no one in particular, my leg is screaming at me and it becomes warm as blood starts seeping through I assume. Unless I've pissed myself. I have no idea right now, but as I soar through the air and slice into the wrist of the beast, grabbing Farlan's hand a moment later I feel a slight twinge of hope. But I know that's dangerous. And this is only proven when my grapple fails to disengage and I'm slammed into the dirt after letting Farlan go. Another snap, and now there's acute pain slicing through my nerves.

Pretty sure that was a rib…

"Shit…" I pant, trying to get up, but failing. Mobility was the way to stay alive, and right now that was exactly what I didn't have. Soon enough I'm scooped up next, a large hand wrapping round me and crushing my already damaged ribs. Oh god I can't breathe. Did they ever stop? I groan as the momentum makes my head spin, suddenly raising a good ten metres into the air with the heat and stench of this beast. I want to vomit.

I hear Levi scream at Farlan.

Something was going on beyond my sight.

I'm just glad he can't see me through the fog.

The mouth is getting nearer. Shit. Not like this. This is not how I'm meant to go out, not without having managed to at least save someone. Surely? I manage to wiggle my arm free, but my blade's shattered. Then again had a disadvantage ever stopped me before? I hack away with the stub of a blade, feeling the hot breath against my face when I finally slice through and drop from the hand. The wrist flails backwards into the fog.

"Fuck!" I shriek and land atop the hand in the muck below. I feel like I'm going to drown in it, but am soon distracted by the searing pain in my leg. I look down and again feel the want to vomit, I tighten my strap above the break and force myself to ignore the pain. It could come later. I get up and I get my ass moving.

"Levi?! Farlan?!" I yell as I stumble through the grey smog of death. But there's nothing until I finally feel a breeze and then the world finally clears.

Only now… now I wish I was blind.

Levi walks along, staggered steps and face like a grave. In his arms he carries Farlan, but it isn't any good. Blonde hair matted onto his silently screaming face as blood continues to dribble from where his navel should have been.

Oh god.

Not both of them.

Rage burns in me, and as I get closer with each staggering step Levi turns to me. As our eyes meet, green to grey, friend to friend, soldier to soldier; we share a moment of clarity. This had to end in blood, as it was always meant to. Only now it would be Titan blood, and steam, and pain. He lays down our fallen comrade. No words are shared, no words are needed. We nod, and stand back to back as the rest of them tower in on us. The breeze continues to clear the mist and finally we had some sight, at last we could stare our enemies down.

Three for me, and four for him.

He shoots left, and I shoot right.

We are rage incandescent, we are fury, we are vengeance.

I howl against both the pain in my leg and heart as I slice through them. There's no poise in my movements, no cunning plan, no experience given grace; I just hack and swing till my three Titans are left in bits as they steam into oblivion. But that's it, that's all I had to do. So why in hell couldn't I have managed it sooner?

I stagger a little but can't fight it anymore. I fall into the mud sobbing, my blades drop from my hands and I hear the last of Levi's targets fall down beside me. I don't even flinch as the impact shifts my hood against me. The gentle hiss of steam is all I can hear above my own gasping breaths. I stare at the ground, soaked with the tears of this world and the blood of my friends. And yet there's nothing now. I sob onwards but can't grasp hold of any one emotion.

I feel fucking hollow.

I look down at my leg and grimace, dammit that was unsightly. The bone sticks through the darkened material of my trousers, bright white against the surrounding dark red and brown mess. My rage dulled the pain before, but now this hollowness lets it register anew. I claw into the earth and stuff my cloak in my mouth.

Shit.

Levi appears next to me, staring ahead of where I sit, stock still as his eyes slowly blink. I know I'll regret it, but I look to where his eyes are locked and feel another scream burn in my throat. It goes unvoiced, but my god do I want to let it rip out of me until my lungs burst.

Those bright eyes.

Those big beautiful green eyes, now glazed over with lifelessness, stare at us from Isabel's sweet head. The mask is broken as he walks over and stares down, hands shaking as they continue to tightly grip his still steaming blades. This isn't Levi, this is the shattered pieces of him being held together by a damn uniform. I can barely see straight from the agony swirling in my mind, but still I wrench my sorry ass up and I go to him. In all honesty, having heard the rage-filled roars from him as he took those Titans down, I'm half expecting him to cut me into pieces as well. I have blame here, just as he would think he had. He left them, yes, but I was right here and still failed to protect them. But as I get closer to him, there's no reaction at all, he's just standing there staring into those green pits.

I limp over and hold onto his shoulder, putting my other hand to his face as I try and stop him being mesmerised by that silent gaze. I can't say anything though, if I open my mouth I feel like I'll just scream at him, and at the world. The sobs are burning in my throat, but I won't voice them. I have to be here for him, I have to fight the shadows back now more than ever.

He blinks slowly, a flicker of light appearing in those silver eyes as he looks at my hand, his downward gaze then catching sight of my leg. That flicker blazes and he tenses up, putting a hand over mine and holding tighter than ever. His other goes to my cheek, seemingly searching my face with those wild eyes.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" he demands coarsely, but I just breathe heavily, unable to say a damn thing. I can't imagine what's going on in his head, the pain he must be feeling. All I'd wanted to do, throughout this shitshow, was help him. That was all I had ever bloody wanted to do. But it seemed like all I'd accomplished was heaping on more pain. The edges of my vision blur again, darkening as my breathing shakes. What do I say?

He shakes my shoulders.

"Kat! Come on, don't do this, don't leave me…"

"I c-can't… oh God… Levi…" I look away, gritting my teeth as I sway, the stench of the battle making it even harder to breathe on top of the fact I feel like those two tombstones I'd seen, were now hung round my neck, pressing down on my chest. Burying me. "I… I tried… I just…"

"Just get off that leg, we need to—"

"We need to bury them." I gag and put a hand over my mouth, and in the next second he's pulled me into his arms. I want to push him away, beg him to fucking save himself before the tombstones dragged him down too, but soon enough I know I can't.

I feel that strength around me, hear that heartbeat that commanded my own. We sink to our knees, and whilst he starts pawing at my leg, fresh blood oozing from the wound, I just stare down at him. I think I understand it now, why he hadn't pushed me away, why he hadn't killed me. In this world of uncertainties, and madness, we seemed to always come back to each other. I was his only real connection to the past, the only real connection to himself that he still has, is me.

You poor bastard Levi.

"You should make it back." He says quietly, and I nod absentmindedly, not particularly bothered about anything to do with myself by this point.

I run a hand through his hair as the rain lets up, and the clouds begin to shift. The last of the fog rolls away and the scene is plain to see. Silence rules us for a while, until finally he looks at me. That light that flickered and blazed was there, but it was dimming as he licks his lips and breathes out a question that makes my iced over heart shudder.

"Did I kill them?" he looks like a child again, completely stripped back to his old self. Before anything had darkened him, before anything had sullied those pure eyes. I just pull him close and shake my head.

"You let them live, Levi. You let them fight."

"Kat… what was all this for?" he breathes, clinging to me suddenly and my heart seems to thaw just a little. I look up at the clearing sky and try to remember. But my mind is a haze of mist, tainted in red flecks. Right now I have no idea. Right now the only thing I'm certain of is that I'm alive, and he's alive; and we had lost two bright souls in our care.

"I don't know Levi. But we… but you…"

"You got it right the first time." He says, breath hitching ever so slightly before he looks at me again and tucks a strand of my hair back. I look away, unable to accept the affection that just appeared in that gaze.

Why now?

Why was it only in the darkest of places we found ourselves able to accept how much we needed each other?

I clamber onto my feet, he watches me go, knowing not to question me as I go over to that mess of Auburn hair. I kneel down and slowly close those eyes, letting my foolish self try to imagine she was doing nothing but taking a nap. That soon enough she would be pestering me again, calling me Kitty Kat and laughing that melodic laugh.

" _We_." He says sternly from where he sits. "Promise me that at least, brat."

I turn to him, meeting that familiar gaze and feeling my heart give a juddering swell.

"Levi I—"

The sound of hooves makes me jolt, and he turns, also startled by the sudden intrusion of our silence. But as they grow closer we see the familiar figure of our intended victim. He rides up and considers the scene carefully, cold blue eyes wide as he notes the diminished Squad and rotting Titan corpses. And then he lands his gaze upon his, more disbelief showing.

"Levi? Katsumi?! What… what the hell happened… are you the only ones left?"

What a stupid question.

I see Levi tense for a lunge, but I don't have the energy to try and get over there to stop him. Instead I run my fingers through the soft locks of little Isabel, unable to avoid the warm tears rolling down my cheeks. Erwin looks at Levi and then to me, flinching back from my expression, which I can only assume either looks completely broken, or completely psychotic. Either way, not a pretty sight.

"Did you take all these Titan's down yourselv—" his question is cut off as Levi lunges, and drags Erwin from his horse to throw him into the much. They land heavily, and I flinch at the harsh noise. Levi is practically growling as he holds his glittering blade to Erwin's throat.

I look at Mike who had been close behind, and shake my head. Not the time to intervene Sniffers, trust me on this. The man nods slightly, and looks at my leg with a grimace soon following. Yeah we survived, just about.

"I'll kill you Smith." Growls Levi, and Erwin just stares at him coldly. Levi hisses through his teeth. "It's the only god damned reason I'm here!" the blade shakes with his rage as he grits his teeth tighter.

They talk about some document, and about the original 'job' Levi had been asked to do. It all rumbles round me without meaning quite frankly, I had never been involved with it, and even now feel no real drive to kill Erwin anymore. He was as powerless in this as we were it seemed. How petty our squabbles seemed when in the wake of these beasts and their smouldering bones.

And then I hear it.

It had all been a bluff. So the 'job' had been for nothing. I suck a breath through my teeth, tasting blood but disregarding it. The only reason Levi had agreed to all this, to taking Isabel and Farlan out of the Underground and into this madness, was a bluff? Once again the ice crawls over my heart, and I watch as the blade shudders in Levi's hands.

I no longer care.

Cut him to ribbons if you want Levi, I can't hold back this tide any longer.

I'll just linger in the dark with you.

"You bastard… this is all your fault! You knew? You fucking knew?!" demands Levi, and then Erwin glances at me and at the girl's head where my hand lingers.

His eyes grow sad, and then very, very angry.

He turns them on Levi and I feel myself hold my breath.

"Who was it that killed my subordinates, and your friends?" Erwin asks, and I flinch back from that tone. "Was it me? Was it you?"

At first I can't believe what the bastard's insinuating; that it was Levi's fault they were dead. How dare he? How dare he throw that blame down at Levi's feet when he can clearly see the pain in the man's eyes? But then it clicks into place. That wasn't what Erwin was saying at all. I look to Levi, and see he has made the same initial assumption as myself, but instead of anger it manifests as guilt and shame. An entirely new darkness is shrouding him.

"You're right…" Levi says, blade remaining where it is, but eyes glancing down. As I hear his confession, his admittance of accountability I feel sick to my stomach. No Levi… no it isn't true. "My arrogance... my shitty pride…"

"No you're wrong!" yells Erwin and I do a double take. I knew what he had meant, but why was he so desperate for Levi to understand? I thought Erwin hated Levi. But perhaps I had set my sights too small. Allowed myself too much indulgence. I draw a shaky breath and rise to my feet, swaying as I stagger over to them.

"It's the Titans." I say it quietly, not really sure if I intended them to hear or not. But then they both look at me whilst I gaze at the mess in our wake. No, in their wake. Erwin nods

"We are ignorant of them, of the outside world, and until we learn all we can about them? Humanity will never escape this nightmare." he grabs the blade and leans forward towards Levi who just stares, still trying to comprehend all that has happened I think. Erwin stands and looms over him, I panic and wonder if he's just saying all this to kill Levi. But when he shoots me a look I just stand where I am, listening to my own shaken breath and stuttering heartbeat. He's serious. "Will you kill me, Levi? Will you return to that darkness of the Underground? Dragging her with you?"

Levi looks at me and I just stare back.

"We need your strength, both of you, humanity needs you." Says Erwin, slightly pleading.

"Needs us?" I breathe, still staring into those turbulent grey eyes.

"Stay in the light and fight beside us." Says Erwin quietly, the breeze shifting our capes and fluttering those green shades around.

I swallow hard.

Perhaps the only tangible thing to be brought out from all this carnage and waste, was doing just that. Remaining to fight. Staying in the Corps and battling for freedom under the big sky Isabel loved so much. It wasn't much, but it was something. I clench my teeth and stagger over to Levi who now looks up at that clearing sky, eyes reflecting the rolling clouds as the noise in his mind continues. I put a hand on Levi's that holds the blade towards Erwin still. I'm not stopping him, I'm just trying to remind him that someone is still there with him.

I'm not much of a consolation prize, but at least I was a connection to what once was.

"I need to know one thing Erwin." I say quietly, eye flickering over to him, the blade still held in his hand as blood seeps from his palm. He was far from safe. His blue eyes zone in on mine and I feel sincerity shine out at me.

"Ask."

"Why did you make me wait? Why ask for the extra time?" I ask and tighten my hold on Levi's hand, trying to steady myself as my vision darkens again. "What did it allow?"

"The longer he had to scramble at a cover up, the more that damned nobleman buried himself into his own conspiracy. By allowing me time, and allowing the mission to continue, you allowed us to show that bastard for who he is. Lobov is now disgraced and can no longer steal, nor hold back our work." He explains and whilst I know next to nothing about this nobleman, the fact that I had allowed the Scouts to continue their jobs was a small consolation.

Without the scouts, when it really came down to it, none of us would fly.

"Why would your death halt the mission?" I snort, seeing it as arrogance initially. But then I stop myself, and glance over to where Shadis sits upon his horse, hollowed eyes extremely tired looking. I look back to Erwin and smirk. "So you're already the Commander?"

"As good as." He shrugs and swallows as the blade shudders in Levi's grip. "Please, listen to me the two of you. Stay in the light, fight with us for the hope of tomorrow. Allow me to—"

"Shut it, Erwin." I sigh, and I turn to Levi with a solemn look. "No more deals, no more secret arrangements or scurrying around behind each other's backs. We have nothing else to lose but this freedom… and maybe each other."

Levi stares for a long moment, and I wonder if that's even enough for him anymore. Does he just want to go back to that hovel and dwindle into nothing? But then he finally yields the grip upon his blade. And so do I. It falls to the earth, blood still trickling along the razor edge. Erwin heads back over towards Mike, and once again a strange quiet enfolds me and Levi. As he stares at me, I feel like he's looking for something, and then finally he takes a slow blink.

"Not bad…" he says at me and I can't help but smirk a little. There he was, even if it was just for a moment, there was a flicker of himself in amongst the wreckage. His eyes glance at the fallen and he shudders, gritting his teeth. I put a hand to his cheek and run my thumb where there's no tears to take away.

"You can't regret it, don't cheapen what they did."

"I won't. I'll never let myself do that." He says, pausing to take a breath. "But you can't either, Kat."

"Perhaps we can make that our last deal…" I sigh and smile sadly at him as the sun washes over his pale face. He nods and I know it's done, we have a new vow and a brand new bond. On top of all our history, and all our shared pain, I really don't think anything's going to be able to pull us apart anymore. Heck, it could try, but it wouldn't work.

"Hey Claws… I need to get a look at that leg…" says Hanji as she rides up, having been sent for by Sniffer I assume. I nod, before I glance to those two sleeping souls and then shake my head gently.

"Not yet." I whisper.

"What's that claws?"

"Not till I've put them to bed."

"Huh?" she says, but I don't explain, she'd know soon enough.

I head over to where Isabel sleeps. Signals fire off in the background, and I know in truth we don't have time to bury them. Not out here. Here was a place that Time slid and juddered about, sneaking up on you in the form of gaping jaws. But I can't just leave them like this. I take off my cape and swaddle that sweetly sleeping face in it, carrying her over to Farlan and laying her upon his stilled chest. I'm about to kneel down when Levi appears by my side, silently tapping my shoulder and doing it himself. He wraps Farlan's cape around them and we both take a blade and cross them at the head of the newly appointed resting place.

"Perhaps it's better to not bury them…" I whisper, and feel his arm go to my waist. "Now they're free to gaze up at that sky for always…"

"Let's go home, Kat."

"Yeah… let's go home, Levi."

We head over and Levi gets onto a horse, hauling me up behind him a moment later. Well it isn't as if I can ride on my own with my leg in this state. I hold on tight and brace myself for the oncoming movement, and in all likeliness, soul-crushing pain. He looks over his shoulder as the formation regroups around us.

"How's the pain?" his voice is gentle, and I just shrug, holding a little tighter still.

"I'll loop my hands through your straps if I think I'm gonna pass out."

"Right…"

"I'm here Levi, and if I'm in pain, it means I'm alive. I'm not leaving you again." I sigh and he nods, patting my hand that rests across his stomach. We start to head back with Erwin and Mike, but as we reach the top of a hill Levi slows the horse and we both look back. The blades gleam in the sunlight. I hold him tighter.

"Under the big blue sky Levi, they're not stuck in the shadows anymore."

"I wish I saw the world through your eyes."

"I can help with that." I nuzzle his back and he holds my hand a little tighter. "Don't go taking this the wrong way, you prat… but, I do love you."

"I love you too, brat."

* * *

 **Phew... proverbial fan and shit have connected. That was intense to write, I cannot lie. I just hope it was a good read as well.**

 **Thank you and see you next time!**

 **Maria: Yes I'm back and writing rather slowly, I do apologise about that, but I have caught up with myself in all the stories now so I am having to write fresh for each update which is a new sensation. I basically got it all done, and now have a very annoying waiting game to play... I hope the box of tissues was sufficient and at least used (never know that line between underplaying or laying it on too thick... ugh so tricky!) I do so appreciate your patience and support. It really does mean a lot to me as a writer, and as a human being if I even count as that anymore, haha.**

 **Gracexxx: Once again you are too kind, and I hope this chapter was up to standard for you. Thank you for the continued support on what is my least popular, but still very dear to me, story. :)**


	12. Notage and Apologies once again Failure

**Happy Holidays to you all, I hope this festive season (as it gets closer and closer) is treating you all well. I plan to have updated all my stories by christmas as my gift to you all, but I make no promises.**

 **I won't lie, I have failed you all in upkeeping a regular update schedule and for that I can only apologise. This is down to a mixture of health issues, lack of sleep thanks to them, and procrastination. I make no excuses, I simply wanted to explain to you all.**

 **As usual I will be updating in the order of Chained Wings, Red Burning Wings and then Flight From Darkness.**

 **Thank you to everyone who has continued to follow and read, and to those that have reviewed. Means alot, really it does. As said before, I will be continuing all stories as and when I can, no one is disappearing I prrromise.**

 **Thanks again, best wishes to you all :) Francesca**


	13. Updates

**Right. Hands in the air right now, I found myself a little at a loss with this story. I spent so long getting to the BIG moment where we lost Farlan and Isabel, that when I finally got there I was kinda... well lost. I have the plans for what to do, but still I was a little bit like, oh shit they're really dead now. Haha, talk about getting overly attached.**

 **Anyway!**

 **I am very sorry for not having updated this since... December... and that was my last load of apologies, so frankly this is a little shameful. So yes, sorry, very sorry indeed. However, I am currently working on the update for this story right now. So hopefully it'll be up over the next couple of days.**

 **Thanks for your patience, and I was thrilled to see I still have followers on this story.**

 **Right I'll shut up now and get back to the update.**

 **See you soon hopefully!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello! Yes. It happened. I kept my word. 0_0 dun dun duuuuuuuuuun.**

 **So here we go! Thank you so so so much to those of you who have followed and stuck with this story, I am so feckin' sorry about the delay. I didn't realise how hard it would be to keep writing this after the loss of Isabel and Farlan, but it really was! Anyway, hopefully now it'll be easier to continue :D hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT. And the M thing still applies because SHOCKER bad language, substance abuse... general AOT shenanigans.**

* * *

Time becomes a funny thing once your heart's been ripped out and torn to shreds, slowly being forced back inside as you try and get through the day by day. Time becomes sluggish and warped, I'll think no time has passed and suddenly it's the afternoon, or I'll close my eyes and wish for sleep and it seems to take a week to get through a single night. It disorientating, and it makes hell for my daily schedule I'll tell you that for sure. I haven't looked anyone in the eye since it happened, and we've been back for a month now I think, at least that's the best guess I can make. Daily duty slides past, and dawn turns to dusk when my head hits the pillow.

I keep trying to reach out for Levi, but I don't know what to do, he doesn't meet my eye same as I don't meet his. Neither of us know what to do in all honesty. We just look each other's way and know, we hold hands or even just lean, it's all we can manage and right now, it's all we can bare to need. I hadn't known them long, I feel my selfishness stick in my throat, I had no right to be this bent out of shape about it. I should be strong for him. But whenever I try and voice that damned apology he just shuts me up. At first it was with a finger, pressed to my lips before it trembled and fell away again, but it gradually changed to more and more intimate things. Eventually it was him cupping my face with the other hand, the finger at my lips no longer trembling as his eyes linger on my cheeks, not meeting my gaze yet, but a lot closer than before. How long till we manage eye contact? How long before we… my head whirls and now? Now it was something else entirely.

"Levi…" I breathe, trying to get the words out, trying to make him understand that it was all right for him to be hurt worse. He should be. They were his family for years, and I barely knew them at all in the grand scheme of things. But it doesn't escape. He seals my lips with his own and pins me against the wall. At first I thought he was going to kill me, that he had finally had enough and just wanted to smash my head in till I was nothing more than something to be scrubbed away. But this was quickly turning into something I knew deep down I'd wanted since finding him again. My arms wrap round his neck and hold him close, the tears rolling down my cheeks as he hungrily deepens the kiss and slides his hands under my shirt. The flesh there is littered by old scarring and now bright new ones from the mission. It was only three days ago that I was permitted to be free of the cast on my leg. It's still bandaged up, and I have splints in my boots, but right now I don't feel any pain. I just feel this deep ache within me, the same one that had been in me this whole time, but now it burned with fresh urgency.

Yes.

Please.

Let me feel something other than loss, other than who should be sat there laughing away, or nervously muttering under his breath. Teach me to feel again Levi. Please. I gasp as a shirt button pings to the floor, his hands having gotten impatient at the last hurdle. My fingers fumble with his belt buckle and I unbutton his trousers. His lips, already bruised and red as they pant unintelligibly, travel down my throat and he bites down on my pulse point.

"Fuck…" I sit bolt upright in my bed, darkness all around me as I wake alone, and panting.

I needed to get fucking laid.

My hand reaches to my neck as it stings badly.

I've popped the stitches again haven't I?

I look down and sure enough red bleeds into my pillow all over again. I swallow hard, and just watch it spread further and further, paling as it blossoms out like weird wisps of cloud at sunset. Pink and fluffy at the edges. The moonlight is pale as it comes in through the window where someone hadn't quite had the courage to close the drapes. It made for grumbling, but really no one minded, you could only listen to whispered breathing of someone sleeping for so long before your nightmares turned it into the grunted gasps of a Titan. But I just stare at the blood, listening to those hushed breaths and wondering why it hadn't been me.

Why the hell hadn't it been me?

"Hey Kat… you all right?" the calming voice of Hanji says and I turn to her, having not noticed her at all.

Had she been there the whole time? Or just turned up? I shake my head and rub my eyes, sick of my head messing with me. She's kneeling by my bed again, in her uniform still having presumably just got back from the night patrol. I smile at her once I feel a bit more awake, and I nod with a dismissive hand at my neck. She returns the smile, but nods towards the door.

"Come on, you know I have to clean you up properly. No arguments Claws."

I shrug on my jacket and shuffle along with her in my bare-feet, not all that bashful in my night gown which is essentially a large shirt. The other women all whisper and gasp but I just flip the bird at them. This was seriously past the perverted gaping hour, and any bastard that did wanna have a gawk? Welcome to it.

"Always eager to go unnoticed eh, Kat?"

"Regular wall-flower, Hanji, you know that." I mumble as I sit on the counter in the medical bay as she gathers the usual equipment. I'd have a bugger of a scar there by the end of this, but the simple fact was the wound was right where my neck stretched and moved, so yeah, it had been popping open constantly for the past month. As usual Hanji sits there and cleans me up before redoing the stitches. The metal instrument clatter back into the bowl as the cotton buds are pushed aside, and she sits opposite me with a knowing smile. She takes my hands and squeezes.

Not this again.

I avoid her eyes as always, but this time she just squeezes harder, and I flinch, looking at her chin in defeat. It was better than her throat, and definitely better than her tits. But I hadn't stared at them for long; and I'd only stared for as long as I had in order to try and find them.

"Nearly Claws. Nearly." She sighs, and gives one last squeeze before letting go. I shake my head and smile as best I can. "Don't apologise either, you're allowed to mourn Kat, I just want to help and know I can't… it's frustrating is all. Mind you… you're doing better than Levi so…"

"Where is he anyway? I haven't seen him in about a week." Truth is I'd probably find more solace in the arms of anyone else on this compound, even Erwin. Whenever I had glanced towards Levi he flinched back and shuddered, now I was a connection with the past and what he had lost all over again. When it had first happened we were able to look past that, just cling to each other and endure the shock. But once shock fades… that's when the real pain begins. It had happened slowly, but day by day he stepped a little further out of my reach.

"Right now he's in the mess-hall making his way through some of my home brew. I didn't want to give it to him… but he clearly needed something to numb himself out. Sorry…" she sighs and takes off her glasses to give them a polish. She sounds so tired and downtrodden, and I feel a fresh wave of guilt as I consider how this has all hit her and my other acquaintances. Okay… I could probably stretch to 'friend' for the likes of Hanji. And maybe Sniffer.

"It's all right Hanji, him drinking is better than him solely depending on the power of brood. That's when he really gets in a hole and you can't dig him out for anything." I sigh and scrape my hair back, tugging on it a little as I try and find the answer to all this. But answers seemed to be being as elusive as time at the moment. "I don't know how to help him Hanji…"

"You don't even know how to help yourself at the moment, love." Chuckles the scientifically minded woman before me, and I smirk at the sentiment. She had a big heart.

"How has he seemed to you though? I reckon my perspective is a little… warped…" I murmur, wondering what all the damned sex dreams meant apart from my rampant frustration. Was I really longing to be like that with Levi again? My head whirls at the idea and I decide to put that sticky question back up on the shelf for now.

"He hasn't said much to anyone really. Does his duties and goes back to bed… until the next mission comes along Erwin can't say much either, no one can. He's not doing anything wrong but—"

"He's not doing anything good either." I breathe, and she nods.

I swallow hard and consider the fact that all this mess had been because I was trying to save the idiot from his own darkness, and in doing so I might have pushed him towards it even more in letting those two die. My leg aches as I consider this, and an echo of their screams makes its way round my head. This wallowing and blaming wasn't why I came with them, this wasn't why I got involved. I came here to help, to be there for him in the ways I hadn't before, and right now? I was being about as helpful as Kenny on a rampage. That drunken bastard… I couldn't let Levi end up the same way; cruel, harsh, heartless and stinking of last night's regrets. I doubted he would ever _literally_ stink, but the sentiment remained the same. I couldn't let it happen.

"I feel like you're either about to fall asleep, or make a decision… or possibly pass wind… feel like letting me know any time soon?" chirps Hanji's voice from the dark and I laugh breathlessly, my shoulders shifting with it as it bubbles out of my throat. For the first time since that moment those two were snatched from the land of the living, I want to laugh.

That was right Hanji, you were still here, still being odd and curious about everything. Dammit woman you had to keep going didn't you? You took it all and learned, noted it down in a scrawl and just made a new theory. It's what you do. Sniffer was still around too, squeezing my shoulder every now and then without bothering to placate me with niceties. He knew there wasn't any point, and he knew I wouldn't put up with it. That man could read a stone.

Erwin…

Even Erwin was someone to look to in all this. It was his formation, and technically his orders, and that had to weigh heavily upon the mind despite the glaringly obvious lack of intent. It wasn't his doing really, and yet the guilt would be there, but you really wouldn't know it. He kept going, kept working, kept fighting. He had kept his distance for the entire month except for one instance. I was about to enter the dorms when he placed a careful hand on my shoulder and spoke quietly in my ear, it wasn't ground-breaking, or amazingly eloquent. It was simple and felt true to my bones.

"I'm sorry."

And then he was gone again.

I stood there staring at the door for so long I ended up bumping into someone trying to leave the dorms the other way. He felt it to his core didn't he? He wasn't even the Commander yet and still those names were drilling into his skull. I swallowed down my words though, I kept my feet planted and refused to go to his office and tell him I had forgiven him. I felt it in my heart that I had, somewhere along the line I had accepted the fact he had never intended anything such as this to happen, who would? But I couldn't voice it, I felt like that would cheapen it. But cheapen what. I sat down and just flopped back onto the bed, I have no idea what I'm reading too much into and what I'm skimming over anymore.

And all this while I've sat there laughing in front of Hanji, finally feeling something as I realise how pointless this mourning is. Isabel would have whacked my head against Levi's and told us to get on with it, to stop being dummies. She'd have scolded me for letting Big Bro be so stupid, and Farlan? Well he would have likely just shook his head and rolled his eyes. I glance up and smile, tears streaming down my face as I decide it ends here. I would never forget them, but this wasn't where the fight ended. It was just where another began.

"I'm sensing it's 'make a decision'." Hanji grins, and I look at her properly, meeting those warm brown eyes properly and holding her gaze as we share a genuine smile between comrades. Between Scouts. Between friends.

"Where is he?" I gasp, still chuckling as I wipe the tears away. There was no way in hell I could have gone through all that, to let him plummet into that pit now. That would be plain moronic, and darn inefficient. I wasn't about to be either any time soon, not without one heck of a fight. And I know it will be. Hanji nods and leads the way, pausing outside the door to allow me to go in myself. I kiss her cheek and send her on her way, smoothing myself down and heading inside.

The large door creaks obnoxiously, and I find no lanterns lit inside, instead the room is aglow with the moonlight through the windows like in the dorms. It's suitably moody, and sat in the pool of one window sits my Levi, one hand on a bottle, and the other playing with a knife. He twirls it, and flings it down and digs it back out, then twirls again to restart the cycle. Apart from the occasional whistle of the wind it's all that is to be heard; the crunch of the blade splintering the wood, and the whack as it stabs in again. If he was here till morning, he'd have worn right through the damn table-top, and then there'd be a whole host of fuss.

"You digging anywhere in particular, or just imagining someone's face there instead?" I ask quietly, walking over and lingering by the seat opposite him. He just shrugs his shoulders, throwing the knife a little harder that time.

It really would be a long fight.

I sit down, chair scraping noisily against the stone and I place the glass I grabbed from the counter down. Nothing except another twirl of the knife. I take a deep breath, pluck the bottle from his slack grip, and pour myself a glass. As the liquor glugs out, sloshing a bit over the sides I feel his eyes slide over to me. He grumbles something, but it's unintelligible anyway. I then hand the bottle back and clink my glass to the neck of it, smirking as the clear note rings out into the darkness around us.

"Haven't seen you in a week or so, I imagine that's because you're busy? Or is it because you've got to the point of grieving that likes to point fingers?" I ask quietly, no edge to my voice as I know there's no need for one. At first he doesn't respond, he doesn't even fling the knife again, he just shifts it in the light and lets the shine dance a bit. I sip the liquor and wait. Eventually he shakes his head and looks up, staring at my lips as he avoids my direct gaze.

" _You didn't do this_." He says with a voice that sounds like it's been raked over gravel paths for the entire month. I wonder how many times he'd gone to the supply closet and screamed into a rag like I had, my own throat pinches at such memories, and so I take a sip of the liquor to steady myself.

"Neither did you." I point out, and the derivative snort he gives in return snags at my worthless heart. I know he held himself accountable, I'd been doing exactly the same of course, we were as idiotic as each other.

Over and over again I see it sliding past me like the mud off my boots. I feel my mouth stretch into a scream, begging her to get out of there, just get out of there Kid. My wire moves so slowly towards the nape, and I slide through the air like a slug. Too slow. She smacks into the back of that Titan, only to then be grabbed by that filthy fist, and raised to those steaming jaws. I seem to move hardly at all, hands clawing lazily for her, voice pointlessly screaming her name. And then I feel it splash against my face, warm in contrast to cold of the rain, her blood drenching me. Drowning me. My god I wonder if I'll ever stop seeing it, and yet in many ways I hope I won't.

" _Stop it Kat_ …" he sighs, clearing his throat and swirling the glass with dull eyes. "You weren't responsible for them and—"

"And you weren't their father." I snap, putting the glass down harder than I had intended. I swallow past the forming lump in my throat, having underestimated how much closer it would all feel when sat in front of him. He doesn't say anything and so I keep going. "You weren't their mother. You were a brother in arms and they knew what they signed up for. Don't go treating them like children now that they're not here to rebut it." I spit it out between my teeth, eyes warm as hypocrisy bounces around us without so much as a blush of indecency. He looks at my mouth again and swallows hard, nodding because he knows he can't argue any different. "We said we weren't gonna regret. It was meant to be our last deal." I swallow hard again, and feel some tears roll down despite my best efforts.

"I don't regret it…" he sighs, and I tilt my head at him. He clears his throat again, and I think I see a sneaky removal of a tear too. "I just wish it had been me…"

I throw a spoon at him.

"Pretty sure that's a version of regret you idiot." I sniff and lean my head onto my hand. He shrugs and stabs the table again. Quiet settles around us again, the knife's dance only thing to break it. I watch him, but I see nothing really altered in his demeanour.

"We can't keep going like this, Levi they wouldn't—"

"Want this? Well no shit!" he snaps, wrenching the knife out and just stabbing it back in full force, the blade halfway imbedded into the wood.

I flinched back, once again assuming the attack would be aimed at me, and I now sit leaning back and staring. I don't even breathe. He grits his teeth, baring them in the moonlight as he tries to cling to some semblance of composure, but the tears are rolling down now, looking weirdly beautiful as they turn to molten silver by the moons touch.

"Levi…"

"They wanted freedom, and to live above ground, is that so fucking hard? Was it too much to ask?" he isn't asking me, I know this and yet I still want to give him an answer. Didn't any of us at least deserve some answers to all this?

I just stay quiet for a while, before slowly reaching out and putting my hand over his that grips the knife handle. He shudders and sucks in a breath, shaking his head as I slowly unhook his fingers and take the knife for myself. I wiggle it and gradually it's freed with more splinters scattering across the table. I spin it in my hands, and notice him watching me closely, I tilt my head and look past the blade, letting it spin till it faces him head on.

"So why are we dwindling here instead of living?" I ask quietly, expecting a retort, a snarl, perhaps even a lunge for my throat. But not this. A weird smirk warps his lips, causing a shiver to jolt down my spine and linger in my gut. The shadows were creeping into his heart weren't they, burrowing in and making little homes as I sat here and watched. My temper flares. "Don't laugh at me." I snarl at him, gripping the knife tighter and tighter till my knuckles look like snow drops.

"Why not?" he rasps, "Are you seriously about to suggest that we live for them?"

"Are you seriously suggesting that we don't?" I frown and squint at him, trying to get a read on his mind-set. Perhaps I had been too lax, perhaps I had let this go on for too long already. Shit I wasn't too late was I? He reaches for the knife, but I just shake my head and keep it for myself. There's a pause, a long one at that, but slowly the smirk vanishes and the stoic nothingness returns. I think it's better?

He sighs and drains his glass.

"What's the fucking point?"

"Oh god, really?" I seethe, putting on my brave face as those sharp eyes glare at me. "You… _you_ of all people are going to go down the road of the self-pitying fuckwit? Wow… I've seen a lot of messed up shit up here, and down there, but my god that's the worst. Don't kid yourself into thinking you don't care, Levi. Because I'm sorry to fucking inform you, even this lowlife self-serving loser at the bottom of a bottle… you do care. You do." I growl, getting up from my seat, noting the way his eyes follow me and continue to glare in challenge. "Don't look at me like that and not expect a slap to be coming your way pretty damn soon."

"Fuck sake… why can't you just let me be?"

"Because you've decided to be a pathetic mess?" I slam my hand down, "and I was too until I realised it was pointless to do so."

"Fucking hypocrite…" he grumbles and I just grunt in frustration, grab the bottle and fling it against the wall.

"Fuck you! I want to keep fighting, to make the most of this newfound freedom and sky above. Wouldn't you want them to do the same if it had been us to die?"

"You wouldn't have died." He spits out way too quickly, looking fixedly at the table top, hands bracing him against it. His head slowly shakes. I just sigh and sit back down, my rage dissipating as I watch him crumble. God dammit. "I… I want to Kat… I'm just so tired of this."

"Then go get a fresh bottle from Hanji, only this time? Put it to your head and pull the trigger." I say quietly, smiling sadly at him when he looks at me without outright confusion. A few more tears make their way down my face and I sniff inelegantly. "Do it, or put it away and drag yourself back up here with the rest of us."

"Kat…"

"I said it then, and I'll say it again Levi. I love you, so I'm not about to let you sign out of here without me kicking the shit out of you before you go." I keep the knife and start to walk away. "But it's your choice at the end of the day, Levi. I can't force you… I don't have the damned energy to do that anymore." I sigh and rest my head against the door when I reach it.

There's a long silence, and I'm fairly sure he's either passed out from the drink, or he's just headed off through another door without my noticing, but then I hear the chair slide back. The footsteps are slow, and deliberate as he tries to not bump into anything, but eventually he's there, right behind me. I'm about to turn and hold him close when suddenly his arms are around my waist, and he rests his head between my shoulder blades.

"Still not giving up on me, eh Kat?" he whispers, sniffing afterwards. I put my hand over his and laugh weakly, straightening up and taking a big gulp of air as I feel his heart beat through his skin. He was still here, and the shadows hadn't won yet.

"Got a long way to go before that ever happens, Levi. I promise." I breathe, feeling a real smile fall across my lips as I lean back into him ever-so-slightly, still keeping in mind he wasn't all that stable on his feet right now. A chuckle shudders through him and he squeezes a bit tighter.

"Don't…" he hiccups. "Don't go taking this the wrong way you prat… but I love you."

"I love you too, Levi."

* * *

It still took time, and a hell of a lot more patience on my part. But gradually, over the next few months we got back to normal, back to existing together and just being a team. I kept having my rather odd dreams about him, but I never voiced anything. Whilst this didn't help with the dreams, I didn't much care. Frankly I didn't want to rock the boat at this point. Summer was on the way and I was kind of looking forward to some slightly more care-free times. Interspersed with missions and training, and cleaning duty, and dealing with the fact that Levi in some way still wanted to kill Erwin. But still more care-free than before.

Months turned into years, and soon enough we had some real respect around here. With our skill set and kill counts, it wasn't long before me and Levi were not only known throughout the regiment as being damned good, but the military as a whole. Levi was known as Humanity's Strongest, and my name of Claws had rather resurfaced with a whole new meaning. We were warriors for mankind now, not for just ourselves. It was strange, but not an unwelcome change from the side-glances and suspicious whispering that used to follow us around. The honour felt abstract until we heard someone cheer those new titles when right in front of some MP bastards. At that point? Sunshine in our hair, pride holding our backs a bit straighter, and my horse taking a rather timely shit on their street? My god it felt good. I looked up at the clear-blue sky and winked, knowing Isabel and Farlan would be looking down and laughing like the rest of us.

Time becomes a strange thing once you're healing. It seems to completely disregard you all of a sudden and you wonder how it had ever caused you problems before. I help Sniffer trained new cadets when they're brought in, and we do recruitment runs every so often too. Hanji has been trying to get my help in persuading Erwin to allow her more freedom with her research, knowing my sway over the man. He wasn't Commander quite yet, but he was basically treated as such in many ways. But try as we might, we hadn't got very far.

After all, I had my own asks to make.

Over the past couple of years, I had been able to maintain contact with Chia and the orphanage through letters. I was thankful for this, each month weighing heavier on the fact I missed her and the children so much. It was about six months after me and Levi had decided to put the pain behind us, that I had gotten the courage to ask Erwin about heading back to the Underground for a visit. That was all I wanted, a visit to see those smiling faces again, and assure them I was doing okay. That was all.

But no such luck.

It's been a couple years now, and still I haven't been able to return to them. Week after week goes by without the permission granted. On and on it goes, and nowadays I can't even blame it on Erwin anymore. I want to, believe me I would love nothing more than to land it at his door and point the finger there. But I can't. I see the frustration in his face every single Monday morning he has to look at me with a no upon his lips, he's trying, he's asking, but neither Commander Shadis, nor the brass beyond want to risk it.

As if those plushy brass bastards even knew what 'risk' meant.

For some reason, despite the fact both Levi and I had proven our metal a thousand times over, as well as our outright allegiance, we were still considered foreign entities; unknown and untrusted. I was soon reaching the point that I'd ram Shadis into the dirt myself, but when I stormed towards his office I found myself losing steam with every step. I had seen the real Commander himself only a handful of times, and each time he got a little smaller. A little weaker. I groan and kick the wall as I realise it isn't even his doing, it's the morons beyond that, and they are far beyond the scrambling reach of a little street urchin such as myself. No matter what they called me.

"Just grab a wagon and go!" laughs Hanji with a shrug when I finish my latest rant about the unfair situation, and Sniffer puts a hand on my shoulder to try and quell my fury at her idiocy. I'd get barely five miles down the road before being corralled by someone, be it a squad of the Scouts, or gods forbid the MP's themselves. It would end in a lot of swearing, some broken noses, and me being chucked in the stocks for momentary enraged madness.

I rest my head on the table and just fold and refold the letter in my hands, the ink already smudging from all my fiddling. This was Chia's most recent letter, having arrived a week and a half ago, and I hadn't stopped re-reading it since I opened it then. My heart is doing the waltz it's so worried.

"What exactly is the problem?" murmurs Levi, grabbing the letter and quickly glancing over it for himself. I just let him read it, gently tapping my head off the table-top as I await the newest declaration of 'no' to come from Erwin. It was Monday morning all over again. Time for some fresh disappointment. Levi rests his hand on the back of my head to stop me hitting it, and I'm not sure if it's concern for my skull's structural integrity, or if the tapping is just annoying him when he reads.

Perhaps a bit of both.

 _Dearest Katsumi,_

 _I hope to still find you well, and whole, as we only get news so infrequently down here, I can never be sure if a report on the exploits of the Claws of Humanity is recent or from three weeks prior. So much seems to go on in your world, like an entirely different life for you to lead. It's amazing, but worrying. I know you're strong, and I know you have talent, but be careful my dear friend. The world cannot afford to lose you yet. These Titans, they sound so dangerous, so frightening. I can't help but be scared for you every single time I hear the news a mission is planned or being sent out. Such a dangerous and unknown world. The children all miss you of course, and they chant Claws all the way through the days that we hear of your successes, proudly knowing their guardian angel was an angel for all humanity now too. We all love you and send our united love,_

 _Be well, and be safe._

 _Chia_

"Seems like a normal letter to me, why has this got you so fidgety? You've been acting like a real basket case all week." he asks, handing it back with a small furrow to his brow. I tuck the letter back inside my coat and sip my coffee. His eyes remain on me.

"Because she knows full well about the Titans."

"What do you mean?" he sips his tea in that dumbass fashion. Seriously man, the handle is right there… pretentious… I shrug and shake my head at him.

"We never allowed ignorance in the orphanage; we taught the kids about the world, and all its dangers, human and titan. We had pretty good information too from old soldiers and such, so that whole section about the 'terrifying' Titans? It's bullshit."

"You mean its code?" he glances at my jacket where I hid the letter and I nod, his brows raise and I think I detect a hint of surprise. My, my, I managed to impress him.

"Yup, it's a code all right. That's her telling me that the merchants are honing in and trying to take advantage… again… dammit I knew this would happen when they cottoned onto the fact I can't get back down there." I glare into my coffee and try not to think of those children being lined up and chucked out the door by those fat buggers. One by one, stripped of their home all over again. I stop gripping the cup so hard when I realise I had already broken three cups that month alone. They'd start docking my pay soon.

"You might be reading too much into it, Kat. Just send back a letter and ask—"

"They might already have been turned out onto the street though! Dammit!" I snarl, slamming my hands on the table and waking Hanji up again after she'd managed to doze off after another all-nighter. Levi sips his tea again and sighs.

"Right… so basically you need to get back down there or—"

"Or they'll tear them apart." I murmur with my head in my hands, shaking it back and forth as once again my mind tries to figure it out. I could tunnel under the road and avoid patrols? Or better yet tunnel down to the Underground myself… no that would likely take years. Plus we don't have very goof shovels on base. I feel like a rat in a looped pipe, I keep getting shat on and yet I keep on scrambling round desperately, just to be shat on all over again. Oh good, now the bad metaphors are sneaking back into my head.

There's a clearing of a throat behind me.

I know that noise, and I know it wouldn't have happened without good reason.

Erwin has news.

I jump up out the chair, it slamming back and whacking into a certain tall blonde's undercarriage. Direct hit, and a couple cringes go round the men currently sitting at the breakfast table. Erwin currently bends over and holds onto the back of the chair with a very pink face.

" _Morning_ _Kat_ … nngh… fucking hell…" It wasn't often that you heard Erwin Smith swear, and so that, paired with the fact I had clearly jangled his ancestors, made it all very amusing. At least it would have if I hadn't already been freaking out.

"Well don't sneak up on people Blondie!"

"I simply wanted to surprise you with some good news!" he groans, and leans on his knees trying to take a deep breath without whimpering. Only I don't give him time to recover. I grab his jacket and wrench him upright, shaking him slightly and searching his face for the answer I had been waiting for, for far too damned long. And considering how often he faced off with Titans without so much as a flinch, he looked overly concerned about being this close to little-old me.

"Can I go? Can I go? Can I go?" I shake him again.

"Good lord woman yes!" he yells, pushing my hands away and holding my shoulders. "A carriage will take you tomorrow morning. You have leave for three days, enough time to go there, spend the day in the Underground City, and then another to travel back. It isn't much, but it's all I could manag—" I slam my lips to his and cut him off, cupping his face and probably continuing the kiss for far too long before I push off him and run round the table like a child.

"Yes! _Finally!_ " I cheer and share a high five with Sniffer who just holds his hand aloft, ready and waiting for the celebration. I then look to Levi for a victory hug and find him just glaring at Erwin, who in turn is just standing there staring forward without having moved a muscle.

Hanji is snoring.

I look between them, and gradually Erwin blushes brighter and Levi glares deeper. I'm sure I'm missing something but I don't have time to care, I turn on my heel and bolt to my room to pack my bag. It had been a good while since I got my own room, and I was very thankful for the upgrade. I can barely breathe my heart is going so fast.

I was going back, and I was going tomorrow.

Underground city I have never been so excited to be shrouded in your gloom again!

I slow down though as I pass by the old dorms, the open door allowing me to see where Isabel used to sleep. I swallow hard and sober myself a little; this might well be a trip to a happy reunion, or a trip to finding my Chia and charges scattered around like lice. I clench my hands and shake my head. No. This time the world was going to give me something, it was going to give me one small ray of hope and normality.

Right?

* * *

 **So there we go! I hope it was worth the wait, and I realise it wasn't wholly action-packed, but I didn't really want to just timeskip and have Isabel and Farlan forgotten you know? They the bubbas! So anyway, things shall be picking up pace in the next installment, which will hopefully not be as long in the making. *the shame!***

 **See you next time guys, thanks for reading, and please leave a fav, follow, and or review if you have the time. This is my little baby story, but I still love to know what you guys think about it!**

 **Shoutouts!**

 **Aelius Kerr: Erwin is... kinda evil but more just trying to get the best out of the situation. I dearly hope you've stuck with the story and seen him be explained/developed? I love writing Erwin, I really do, because he has so many sides and versions because he's so handsomely ellusive... I didn't mean to type handsomely... whoops? Anyway, hope you're still here and enjoying!**

 **Animegoddess: I am actually taking that as a HUGE compliment? I was initially worried the stories might just start sounding the same. So the fact you DIDN'T know? I am thrilled about that, thank you SO much seriously. Major feather in my battered cap! So don't feel bad about that, its seriously an awesome thing to know. And thank you for saying 'Yay' when I said I would update soon, that seriously made me grin like the Cheshire Cat for like a whole day - sore face now, but worth it!**

 **Maria: I so dearly hope you're still following this story, because your reviews are always so supportive, you're a frickin' angel of mercy I swear. *sobs into wine glass* I am... getting there lol, I need to become a robot and escape my failing body. Attack on Titan Mec anyone?**


	15. 2017 apologies, explanations, SHAME

**Happy New Year Everyone! Yes unfortunately this isn't content update, its an apology one and a touch of grovelling as well. Oh and a dash of explanation too.**

 **I am very sorry for the lack of updates, believe me I am verrrry aware of the fact I am MAJORLY overdue for both RBW and CW. Not to mention FFD. But frankly I think I've been a bit burnt out from only writing AOT based things for such a consistent amount of time. So I'm looking some personal projects for now and I plan to dabble back and forth. So hopefully it won't be too long before I get back to updating for you all.**

 **Thank you to everyone still following and reviewing and favouriting. I am so very glad to have you all as my awesome readers, and I promise I have plenty plans for all stories I have up right now, it isn't a lack of planning, it's a lack of... creativity? Nah... drive? I don't know, I just think I'm a bit sapped right now. Along with this my job situation has changed again and there's all that kafuffle going on as well.**

 **Anyway I hope to update as soon as I can, and I highly appreciate all your patience! I can also confirm I have actually written some of the update for all 3 stories, INCLUDING FLIGHT FROM DARKNESS. So yes, that story will FINALLY have an update. I think I last updated it in march of last year... *shudder* BAD AUTHOR. Sorry guys, anyway, hope to see you soon with some updates ready to go.**

 **P.S I am aiming for it to be within another month. I hope sooner.**


	16. Chapter 16

**HELLO! Oh my god it has nearly been a year since I got to grips with this story. I am so very god damned sorry about that, I have genuinely no idea why that was etc. but hey! Back on it now! This story, as well as my others, are now on a 3-4 week schedule dependant on my job etc. I cannot commit to anything more right now. Personal projects, job, all that shebacle. I hate adulting, tis so feckin' annoying.**

 **ANYWAY! To everyone that reviewed thank you very much, you will be responded to down below (the ones for the last chapter applied, its kinda hard to tell who I should or shouldn't respond to, but anyway!) and to those that have faved and followed, thank you very much also! And if you've ended up here because this update made the story relevant on the search things again... WELCOME. You've avoided a bastard wait.**

 **Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Aot, i just lurve it and hope you enjoy my update!**

* * *

The earth seems to swallow us whole. Darker and darker we descend, footsteps echoing like tolls of a great clock. It had been so long. Our weapons gently clank with our stride, chiming our progress down into what was once our humble home. The air already feels heavier to breathe. Even at this early stage of leaving the sun-kissed surface behind, my lungs aching dully at the old taste of decay. A sweat prickles along the back of my neck and I clench my hands, trying to hold onto the resolve I had conjured on the journey over here. I was excited to see Chai again, I was ecstatic to have this opportunity. But now, more than ever before, this place feels like a tomb. Despite my longing to see those sweet faces, of all those tender children I had helped to look after, I feel fear too. Would I ever clamber back out again? Having felt the cool breeze beyond the walls, I know I cannot linger beneath for too long. And if forced to? I'd surely go mad.

I look out over the dank city, the flickering yellow glow so very familiar, yet never a welcome sight. I know that to them nothing has changed. To the children running through the streets squealing as they play, nothing is amiss, to the old men and women staggering home or to their personal spot in the gutter, the world remains the same. Stagnant, lingering, festering. I had always known this place was suffocating, but for some reason right now I envy these people. In short my head is a mess. I look up and see that looming ceiling, sucking the soul bit by bit, but I still feel that glean of want in my veins. Down here there had still been a red-head running amuck and causing issues, there had been a tall sand-blonde man sassing his way out of, or into trouble. But they weren't here any more. They weren't anywhere.

"Oi, Kat you sleep-walking or something?" He demands suddenly, breaking into my world as we reach the bottom of the stairs and feel that familiar mud underneath. Back again. I swallow hard, watching the way my boots slightly press into the damp earth. It wants to consume me whole doesn't it? It's never touched by the sun. "Seriously, wake the fuck up."

He nudges me and when glancing up I expect impatience, but I just see that reserved encouragement instead. He was right, this place didn't allow for weakness, this place was not built for mourning. Odd really, considering it's affiliation with those lost. I nod and clear my throat.

"Yeah..."

"Finally." He clicks his tongue.

"Right, c'mon I think I know where to look first." I head along the main street.

We see a couple familiar faces as we go, but of course they don't see us. All they see is the uniform. Whatever lay beneath that was inconsequential to them, unless it sounded like it had a heavy purse to steal. It was so odd to travel along so unimpeded. Like a tide they pass us by, avoiding us as much as they could, eyes downcast and feet suddenly in a hurry. How odd. This was what it was like to be on the outside whilst buried within? As we walk along, the old injury in my leg aches, it always would I guessed, the bone had snapped almost clean in two. Even if it had been what? A couple years since that battle? This echoing reminder was going to be there forever, and strangely I'm almost glad.

"We made good time so... we have a couple nights here. You thinking we'll stay in your old place or what?" He makes conversation, but I know he doesn't really want to linger. Then again maybe lingering would be best? Really say goodbye to this life? I glance up again and shrug, feeling his eyes on me. The usual rumble of life down here almost nostalgic at this point.

"What about... your place?" I offer with a tilt of my head, noting the tightening of his jaw. "Unless you don't think that'd be wise... was just an-"

"Might be nice to clean the place out." He notes, and the way his eyes stare ahead I have to wonder if he's thinking of people to leave it to. Or if he's considering burning the place down for good. Over the past couple years he had really perfected that mask again. It wasn't against me so much, it was against the world. On the surface people were a lot more open, a lot more... 'interested'. It was a hard task to hold up a facade without making it seem obvious you were doing so. For the most part I think I managed this subtle art, Levi however went with the sledgehammer method. You could practically read 'fuck off peasant' across his usually furrowed brow.

"All right... unless Chai insists on us bunking in with her. But then again she doesn't usually insist on anything much." I hum and then gasp as I feel a coldness in my hand. Levi is there in a second, a small blade have drawn from his belt. We both stare down in surprise at a child. But not as small as she should have been. Those years of waiting are suddenly very apparent to me as that grin widens up at me, one tooth at the front missing. She tugs on my hand, she blinks big green eyes.

"Kitty Claws came home." She laughs and tugs again, my heart stinging whilst I realise who she is. I smile and kneel down, putting my free hand to her grimy cheek and laughing despite myself. The girl blinks and nuzzles my hand like she always used to, like a cold kitten seeking a mother's warmth.

"Kathy my little gnasher..." I breathe and then pull her into a proper hug, a couple tears escaping as those green eyes make me think of something else. Something I don't want to think of right now. If I do, I really will lose it.

"Still gnashin' just like you told me!" The sweet girl burbles into my shoulder. "Three whole years o' gnashin' actually!"

"You come to get me, to take me to Chai?" I say and the girl laughs with a nod, bopping about and making me let go of her. Those big orbs look at Levi and narrow a little bit, but when looking back to me and seeing me wink, she seems happy enough and she takes my hand again to lead the way. "I think we have our guide."

"Seems so..." murmurs Levi, his eyes glued to that girl, the way her dirty blonde hair bounces with her walk. I don't think he can understand seeing a happy child down here, it was a rare sight, that was for sure.

We walk along with her for what feels like miles, but slowly the streets get quieter and I feel that little hand getting impatient. As we turn another corner I see a familiar house, tall and crooked, leaning to the side as if trying to see us that bit sooner.

"She finally got the door painted red." I mutter, staggering slightly as the uneven cobbles bring me back to my senses. Kathy bounces around, letting go of my hand and skipping ahead.

"Yeah she did Kitty Cat! Done it yesterday special for you!" Kathy cheers before giving a funny little dip of her head then turning to bolt for that door. She runs through it and slams it behind her, leaving me and Levi alone in the street to follow. As my foot hits the first step onto the porch I pause, Levi standing just behind me and thankfully not saying anything as I psyche myself up for this. It had been a long time.

"One foot after the other, Kat." He says, and for a moment I could have sworn I felt his hand rest against mine on the wooden post. But I'm sure I'm mistaken. I head up the steps and then straighten myself out. My leg pinches again and I sigh, the damp was getting to it wasn't it? I raise my hand to knock, but the door vanishes away before I can make contact.

"Finally!" I hear a soft voice laugh before mouse-brown hair floods my vision and I'm being crushed in a hug. God dammit I missed her. Like always she smells of cleaning product and baking. On instinct my arms wind round her and I cling, heart feeling slightly pulled back together with this embrace, even if it's only temporary. "I was so scared you wouldn't make it. That those MP's buggers would hold you back or something, oh gosh c'mon inside, it's actually warm in here!"

"You're still here." I hold onto her despite the woman trying to back away, my words coming out so much heavier than I intended. A sigh leaves her and she turns her head to kiss my cheek. Her lips feel cold.

"Always missy, you know that."

"I was so scared they'd chased you out or something." I explain, sniffing and quickly righting myself when letting her go. She shakes her head, that hair now littered with greying patches, that pale skin bearing a few lines where stress had laid into her. My frail Chai continued to bear it all, didn't she? I follow her in, and hear Levi do the same.

"No they haven't managed it yet, but I'm glad you got my message when you did... it's been a close call one too many times recently." She confesses, sorting out a brunette girl's plait that had come undone. Who is she? I blink and realise it's Tessa. Fuck, she was a teenager now. Just, but thirteen certainly counted. "There ya go love, now you can hug her." Chai chuckles to her charge, the girl grinning at me broadly before throwing herself into my waiting arms.

"Tessa... you're so tall now!" I laugh and the girl blows a raspberry up at me. Cheeky madam.

"Told ya I'd catch up Claws!" the girl coos up at me, wrinkling that freckled nose.

"And you're true to your word, couple more years and I'll be hugging you round the waist, hm?" I snort and kiss her head, only then noticing how quiet Chai had gotten. She stares at Levi and a tension rolls into the room. Oh dear. "Um Chai, this is-"

"The one and only Levi..." she finishes for me, tone turning his name into something lower than 'dog'. Fuckballs. Her eyes, so pale blue and normally kind-hearted, now seem like ice as she looks him up and down. Ever the disapproving mother. I pat Tessa's head and send her on her way, the girl ushering some curious little ones out of the way as danger builds.

"I've heard a lot about you too." Levi says, meeting her stare head-on of course, but likely only making things worse. Chai nods and steps forward, soon circling him and gritting her teeth. Levi stays stock still, as if being monitored by a drill sergeant. "It's an honour to meet you."

At least he's trying. But judging from the narrowing of Chai's gaze, it wasn't appreciated.

"That's not a sentiment I can share, unfortunately." She says curtly, and even I flinch.

"Chai please..." I start, but she silences me with a single look. The kids begin to whisper, gossiping about Claws being told off again, and Missus Chai taking on a 'bad-man'. Levi sighs.

"We all have our history. I can't take back what happened, I can only be there now."

"Till it suits you, yeah." Chai retorts, and I see Levi's eyes tighten slightly.

"We came here to help you, I'll do that regardless of your opinion of me. So hate me all you like, woman, I'm here to help Kat help you. That's it." He says perfectly calmly, though I can't deny that I wish he hadn't sighed _quite_ so petulantly. Chai is now in front of him again, and once more than stare off commences.

"Uhuh... well Humanity's Strongest... one wrong move? And I'll do worse than any Titan." Chai growls at him. And you know what? Despite the fact we both know Chai doesn't have first-hand knowledge of the Titans, nor has she faced one, we both believe her. My god we believe her to our bones.

"So..." I clap my hands together and break the tension, them both looking to me at last. "Cuppa something? And then you tell us all about what the merchant bastards are up to?" I suggest, angling towards the kitchen.

I hear the taps running as someone else fills the kettle and clanks it onto the stove. She had the kids well trained, that was for sure. Chai's face softens into a smile and she nods, heading over and taking my arm before heading through the house. I glance back at Levi and give him an encouraging smile, the only response I receive being a small nod. But at least it was a response at all.

"Don't worry scary man, Chai gets nice when you behave!" Kathy laughs, grabbing Levi's hand and tugging him through. I snort and look away, only noting the surprise in Levi's eyes again. But I hear no objection, only a slightly staggered stride as he is hauled through the house into the kitchen. Steam rises from the kettle's spout already.

I sit down at the small wooden table and chuckle as I feel small hands playing with my boots underneath. I glance down and see a new face. Chai is setting up a few cups and a couple pots for brewing. I hadn't noticed before but there's actually a few kettles set for boiling. Apparently we weren't the only ones having a hot drink. Levi looks my way as he sits down, and I not to his unsaid question. He dips his hand into his pack and brings out a couple tins, Chai looks our way and frowns.

"Don't tell me you've brought gifts, Kat."

"In a sense." Levi says, holding them out to her and she blushes as she takes them. I know she now regrets reproaching him at all, it was how her mind worked. "Think nothing of it, we've plenty of the stuff up at our base. I know how tricky it can be to get decent leaves down here." I know he's trying to play it off, to make it seem like less of a big deal, but he is failing. Chai's hand shakes a little as she takes it over and starts spooning it into the pots, biting her lip before looking back round.

"Thank you, Levi. Sincerely." She nods and looks away again, but I see the slight blush she makes appear on his cheeks. It doesn't last long, after all it never does, but it was there. I had to know it was still possible, I had to know he was still there under the strengthened mask. I feel those hands tugging on my boots again and I peer under the table once more.

"So then... what's this scamperer's name?" I ask quietly, a pair of big dark eyes crinkling into a partially toothy grin. Apparently this wee one was in the midst of some teeth growing in.

"Mo."

"Now stop those lies," sighs Chai, her spoon scraping against the teapots. "It's Maysie, but apparently she's decided that because of a slight lisp caused by a loss of teeth, she's no longer bothering with the letter S." Chai then snorts and shakes her head. "She won't listen to me when I say that her teeth will be back in a week or so."

"Don't you worry Mo, I'm sure your name will grow back with your teeth?" I suggest and the little girl chuckles cheekily, nuzzling my knee and then plapping at my boot again. "What is it you're finding so fascinating about these boots?"

"Big bad men wear em," she laughs oddly sweetly, making me feel a little uneasy. "But you're not a bad man so... it weird!" She then nuzzles again and kind of curls up against my toes. I look to Chai and she shrugs, sometimes kids were weird, and all you could do was let them do it.

"Okey dokey then..." I murmur, Levi peering out the side of his eye to the small bundle now warming my boots. Did he smirk? "So Chai, what exactly has been going on?"

"Well... really it's just been little things. Small signs as it were." She sets up a couple trays with cups, milk and honey before ringing a bell. She then brings over our own pot and supplies before sitting down. Older children turn up and take the trays away, a general quiet falling over the house. It was amazing. "We've heard movement outside during the night, but like right by the windows. A couple times I've heard the lock being tampered with and just... I dunno... a sense of being followed when we're out and about y'know?"

"No I get it, and I know you're well aware of these things... so what're we going to do?" I murmur, stirring my tea and gnawing on my lip. Levi stirs his own cup and then clicks his tongue.

"You seen any of them? As in could you narrow down who we're dealing with?" He asks and Chai runs her fingers around the mug's rim. "What?" He can clearly sense, as well as I can, that Chai is uncomfortable. I look down at Mo and then back to Chai, my friend nodding and looking back to her mug again.

Traffickers.

I mouth the word and she nods, swallowing hard and shrugging.

"At least that's what I think. But I don't want the kids knowing... they've all had so much fear to deal with." She sighs and scrapes her hair back, so much more grey lingers underneath. Perhaps this place wasn't quite the same then. When we left, I could turn a situation around on a dime, I could claim fear with any of these merchant bastards. Was that faded?

"Well I know where their base used to be, we can go have a look?" Levi suggests and she nods, sipping her tea and sighing.

"This is an amazing brew... thank you so much. Do you think I should move them?" She nods towards the room where the kids had gathered for their tea. I glance through and slowly shake my head.

"Don't show your fear to these pigs, and not only that but the kids have had enough upheaval. You have a nice set-up here... the merchant bastards just need a reminder of who it is you have backing you." I wink at her over my mug and we share a nostalgic chuckle.

Back when we had first met, me and Chai had by no means seen eye to eye. She'd found me in the gutter outside her house, half my way to death and smelling even worse. A fine lady, I was not. As soon as I saw one of the kids though, I shuffled further down the alley. I might have been at the absolute bottom of the heap, but I still knew not to scare children. Standards were important when you smelt like shit. The next morning she came out to empty a bath out, and she saw that I'd moved. At first, apparently, she'd thought I'd moved on. But then she noticed the blood-trail. Like the naïve fool she was, she followed it into the alley, but thankfully for her all that was to be found was me. I lay with my head slumped against the wall, having dragged myself as far as I could go. A long gash ran along my leg and I had some flesh wounds peppered all over me. Blood had soaked deep into my clothing. I was nothing short of an absolute mess. She took pity on me. In a world built on loathing and suspicion, Chai took pity on a stranger. She had far too much of it to give as far as I was concerned; but when I woke up inside, with a bed underneath me and a warm towel dabbing at my skin? I thought she was an angel. Of course I was delirious for about three days. Not to mention, when sobering to the world, I also freaked out and begged her to let me go. I assumed she was a trafficker herself. But she just pushed me down and talked me through her set-up. I wasn't a stray, but she assured me I was welcome to her help.

I'd been trying to pay back that debt since then.

And since then our friendship had grown.

"So shall we head over there tonight? Make a first impression?" Levi suggests, sipping his tea and almost smirking again. I run my finger around my mug and nod slowly, if we stated this sooner rather than later, we should be able to stick around for any fallout. Which there shouldn't be. When we were done, those bastards shouldn't be able to consider doing anything other than bowing to Chai in the street and throwing their coats over a puddle for her to cross.

"I think so. We can hide-out across the way and then strike when the buggers have gone to sleep. Really shake them up, and remind them we could turn up at any time. Or even just have a nicely timed chat with them... whatever happens first." I finish my tea whilst Chai gnaws on her lip and smiles hopefully. For some reason my stomach goes tight.

"Is that true?"

"Hm?" I ask, tilting my head. She shrugs and stares at her mug, blushing a little.

"Can you come along at any time? Is this... I mean will you be able to come see us more often?" She asks with so much hope in her eyes I wince. Shit.

"I... Chai..." the words fail me, and I see that hope fade away whilst the blush brightens. I sigh and shake my head. "We've only been able to come now because I've been pestering Smith for it for ages. This is... well this is a treat I guess. We're away too often when the weather's good and when it's bad... well we can't often get back here due to the snows. I'm sorry love... I promise I'll try to get back when I ca-"

"Really it's fine." She shakes her head, smile back in place and mask on. The world didn't give two fucks about her, and yet Chai tried so hard to please it and everyone. "It's good that you could come now though, we really needed our Claws."

"You have plenty of your own, my dear. But I'm glad to come and help." I reach over and take her hand, squeezing gently. Thankfully she squeezes back.

"I think I'll actually sleep tonight, knowing that you're both out there dealing with the brutes. Just... be careful all right? Don't come back bloodied up."

"Not unless it's their blood," I wink and then see Levi has finished his tea. "We should probably try and get ourselves set up for the night, get a spot opposite the merchants." I nod and we get up. Levi bows slightly and I pull Chai into a tight hug.

"Come back safe, okay?" she pleads.

"Don't start mothering me now, woman."

"Can't help it, you're so motherable." She laughs, a small sniffle following.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry, I'll protect, Levi as well." I chuckle and kiss her head before me and him head out. Every pair of beady eyes in the living room follows us, swivelling around and staring. It was intense. I had forgotten how strange a child's stare could be, as if they were staring right through you. Seeing through any bullshit. For someone like myself that was not only intimidating, it was rather frightening.

Back out on the street me and Levi slip into business mode almost immediately. We march along and approach the correct area, taking a back alley so we could get onto the rooftops without using our gear. It would be good in a fight, or for retreat, but for sneaking around? Not so much. I clamber up some crates and nimbly heave myself onto a rooftop, there being a couple more grunts of effort behind me before Levi arrives. I check around and then see the building we'd agreed would be our best guess. There were only so many places a big group of rats could call a base down here, and both me and Levi knew them all. There were a couple men outside the entrance, looking like their heads were filled with straw. That would be the henchmen then. I look upwards and note a couple rooms with lights inside, had to be rich bastards if they could afford multiple rooms lit at once. The drapes flutter on one window and I see a couple men enter that room as the drape lands slightly to the side. The two men sit down and start helping themselves to mead and food. I glance at Levi and he nods. We had to get closer.

"I'm thinking their roof is the only way we're gonna get any real proof. Otherwise we could be about to storm into nothing more than a poker night." He murmurs and again I nod. I glance around and note a small beam of wood connecting our roof to theirs.

Convenient though not entirely unexpected. Many buildings in the UG were unstable, and many were connected like this to try and hold each other up. Rather ironic considering you're more likely to get stabbed in the face than have another person help you on these stinking streets. I shuffle over and give it a couple shoves, it isn't disintegrating so we'll have to chance it. I go over first, finding it to give a couple creaks, but nothing too dramatic. The other roof is a little higher, so I have to jump at the end, but there's no huge cracking noise or sound of distress so I can only hope it remains in place behind me. It does. I wait a couple moments but hear no movement downstairs, signalling to Levi that he could follow me.

Whilst I sit there waiting, I glance around in case of any other henchmen being placed on nearby rooftops. After all, considering my current position, it would only make sense for there to be a few. But as I see all the other dormant rooftops I roll my eyes, the arrogance of villains was insatiable. Convenient, but still insatiable. But then I do see something. I frown and peer in that direction, but even then I only make out the vague shape of a hat and a small orange dot that might have been a cigar end. My paranoia flits immediately to Kenny, but I just sigh and check again. No sign of anything. I think I was just being a little over-the-top. That psycho would have no reason to even know we were down here, let alone actually have reason to follow us.

"Okay, any movement?" Levi asks, suddenly right in my ear and making me jolt a couple inches in the air. I slap his arm and note the smirk on his lips, prick. "Jumpy much?"

"Sneaky little ninja shitter much?"

"You want me in ninja mode don't you?" He scoffs quietly and then frowns as he focuses. There's still not been any movement, so presumably the buggers are settling in for the night. Probably planning on some cards, booze and food. And with any luck some leading conversation as well.

Me and Levi settle down and I tuck my cape around me a bit more, attempting to get comfortable but of course failing absolutely. At least I could keep the chill out. I stretch my leg carefully and knead it through my boot, Levi's eyes watching my hands like always. He never asked, but I know he wonders how much it still hurts. A small yawn escapes me and I see Levi fight against his own. This could well be a long night.

I don't know how long it is in all honesty, it dragged as of course me and Levi can hardly strike up a conversation when trying to remain silently undetected. But finally there's a conversation worth listening to; before that moment it had been generally which whore was fairing best between them, or whether they still had cards up their sleeves. Now it seemed to veer in a more relevant direction.

"I'm tellin' ya it ain't worth it," one man says, his voice cracked like an old hinge door.

"And I'm tellin' you that I don't give a rat's ballsack what you think," snarled a deeper voice in return. Me and Levi both lean towards the floor, which of course is their ceiling. The first voice huffs and then a chair scrapes back, presumably someone wanted to pace irritably.

"Those kids are so fuckin' scrawny we'd just get laughed at anyway! Who the hell is gonna pay to have some lanky skeleton suck em' off?" Hinge demands, sending a deep shudder of rage through my bones. The deeper voice laughs loudly.

"Pretty sure you would."

"Fuck off... you know what I mean! That Chai bitch has em' under lock-down more often than not," Hinge continues, voice continuing to rise and fall like he had just been kicked between the legs.

"She can't keep it up forever, you know that. We can strike when she gets all complacent again or summit."

"Okay, but ye know she has that bloody psycho bitch on her side too," the Hinge whines and I almost smirk, at least he had the sense to be scared of me. The other chair scrapes back and a set of heavy hands slam against the tabletop.

"I haven't seen that woman in years, Claws ain't even around these parts any more."

That's what you think, fucker.

"Just cause you ain't seen er' don't mean she ain't there!" creaks the Hinger again.

"She's likely already been killed off by the military! Let's face it, none of them want some little whore from the UG tellin' them what to do. She wouldn't last five minutes on the field. Ye've heard the stories just as much as I have and-"

"Yeah, yeah, the Titans. Whatever man. They don't even fuckin' exist. But _she_ does, and I saw what she did to Boris that time... he was slit from throat to prick I tells ya. She's a savage, and she's friends with the wench that looks after those brats. I ain't goin' anywhere near." It sounds like the Hinge croaks out his statement proudly, a small stomp of his foot to follow. Me and Levi are sharing a long look, it almost looks like he's proud of me, but then we both cotton onto the silence that has taken over below. That didn't sound good.

"You'll go where you're ordered, the boss ain't gonna accept excuses, _especially_ not ones centred around you're lack of fuckin' back-bone. Like I said, she ain't even down here any more, so who fuckin' cares who she's friends with? She ain't gonna do shit."

I look at Levi and he nods, now would certainly be dramatic, and if any more of them existed then we could have at least dealt with the first two. Seemed as good a time as any. I roll my shoulders, take a firm hold of the side of the roof and swing down, landing nimbly through the window that had been only partially covered by a drape.

"The fuck..." the Hinge's words die away.

I straighten up and draw a blade, a smile in place as their complexions pale. It was nice to have an enemy that felt fear again. The most you got out of a Titan was a droning groan, and you never really felt a thrill with that kind of noise. You just occasionally wondered if it was your own stomach.

"So then, let's cut through the shit shall we? You know who I am, and I genuinely don't give a damn who you are. Other than to tell you to stay the fuck away from Chai and her charges," I say, tilting my head and raising a brow when they glance at each other. I can practically smell smoke as they try to think. "Don't consider bravery, it doesn't suit your kind."

"So whatcha want us to do, woman? Just stand here like idiots?" demands the taller one, him being the one that bore the deeper voice.

"Natural habitat I'm sure," I snarl in return, "I can leave you alive to pass on the message to your boss, or I can tear you apart and inform your boss myself by writing a note with your intestines. Your choice boys."

"Shit..." is the eloquent response from Hinge, and his taller counterpart continues to look me up and down. He was a big bloke, I'd give him that, and the pale scar that ran along his cheek and down his thick throat was certainly impressive. But considering that most of my enemies these days were at least five or more metres high? It wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Still he sneers, and I feel a thrill run along my spine. Oh please, go ahead and make this fun.

"You came alone? Canny decide if that's arrogant or just thick as shit," laughs Scar, and I just shrug and glance to the window.

"Never said I was alone," I say and as well timed as could possibly be imagined, Levi appears through the window as well and nods to the two men now doing a double-take. "Now then, have you made up your minds?"

"I told you so!" squeals Hingey and Scar just shoots him a look, but the smaller man is just shaking his head, holding his hands up to me in defence. "Seriously lady, I was just sayin' how we should leave those kiddies alone cause-" his voice cuts out as his throat is opened. Oh deary me. I watch him fall tot he ground and then to Scar, his blade drips with rubies and his expression is a little smug. Was that meant to scare me? I blink slowly and he frowns in response.

"Makes one less job for us, thanks."

"Uh..." he shakes his head, and I glance to Levi who just remains stoic. I then look back to the remaining idiot.

"So then, am I to take that as your decision? You would prefer to have your intestines be the message bearers?"

"Ya think it's just the two of us?" Scar demands hotly. I hear Levi draw his own blade, the gentle swish of metal making my own grin widen. Like the old days.

"Well, no," Levi says, nodding to the draining corpse that had been whiney-hinge. "Now it's only one of you in this room, and other than those windows, that door is the only way in. Bottle-neck. We'll stick around and gut the lot of you if we have to."

"The hell would you care small-fry? You ain't even a part of this!" yells Scar, clearly getting agitated as his ground shifts beneath his feet. Oh deary me, was he actually alone here? I look at Levi but he's just staring the man down.

"You don't know me. I'm as much a part of this as she is, now then, make your choice," Levi says and then flips his blade for effect. The light catches against Scar's eyes and he winces slightly, hands clenching and unclenching as he tries to think. Again, I think I smell smoke.

"Boss ain't gonna take this lying down y'know! I mean... god damn man, you know that better than most!" Scar continues, looking at Levi with what seems to be outrage. We both frown and glance at each other, but of course my mind flits back to the rooftop. Boss? Was the boss Kenny after all?

"Look, all you need to remember is that Chai, and her brats, are under our protection." Levi says curtly, striding forward and sending Scar reeling back till he hits against the wall. Levi then flicks his wrist out, or at least that's all it looks like, but then there's a sharp cry from our burly adversary. A knife now holds the man in place on the wall, Levi's expression unchanged when he glances back at me. I nod.

"Seems you're getting off lightly today." I chuckle with a shrug and Levi looks back to the man, another blade soon pinning the other shoulder in place. "Or maybe not..."

"Just deliver the message, got it?" Levi says, sounding bored as he points a third blade into the man's face. Scar nods, tears streaking down as his blood seeps into his mucky shirt.

"If we have to come back? There won't be a single one of you filth left. Promise." I say with a wink. Scar just nods again, gulping at the air as he tries not to continue crying out in pain.

"Let's go," Levi turns away and we both head for the window, using our gear to leave. Partly for the exit, and partly so that the henchmen down below would know to go and check on Scar before the useless bastard bled out and wasn't able to tell anyone our message. If he did? That would just be darned inefficient.

Levi changes course slightly and I follow, soon realising that he's heading back to the house. What was once our house. I swallow hard but keep pace, landing nimbly beside him as we take a second to stare at that front door. A lot of memories had crossed that threshold, but right now? It just feels haunted. I sheath my blade again and approach the door, glancing back at him as he stares at the upper floor window. I'm guessing that was one of their bedrooms.

"C'mon Levi, we need some rest. Tomorrow's likely gonna be tough." I say and he blinks before nodding and following on, still marching and with his jaw set. Business mode remained for now apparently.

The house smells stagnant. I immediately go in search of some lanterns to get going, the dim light hardly helping the mood. As I search, I hear him moving around behind me, glad to hear a crackle as he gets the stove going. Apparently he wasn't totally lost in the past then. Finally I find a lamp and bring it over, lighting it and setting it down on the kitchen table, a soft glow emanating around the room. That helped, even if only a little.

"I'll go sort out upstairs." He breathes, going that way and leaving me to watch the lantern flicker against the damp that had set into the rope within. I swallow hard and get a grip on myself, if I made a big deal about it, this would only be harder for Levi. I head outside and get some fresh water from the nearby well. A couple of the neighbours do double takes, and I give little waves. They return them slowly, expressions nothing short of dumbfounded. But I don't stop to chit-chat. I set the water to boil in a pot on the stove and then unpack some supplies from my bag. It was a simple meal but it was something. I carefully stir the stew into the hot water, thinning it down but making larger portions at least. The rest of the water could be used to bathe in, or simply have for tea.

It takes longer than it should do, but eventually he returns back down to the living room and he unhooks his gear. It was unlikely the thugs would retaliate tonight, they'd be too paranoid about us lingering. It would be tomorrow that the reckoning came, if at all. I watch him out the corner of my eye, stirring the simple stew. He looks like ghosts are all around him. I just hope they let him get some sleep.

"Is it just how you left it?" I ask, not knowing myself as I didn't have this place as detailed in my mind when we left. Technically it hadn't been my home at that point. I hear nothing and glance back to find him standing behind a chair, holding the back of it as he stares at the lamp. "Levi?"

"Yeah... no one's been here." He nods, clearing his throat before pacing over towards the front windows and looking out. "Seems like it's been guarded though. Couple people thought we'd come back at least."

"Of course they did." I nod and I quickly look away as he shoots an odd look over. Was that anger? Like I wasn't allowed to speak about the certainty some people would have had. Of course they would. People down here saw Levi as an unbeatable force. They didn't know what lingered up there, beyond the walls, looming over and gnashing with those huge jaws. I drop the spoon. F-fuck. That wasn't going to help anyone was it? The sound echoes slightly, and I just swallow down that lump in my throat, and grab the spoon back up, stirring again without hesitation.

"The bowls will be in the cupboard to your left." He murmurs, and I nod, getting them out and serving up. The only sound left is the gentle hum of the stove, and that soft snap of the lantern. He's here, but he's not really here either.

I sit down at the table and feel the tension fall around us like an old blanket; it itches. I stir my bowl and take a couple mouthfuls, him still standing behind that chair. His knuckles are white.

"It'll get cold." I say, watching some stew dribble off the end of my spoon. He doesn't respond, and I look up to find him unchanged. I sigh. "Levi please just-"

"I don't want to hear it, Kat. I really don't." He says, sounding so very tired of me. This hadn't been the case up-top, he had talked to me normally up there. But then again, this was a different world. This place was nothing short of a time capsule. I guess he's right back there, in the mud, saying goodbye between choked sobs. I take another mouthful and wait for him to sit down. But he doesn't, those knuckles remain paled and his jaw remains set.

"Levi-"

"I said so didn't I?" he snaps, eyes on me now and burning. "I don't want to hear it."

I set my spoon down and nod, licking my lips and trying to find patience. But in the end I'm just shaking my head. There's none left. This wasn't something I was going to allow him, not when he so blatantly didn't want me reflecting as we came down to this place. The UG didn't allow for weakness, so right now neither could I. My nails drum on the table-top and he clicks his tongue, muttering something and shaking his head. I narrow my eyes and wait for him to look at me, I'm daring him by the end of it. Finally he does, and I hold that gaze like there's nothing else in the world.

"Right now, Levi? I don't give a flying fuck what you do or don't want to hear."

"Kat don-"

"You're not a child, so don't fucking pout at me or interrupt me again. Got it?" I say coldly, but relatively calmly. He doesn't react except to look back to the lantern. "You need to fucking listen to me. This trip... i-it... it should be closure, it should let us say goodbye to this pain. Even if only a little." I swallow hard and he stares at the seat where I sit. "What is it now?"

"That was her chair."

"Like that fucking matters..." I groan, taking another mouthful of my meal. He glares. But I glare right back. "What? You think me cruel? You think I should respect the fact that this was where Isabel parked her arse?"

"That isn't the point."

"Then what fucking is Levi? Tell me, because right now all you're doing is making this more painful for the both of us. It's been years, let the scars fucking fade already. Why continue to torture yourself, and me? I genuinely don't understand. I want to... b-but I really fucking don't."

"She mattered all right?" He hisses. I stare at him and just wait, his quickened breaths slowly calming back down. "She mattered. They both did."

"But the chair doesn't." I say and he blinks, brow furrowing again. "Your memory of her doesn't change if that chair sits in that spot, or the dust gathers on her bed. This is somewhere for people to live, somewhere for someone else to call home. Allow them that, allow yourself to move on?"

"You of all people..." He says, confusion slipping into those eyes now.

"Me of all people yes... I know you Levi. I fucking hate how much I do at times, but this isn't how you wanted to live life. No regrets remember? This is regretting, this is you letting that seed of doubt win. And I'm not letting you." I say, and the confusion is replaced with fatigue.

"But... how would you feel if Chai... and those kids, if their house was suddenly gone?"

"As long as they were all right, then it wouldn't matter. A house can be rebuilt. Things are just things, Levi. C'mon... look at me." I get up and go over to him, I reach out and gently touch his cheek and he sighs, looking with slightly misted eyes. The mask was slipping. Down here, in this house, with these memories, I don't think it could do much else.

"But what if _they_ were gone as well?" He says, and I'll admit that I shudder.

"Then... th-then I'd still have the memories. But the chairs they used, or the mugs they sipped from... those don't hold the memories. I do." I say, trying avoid the lump but not quite managing it. He leans into my palm slightly.

"I miss them... but I also know I shouldn't."

"You're allowed to miss them Levi, there's a difference between missing them, and wallowing." I say with a small chuckle, his eyes softer when they meet mine. A smile nearly appears.

"How is it you got so much wiser than me?" he asks, shaking his head. I lean in and kiss between those brows, nuzzling a moment later.

"Because I was always the more logical one... at least I think I was." I add with an unsure pout. He half-laughs and nods.

"I... thanks, Kat," he says, leaning against me and causing our noses to touch. I swallow hard and stare at his now closed eyes. Did he know how much this hurt? Did he even consider how much I actually meant it when we said 'I love you'? Perhaps he only meant it as a comrade now? I wait for him to open those eyes, but he doesn't, seeming content to simply rest against me in this strange almost embrace. Almost. It seemed to sum us up rather well these days.

"The stew will get cold." I repeat, nuzzling before turning to move away. But I can't. His hand has closed around my wrist and is holding tight, it's nearly painful actually. "Levi?"

"Kat..." he says, looking at the floor. I wait, and slowly his hand slips to holding mine, gradually raising it up. He kisses it. My heart clenches. "Let it get cold..."

* * *

 **Well there we go! And I know... a horrible cliff hanger! But I have given you 8000 words to try and make up for my tardiness! I hope to see you all in 3-4 weeks. I plan on Chained Wings being updated next, but it might be closer to the 4 weeks mark on that one. However I will do my best to not end up beyond it. Thank you so very much for reading!**

 **Please leave a favourite, follow and or review as I would LOVE to know who's still here, what you think, all that kinda stuff!**

 **SHOUTOUS:**

 **ECYA: March 19th... oh my.. I am so sorry. Thank you so much for reviewing, and thank you so much for taking the time to give me feedback. I'm sorry that you felt Levi was getting a little soft, but I personally wanted to allow him some 'humanness' if that makes sense? We didn't really see him mourn and I felt it had to be covered. But if you're still here, then I sincerely hope you're more pleased with him now! But thank you for the Erwin note, I have so enjoyed exploring different sides to his character in my different stories! Thanks again, and hope you're still here! I also hope the update was good for you!**

 **GRACE: I am so very very sorry that I didn't update soon, so very very sorry, but I hope you're still around somewhere. Yes the last chapter was very emotional, and to be honest I think that was part of the reason I hit such a wall with this story. But I have plenty planned for it! Thank you for reviewing, and I hope you're still around to enjoy the new update.**

 **GummyBearsAreAwesome1: Thanks for the praise and sorry about the wait! Hope you enjoyed the update nonetheless.**

 **Wolfenergy: My god that is like the dream review! Thank you so much for taking the time to write all that out! You read it two times? That's so amazing, thank you! I hope your wisdom teeth op went ok! I'm so glad you likes Kat x Levi, I enjoy writing them a lot. I feel like she has a lot more of a grip on him as a character than my other OC's because she effectively grew up with him. And yay! So syched you thought Isabel was well done, no one else has really mentioned my portrayal of her, so thank you! I made you cry... i feel bad and yet elated at the same time! I am so very sorry about the wait, but at least you only had to wait since november haha! And don't worry it WON'T be as long till the next update, 3-4 weeks is my aim. Seeing her in canon would be fun, but I am giving nothing away ;) hope the update was good for you and thaaank you so much for reviewing!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello! Don't worry, this isn't an excuse thing this time! Everything is on track to being updated on time. Flight From Darkness on the 7th, Chained Wings on the 14th and Red Burning Wings... *does the maths* on the 19th. All on course for now, so don't worry, this is a happy announcement! I think... I hope?**

 **ANYWAY...**

 **I have recently (in the past couple days in fact) started up an instagram account under the same username as on here and Deviant Art etc. so if you feel like checking it out/getting in touch blah blah blah, go ahead and look me up! Frantastic1993 uploading now! Just trying to get more involved with the online writing community to be honest, and thought I'd let you, my lovely readers, know!**

 **Which leads me onto my other news... argh I'm so nervous about announcing this properly. I mentioned AAAGES ago that I had started another personal project, and now it's starting to actually get somewhere. Basically it's a conversion of my Red Burning Wings fic into entirely my own work. I hadn't really thought of doing this in the beginning, but a while back when I hit 250,000 words (ridiculous) I decided I should really try to use those words for something more than this. Not that I don't still love doing fanfiction of course, and I will continue to upload and all that as normal! But I didn't want all that content, which is my own, to simply remain in this domain. Make sense?**

 **It's a lengthy process as I'm changing from 1st to 3rd person, entirely changing all AOT characters into my own ones, changing the basic set-up and setting, the gears all changed of course, and a whole bunch else. My masochism knows no bounds. The two things remaining fundamentally the same are the skeleton of the plot (and I mean skeleton, things are changing all over the shop, but for story reasons rather than legal - for the most part the plot is entirely my own anyway), as well as Robyn Sanshi herself. As of course, she is my own character entirely. So essentially I am turning Red Burning Wings into a piece of writing 'inspired' by Isayama's awesome work, rather than based within it. The title is going to be changed as well, but bugger knows to what!**

 **It's really scary making this public knowledge, but really I wanted you guys involved, my awesome readers who have supported me across the board. At some point I might also branch out into a blog or something as well, but for now, this will do or else my head might explode.**

 **Okay so there it is, my big announcement. Let me know your thoughts, and I hope to see some of you on instagram!**

 **Frantastic1993 out!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Oh my word! Not only on time but actually a couple days early! MADNESS! Haha, anyway, jokes aside, thanks so much for the renewed interest in this story. It really is my wee bubba one by comparison, but I do love it so. So thank you, genuinely, thank you! Also thank you to those of you that responded to my previous update about my personal endeavours, and to those of you that might have missed it, glance back a chapter and check it out! Sidenote; I am planning on occasionally posting on insta about updates etc. so be sure to check out "#FFDAOT" for this story and "#RBWAOT", "#CWAOT" for my others. I'll likely use all three though. I also plan to launch another # concerning the title for my conversion project, but don't worry, it'll be listed on an update clearly, or put on my profile. Stay tuned!**

 **Anyway, carrying on from my rather mean cliffhanger...**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own AOT, just love the characters to bits!**

 **NOTE: RATED M CONTENT, not just swearing etc. but... well... if you've just come along from that cliffhanger then you can guess where it leads I suppose. SEXY TIME. I spent a little longer on that scene than intended but... in all fairness this pairing has been basically teased at for the entirity of this fic. So I wanted a decent pay-off for you all. But don't worry, it ain't all schmexles.**

* * *

In the dim light of a house, two people stand holding hands.

In the dim light of a home, we cling to each other by fingertips.

In the dim light of a lantern, I wonder if we can begin again.

His words hang in the air, their meaning swirling around me and making my bones ache with the need to know. Did he mean it? Did he... did he want me again? Slowly he pulls me towards him. My feet stagger slightly at first, my body not knowing how to react. But he doesn't take this as rejection, instead he turns and leads me up the stairs. Our progress is slow, quiet, my heart is in my mouth and my mind whirs like frantic gears. We ascend the stairs. I glance back at the table one last time and swallow hard. This was what I wanted, wasn't it? I'd wanted it when I first saw him again, I'd longed for it when we went to the surface, I'd dreamed about it when we returned from the field. Not just the physical part of course, but everything that came with it. The history, the present, the possible future. But then nothing had happened. For so long we had lingered in that space of nothing, that area of unsaid. What had changed now?

As we reach the top of the stairs he squeezes my hand, not looking back, but pressing forward and entering the bedroom. A fire was already lit. At first I wonder if he always assumed this would happen, but then I see a small make-shift bed made up on the floor. One room to save on heat, but he had assumed nothing.

"Levi, wait..." I breathe, not letting go of his hand but glad to stop a couple steps away from the bed.

I had to get this out of my system before we reached those sheets. Once I fell onto them I knew my mind would lose itself. My greed would surface and I'd think of nothing but what I wanted. But right now I still need to consider what I needed. And underneath the want to know his touch, is a need to know that this isn't fleeting, that I won't be cast aside once the sun hits our eyes again. I had survived a lot in recent years and months, the dull throb to my leg was testament to that, but this was different. I know I wouldn't manage to survive that again. Not this time round. Bones could be strapped back in place, wounds could be sealed and stitched, bruises could be soothed, but that? It would be fatal, so I had to tread carefully.

He turns and looks at me with uncertain eyes, only at first he's looking at my hand in his. Apparently he has to work up to meeting my gaze. I can't tell if that's a good sign or not. I wait, and when those pale greys meet me at long last, I smile tentatively. He almost returns it.

"What is it, Kat?" he says, and even I can hear the gravel to his voice. Was that his eagerness or his grief? Right now the lines are so blurred. "You don't want this?"

"I just need to know... is this going to be it, or is this us beginning again?" I ask gently, trying not to show which way I wanted it. It's a feeble attempt at composure I guess. I can't be sure that I succeed though. He blinks, and I can see him really thinking about it. I appreciate that; too quick an answer would have felt forced, reactionary, wrong. He blinks again and a half-smile pulls on his lips.

"I'm not exactly a casual soul, Kat. I... it's been going through my head for a while now, but I guess this place just made it clearer to me. I've been such an idiot."

"Made what clearer?" I ask, a tremble running through my body. That smile remains and I feel his thumb rub against the back of my hand. The fire crackles.

"I don't want to look back and regret not chancing it. In the end it might cause us both more pain, but... I miss you, Kat," he sighs and steps towards me. He's still holding my hand but not tugging at all. So very gentle. "Up there in the regiment you're right there, you're by my side, but I know you're holding back. And I know it's for my sake," he brushes my cheekbone lightly with his free hand. My heart clenches.

"You've been thinking about it too?" I ask, knowing deep down this wasn't about pity. He didn't see me as something he needed to save, I think he saw me as someone who might be able to save him. That was fine by me. That had been my goal for as long as I could remember knowing him. He nods.

"Yes, and not just for one night. That all right by you?" He runs his thumb along my cheek and stares into me. I swear he sees right through me. I bite my lip and feel my cheek bloom under his touch. "I'm sick of letting you down." His hand travels behind my head and gently nestles into my hair.

"You don't-" but he's done waiting apparently.

His lips touch mine and as I thought, I melt instantly. My mouth responds to his and slowly it all rumbles back into place. The storm between us swells with our thundering pulses and I know it's going to consume us. It crashes within me; nostalgia, euphoria, hysteria, they all collide and escape in a single sigh. My arms slide up and wrap round his neck. He tilts his head and licks along my bottom lip. I quiver. My lips open to him and we share a breath as our tongues dance, caressing deeper as we shuffle back towards the bed. Gradually he turns us, but stops right before I hit the bed to fall back onto. Not stopping the kiss, his hands travel south. He's unstrapping my gear, and I try to do the same to his. It was strange doing it to another person, but I manage. The metal clasps thunk onto the floor and next our belts join them. I work my fingers over his shirt buttons and tug off his cravat, eventually both flutter to the floor right before I feel that slight chill hit my own skin. Yes. I gasp as my shirt falls away, and he doesn't skip a beat, hands running down my sides and then fingers coming back round to the front of my trousers.

"Keep up, Claws." He growls, moving his lips down my throat and biting softly.

I gulp back a sound and get his trousers undone, wondering how many times it was that we'd fallen together like this within that small room. Not to mention how surprised the bed would be that we were back again for more. Those hands, so strong and dependable slide down my hips, pushing my trousers down part way before he goes to his knees and pushes me down onto the bed. I fall back and try to hold myself up on my elbows. The orange light from the fire licks along his pale skin, making him look forged from gold. One by one he tugs off my boots and then yanks off my trousers. I sit up to help him remove the same, but he places a hand over my heart and shakes his head, pushing slightly against me.

I shuffle back on the bed, the clean sheets soft under me and then tender over me as I slink between them. He strides over, only clad in his underwear now and looking like he was going in for the kill. I hoped he was. My mouth is suddenly dry. As he clambers in, his hand moves into my hair again, lips claiming me again but this time forcefully. Almost desperately. He pushes me down into the mattress and groans as I pull him down against me. Nothing separates us except thin strips of fabric. Our hands explore each other; stroking, kneading, caressing, clinging. Other than the crackle of the fire, nothing interrupts the panted gasps escaping our locked lips.

Dammit yes.

More.

I roll us and straddle him, hands cupping his face as I kiss him deeply. My own groan rumbles in my throat, and as I grind against him I feel his want of me. I feel that hardened intent, and a smile cracks onto my lips. Our eyes meet as I shimmy down slightly and kiss along his throat, teeth dragging gently as my hands meander down his toned stomach. No matter how hard we trained, ran, or fought, he never lost a breath; now he was panting like a dog. Good. I bite down hard on his collarbone, and those pants melt into growls. His hands suddenly grip my hips. He grinds upwards. I jolt, and a small joyous laugh escapes me. I know this feeling, this electric spark running along my spine, I know it, and now I want more. One of his hands slides up my arched spine and releases my bra, it soon tossed to the side.

"Levi..." I breathe as he sits up, hand fixed on my back and pulling me towards his hungering lips. I groan again, the noise broiling out of me as his lips descend on my chest. Yes. I arch into it even more, hands gripping his shoulders whilst my hips continuously roll against that tempting hardness. I bite my lip, a small whimper escaping me as his teeth gently gnaw and nip. My hands tense, nails digging into his shoulders as he moves across and sucks hard on the other side. Suddenly he shifts, flipping us back round and manoeuvring between my legs whilst his tongue continues to lavish at my chest.

"Katsumi... Katsumi..." he chants, planting kisses along my stomach and occasionally licking back up slightly. Such a clean freak doing this, my mind whirls just like it did when I was younger. When we were foolish. My skin prickles, goosebumps appearing wherever he touches.

"L-Levi..." I hum, my hands running through his dark locks as he runs that tongue along my underwear line. I sit up and tug his lips back to mine, he seems surprised but goes with it. "As much as I love it when y-you do _that,_ please just... just..." I pause and we share a long look, to which we both end up grinning at the end. "Get inside me?"

"You've gotten demanding with age..." he murmurs, following me up as I lay back still cupping his face. I nod and nuzzle back into the pillow, my hands falling away.

"Yeah, guess I have. Indulge me?" I ask, my thumbs hooking brazenly into the band of my knickers and teasingly tugging them down. I can't be sure where this bolder side had come from, but I was willing to run with it. His eyes are glued in place, watching that material slip past my hip, revealing that slight dip in my body, leading him to where I was already aching for him.

"Fuck..." he growls, leaning forward and capturing my lips again. I gasp into it, hands now impatiently shoving my underwear down, eager to release my legs so I could wrap them round him. To hold him in place. But it seemed my impatience was perfectly mirrored. Levi's strong hands finish the work, pulling the material down my legs and casting it to the side. He gets out of his own underwear and kisses back up my leg.

A soft chuckle escapes him, but I guess I missed the joke. My hands run over his chest as he makes his way back up my neck, slowly descending along his sculpted stomach. I feel laughter build within me, and I think I know why he was so amused. It's like old times, simply giving into our needs. My hand slips further, grazing over his pulsing length. Eager. He grinds into my hand, a small breathless grunt escaping him. I swallow hard as I feel how rigid he is, how desperate. Good to know it wasn't just me. The deep need thrums between my legs. It needs to be quenched. I take his hand in my own whilst we kiss again. I push his south from my shoulder, coasting over my heaving chest and down my stomach. The heat coming from where I ache makes his breathing hitch slightly. We both shudder.

As his lips descend on my throat once more, I sigh in contentment. It needn't be rushed. My fingers trace along his forearm and then dance back down to his hand. The smooth skin seems to pulse as I guide him. He pauses his kisses against my collarbone, tongue flicking teasingly. I bite my lip and push him further down. Those slight rough patches to his fingertips making my back arch off the mattress. My body was keen for more, it knows how good it'll be. I hold my breath as I feel his touch ghost over my core, my guiding hand trembling. He takes over. Thank the walls. Slowly he strokes me, and my breath is coaxed into a hushed gasp.

"Nnngh... yes... Levi..." my eyes flutter open, I hadn't even meant to close them.

My voice melts into a moan as he strokes deeper, teasing as an old twinge of sensation deep within me coils into existence. It builds, gaining under his nimble caresses. My body writhes lazily, eagerly leaning into that touch. It's instinctive by this point. Dammit he still knew how to play my body, he still knew me this well? My eyes feel warm at the thought, that sense of nostalgia merging with one of love. But I'm suddenly distracted from the sentimental notion, his touch curling into me. Deeper. I moan as he kneads his thumb against my core. Fuck! That want has burst into a burning need. My hips roll greedily, wantonly attempting to cause more friction, to drive him deeper and harder.

With a swift motion the covers are over us, his other hand having tugged them up suddenly. We're blocked off from the rest of the world entirely. It's just us. Just this feeling. It had been so long, too long. The dimly lit bubble makes everything so close, so immediate, so tangible. I wonder if I'll go mad. Our panting deafens me. Skin against skin sizzles in my ears, my mind whirring away as every fibre of my being seems to ache with anticipation. My hand moves to his length again and I stroke him, wanting him to share in this pleasure. Wanting this bubble to consume us both. His breathing hitches again and his hips move against my touch. Usually he had more control, but I don't think that applied today. The heat is soon paired with a slickness that slips between my fingers, I swallow hard. Another growl builds in his throat. That strong hand abandons my core and I whimper, about to beg, but I don't get the chance. He moved my hand away from his girth and aligned himself, his need nudging at mine and grinding against that pearl of nerves he had engorged.

A strangled cry is ripped from me.

My body arches away from the bed entirely as he pushes into me. Fuck, yes. The pressure builds within, and I almost forget to breathe. Oh gods. My nails scrape against the sheets, and my hips feebly try to move against him, wanting movement as well as this feeling of being filled. I don't remember it being this intense before, but right now I feel like I'm going to drown. A groaning whines escapes me once I'm satisfyingly held in place.

"How the _fuck_ did you get bigger?" I growl.

Hips roll pathetically, teasingly. Damn him. Another chuckle husks into my ear and he plants kisses under my jaw as he gently grinds. My patience wears thin, wanting to have this build-up explode into movement, into ecstasy. But on the other hand I'm glad. It was a small breather. Sweat trickles along my stomach, I feel it dew on my brow, my heart still galloping whilst the room stilled.

"If you want this to stop, Katsumia, you only need to say," he murmurs in the dimness, still grinding against me all the while. I don't know where the apprehension came from, surely we'd past that point? Yet something tugs on my heart as I consider the fact he was nervous. Levi Ackerman was anxious of rejection. If I wasn't so riled up, I might've laughed. I chance a look at him, words failing me right now. But as I see the desperation in his gaze, a smile pulls on my lips. He doesn't want me to say it, he clearly wants this as much as I did. His pale eyes plead for permission.

"Don't you dare stop, not for anything." I respond in a rough whisper.

A smile almost appears on his lips and he nods, leaning in and grinding a bit harder as he nibbles on my shoulder. I gulp and run my hands up and down his back, scars travel under my touch and my legs move to lock around him. Mine. My hair tickles against my neck, and I run my fingers through his undercut. This was everything right now. He hums.

When I grind against him harder, movements becoming demanding, the grip he has on my hips tightens. He'll leave bruises. I find myself hoping for that. I'd look down in the morning and see a map of where he had been, where his body had clung to me and begged for more. The world left enough scars, I wanted him to leave an impression too. Gently his hands slide under me, resting against my back. I'm about to ask what he's doing when I'm lifted up, my legs locking round him tighter as I'm held upright. He's on his knees, moving all the while.

"Levi!" I squeal as he pulls me down, meeting me part way with a hard thrust. Up to the hilt. My body shudders and my nerves sing. A feral growl rumbles out of me and instinct takes over.

I tug on his hair to make him kiss me. He bites on my bottom lip, and I suck on his tongue. His hips move faster now, harder. One hand holds me upright against him, whilst the other seems to brace against the wall behind the headboard. There's only the occasional pause to his onslaught when he grinds hard, lavishing attention to my core. I feel like fire is licking along my spine, melting my entirety. I do what I can, but those damn hips of his are turning me to jelly. My thighs quiver.

"Dammit... Kat... nngh... _Dammit_." He growls, shifting us back slightly and making me whimper again as he shifts inside of me.

Then I'm rammed back against the wall, the headboard just below. Bruises galore. A cry escapes me, body writhing into him. The cold of the wall makes my head swim. I moan; the burn in my throat so good as I work myself against him. More. Greed rules my mind. Our bodies end up in scintillating sync. He bites on my shoulder hard, I do the same to his chest. Delicious. My teeth graze his dewed flesh. Our voices combine. The broiling tempest continues. My mind slips in and out, my lips panting his name almost continuously. I'd hate it when looking back, making it so very clear how much I needed him, but right now I don't care. Right now I do need him, and there's no denying it.

His movements judder.

So close.

A strong shudder runs though him, vibrating into me as his grinding somehow gets stronger. A growl builds from my throat, my nails raking along his back as he grips my hips furiously. His movements grow erratic, desperate, needing. That moment brews in my gut. I tangle my hands in his hair, tugging his head back and biting at his throat. Violence returns as the end draws near, his teeth bared and his nails digging into my skin. Mark me. Fucking claim me.

"K-Kat... nngh... sh-shit. I can't..." his voice is gravelled. I nuzzle into his neck and kiss his shoulder, my hands simply clinging to him now as my hips roll with him.

"Gods... Levi... L-Levi." I gasp, kissing him exhaustedly, "I'm so close," I breathe against his skin and he grunts with a nod.

New energy enters him. He hitches me higher. My skin tingles all over and suddenly his mouth is back on my chest. He licks, sucks, and then bites down hard. I feel something jolt through me. That slice of pain was all it took. A long moan gathers into a joyous scream. His head rests against my chest, his hips guttering as his own moment slams into him. My body undulates as I dig my nails into his shoulder and feel myself set alight. Bliss. The past was being healed over, a new beginning was being brought to life. I quickly kiss him, our mouths moving together in exhausted slackness as we moan incoherently our way through this ecstasy.

Slowly he rides it out, turning and then laying down with me the wrong way up in the bed. We're spent. Our heads are at the footboard and our feet just reach the pillows. I'm still panting, my body trembling all over.

"Fuck..." I shudder my body echoes. Every pulse of my now calming heart gives me a small snippet of that feeling, body grinning. He gasps and occasionally kisses along my shoulder or at my forehead. For a usually stoic, emotionally vacant man, he's incredibly affectionate. It was a nice touch. I lean against him, nuzzle his shoulder as we lie there, glad of the cooler touch to these undisturbed sheets. Stickiness slides down my inner thigh, but I don't give a damn. His hands gently caress all over my body.

"Agreed," he murmurs, cupping my face to kiss me properly, slower and more sensual as our hearts calm. Only now mine is clenched as I feel hope spring into life. Dammit. But before I can start to get nervous, to wondering if that might have sated his want of me, he rests his head against mine. Our noses brush lightly. "I'm never letting you go again."

"I... uh..." I laugh nervously, but as he patiently waits I feel that tension of his anxiety. I put a hand against his chest and swallow hard, still trying to catch my breath. "Please don't." I breathe, and his eyes widen slightly.

I snicker and hear him laugh breathlessly, before his lips are back on mine. I feel like a lovesick teenager again, like before anything in life dared touch us. I know there's a whole world beyond these sheets, beyond these walls, and we have responsibilities waiting at the doorstep. But for now? For now I just enjoy it and let my eyes droop, for now I just want to be Levi and Kat.

In the dim light of a fireplace, two people lie embraced.

In the dim light of a blaze, we cling to this peace by fingertips.

In the dim light of us, I wonder at the fact we have begun again.

* * *

Dawn doesn't break down here, but the morning wagons rolling through was evidence enough that day break approached the outside world. I stare up at the ceiling and gnaw on my bottom lip. It had happened. We had taken the plunge. I swallow hard and glance his way; he sleeps on his front, arms under the pillow and hair cast over closed eyes. His dark lashes shift against his cheek when his eyes move in slumber. I hope he's having happy dreams for once. I look towards the fireplace and smile, mere embers left to smoulder. It was odd sharing a bed with someone to be honest, in the HQ it was all regimented of course, and we all slept separately. But the warmth of a body next to me wasn't unwelcome, and considering it was _his_ heat, it was most welcome indeed. My heart feels fit to burst, and my eyes remain warm. I don't really understand the brimming tears, but as a small breathless laugh escapes me I put my hand over my mouth. Perhaps I don't have to understand, I just have to allow it to happen. From here, next to him, his heart so close to me and willing to be loved, I could love him, I could help him. I could ensure he never fell into darkness ever again. I was allowed to hope for that, wasn't I? I turn to him again, rolling onto my side and holding my head up on one hand. His breathing is deep and even, face blank in slumber except for the occasional twitch of lip or brow. Peaceful. He looked so very peaceful.

"I..." I purse my lips, I was a coward for saying it now, and meaning it in such a different manner. But I can't help it. Give me a Titan to take down any day, this emotional stuff was my biggest fear. I loved too deeply, I always had, it was likely one of my biggest downfalls. It was certainly why I could be considered a fool. I kiss my free hand and then gently touch it against his back, above where his heart beat calmly. "I love you, Levi."

"Kat..." he breathes, a small frown in place as he shifts in his sleep. I retract my hand and stare, eyes wide as I considers he might have been awake for my folly. But no, he turns over and remains in sleep, deeply under. For once he seemed to be really resting. I grin and lay my head back down upon the pillow, chancing a couple more winks before our day began.

But it doesn't last for long.

He wakes with a jolt sometime later, I don't think I was more than dozing, but I follow his lead and tense up. I blink and look over to him, eyes bleared at first, but soon taking in his panicked appearance. He stares up at the ceiling, much like I had, only he was gasping and clearly removing himself from the throws of a nightmare. Damn, and I had hoped so hard he might be dreaming of pleasant things. Guess I couldn't ask the world for too much mercy at once. That would be greedy. Gradually his breathing slows, a gulp convulsing in his throat before he looks my way. His pale eyes brighten when landing on me, but then I see shame creeping in.

"Hey... you okay?" I breathe, glad to see him roll towards me onto his side, not hiding as I had expected him to. Progress. He licks his lips and swallows hard again, nodding and clearing his throat.

"Yeah, better now that I'm awake," he sighs and blinks hard, sniffing a bit too. "Did I bother you?"

"Not at all, I was only dozing. I heard the morning wagons a while ago... couldn't quite be bothered to get up yet though," I chuckle and he smirks, nodding and giving a small yawn afterwards. I of course echo it moment later. "Wanna talk about the nightmare?"

"You know what it is, I'm sure you have the same... if not worse," he sighs and blinks slow, apparently in no rush to start the day either. I was all right with that, lingering between the sheets avoided bursting the bubble. Annoying things lingered beyond; doubts, second-guessing, guilt for enjoying ourselves, responsibilities. Nuisances in general.

"I'm sorry you're still having it though..." I reply and he shrugs.

"Are you?" he asks and I nod slowly, a frown appearing between his brows. So early too. "I wish you weren't... we both keep talking about moving on and yet here we are, clinging to the past."

"Nightmares aren't really under our control, y'know?" I hum and then look down as I hear his arm moving between the sheets. His hand lands on my hip and his thumb runs in small circles, I smile at the tenderness of it.

"How's your leg feeling?"

"It's all right, a bit achey like always but... to be honest I think it's the damp down here. Won't be right again till we're back up top." I put my hand over his and see that almost smile slip into place.

"Be careful with it, all right? Smith'll go mental at me if I bring you back injured," he says with a roll of his eyes. I snort and squeeze his hand.

"As if you care about his reprimanding."

"True, but I don't want you injured either," he notes and I nod with my own eye-roll.

"Yeah, yeah, fair enough. I'll be careful all right? I have no want to see that bone again, so don't worry, I won't be doing anything daft," I lean over and our noses touch. I pause as I realise how casual I was being about it, I was just going to kiss him. Just like that. Being back in this bed was really bringing nostalgia rushing forward, wasn't it? I feel my cheeks burn and watch his eyes travel from my nose to my lip, and then back to my eyes.

"Promise?" he breathes, and I nod, a new light in his eyes when he leans in and kisses me tenderly. As mornings went, this one wasn't bad at all. He then lays his head back onto the pillow and yawns once again. "We should get up... get some water from the well for a bath, and get going."

"You say it, but you don't sound enthusiastic."

"When have I _ever_ sounded enthusiastic?" he snorts and I have to give him that, grinning as I concede. I then put my finger against his nose.

"Last night ya sounded kind of keen."

"Says you," he retorts with a wry raising of his brow. I grumble and get up, looking round for my shirt when I feel his gaze on me. I slowly turn and look over my shoulder, his eyes running along the line of my body before he turns and gets up too. He shrugs on his shirt and clears his throat.

"I'll go get the water."

"Don't scare the neighbours!" I call out to him when he leaves the room, I hear him pause and he sticks his head round the door with open confusion. I nod southward. "They've never seen a Titan before." I laugh with a wink and he glares at me.

"You're so fucking crass sometimes," he tuts and leaves me to giggle away to myself.

A very abnormally normal morning goes from there.

We wash up. We eat reheated stew for breakfast. We get ready for another day.

Like normal, only so much sweeter.

The initial intention had been to keep things quiet, to focus on the task at hand and help Chai. However, the second I step foot into that house again I know we're rumbled. Chai raises a brow and looks me up and down, I go still and hold my breath. It's like being scrupled by a nun. Only this is the equivalent to a nun with a gun and razor sharp teeth. Chai's eyes then narrow and move to Levi, doing the same thing and then slowly closing. She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Shit... I caused you two to hook up."

"I like to think I had _something_ to do with it." Levi mutters with a click of his tongue.

Chai's eyes snap open and she stalks towards him. He doesn't actually retreat of course, but it looks like he considered it. The woman looms despite her similar height, and she jabs an accusing finger at the infamous Captain.

"You do _anything_ to hurt her now? I really will mess you up."

"I don't doubt it. So we done? Can we tell you what happened last night, now?" he asks, and both I and Chai share a confused look. He pauses and then sighs, his usual frown sliding into place. "I meant about the merchants, obviously."

"Nothing obvious about it, I dunno if you're a pervert or not." Chai snorts, flicking his head bravely before heading through to the living room. I follow her and carefully sit down on the sofa, a couple watchful kids staring at my blade holders a bit too closely. Curious scamps.

"So... we found the spot,"I start to explain. "We also found a couple of the men being ordered to mess with you..." I stop when I see something light in Chai's eyes. She stands up and claps her hands together. The kids are suddenly to attention.

"Upstairs, sun-wells is in half hour, get your arses dressed and ready," she calls out to them and off they went. Like clockwork. It was amazing; me and Levi share a look before bringing our attention back to the mothering tornado.

"Sun-wells? You still taking them out there?" I smile and she nods, Levi raises a brow and I grin at him. "You'll see. Now then Chai, we made contact, okay?"

"So it wasn't just in my head?" she asks, and in all honesty I don't know if that's relief or apprehension. I shake my head and she sighs, I think it was both. Chai now knows she isn't crazy for having suspected, but now also knows she's staring down the barrel of a crooked gun. Neither was a good option. I reach over and pat her knee.

"We sent a message. Hopefully we either get a response today or they simply leave you alone."

"I assume when you say 'message', you mean you fucked the bastard's up," she says, absent-mindedly fiddling with an errant thread on her skirt. I nod and we share a grin.

"It's my first language after all."

"Thank you so much... I know it's a tricky situation, and I know none of us can really know what might happen but... it means a lot that you would try," Chai smiles at us both and I feel Levi shift on the sofa, clearly uncomfortable with so much affection being aimed at him. It was a little hard to keep up; Chai was swinging around from threatening his life, to praising his efforts. The life of a mother.

"You're very welcome," he murmurs, hands clasped and eyes fixed on the table.

"We had no disturbances at all last night, first time in weeks," Chai chuckles, the smile melting a little as she bites her lip. I squeeze her knee.

"If I could have come sooner, I would have Chai. If there's trouble in the future, I will do my best to get back down here," I say with a smile in place. She nods and squeezes my hand, sniffing before looking up with shining eyes. I don't think I could ever understand the weight she bared on those seemingly frail shoulders.

"You're a dear, but you also need to live your own life. That's up there now, fighting alongside like old times eh?" she looks to Levi and nods, he returns it and glances upstairs as we hear running feet. "I know you'll always be there for us, and trust me, that gives me better sleep than a locked door ever could."

"Then I'm glad," I sit back a bit and enjoy the small moment of peace. It felt like we'd already accomplished something even though we hadn't deduced the fallout yet. Levi shifts again, sitting forward and leaning on his knees, eyes still glued to the ceiling.

"So what's the sun-well thing?" he asks and Chai blinks at him.

"You've never been?" she seems surprised and I smile between them.

"I think he was just always calling them... what was it, Levi? Skylight pits?" I try to remember it, and a blush hints on his cheeks. I think I was right. "Yeah, that's it. Just a different name." I nod and he clears his throat, now fascinated by the hallway as he turns his head. I share a shrewd smile with Chai. "I think it's great that you can still get them out there."

"It's somewhere to take them that doesn't smell like piss," she snorts with a shrug.

We get up from our seats and set to the task. It was an arduous thing getting all the children in jackets and shoes. Truly it was staggering Chai ever managed it alone. It took the whole half-hour to gather them all and ready for departure; they each had a buddy and they each stood in line. I walked over to Levi and nudged him.

"Guess we're buddies for the time being," I wink at him and that almost-smirk comes into view. I then feel a small hand tug on my cape. I turn and grin at Kathy. "Yeah, Gnasher?"

"You gotta hold hands with buddy! C'mon, or Missy Chai will beat ya up!" she giggles, winking awkwardly. Chai never actually beat the children of course, but I was sure Kathy would have witnessed her bad-ass guardian going full-out at a trouble-maker merchant, or thief, with a broom at some point. I look to Levi and he shrugs, holding his hand out whilst staring forward. I see that slight tint to his cheeks though. It seemed rather daft that _this_ kind of contact made him uneasy, when he'd been so comfortable settling between my thighs the night before.

Then again, we were in plain sight now.

It was amazing how bashful he could be.

* * *

It takes about twenty minutes to walk there, but it was worth any gripes or moaning from the children. The second they see those golden rays blazing down from above, they squeal and break ranks. Chai doesn't even yell, she smiles and holds the youngest child to her hip as we continue our steady approach. Grass grew here, and the simple colour gleams against the warm light that sparingly enters this dark world. The kids run around like mad, laughing and giggling, shouting and even screaming. Their voices swim up into the air, mixing with that glittering light and making life seem that bit simpler.

"The terrors will sleep well tonight. You wanting a bop about too?" Chai asks the little child currently wriggling around impatiently in her hold. Couldn't have been more than five. Chai sets the small girl down and instantly Tessa has turned up, taking that small pudgy hand and leading the kid into the warmth of the day. Chai raised them well, it shone out of them as brightly as their smiles.

"It's good that you can still get out here, they kept talking about fencing them off," I murmur, kneeling down and plucking a blade of grass up to play with between my fingers. It was cold to the touch.

"They tried, but we kept burning the fences," Chai chuckles, winking at us and gesturing to the far right where the gloom was never quite penetrated. I glance that way and note the pile of charred wood. "Eventually they gave up, the MP's always do in the end."

"Seems genetic by this point," Levi sighed and shook his head. "I'll talk to Erwin about getting them sorted... if there's any hope of change, it's likely with him."

"Is that the blondie you keep mentioning in your letters, Kat?" Chai asks and Levi raises his brows at me, it being my own turn to blush now. Only I'm not as good at hiding it.

"I need a place to vent... so I usually vent at Chai. What? He's annoying!" I scoff as another smirk hints upon Levi's lips, his eyes now returning to the kids dutifully.

"Don't worry, she's not gushing about him or anything. I think the nicest thing she's ever said was he had a nice ass..." Chai kneels down to help a kid get it's coat off. I meanwhile want the earth to swallow me whole, Levi's eyes look at me from the side and his smirk has merged into a proper grin now. Shit, that was never going away.

"Shit... Chai... confidential letters?!" I groan and my friend just laughs at me, I punch Levi's arm lightly and he shrugs, still simpering though. Git. Chai sits down as time wears on, and I feel like I can feel her bones creaking.

"How often do you get out here, Chai?" I ask, pacing a little.

"We come here at least one hour a day, lets them soak up some sun y'know? Or feel the rain... it's never quite as wonderful as it should be but... it's something," Chai says, rubbing the back of her neck. "I don't want them to think the world is a tomb."

"It's a great place for them to play, look how happy they are," I sigh, kneeling down beside her and nudging her with my head. She pats my hair.

"One time we came and there was snow, you should have heard the squealing. I swear they'd all turned into piglets," Chai laughs and wipes away a happy tear.

"My mother used to bring me here..." Levi mutters, looking up and frowning a little. Chai smiles over at him, but doesn't speak. It wasn't all that clear if he'd really been talking to us, or simply remembering it aloud. I don't know where his mind has gone, but I do see him swallow hard before he blinks and looks to where the children are playing. Nostalgia. It seemed like it was everywhere. He then glances our way. "How do you know it isn't as wonderful as it should be?"

"Hm?" Chai asks, handing out some food to the children. Levi tilts his head and looks to me, then back to her.

"How do you know the rain isn't as wonderful as it should be? I thought you were born down here?"

"Why did you think that?" she asks him, not in an offended manner, but genuinely curious. It was amazing how much like a mother she was to everyone. Levi looks to me, but I just shrug, not having indicated anything of the sort as far as I was aware. He'd made his own assumptions. I grab Tessa as she runs past and ruffle her hair, making her laugh and dash off again soon after. Levi then clicks his tongue.

"My assumption... sorry."

"It's fine, Levi, I wasn't angry," Chai chuckles and he gives a thankful nod. "It's an easy assumption to make considering my build and complexion... but nope. I was born up there, in the big clean city, with sunshine and birds... and beautiful rain," she hums and looks to him again, laughing softly to herself as his unsaid question buzzes in the midday air. "Ya wanna know how I ended up all the way down here?"

"Kind of... but don't feel you have to say."

"Oh I don't," she snorts, throwing a roll to Greg as he yells from a nearby boulder. "But I can understand your want to know me. I have a lot of connection to your Kitty Cat after all."

"My wha... o-oh," he clears his throat and scratches the back of his neck. I nearly giggle. Chai smooths down her skirts and closes her eyes, enjoying the sunshine as she explains.

"I was kidnapped when I was about... six? I don't remember much but I was sold to a trafficker who backed out on the deal. They couldn't be bothered returning me, so I was thrown down here and well... the rest is history," she breathes, tilting her head and making her hair shift away from her neck. "All I really remember is the smell of roses on a window sill, a lullaby my mother used to sing... my father's love of tobacco and of course, birdsong and rain."

"I... I'm sorry," Levi says, again frowning, but now I know why. Saying that didn't mean a hell of a lot. After all, it wasn't Levi's doing that Chai had been taken from her family up top, but he was also not happy about her situation. He was basically giving condolences to the life she might have had. But Chai knows this, and when her eyes open again they seem a little less tired.

"I appreciate it, Levi. I do. However, in a small way I'm almost glad. Up there life is taken for granted, and they look down on people so very easily. At least here I can look after the kids, I can make their lives a little brighter. Even if only for one hour every day," she smiles as her eyes cast over that group of children and I feel my heart swell. Yeah she had it tough, and yes she came from a terrible story of woe; but Chai had really made her way in this life. She was a gentle soul forged from steel.

As the hour concludes the clouds had begun to gather anyway, so thankfully the children's complaints aren't too determined. They all join with their buddies and fall into line. As we make our way back to the orphanage I notice how people look at Chai and her charges. Again, me and Levi are basically ignored, but they look at her with such amazement. I'm sure they saw Chai regularly, it was a given really, but those eyes. They looked amazed. Kindness was hardly a commodity in copious supply anywhere, not up top, nor down here, but in Chai it overflowed. In every child she cared for she saw the promise of a new tomorrow, a better future, a kinder world. I knew that was her dream; to give these children, every single one of them, the chance to live with love in their hearts instead of hate and fear.

Perhaps Erwin could take some lessons in morale from Chai?

* * *

 **So there we go! Katsumi and Levi had officially started over, and shall we all cross our fingers together that they aren't immediately fucked over by the world? One can hope, right?**

 **Thanks so much for reading! Please leave a fav, follow and or review, I love to hear from readers! See you in another 3-4 weeks everyone!**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **WolfEnergy17:** Thank you for reviewing! Me responding to you is the least I can do after you took all that time, and now you've done it again! So thank you all over again, haha! Four times?! My goodness, well I'm glad to be able to give you new content on time now! I'm glad I was able to surprise you with Chai, but also retain your liking of her. I didn't want her to be predictable, so that's a real bonus for me! Thanks for highlighting what really grabbed you in the chapter, it really helps me know what works and what doesn't. I'm so glad you liked the kids! Haha, whether it was Kenny or not remains to be seen, muhahahahaha suspense applied. And yeah... sorry about the cliffhanger, but I do hope this update made it pay off? The ship has sailed as it were, haha. And hey, at least it was on time, not like a whole year later... hehe... whoops. It was a thrill to see how amped you were about it though, it gives me so much pride and confidence as a writer to know I have people hooked. And yeah, perhaps I am a tad evil on the side as well... just on the side... I also hope you're not a zombie yet! They don't read so well, I hear.

 **MadnessIsContagious99:** I hope you enjoyed rereading, I haven't done it myself in a while, and in all honesty I probably should. It likely needs an edit. I'm glad you're enjoying my work across the board, that's so exciting for me! Thank you so very much for the praise, that really humbles me. I'm glad/relieved the writing retained it's style for you on rereading, I admit I was nervous when you said you were going to reread everything. I hate looking back on stuff from a couple months ago, let alone a year! But thank you for saying it only made you appreciate it more, that certainly makes going back and editing less daunting! And whoa... I mean... wow, your praise in comparing me to Stephen King is just... frankly I don't know what to say. I've only read snippets of his work, but considering his popularity and success, I can say that I'm blown away by your comments. You're so kind! So wonderfully kind! I'm honoured to be your favourite author, and that seriously gives me even more determination. Really, it's reviews like that which make all the work worth it. Thank you so very, very much. I did indeed mention that i was writing my own book a looooong time ago, but to be honest life kind of got in the way. HOWEVER, as I'm sure you know by now, from my previous update etc. I am pushing ahead with my conversion of my other fic 'red burning wings' and hope to look into self-publishing and all that malarky within the year. I mean... that's the goal, but who knows, right? Thanks so much for the support, it really means the world. I'm glad you're enjoying the story's development, I haven't really had a chance to involve Kenny heavily in the other stories (though of course that might change) so it was an interesting aspect to the UG. I'm hoping to make good use of it ;) Katsumi is a favoured character of mine, she has a lot of demons, but she also has a maturity that my other characters don't. She has a mothering side that is a lot of fun to write, and to develop. So I'm glad you enjoy reading her, as much as I enjoy writing her! I've enjoyed exploring the different aspects to Erwin in all honesty, I wanted to look into his colder side in this, but I always come back round to the fact that he is still human, and fundamentally, trying to do the right thing. So I'm glad you enjoy it too! I'm just blown away by your praise, and absolutely ecstatic and how well you GET Katsumi. She really is just a big teddy bear, but has those Claws out when she needs to, haha! You said so many wonderful things, so thank you, and sorry for talking your ear off in my response, I just can't help it! You're a wonderful reader, thanks so much for sticking with me. See you next time!

 **ChirssyKinz6** : Glad you're enjoying the story, I hope the update was worth the wait! Thanks for reviewing, see you in 3-4 weeks!


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey everyone! Hope everyone's well and still here, my little baby story needs you all, I assure you!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT.**

 **Warning: character from Manga appearing, nothing particularly canon i think buuuut warning applied because... warning...**

* * *

That night we stay at the Orphanage. It's warm, it's wholesome, it's really a home. But it also feels entirely different to the home me and Levi had stayed at last night. There's so much noise and movement. The present rules here, not the past. I see Levi occasionally smirk at a child, and I can't help but find it adorable. He wasn't one for mess, or icky human fluids, but there he was amongst a horde of children and his eye hadn't even twitched yet. Instead his smile had. I help Chai serve up the big pots of stew, and the locusts descend. I look around and chuckle at all the hungry faces, clambering hands and bright eyes.

"Damn, you really do have an army to feed. Chai... the money I send down, there's no way it can cover all this. How do you-"

"Madame's kept up your good work," Chai says as she hands out the fresh bread next. I blink at her and she grins at me. She knew I'd be dumbstruck by that. "Seems you made an impression on the old biddy."

"I... but last time I saw her I called her a crocket old wench with too easy a hip hinge..." I murmur, glancing at a blushing girl who leaves with her bowl and bread in hand. She had known at least a couple of those words then. Chai hands out the last few servings and then starts on ours, Tessa carries them across to the table for us.

"I know, she told me, in very distinct detailing," Chai notes with a shrewd grin. "She also said that to prove you wrong, she was intending on helping us stay funded. Just to see the look on your face. And I'll have to tell her all about it, it's a picture." Chai laughs and taps the end of my nose, making me jolt and remove the rather flabbergasted expression from my face finally.

"Madame?" Levi questions, before raising his brows. "As in Madame Lolaire?"

"And _you_ would know her how?" I ask with my own raised brows. He blushes and looks at his bowl of food. "Oh Levi, you wee dirty."

"Oi! I never went as a customer! She asked for help occasionally, all right? I think she was somehow related to F-Farlan." He swallows hard and clears his throat, blushing as he realised he had stammered. I sit down and tap his foot with mine under the table. It was a good thing to say their names, but I knew it hurt too. Chai sits down as well, and snorts at his embarrassment.

"All right, all right. Yeesh, protesting too much?" Chai winked at him and Levi calmed down, eating his stew and keeping his eyes on the table. "So yes, my dear Kitty Kat, you don't need to worry about the money. It's wonderful what you send down, though I do hope you're keeping some for yourself."

"What on earth for?" I laugh, digging in, but then glancing up when sensing that disapproving look. You really could cut yourself on it. "What?"

"I'll start sending it back if I don't see a little less in the envelope next time." She says and I open my mouth to protest, but she's already eating. The subject is closed. I sigh and enjoy the stew; the warmth and spice a testament to the time she took, and the love she poured into each pot. I look to the woman in question, the one holding this wonderful home together. A sigh escapes me.

"Damn... good as ever, Chai. You've still got the gift."

"I still have good access to some spices you mean," she chuckled and chewed on the bread, wiping some excess stew from the wee-ones chin as it burbled in its high-chair. Levi watched the kid closely, narrowing his eyes.

"Chai..." he starts, not looking like he knew how to word the question. She tilts her head at him.

"Yes? The baby isn't going to explode Levi, the slow-build murmuring just means he's cooking up a storm for his nappy change."

"I uh... that wasn't what I meant." He cleared his throat, she grinned and nodded. "I was wondering if that was your kid? Looks kinda like you."

"Hm?" Chai blinks and then she looks to the baby, her smile breaking out in the next second. It was a lovely thing to see. "Oh lord know, Levi, I was Nunned before I could spell the word Baby. No, this one's mother was a dear friend, she was caught up in the recent fever episode on the southern side of town. She got the baby to me a day or so before she passed. Poor thing was desperate, and gave us every penny she had." Chai then catches the falling bowl, the child having apparently finished its meal. The woman was a ninja. She shares a cheeky look with the gurgling child. "You're in a right mischievous mood tonight, aren't you?" she coos at the child and it burbles excitedly back.

"Hope that isn't our doing," I say and she winks at me.

"Reckon it might be, that pain in the arse tendency seems to be contagious." Chai then scooped the kid up and held it over her shoulder slightly, patting it's back. Levi is frowning as he chews on his bread. Chai looks to me but I shrug, so she leans over and pokes his cheek. Levi blinks and straightens up.

"What?" He asks, looking around innocently. He'd been a million miles away, hadn't he? We laugh at him and his cheeks have a slight blush blooming.

"Just wondered why there was smoke coming out of your ears, Levi." Chai murmurs as she continues to encourage the babe to burp. Which it does before giggling. Levi sits back.

"Well... you said you were... what was it? Nunned? Sorry, what do you mean? I feel like this is another case of mistranslation," he says, glancing at me and then shrinking back slightly from my expression. I hadn't meant to let it show, but it had sent chills down my spine. "Have I just asked something I shouldn't?"

"No..." I reassure him, "After all Chai brought it up, no, I just... sorry." I shake my head and scrape my hair back. "It's a bit of a sore spot when spending so much time trying to help the girls that have to sell themselves. The um... the cultists, whatever religion they claim to follow at the time, take pride in... cleaning the streets. I'm trying to think of what we might have called it Levi, but in all honesty I don't remember encountering it when I was with you... it wasn't till I was here that I really learned the extent of it." I bite my lip and Chai hands the baby over to Tessa who carries the child away. I glance at the girl's bowl on her side of the table, but it was only half-empty. A cold sensation gathers in my gut.

"Oh so it's when they um... avoid the girls having kids?" Levi seems to struggle with the words and Chai nods at him with a kind look. But then her eyes are back on me, that cold sensation having started to crawl into my bones. Tessa had just upped and left, she usually asked before leaving the table. Why... why had she suddenly run out the door? I look at her chair.

"Chai... I... p-please don't tell me Tess-"

"She went out alone, she paid the price." Chai cleared her throat and looked to Levi, taking his hand as I tried not to lose my shit. Tessa, little Tessa had been taken? I see the last flicker of her hair leave the room and I put a hand over my mouth. Shit I hadn't seen that coming. This place was meant to be a haven. It was a safe bubble for these kids to simply have a childhood and not worry about such awful ordeals. And yet? And yet...

"Kat?" Levi asks, but his attention is pulled back to Chai when she pats his hand. She knew I needed a second, and I'm grateful for it. My eyes are blearing. My temper's rising.

"You're completely right, Levi. The cultists send Nuns down here and they scour the streets. They take young girls in, feed them, generally treat them well, but for a price. They persuade the girls to be cleansed. They... well it's like you said, they take away their ability to have a child. I won't pretend I know what it is they actually do, I'm no nurse, but they see it as a means of avoiding the... 'the rats of the world getting too high in number'. Or that was the latest shit I heard them spouting."

Her voice sounds like it's coming into my ears through water, and I brace against the table.

"But... T-Tessa, why did she even go w-with them? She has a h-home, she had f-food..." I try to go on, but the words feel like mud on my tongue. They're sticking. Chai seems to be gripping Levi's hand tighter, him remaining quiet with his eyes fixed on me.

"Apparently they're also okay with a more forceful approach now." Chai said, not meeting my eye. I nod and blink, the tears running down and falling to the floor. Dammit, this place robbed things you didn't even think you needed to defend. "Don't bring it up with her, Kat. I know you want to, I know you want to run through there and hug that girl till it's fixed. But don't."

"I... but I..." I swallow and look down at my hands. They tremble.

I had found Tessa myself. Much in the same way I had found Isabel that time in all honesty. Tessa had been huddled in an alley near my home, alone, frightened and cold to the bone. I'd taken her in, cleaned her up and then brought her to Chai. Scrawny wee thing looked like she'd been hours away from checking out. Now she was a teenager, tall and strong looking. But now she also bore that scar. I feel sick.

"She was in hysterics for weeks, Kat. I... I would have told you in a letter, but every time I wrote it down it felt wrong to not say it face to face."

"I... I u-understand." I nod, swallowing hard to try and dislodge the persistent lump in my throat.

"She kept apologising to me, kept begging me to get you to forgive her."

"What?" I gasp, shaking my head. "Why the hell would she need my _forgiveness_?"

"Because she knows it was her own foolishness that caused it, and she knew it would hurt you. Can't you understand that she feels like she owes you something?" Chai sighs, and I lean back in my chair. "She was right about it hurting you, at least... seems she's growing up more than either of us realised." Chai smiled and then patted Levi's hand again, finally letting go. "So you see Levi, no, the baby isn't mine, no baby will ever be mine."

"I... I see." He nods, not moving his hand away, but now looking to me. I take deep breaths and wipe away the foolish tears. They helped no one. I continue with my meal and clear my throat a few times, the lump is being persistent. "Did you um... did you-"

"Get the wenches? You bet we did." Chai tucks her hair back and I look up in surprise. She grins. "We do occasionally have other brutes to help us out, y'know?"

"Good. That's... that's very good to know." I smile and nod, a weight taken off my shoulders that I hadn't even realised existed. The darkness had been gathering with that cold, making my hand itch for a blade.

I finish my meal and sit back, thanking the boy with freckles, that I don't recognise, as he takes the plates and starts to fill the sink. I look over my shoulder at him and then back to Chai with a raised brow. She grins broadly.

"Sammy loves washing up, loves to clean."

"Good man." Levi nods, and the boy giggles as he splashes his hands in and out of the water. I look up at the ceiling and sigh, a wholesome meal back home. It felt good despite the unintended trip into a murky past. Then again, being down here, you really couldn't hope to entirely avoid that sort of thing. It was as much a part of the place, as the mold upon the walls.

"I made up a room for you by the way, top of the stairs to the right." Chai says as she dishes out some tea. I blink and look at her innocently. One room. The woman gives me a shrewd smirk. "In all honesty, I had assumed you were already together when you arrived."

Levi stirs his tea. I sit up and blush, and the woman wears the same smug grin every mother does when she's rumbled her children. God dammit.

"It was a bit of a grey area..." I start, but the widening of that smile sends me slumping back in the chair. "Look, we weren't sure, all right?"

"Sure about what?" She scoffed, helping the now returned Tessa load up a tray with warm milk and honey to be taken to the kids in the living room. I smile at the girl, and she returns it, but not quite as warmly as before. Now she knows, I know. I doubt she'd ever smile at me that brightly again. I look back to Chai and she just waits, head tilted as my blush deepens.

"Sure about... whether we should take the risk..." I try to explain, but her expression doesn't move at all. The woman wasn't playing fair. Levi sips his tea.

"I didn't want to chance regrets without thinking about it," he murmurs into his mug. Chai laughs loudly and pats her hand on the tabletop.

"You're both in a life and death situation more often than not, yes?"

We nod.

"So you were worrying about having regrets about hooking up with the love of your life and hearing her scream your name?" Chai full on belly laughs, and I have never seen Levi blush that bright. Though I'm sure it isn't a stitch on mine.

"Chai!"

"What? You've always been a dumb-ass when it comes to this kind of thing Claws, but I didn't think this stoic guy would be. Jesus... it's a wonder you ever got together in the first place." She giggled to herself and sipped her tea, lounging back and glancing around the place. "Funny how the world works out."

"How so? Thought _you_ saw this coming?" Levi says with a raised brow, and I find it intriguing how un-annoyed Chai looks by his challenge. They were really starting to get along. Another weight is lifted from my shoulders – at this rate I'd be floating back to HQ.

"Well, whilst this whole 'getting along' thing is charming, I'm thoroughly creeped out by the conversation of my bed habits. So, I'm going to bed." I grumble, downing my too hot tea and heading out the room.

"Sweet dreams, Claws!" I heard Chai laugh, and a couple giggles erupt in the living room as I pass by. I huff, I wasn't actually one of her charges, and yet right now I feel like I might as well be. I approach the stairs. As I ascend, I see Tessa leaving the little ones room. As soon as she spots me, her eyes are downcast and her head slightly bowed. It was so wrong.

"Good night, Kat." She squeaks, before she tries to rush past me. Not on your life. I put an arm out and haul her into me. Chai's words ring in my ears, but I can't help it, this was my little Tessa. I needed to hold her close for a moment. I wait till she's stopped the damned wriggling, and then I kiss the top of her head. She sniffs and gives a sob. "I'm sorry."

"Don't do that, please, anything but that." I hum, running my hand up and down her back like I used to when she woke from a nightmare. "I ain't gonna get into it, Chai's already bopped me on the nose for thinking about it. So I'm just gonna say this, my girl. You're still my Tessa, and nothing could change that. This... this doesn't define you. I love you more than ever, kiddo. Okay?" I kiss her hair again and despite the hesitation, she wraps those skinny arms around me and hugs so tight I wonder if I'll be cut in half. I wouldn't mind if I was.

"I'll get as strong as you, Kat."

"Mm... I'll bet you'll be even stronger." I nuzzle her head and I feel my heart swell when she gives a soft laugh. "You're gonna show me how it's done, hm?"

"Y-yeah." She chuckles, wiping her eyes and nibbling on the end of one of her plaited pigtails. I tap the end of her nose and send her on her way, continuing up the stairs as I fight fresh tears.

* * *

Lying in the bed, I stare up at the ceiling of our room. It was small, cosy, quaint. And above all else it felt like a home. There was murmuring from the next room over, the kids not going to bed when asked, but quickly hushing when they heard Chai walk by. There's a thump from downstairs before scurrying feet hurry back to bed, and I hear Chai yawn into a squeak as she heads for her own room at last. It was as hectic as ever round here, but slowly the bedtime routine wound down and a quiet fell over the creaky wooden beams.

"How come you stayed around here?" Levi asks in a soft whisper. I turn to him. He turns also, lying on his side and pushing my hair back. In the dim gloom I can only see the vague outline of his features, but that's enough to know he's really relaxed here. "You were never keen on brats when we grew up."

"Hey now, that's not true!" I whisper, shaking my head. "I always helped kids before you did. You never saw them as anything other than mess-makers."

"Well I wasn't wrong, was I?" He snorts. "Nah, I meant in general. You'd help them, feed them, but as soon as you could you'd also send them on their way. Just seems weird that you stayed in this madhouse for so long, and stuck around to help." His tone is curious, not disapproving or anything. His hand pauses as it travels along my jaw, it then resting on the mattress soon after. I shrug. Oh so eloquent, eh?

"I dunno... I guess I saw these kids as different. Chai made it all different." I hum, shuffling a little closer and glad to feel that hand snake up from the mattress to rest on my waist. "When we parted ways I was at a bit of a loss, didn't know what to do with myself. Here I... I found a purpose again."

"So you went from wiping my chin to theirs." He murmurs and I grin, leaning in and resting our heads together. "You've done a great thing by helping this place stay afloat. It's great. I wish there had been somewhere like this for us to come to."

"Mm... except that would have meant we never had reason to meet." I breathe in the darkness, and his fingers lazily trace patterns against my skin.

"Very true indeed..."

A knocking sounds downstairs.

It was against the front door to the house.

It sounds again, louder than before.

We both tense, and look towards our bedroom door.

"Chai, c'mon, I need to speak to you and your dogs." A voice barks from outside. But it isn't a voice that either me or Levi could ever easily forget. Levi's hand is gripping my side now.

"We need to get dressed." I sit up, and he follows.

"Agreed." He groans, then gets up and we both change back into our uniform as fast as we can.

By the time Chai has headed down the stairs with her robe haphazardly wrapped round her, me and Levi are following behind her with our gear on. At first she frowns at our attire, but then she realises we know who we're dealing with and she somehow gets a bit paler.

"Woman, I'll kick this fuckin' door down if I have to, don't give a damn that you only just painted it." He rasps, foot kicking the door for effect and making my teeth set on edge. That bastard really was involved. I had seen him on the roof, hadn't I? Dammit, I needed to trust in my instincts more. One more kick to the door and I wrench it open, staring the old git down and watching him slowly suck on a cigar.

"Oh good, old pride and bad tobacco." I sigh, holding the door tightly. Chai shuffles into place beside me and she dips her head to Kenny. How dare she do that?! I click my tongue. "So c'mon then you old git, what is it that you want here? Didn't think kids were your thing."

"They're my thing when my employers have need of new stock," he drawls with a shrug of his shoulders. I narrow my eyes at him and hear Levi approach the door next. I hold onto the wood tighter, Levi was never predictable in front of Kenny. I never knew where his loyalty ended and his submission began.

"You're talking about humans, you're aware of that, right?" I demand of the old bastard in front of me. His eyes were as cold as ever, and his lips as warped. Nothing changed.

"We each cope in different ways, sweetheart. Now then, Chai, what the hell do you have to say for yourself sending in those two psychos? They made quite a mess of my boys."

"I... K-Kenny please, we've been paying the rent, doing as asked, we were supposed to be protected from this kind of-"

"This is the Underground sweet-cheeks, you really think anyone is safe?" Kenny laughed, blowing smoke at us both. Chai held her robe closer and looks down, eyes already red round the edges. I have to consider that she's been threatened by Kenny in person before, but I have to stop myself considering how he might have done it. If I did that, then this building taste of hatred on my tongue might swamp my reason completely.

"If she's following the rules, she should be." Levi speaks suddenly, and he tugs the door away from my grip. He stands beside me, shoulder just behind mine due to the angle, his hand resting on the small of my back. He was okay. His touch calmed my worries for now.

Kenny's cold eyes flit to him and gleam.

"Well, well, figured we caught you takin' a shit, boy."

"Nope. Now c'mon old man, out with it, what'll it take to give Chai and the kids some peace?" He asks, nodding towards the group of lackies lingering behind Kenny in the street. I lean round and look at them all, a couple seeming to shy away from my gaze. Oh good, they know who I am. Kenny takes a long draw on his cigar and then flicks the ash away, it makes my nose wrinkle.

"We need ten kids, either gender's fine, but we need ten of the brats. Preferably clean ones." He adds with a small chuckle before sticking that cigar back between his teeth. I swallow hard and try to calm my temper, but my hands are already curled into fists. Levi's hand moves against my back slightly. It helps keep me grounded, but I know it won't work forever.

"Any option outside of that disgusting sentiment?" Levi asks calmly, barely sounding interested in what was happening. It was the best way to deal with Kenny, even I knew this, but I always found it hard to actually manage. The old bastard got under my skin, no two ways about it.

"Why? Boy, you sayin' the stock here ain't good enough-" Kenny chokes on his cigar. It had somehow become lodged to the back of his throat. I mean, me slapping it back there from between his teeth with the heel of my hand, _might_ have had something to do with it. But then again, the world works in mysterious ways. As he hacks and coughs the bits of ash onto the ground I draw a blade and stalk towards him.

"Kat..." I hear the warning in Levi's voice, but I just wave back to him. If he stayed in the house, the kids were safe for now. These henchmen will have learned what had happened to those other two pigs the night before. They wouldn't likely take any risks against me, simply for a pay day. Kenny had a big group, but he also didn't pay that well. He is knelt on one knee, spitting out his soggy cigar.

"This bastard only understands one language." I kick him back before he can recover. He lands heavily and he glares up at me, about to get up in the next second, when I kick him again. For anyone else, he might have managed it, but I wasn't anyone else. He growls and goes for his gun, he's a quick draw, but I'm quicker now. He had originally taught Levi how to fight, and I had taught Levi better. So really, this was an easy fight for me whilst the henchmen stayed back. I kick the gun away and step on his wrist.

"Woman, I will break you!" He claws at my boot but I press him back with the other one and then kneel down, pressing my knee against his chest.

"You refer to these kids as anything but Children, kids, charges, orphans, or anything less than human, one more time, old man? I will carve every obscenity you spout into that thick skull." I growl whilst he struggles, but I'm good with pain, I know how to make a man weep. I lean in and his teeth snap together. Yeah, old fucks like him had a hard time refilling those ragged lungs when the ribs nerves were alight. Feel it you old fuck, feel it and fear me. That darkness is setting into me, bleeding in from every angle, the place reclaiming part of my reason. For now I could allow that, right?

"Get... off... bitch!"

"Oh I'll get off, as soon as you look at me with those beady eyes and you listen real close, Kenny. I didn't put up with your shit when I was a kid, and I certainly ain't going to endure it now that I have been trained _precisely_ how to kill monsters."

"Crazy... w-wench..." he growls, still struggling. I bare my teeth a little.

"The only reason you ever managed to land a hit on me back in in the day, was your superior strength and size, those odds have shifted. Got it? With me so far?" I hiss, turning the blade over in my hand. His eyes fixate on that shine for a couple moments, finally moving to my gaze and holding. He was a defiant git, I'd give him that. I wait.

It takes a couple minutes, and another press of my knee, but finally he nods.

His men linger.

I feel Levi watching me.

"Good, now that I have your attention. You're gonna leave this orphanage alone, you're going to leave these children alone, and you're also going to leave Chai alone. You will not have men lingering by doorways or trying to open windows, you won't have any one of your skulking fucks within a mile of this place. This orphanage is out of bounds for the likes of you. Still following? Or do I need to speak slower?"

He pauses.

I lean in further and I hold the blade to his stubble covered chin, it crackles against the silver gleam I drag along. Probably the first shave he's had in a while. A wince catches in those dull eyes and he growls, giving a begrudging nod. Good boy.

"You saw what we did to your other lackies, and I know you saw us on the roof. You did nothing, and I fucking know why." I growl, leaning all the way in now and whispering into his ear. I press my blade into his cheek till a small droplet of red runs away. "Because you're finally awake aren't you? Levi isn't under your control any more, and we got out. We're not afraid of you, and y'know what I think, Kenny?"

He shudders.

"I think you're a little afraid of us." I say calmly, the tremours moving through him. His teeth clamp together.

It flashed before my eyes, suddenly making my hand shake. I see Kenny lying there, beneath me, as I free Chai from him and his games. God I want to kill him. The blood darkens; sullied by lies and scheming. Shit not again. The dead eyes roll back, bloodshot as I stab again, and again, dark flames of my old soul rising higher. Fuck no, being back here didn't mean I had to do that kind of thing again. That was before. That was so long ago now, when I was confused and torn. I swallow hard and stare at Kenny hard, him returning it, with confusion as I'm sure I look demented as I sit there, frozen by the vision. Dammit. My blade thirsts for more. I breathe in through my teeth harshly. It bothered me more than I'd admitted to myself. How dare he come here and threaten Chai? How dare he try and sully this. I was starting to feel like a normal person before I came down here again, I was part of a team, part of something real. I shudder. I could do it, I could so easily rip out his straggly beard, his wiry brown hair. I could scratch at his gaunt face and stab his body till nothing but oozing squishes came back at me.

I then stand up suddenly, breaking away from that gaze and the vision.

I had to keep it together.

I look around his lackies, the old bastard is still gasping at the air beneath me. How long was I lost in thought there? I can't tell. I steady myself.

"I have plenty people down here still loyal to me, so even if you low-life's hear that I'm on a mission, or we're out on patrol with the Scouts, don't think I won't know something's happened. Anything goes on? I will be down here and I will ruin you all."

I didn't mean to get so carried away; but these kids, this place, it was where I felt I'd made the most difference. Sure, I was a Titan killing machine these days, sure, I was supposedly helping Humanity as a whole, but here the results were immediate. They were shown in a child's smile, a blush of health, a look of contentment from Chai. Here it was immediate, here it was vital, here I knew for sure I was doing good. So I wasn't about to let all that slip away without one hell of a fight beforehand. And Kenny knew that. I bet, as he gets to his feet and dusts his grimy ass down, he wishes he had killed me when I was nothing but a scrawny kid too. Hindsight was everything, I guess. He then straightens his hat and smirks despite what just happened, couldn't fault the old fuck for his recovery time.

"This is all very intimidating, Kitty Kat," he laughs, immediately lighting up another cigar and taking a long draw. Probably to settle his nerves, I wouldn't wonder. "But what can you actually do? You haven't been down here for years, only now has the Scouting fucks let you back down here, and for how long? A couple days, maybe?"

"Doesn't matter," I shrug, and he challenges me with those incredulous eyes. "Doesn't matter if I'm here from now on, or for only a few more precious hours. If I find out any of my demands have been ignored? You all perish. I won't just go after the one foolish bastard who ignored me, I will hunt you all down and I will hurt you all."

"Oh really?" He snickers and I nod, stepping forward suddenly. His eyes tighten. It was his version of a flinch.

"I can't threaten your families, most of you likely don't have one, or if you do, you likely don't give a shit about them. Nah. I won't threaten anything other than yourselves. I'll cut you down, make you suffer and trust me, I know how to make it last for days."

By the end of it I'm just hissing, feeling myself fall back through the years. Back to when Chai had daily issues, and daily fights against sick-minded men like these. Back then, I had to just give into it, allow the darkness to hold onto me and use me as a means to escape. I'd go back there if I had to, but really, from the looks of these withering dicks, I don't think I need to. I merely let that old shadow lick along my spine, and I grin at Kenny as the cogs turn in his rusted mind.

"Seems we have to look elsewhere." He says finally, and I have to admit I'm surprised. I don't show it, but I'm dumbfounded. I expected more of a fight from him of all people, he forged Levi into the undeniable force he was. So how come Kenny was submitting?

"The fuck..." I hear Levi breathe, him clearly as confused as I.

I think it over, staring at that craggled face and wondering. Why the hell would be back down after a verbal beating and a small amount of pain. He was a slow decrepit waste, but he was as persistent as any young thing.

Or wait...

Did Kenny have plans to leave this place?

I glance at his attire and note the newer looking jacket. That was odd. And his hair was tied back. Since when was this bedraggled shithead concerned about anything appearance-wise. I tilt my head back and sneer at him, his eyes tighten, he was leaving soon and this was his last job. That was it, wasn't it? That was why he wasn't bothered about us killing lackies, soon they wouldn't be his lackies, they'd just be little bags of trash he left behind. The Underground was about to get a lot safer, and whilst I had to kind of worry about the cities above us instead, I could at least be calmed about Chai and her charges.

"The fuck you up to, old man?" Levi demands, and I can understand his tone of disbelief. Kenny glares at him over my shoulder.

"I ain't got time to push against a thick-skulled wench like this. Times are changin' boyo," Kenny says, adjusting his hat again.

Times were changing, the hell did that mean? I watch him and I see that sombre line of his lips. Usually he did nothing but taunt, threaten, jeer. But that was serious. Did Kenny know something was coming? My hands curl into fists, was something going to happen to this city? I glance up to the roof and take a deep breath. No, the cities above didn't care enough about the UG to do anything permanent about it. Wasn't worth the trouble. Wasn't worth all the rats that might scurry up the drainpipes. And the merchants got too drunk off their mediocre power down here to make any permanent damages to the people and place. It would be safe. Kenny was talking about change, but maybe he meant up there, in our new world? I feel that darkness replaced by a chill, it tickles my spine and makes a shiver run across my bones.

"Personally I don't give enough of a crap about this job to do anything but give her a win. C'mon boys, you heard her, leave the rat factory alone from now on."

"I want your word, Kenny." I demand, stepping forward and grabbing his jacket when he stepped away. His eyes fix on me and he chews that cigar like it's a bone. I wait again, knowing it was the only way to deal with this kind of beast. Don't blink, don't back down, don't bullshit. "You're not leaving till I have it."

"Fuck, somehow you've gotten to be even more of a pain in the ass, how'd you manage that?" He growled, stepping back over and looming a little. I shrug and pat my blade casing.

"Part of basic training, I guess," I say and then watch a smirk almost appear on those thin lips. Although he had never said it, I genuinely think Kenny doesn't hate me entirely. A small part of him respects me, I can only assume this is the reason I'm not dead yet. Slowly he uncurls my grip on his jacket and grips my hand in his. We shake firmly.

"Ye've my word, woman. No one will touch this shithouse again. It's under the protection of the Scouts as far as we're concerned... little shits better be worth sticking your neck out for."

"Oh they are, Kenny, they are." I say and then drop his hand, making a point of wiping my own off my trousers. He chuckles and turns away, leaving that stench of smoke behind him as he and his henchmen filter away into the city gloom.

* * *

 **So there we go, Katsumi kicking ass and taking names! As well as no shit, haha! I realise it was a slower paced one this time, not a lot technically happened, but after the fuck-fest in the last one I felt a breather was needed, haha! Anyway hope you enjoyed!**

 **Thanks so much for reading, please leave a fav, follow and or review as I love to hear from you guys!**

 **See you in 3-4 weeks!**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **MadnessIsContagious:** Whyyy do you have more than one account? Didn't know that was a thing! But anyway, thanks for telling me who you were :P Glad you enjoyed reading through it all again, I get so anxious when people say they're doing that. I do plan on editing all my stories again considering that season 2 will be out soon, and that could mean a new wave of fans. Maybe. I dunno. I like your idea that it shows the improvement with the journey, but I want the best content available tbh. Thank you for noting the improvement, I thankfully don't cringe when looking back, but I am glad to see progress! Haha, I've not read enough King to comment, but I am still thrilled by the compliment anyway. Glad you enjoyed the lemon, I just decided to go for it, it's been building up for so damned long I thought BUGGER IT, and just went with the flooooow. Haha thanks for the luck, technically the book's already written, RBW is at something mad like 310,000 words now, I just need to... convert it all... *sweats* haha, but it's going well so far. I'm hoping to get some sections onto or whatever this place's sister site is called. But it won't be juuust yet. I'm glad you love both Alexia and Kat, I do too ^-^ but I don't think they'd enjoy sharing a spot tbh. Then again I don't really know how they'd react to each other... hmm... intriguing... Haha, I'm glad you like my responses... as I've gone and done it again. Don't worry about skipping stuff, probably best for both of us, haha! I'm soooo glad you liked the sex scene, I was worried it might be too much. Yeah Chai is a shrewd one, she is very much an inbuilt mother - they know everything. Thanks so much for highlighting those points, was awesome! I hope this update was up to your standards, and see you next time!

 **WolfEnergy17:** You crack me up. That review was... well... i mean the whole "rising from hell" was hilarious, but then... damn, you really got me with that review. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it out. Also - very jealous of your puppy! But anyway, seriously, your praise stuck with me for a long time, and I've reread that review many times over. It was so heartfelt. You're way too kind! I'm so glad you like/get Katsumi to the extent that you do. "Beautifully dark" is such a great description of her, so thank you, genuinely thank you so much. I'm also absolutely thrilled you find Levi realistic, it's always worrying in these stories, when I'm a couple arcs in and obviously development has to happen, because I know how beloved these canon characters are. So thank you for pointing out how convincing you find him! I had written the sun-well scene a long time ago, so I was excited to finally have it put in the story! So glad I've avoided dragging parts out, I love heavy description etc. but I do worry others might skim. Ugh your comments are just too wonderful, you're really just an amazing reader and so very very kind! I'm so glad you liked the scene where they finally got together, I wanted it to really linger as its been suuuuuch a long build up. So to know it came across in the right way is a major weight off my shoulders. I sincerely hope this update was good for you, thank you so very very much for taking the time to write that wonderful review, and I'll see you next time! *continues to sob against keyboard*


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello there m'dears!**

 **Unfortunately this is a shorter update than normal, but to be honest motivation was kinda lacking this month. In all honesty this site has gotten really quiet lately, and I find myself a little disheartened by it. I thought with Season 2 we'd have a flurry of activity going on, but then again maybe we are and it's just that people don't bother to review? I have a couple regulars who always review, and you guys are awesome, but please newcomers, speak up! I love seeing the stats rise on my stories, but _please_ consider how much work I (and the other authors on this site) put into their work. It takes time, effort, and it is disheartening to go for that upload and realise that you've only had 2-3 reviews in a month. And Actually, 2 of those aren't even for the most recent chapter. I don't mean to moan - genuinely don't despite the current moaning - but it really does smack you right in the confidence. **

**Anyway, self-indulgent rant over. I don't think I'll actually take a haitus, but I am sorry if the next few updates are a bit shorter.  
**

 **Anyway, not gonna waste any more of your time, enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT.**

* * *

Sat in the carriage on the way back to HQ I feel every roll of the wheels as a tug on my heart. We would see them again, it wasn't goodbye for good. Still it had been hard to let go of Chai after that last hug. My eyes blinked, still adjusting to the bright light of the world above. It didn't burn like the first time, but it was still a shock to the system after a couple days sunken into the gloom. We clatter along the cobbles and soon enough they thin out as we head beyond the city. It would take most of the day to get back to the HQ, so really there wasn't much to do but catch up on sleep. I glance over to Levi, assuming he would be asleep by now, but instead I find him staring at me. I blink again and look down at myself.

"Um Levi... what're you-"

"I'm sorry we couldn't take them with us." He said suddenly, and he frowned before looking out the carriage. I tilt my head and he looks at me momentarily, side-eye not doing him much good when the slight blush takes to his cheeks. "I know you wanted to, and I know you're gonna start pestering Smith as soon as we get back... just... just know you have my support, all right?" He hums and closes his eyes, the sun washing in through the window and turning his pale skin honeyed. His hair almost looked blue like that.

"My, my, who are you and what have you done with my Levi?"

"Your Levi?" He quirks a brow but doesn't open his eyes, I smile and glance around, we were outside the city now and onto some open countryside. I move across to his side of the carriage and lean against his shoulder. He hums again and moves, sitting back and manoeuvring his arm behind me. I lean against his chest and sigh. I feel his lips against my hair. "Guess I can live with that title. That make you my Katsumi?"

"I think we both know I've been that for a lot longer." I chuckle and he echoes it.

He puts his feet up on the seat across from us and lounges back, letting me wind round him a little more. Our gear is attached to the carriage roof and we sit with our capes folded to the side. Too warm. But now it made for an easier embrace and I find myself unable to hold back the blush. A lot had happened in the few days we had been away. I fiddle with one of his buttons that was coming loose, he huffs a small chuckle.

"We ain't doing it in here..." he murmurs, and I shake my head at him.

"I was thinking this needs repaired actually, you suddenly turn into a horn-dog now that your aeon long dry spell has been... quenched?"

"Woman, shut it." He sighed and I just laugh, leaving the button alone for now. "Guess it'll be back to duty when we return. I wonder if they got any further with the plans whilst we were gone..."

"Knowing Smith? He'll have had it finished the plans first night we left." I hum and Levi yawns.

"Yeah, I guess so. You think Shitty Four-Eyes has got anywhere with those notes she was babbling on about at breakfast?" He murmurs, and I look up with a frown. He mirrors it. "What? I do _occasionally_ pay attention."

"It's adorable." I snort and lean against him again. "I dunno to be honest... she was talking about Titans and experiments or something. I'm just worried that she's gonna get herself hurt if Erwin can't rein her in a bit." I look out the window again. "Levi..."

"Mm?"

"About Kenny..."

"Yes?" His hold on me gets a little bit tighter, the carriage suddenly swamped by shadow as we pass into a thicket of trees. I sit up and clasp my hands. "He won't hurt them you know... he's a git, but he's pretty damn unmoveable once he's given his word."

"Yeah I know, I trust that part of him if nothing else." I gnaw on my bottom lip and Levi sits forward as well, nudging me with his shoulder. I shake my head. "I feel foolish but, it's something about what he said. It was like... like he knew something was coming. Did you... did you get that feeling, at all?" I look at him and we share a lingering look. It wasn't evasion, and I don't believe he was making up a lie either. He was just running it all through his head again, taking the time to consider my worries. Dammit, under that unmoving mask he really did care. It felt good for the word love not to have a sting in it's tail.

"I didn't at the time no... and looking back now, sorry I don't really know what you're talking about. But I'm sure it was just that place messing with your head. That's what it does, after all. We'll be okay, no matter what, promise." He nods and I feel my shoulders lightened already.

He pulls me over again and I end up dozing against his chest. It felt so normal, and I found myself no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop. There was no lingering pause, an unsaid truth. The sheer amount that had changed since we left HQ was staggering, and yet at the same time nothing much had happened at all. It was just that me and Levi had stopped being stubborn jackasses. Well, in this instance at least. Really we were just returning to what we were meant to be all along, before life got in the way.

"We'll have new recruits soon..." he murmurs, and I nuzzle him in my dozed state.

"Mm... guess so... you reckon there'll be a lot?"

"Not sure. I think Smith had a whole new concept for the recruitment drive, and I have a funny feeling it's going to include us. Or at least you." I feel his breath against my hair and I smile, feeling his arm wind round me. Was that possessive or just coincidence?

"Why just me? You're the living legend..." I burble and chuckle. "Humanity's Strongest reporting for duty."

"Mmm... I still hate that name." He grumbled and I heard his teeth grinding together. I shake my head at his nonsense. "What? At least yours sounds intimidating, I just sound like a bloody brute. Then they see me and look oh-so-fucking-surprised every time. Gets old pretty quick."

"You have never sounded more like an old man." I sigh, and then yelp as I'm shifted about and moved so I'm lying back on the seat with him hovering over me. His eyes glint and I chuckle before he nips at my throat, knowing how damned ticklish I was there. "Oh my god, okay! You're an immature childish wanker!"

"Only for you Claws." He breathes, stopping the nipping and then just kissing up to my cheek. I have no idea where his head is right now, but my self-indulgent side can't bring myself to ask for fear of breaking him out of it. "Once we get back... should we keep this um... development, a secret?" He sits up slightly and we wobble as the carriage turns onto a less used path.

"Development? As in... us getting back together?" I question, and he just rolls his eyes at me. I nod and ponder it, looking at the carriage's ceiling. "I think... perhaps keep it quiet. I'm not 100% sure what the policy for shagging is..."

"Shagging... you're not an eloquent woman are you?" He chuckled and I raised my brows at him, sitting up and tilting my head. His eyes rake over me openly now, and I won't deny the thrill that runs along my spine.

"Oh I'm sorry, am I meant to call it a 'development', an 'intense embrace'? Shall I speaketh with true formality oh delicate one between my thighs?" I squeeze him playfully with said thighs. He smirks down at me. Damn he looked good in this lighting.

"Yeah, yeah... do you think there's a way to find out the rules without the whole regiment finding out what's going on with us?"

"Probably not, but I think the best chance we have is asking Hanji." I sigh and he blinks at me, slowly leaning in and brushing his nose against mine.

"The loudest thing on the planet is our best chance at a subtle inquiry?" He blinks and stares at me, my chuckling burbling past my lips. I put my forehead to his and nuzzle him playfully. What? I had to get it in whilst I could.

"She only seems loud to you because you ignore her all the time, so she feels the need to yell at you in order to gain your attention." I prod his nose and he sighs, resting his head on my chest and grumbling.

"All right, do what you think is right... but don't be surprised if she shrieks it all along the corridors and then we find ourselves being disciplined by the pent-up prick himself." He grumbled and sat up properly. I tilt my head again.

"You talking about, Smith?"

"Who else walks round like they have balls the colour of fuckin' bluebells?" He scoffs, folding his arms over his chest and shaking his head. I purse my lips, but some giggling escapes, I genuinely can't help it.

"Bluebells..." I repeat, and then fall into uncontrollable laughter as his cheeks go a little pink. I'm shuddering all over and cackling away.

"What? A man can't know the name of a god-damned flower?"

"Of course he can, but my god that sounded funny coming out of _your_ mouth!" I snort and curl up a bit, promptly being shoved onto the floor of the carriage in the next second. "Ow.."

"You deserved that one."

* * *

 **3RD POV**

Back at the Scouting HQ, the day had dawned bright. It was nothing more than a routine day of training, and slowly the HQ groaned into life. Erwin was already sat in the mess-hall enjoying a morning coffee, his breakfast already demolished before the sun had even peered over the horizon. He rose before dawn that day mainly because he had failed to sleep at all, and he grew weary of pacing his own room with nothing but the same four walls to study. He needed to do something. He needed to be active. They would be back by the evening if their travels went well. He sincerely hoped they did. The HQ had seemed so very quiet without them, or rather, without Katsumi. In the grand scheme of things, Levi didn't really make a lot of noise.

Erwin drained his mug and stood from his chair. A few cadets had started to meander in, and he didn't exactly feel like having a conversation. His mind was too full of the mission, of what was to come, of what had passed, and what currently wasn't in the building. Focus had never been a problem for him, but in the past few months he had felt himself struggle with the beast more than ever. He dropped off his things at the porter trolley and headed back up the stairs. It was on his way back to his office that he spotted Mike headed in that direction too. Normally he would have been glad of the company, but as he noted the set nature of his friend's jaw, Erwin felt unease settle in his gut.

"Rather early for a social call, something amiss?" He asked, trying to seem casual, but having already looked for a file or report in the man's hands. Nothing was in sight, but that meant little. Mike smirked and breathed deep, making his comrade even more nervous. Erwin opened his office door and left it open for his comrade to follow on.

"They'll be back soon, you counting the hours or the minutes?" Mike drawled, closing the door and leaning against it, smirk still in place when Erwin shot him a look.

"Mike..."

But his friend didn't back down, and the smirk stayed in place. Erwin sighed and shook his head, sitting at his desk and sorting through some papers.

"C'mon Erwin, you've been on tenter-hooks since their carriage was out of sight."

"Hardly. I simply have a lot to plan, the upcoming mission has a lot riding on it in terms of funding and I only have-"

"Cut the shit, Erwin. It's me, not Nile." Mike rolled his eyes and felt Erwin's glare.

"That wasn't shit."

"Look, I know you're wrapped up in mission planning, and upcoming recruitment drives, and all that official stuff... but I know you. Stuff is bubbling in that head of yours. Stuff that you really shouldn't be thinking about at all."

"Nothing bubbles in my head." Sighed Erwin and Mike chuckled.

Erwin shifted in his seat and seemed desperate to have his comrade out of his office. It wasn't often that Mike felt unwanted by his Commander, and the mere fact that he did in that moment? Only made him want to persist even more. Whether it was brotherly concern or simply a mischievous streak forming, was unclear.

"Look, I get it, she's an engaging woman, but the pining is really starting to radiate off of you. Just what exactly do you think is going to happen?"

"Likely the inevitable..." Erwin muttered, keeping his keen eyes fixed on the paper. Mike waited, and Erwin grumbled under his breath, glancing at the door and seeing that gaze remaining. Stubborn didn't even begin to cover his old comrade, they used to refer to Mike as 'Humanity's Strongest' before Levi took the title. Erwin was tempted to suggest 'Humanity's Mule' instead. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're not going to leave me alone, are you?"

"Nope." Mike smiled and strode over to sit on the chair in front of the desk. He leaned forward on his knees and stared Erwin down hard. If it wasn't the persistent sense of smell, it was the unyielding gaze. Erwin was glad he wasn't normally under that kind of scrutiny. He was also glad of the slight shielding affect of that shaggy fringe. "So is it actually this affection you reek of, or is there something deeper going on here?"

Erwin's eyes tightened as Mike spoke of affection.

"Mike, speak plainly or leave." Erwin sat back and sighed. Mike tilted his head.

"All right, play ignorant. The reason for your unease... is it that you've heard something? Some trouble in the UG that might get in their way?" He asked, knowing that wasn't the case, but he enjoyed watching Erwin squirm. It wasn't often something got under that well controlled skin. But she had. She definitely had.

"I have affection for anyone that fights on our field." Erwin said evasively, only grumbling again when seeing Mike's expression. It was his typical 'don't give me the politician shit, please?' look. Erwin was unable to avoid it. Mike was too damned good at reading him, and it never failed to grate on his friend's nerves.

"I ain't leaving without answers."

"Sharp as ever." Erwin tossed the papers aside and scraped his hair back. Mike smiled.

"You're not as sharp as you think, Erwin. At least not to me, I rather like that aspect of our dynamic... although I know it drives you to distraction." He concedes when Erwin's brows knit together. "But Erwin... you... you do know it's pointless, right? I mean, you are aware of the situation? It's only a matter of time before she and Le-"

"Hence my use of 'inevitable'." Erwin sighed again, sounding so very tired. He rubbed his eyes. "Believe me Mike, I am trying to avoid it, trying to remove it like I did with Marie. It's just taking a bit longer this time round... I didn't see this one coming."

"Oh... Marie, that was fun." Mike sat back and folded his arms in front of his chest. He had been there through it all, watching Erwin grow close to Marie and then watching him push her away. They'd barely begun before Erwin turned to stone. Such an extreme turn around hurt everyone involved. Even the infallible leader himself.

"My heart is for the cause and nothing else." Erwin said, but Mike wasn't missing the slight tremour to his friend's hand as it clenched.

"Not to mention _she_ 'd have nothing to do with you anyway. Marie was a civilian, not quite as able to see through you." Mike shrugged, and he watched that pain splinter in Erwin's bright eyes. The gruff man chuckled. "You've got it bad this time, Erwin. Far worse than, Marie."

"How so?" Erwin narrowed his eyes, but Mike knew he wasn't angry with him. The man wanted to understand, like he wanted to understand everything else. Erwin wasn't used to being confused, and it really didn't suit him.

"It's worse because Marie was barely more than a flight of fancy, but this? Damn Erwin, you can pick your battles very poorly at times."

"Believe me, I know." Erwin groaned.

"So you're knowingly being an idiot." Mike chuckled again and was glad to see a smirk fall into place on Erwin.

"I never said I was clever... everyone else did." He murmured, eyes a little distant. "I don't know what it is about her, I just... my mind keeps wandering back... it won't stop no matter what I do. No matter how busy I make myself or how exhausted I get."

"It's because she's out of reach. You do tend to obsess over those sorts of things..." Mike snorted with a roll of his eyes. He then stood up and paced over to the window, looking to the horizon. "You really don't need to give Levi reason to hate you again, Erwin. It wouldn't take much for him to try and kill you again." Mike simpered, meaning it as a joke, but then he swallowed hard and smirked, hands clenched behind his back. "I could take him before, but now we've trained him up...? You might be on your own, old friend."

"Thank you for making light of my murder, you're very comforting Mike, as always."

"If I coddled you, where would you be?" Mike winked and then sighed as he watched the cadets start their morning duties. "I won't breathe a word of course, but truly Erwin, all jokes aside. You need to let this go."

"I'm aware of my position, Mike." Erwin muttered, eyes fixed on the desk. Mike watched a couple cadets milling around together, talking, laughing building memories to mourn over. He swallowed hard.

"They were forged together down in the Underground... a place neither you nor I can truly understand. It's they're like destined or some nonsense. They reek of that like you reek of longing."

"I'm taking another bath if you use the word 'reek' once more."

"I'm simply trying to prepare you, Erwin." Mike sighed and paced back over to put his hand on Erwin's shoulder. "You say you know what the situation is, but I know how your head works... it's worked the same way since our training days." He chuckled and patted. "You're a stubborn jackass."

"I'm fully aware, Mike, you never let me forget." Erwin chuckled and shook his head.

"In all likeliness the best way to put this to rest? Tell her, then feel the rejection." Mike said with a strange smile in place. It was like he looked forward to that moment in a strange way.

Erwin clasped his hands under his chin, and Mike immediately knew he was questioning that sentiment. It wasn't arrogance, it wasn't that Erwin believed himself more worthy than Levi, or anything like that. But Mike knew well enough that Erwin's determination tended to cloud his judgement. It made the world open to him, and yet tunnelled too. Mike sighed and shook his head, making for the door.

"No harm will come about if I simply stay silent." Erwin said, barely above a whisper.

"No, old friend. It's likely that most harm of all, would come through that... then again it'd be harm towards you mainly. So you'll be fine with that." Mike said without turning, and he left without a glance back. There was no point by then, Erwin was resolute.

He had watched Erwin since their days with crossed swords upon their backs. They had trained together, grown together, chosen together. They had fought together, worked together, recovered together. Yet through all that, through propping each other up, dragging each other to the medical bay, or helping each other out of the dirt; Mike was forever aware that Erwin considered himself alone. It wasn't something that pleased Mike, but it was something he had learned to accept. Rejection was the wrong word for how Erwin kept people at a distance, really it was self-loathing. Erwin saw himself as cursed, as only there in the world to do one thing, and anything else just fell apart when he touched it. Mike had never met Erwin's father, but he was sure if he had, he'd have likely slapped the man silly. Such righteous ideals were great for driving a person forward, but to obsess over them so much, it was also perfect for driving a person mad.

"At least it will be hilarious watching her reaction." Mike smirked and headed towards the stables.

* * *

 **KATSUMI POV**

"Hanji, let me get out the carriage at least!" I laugh as she throws her arms around me and dances about a bit.

It had been a long journey, my bones ached and I was keen on seeing my bunk, but still she made a smile appear on my lips. My own wayward runaway to look after. Had I ever told Chai about her? I'd have to make a point of it in my next letter. I stumble out and hug Hanji tightly, the wayward woman clearly intent on telling me _something._ I wave to Mike who's by the doorway and then Smith who comes up behind him. Levi steps down and clicks his tongue.

"Would you mind not smothering her?" He sighs and then moves past us with the gear casings. Seemed like he was keen on his bunk too as he disappears inside. Hanji eventually lets me go and then grins with her glasses flashing in the lantern light. I lean back and brace myself. Oh dear, I feel like this is going to be messy.

"I highly doubt this is simply excitement over me being back Hanji, as much as I know you adore me... what's gotten into you?" I chuckle and wipe some ink off her cheek. She clasps my hands tightly. Ow.

"You need to help me convince Erwin to allow me to catch a Titan."

I stare at her. I then look back to where Mike and Erwin had lingered, both men wearing the same exhausted expression when hearing the subject raised for what I can only assume is the 100th time that day. Or hour.

"You want to... w-why? Hanji, get a fucking dog." I shake my head and her eyes become forlorn. Damn, she was a puppy in herself. I had heard her blabbering on about experiments the morning me and Levi departed, but I guess I'd chosen not to hear this part. Thank the gods, or else I'd have worried the entire time we were gone. But now? Now I could worry about it upfront. Goody. I sigh and scrape my hair back. " _Why_ do you want one?"

"Think of all the things we could learn through experimentation, through study! How do you beat your enemy?"

"By sticking something pointy in it." I say with a shrug. She sighs dramatically, shaking her head and pushing those glasses back up her nose. I feel two foot tall, like a teacher just rapped me over the knuckles with a ruler. Her glasses flash again in the torchlight right before she grabs my shoulders and squeezes. Ow, again.

"By learning about them!"

"Ah... righto..."

"Titans don't seem to have any normal organs, no normal weak points other than their nape. But what if we could decipher new weaknesses, new ways of defeating them?! We can't do that in battle, we can only-"

"Learn on the go." I finish and she grins, squeezing before finally letting go of my crumbling bones.

Dammit if she wasn't so adorable to me, I'd be terrified. I roll my shoulder and consider her words. When was the last time she slept though? Her hair is a mess, and these clothes are at least two days old. Old coffee is on her breath, and ink etched deep into her hands. The woman would burn out if she wasn't careful. I click my tongue and look beyond her, to where Smith continued to linger with Sniffer without a word.

"So, is it even possible to catch one?" It wasn't that I was on board yet, I wasn't entirely insane, but clearly the woman needed some placation. She was practically vibrating in front of me.

"We won't know until we try. But Erwin keeps banging on about manpower and risks. When _clearly_ the advantages outweigh them." Hanji grumbled. I watched her excitement simmer down into frustration. She was a keg ready to blow. For a moment she threw a look back to the unmoving expression of the ever watchful blue-eyed blonde. There was absolutely no response. Compassionate as ever Smith. Charming.

I move over to the two men, her coming along with me. It wasn't hard to figure out that I'd been played by Hanji, she knew well enough how much I liked to help an underdog. It was just as she had said, research and study were her thing. She probably had me figured out before I'd managed to remember her name. But you know what? If she had the smarts to con me to get what she wanted? I was okay with that. I'd even encourage it if it got one over on Smithy. I'd smile and nod like a good Governess, right before I hauled her ass out of the way when she stood to close to her chosen puppy.

"Well, is there really no way?"

"Not without too high a risk being involved." He said plainly. I narrowed my eyes.

"Surely learning about them would help in the long-run?"

"We have no reason to deduce that there would be another weakness." Erwin speaks between his teeth, and I can't really blame his annoyance. This was likely his twentieth use of this speech that day alone. But still, something was off with him. "They survived 100 years with minimal access to food, and they regenerate unless struck on the back of the neck. I don't see how studying their pain threshold or lack of digestive system is going to help anyone but Hanji's fetish-like curiosity."

"Says the man who gets a hard-on when giving a pep-talk to new recruits."

He glares.

The frustration I could get, the anger was almost understandable. But what had me losing ground was that look. That nothingness. Erwin's eyes were like ice, and his demeanour about as welcoming as when we had first met in the dank cobbled streets of the UG. What the hell had happened since me and Levi left? It seemed more had changed than I had realised. It was like being back in time. I look to Sniffer, but he's just looking at the ground, brows creased as though confused about something. I sigh and tilt my head, hands on hips and patience running thin. I heard Hanji make an excited noise under her breath. Crap, she did have me pegged.

"Since when have you been about holding people back, Smith?" I ask, watching surprise light in those sky-like eyes. "I thought seeking out potential was more your deal."

A little warmth had returned, but he remained withheld. Something was weighing down on him, holding him in place like the jammed door he was trying to be. Was it more funding troubles? Had he been refused access to the fresh cadets for his recruitment drive? Know your enemy. It had been a long time since I considered the man my enemy, but the concept still applied. Perhaps my own research and study of this big blonde creature had gotten slack in recent days. Perhaps I was getting complacent in my studies. I blink, was I turning into Hanji?

Erwin swallows hard and straightens up, ready for a fight I guess?

"I have to think about the overall risk factor, that's all."

"Sounding more and more like the Brass by the second there, Erwin." I sigh.

"Sometimes they know better, Katsumi."

"Mm... guess so. C'mon Hanji, my ass is freezing." I sling my arm round Hanji and lead her inside. I had dealt with this kind of man far too often. Sometimes you just had to step back and choose a new angle. Thing was, that I had a fairly good idea on Smith's angles already. "No point arguing with a brick wall, Hanji my dear. It feels nothing, yields to nothing and cares little about the bruises you get whilst trying."

We walk away, Hanji looking a bit confused but thankfully playing along for now. With each step, I feel that gaze boring into the back of us. Whatever game he was playing, I could give it a go as well. He could squirm, I'd seen it before.

"C'mon, we'll find some 'real reason' to give this idea a shot shall we?" I smile at her and she beams in return. There she was.

"Oh, really, Kat?!"

"Of course love. I for one know how invaluable learning about the enemy is. After all, a wall's pretty unstable once you start picking away at it's foundations." I chuckle, glancing back to give a wink over my shoulder. Mike snorts and shakes his head, whilst Erwin starts to glare.

I feel like something was going on between the lines.

For now I would simply wait, because really when it came down to it, I was just a bit too damned tired to care.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed! This was more of a set up/breather chapter to be honest, but rest assured there is more action on the horizon. See you in 3-4 weeks!**

 **Please leave a fav, follow and or review, it would mean a lot to me to know what you guys thought.**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **MadnessIsContagious:** Once again you have taken the time to be amazing and write me such a wonderful review. Thank you, it was a saving grace this month. Please never ever doubt how much your input means! So thrilled how much you enjoyed the 'smutt' scene and that you appreciated how much more it meant than sex. Thank you! Haha, it's fine if you didn't get into RBW. Tbh, it isn't that I'm most proud of it, it's just that it's so damned long! It was the first one, so I'm not surprised you find it the weakest, it was literally my first ever fic! I do plan to go back and edit that one the most, so maybe you'd enjoy it after that? Who knows! As long as I can live off the sales, I'd be happy - i don't want millions, just enough to get by. YAY you liked Kenny! This is another reason the lack of feedback this month was so frustrating, it was a new character introduction, and I got crickets! So thank you for pointing out your reaction to my use of Kenny - he is an interesting character for me. But as I had already outlined Kat as the one that refined Levi's fighting, I felt it best to also highlight her lack of fear for Kenny. She knows him, and she likely knows men a lot worse than him too! So thaaaank you so very much indeed! Thrilled, and sooo happy you liked it! Haha I'm glad the turnaround gave you a shock and not a 'wtf' moment. I always worry about that. Ugh your praise always has me blushing and freaking out - i'm so glad you like my OC's, they're my messed up spawn. I totally agree with your points about Levi, it does seem to be one or the other. To me his relationships _are_ shown to a degree, they just happent to be platonic. So I just tried to write with that in mind. Not to mention I graaadually take liberties as the stories go on. As he gets to know/has feelings for my OC's he softens a little, because he is human, so yes he would change, but i am THRIIILLED, that you still find him authentically Levi. So thank you, that meant a HELL of a lot. OH wow, your comments on Erwin *fans self* thank you! I hope you like the development in this chapter, as I had tried to hint at it before, but wanted to just kind of underline it - i hope it came across as authentic! I basically think of Chai as Kat without the ruthlessness. But I'm also giddy that you like her so much! Haha it's like spinning plates to be honest. I sincerely hope the shorter chapter this month wasn't a dissappointment. See you next time my dear, and as always thank you so very much for reviewing, you're a gem!

 **Racheeele:** Thank you very much for the praise, I'm glad you're enjoying it and I really hope you liked this chapter as well!

 **GermanWriter:** You reviewed a few times as you went along, and I sincerely thank you for that! Knowing people's thoughts as they go is amazing, so thank you! I hope you got this far eventually! I'm glad to have hooked you, it's great to know I can do that with slower readers, or indeed people that aren't easily sucked in. Oh another person who found CW first! Wonderful! You were apprehensive? Can I ask why? Were you worried the OC might be the same or something? But anyway, I'm glad to have blown you away, haha! The word 'unique' is one I hold dear to my heart, so thank you, that is seriously awesome praise. Yay! You don't think they're the saaaame, so glad you like both Kat and Alex. I'm excited to see how you feel later on! WOW, your second review really got me. Thank you. There's nothing really else to say about it, thank you so much, I'm honoured to have garnered such a reaction! Wow, really, you apologised about the review but there was no need to. It was amazing to know I had hit such a strong chord with you, thank you so very much for taking the time to say that. Yeah I do, sometimes I like to think of these forces as something more than a passive thing. You are a gift of a reader, thank you! This month you have seriously helped with the dry spell of reviews. Thank you so much and I hope you're still here and still enjoying! See you next time!


	21. Chapter 21

**SORRY I MADE A BRAINFART TYPO AND HAD TO CHANGE IT, YOU'RE NOW GETTING LIKE 6 EMAILS FOR THIS. SOOOOOORRY.**

 **Hello hello hello my lovely readers, this isn't an update no, sorry about that, but it is IMPORTANT if you're following me and my stories.  
**

 **My new schedule of updating every 3-4 weeks, whilst having thus far managed to keep to it, has made something kinda apparent to me. Especially in the last month. I seem to be depending on reviews for motivation - and frankly guys, that's NOT fair to you or to me. I'm going from upload to upload looking at reviews to keep me going. So that's my failing, I'm sorry about that, but apparently its a thing. *THE MORE YOU KNOW***

 **Initially I started writing these stories because I wanted to, because I HAD to in order to get the ideas out of my head after being so inspired by the Anime and Manga. But now I wonder if that still applies. I'm still loving writing them of course, don't worry, nothing is about to suddenly be dropped or rushed to the finale. I've put too much time into them to suddenly drop/abanon/rush. I just feel like I need to take some time out of the constant conveyor belt of updates. Especially when no one seems all that bothered about whether the content is there or not.**

 **CW is due for update now/within the next few days, so I do INTEND to update that BEFORE I go on Haitus. But I don't think RBW will.**

 **To sum it up. In the past month, my update for CW had 2 reviews (with 1 more a few chapters back), and RBW had 1. Now to be fair, that could simply be that you guys weren't impressed, and that you're sat there right now reading this thinking - well yeah, I didn't review because it was crap, woman, why should I? And fair enough, however, if that is the case guys... you need to tell me, I WANT to know if I'm buggering it up. I really do. I promise I can take it, believe it or not, I have a thick skin, more like a feckin' exoskeleton by this point tbh. But from silence, I don't know how anything has been received recently. I have a handful of regular reviewers that normally review without fail, and they are AMAZING to do so in such a regular manner. But seriously, newcomers, or simply silent readers, I need you guys to speak up.**

 **Is it working, is it not?**

 **Do you think more action needs to happen, more fluff, more smutt, more canon, less canon? Do I need to add some god damed flamethrower weilding unicorns?  
**

 **I ain't saying I'll follow things to the letter, but it would be intriguing to know where my readers are at.**

 **Because right now, i am flying blind.**

 **Reviews are basically my form of currency. I put a lot of effort in, I hope that is properly translated in the final product - if not, sorry. But really, if you're a writer on here and you don't review? Kinda shame on you, fellow writers should know and understand the frustration of getting nothing back after putting so much effort in. And if you are only a reader on here, give a little back to those that entertain you? I made a small slice of this issue apparent on my recent CW update, so for those of you only reading that, sorry, this is a rerun. But having moved onto working on RBW, I found myself once again dragged down by the fact I had received only 1 review in a month. 1?! For an update of nearly 7000 words. And that single review was my absolute hero in all honesty. Now to be fair again, that reviews was HUGE, amazingly so, I am NOT saying everyone needs to do the same. I respond to every review, no matter how small. (Okay I tend to ignore the 'update' ones because... bitch please)**

 **So yeah, before I burn out and end up going radio silent without meaning to, this is me officially saying to you guys that I am on temporary HAITUS. Might be one month, might be two, but at least until the 24th OF MAY, I won't like be updating anything except hopefully CW in the next couple of days (that is also a bit questionable).**

 **Don't worry, this isn't a case of "WAAH I'M NOT UPDATING TILL I HAVE ANOTHER 50 REVIEWS WAAAAH" because bugger that shit, I'm not doing that. Nothing is being held hostage here. I just find myself frustrated by the lack of communication thats going on on this site right now. It goes through peaks and valleys for sure, but right now is definitely a valley and I am feeeeeeling it! (That came our pervier than it was intended to... och well)**

 **So hopefully I will see you guys in a month. I think either way I'll post an update NOTE. So don't worry i won't disappear.  
**

 **I'll just leave it at this - please take the time to review, it takes a total of what? 30 seconds, a minute at most to type something into the review section at the bottom? If you can take a half hour (or however long) to read 7-8000 words of someone's work (which likely took them several days to write, edit, review and edit another 5 god damned times), then you can take that extra time to say 'liked this part', 'that shit was insane', 'what the hell were you thinking when you did that? Put the booze down woman your tits are out of control' or whatever you felt at the time. And not just for me, for anyone else you're reading on here. It's a labour of love Fanfiction, and I write as a career anyway, but right now? Damn do I feel drained.**

 **Thanks for your time, see you guys again on the 24/05/2017 with another note. Either extending the haitus or concluding it. Time shall tell i guess, thanks for the patience.**

 **CHEERIO MY LOVELIES, and sorry if this is a disappointment, but I know it's for the best.**

 **P.S During my haitus i will likely be doing more artwork, its great for recharging and for taking occasional breaks from my person project converting RBW into entirely my own work. So feel free to check out my Deviantart if you like, same username as on here. Similarly instagram (again same username), i'll be on there jabbering away.**


	22. END OF HIATUS NOTEINFORMATION

**Hello hello hello! Haitus is officially over, my lovely readers! I am pairing this 'notice' along with the update for Chained Wings that is coming tomorrow so I can give it another edit. But fear not fans of Red Burning Wings, and Flight From Darkness, those updates will be along next week I promise. I feel recharged, and am in fact right now having a week off from my personal project. Safe to say, the zen was needed!**

 **My new schedule of updating every 3-4 weeks will remain in place for the time being. I may alter it if I find myself becoming drained again sooner rather than later, but that will simply be a case of seeing how it goes! I certainly plan to stick to the 3-4 weeks though.**

 **If you've been following me on instagram you will likely already know this, but I have managed to do some planning for all three stories and am now feeling reinvigorated to write them. So I think that's helped with the motivation issue - BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING, it's been your lovely responses to my notice. A LOT of you who have previously been silent, spoke up, and I am sincerely thankful for that! Please keep doing it, not just for myself, but for any writer you enjoy on this site. It seriously helps, and it just makes us want to write more content, which after all is likely what you want, right?**

 **Over the past month I have had a fairly steady stream of reactions from regular readers/ new faces through reviews etc and it's all been so very encouraging indeed. Thank you, sincerely thank you from the bottom of this oh so wayward heart.**

 **Reviews remain very important to me. Please let me know your reactions, all the good and bad. I have recently had a couple people wondering if my later chapters have made Levi a little too OOC (in CW and RBW I think, off the top of my head) and so when I EVENTUALLY go back over and edit these chapters up to my current standard of writing, I will be keeping an eye out for that. I mean, aside from obviously needed character development that is - if he didn't change at all, he'd be dead, right? But I looked over some recent chapters and I totally agree, I got too wrapped up in my own storylines and I think I let the consistency slip. Very sorry for that *bops nose with newspaper repeatedly* Baaaad author, haha! But you see? This is the kinda stuff I don't always notice myself! I need you guys to throw the damned potatoes at me and yell "OI! OOC woman, stahp it!" or whatever you feel at the time, and feel free to choose a softer form of produce...**

 **I am also thinking updates might become a liiiittle shorter, I started off at like 4000 or so for each, and it's gradually crept up. Dunno how strict I'll be about that though, I certainly won't cut stuff out simply to stick to that - i only mean I'll maybe not force myself to get to the 7000 mark if I haven't managed it off the cuff with what I inteded for that update. Does that make sense? Ach I dunno.**

 **I do apologise about those of you who have now been waiting 2 months for CW, but really I just ended up writing crapola for that update, and knew it was because of my mindset. Not fair to you guys, so I hope the wait is worth it for this update.**

 **So I'm glad to be back, thanks for all the wonderful support! I will be responding to reviews with each story's next update as per usual. So if you did reach out, then you will be responded to, I promise. You've all been wonderful, thank you sincerely! And to anyone still holding their tongue because they 'don't know what to say' heck, just say hi, 'i like this bit, this bit was stupid, why not more of this?' Really, I ain't expecting poetry guys. I actually loathe the stuff, so please no verse ;)**

 **I'll just leave it at this once again - please take the time to review, it really pays off. It does. It really is a labour of love fanfiction, and I'm so very glad to have had that rekindled. Thank you! Again, I'll be updating Chained Wings tomorrow. Red Burning Wings and Flight From Darkness will be getting their updates next week sometime.  
**

 **So HELLO AGAIN MY DEARS, sorry if I annoyed anyone, but I know this was for the best.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hello, hello, hello! Sorry this wasn't up last week, the health gods were against me. But here we are, another FFD update for you! Thank you to everyone that got in contact during my Haitus, this is my 'baby' story but my goodness is the audience for it amazing. Thanks guys, ^-^ you're all awesome.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT**

 **Author's Note: I DONE BUGGERED UP. Basically I haven't had time to go back and double check this, but I'm fairly sure I've already said Erwin is Commander, and that doesn't line up with the Canon timeline. To simplify for everyone, in this chapter I mention a mission is coming up, that is going to be the mission that the Scouts return from and pass through Shiganshina RIGHT before the Colossal attacks. So this is 845, and we're heading towards the Fall of Shiganshina. Still a few updates till then, but that's where we are in the canon timeline. I realise that NO, Erwin shouldn't be Commander yet, and frankly it's dubious whether Petra etc. should be involved yet either. However! I did try to find the specific classes for Petra etc. and the only thing I could find for sure was that Petra and Oluo are part of the same class. No mention of what class they were from. Very annoying. Anyway, I just wanted to say I'M SORRY, for this canon slip-up, but I guess at the same time, I've already messed with canon details, so really you could just put this fic down as canon-divergent or something. In all honesty, this fic was meant to end a looooong time ago, so I just hadn't planned this far ahead. If I ever get round to editing, I wil endeavour to fix this issue, but right now I simply don't have the time. Anyway, sorry for those meticulous readers that might find that issue annoying, but I sincerely hope you don't just put it down to laziness. It was simply a slip up. SORRY! Anyway, that's where we are, leading up to the Fall of Shiganshina. Yeesh, we're almost entering the Anime Season 1. My goodness! Nearly, not quite though, plenty content to come before that ;)**

 **Note: If you reviewed/commented since before the Haitus etc. please check out the Shoutouts at the bottom of the page. I always respond to reviews etc. so please check it out if you did! And if you don't see your name, in all likelihood, I didn't get the review. (I only mention that as this site has bugged out on me in that fashion before!)**

 **hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The sun is shining, the sky is clear, and a new batch of recruits rumbles down the track. I gather with Mike and Hanji at the HQ front gates and wait with bated breath. I'd met new recruits before, of course I had, but this time felt different. Maybe it was because I'd been down to see Chai, I'd seen how much those kids of hers had grown. I dunno what it is, but something has lit a fire in me. I can't help but wonder how full that wagon will be. Will it be ten, twenty, or perhaps just two? I have to assume there is at least someone, and that it won't just be an MP in the back waiting to laugh his ass off at our lacking numbers before buggering off back to the city.

Me and Levi had returned from the Underground about two weeks ago by this point. Since then, since our little argument by the carriage, Smith has avoided me fairly blatantly. To the point of being rude, and from him, that kinda felt like a big deal. I can't decide if he's pissed because I showed solidarity with Hanji's plans, or if he's already figured out about me and Levi. He was a stickler for rules, right? Technically the whole thing _is_ against the rules. Hanji had been kind enough to explain that, once I got her down from the ceiling. But apparently it's never been all that strictly upheld, considering the average life-span for a Scout. Take pleasure when you can, enjoy life when you can. It was an unwritten rule amongst the ranks, and frankly I was pleased. Now that we'd finally got to this point, I didn't want to have to sneak around with Levi. It would feel wrong. But still the Commander avoided my gaze, he went to the other side of the corridor when I approached. If I didn't find it so irritating, I could have easily ignored it. But to go alongside that fresh bout of annoyance, is the accompanying scrutiny of Sniffer. Mike has been even more intent upon me these past two weeks than even when we first came here.

Just what the hell has gotten into everyone?

During the second week of our return, me and Levi had been drilled by the ever present Mike, on the new recruitment drive procedure. Erwin had cooked it up over the past couple of months, desperate to up our sign-up numbers and bolster our ranks. Me and Levi were hauled on stage, paraded around and dangled like strange human-looking carrots. We had to speak to them as well of course, spur them on, inspire them. We had to persuade them to risk their lives. Of course, when push came to shove, Levi said little more than "join if you want, no one's gonna thank you for it, so do it without needing a damned parade." But still those young faces looked at him with revere. As they should, after all, the higher-ups mainly just looked down their noses at him. Myself, I went down a more caring path with my speech - at least that's all I can assume from the eye-roll I got from Levi, and the look of thanks I got from Erwin. Can't please them all.

But did we actually convince anyone?

The wagon approaches, dust kicking up behind it in big poofy clouds. Are the recruits as apprehensive as I was? I mean, at the time, I was also contending with having to keep Levi on track, on keeping those two ragamuffins alive. Dammit, I'd not had a great success rate, had I? I lean down and massage my leg through my boot. It gave a dull ache at the memory. I think it always would, and really I'm glad. Meant I'd never fully forget. The gravel next to me crunches, and I look up from pristinely polished boots to Levi. He stands with his hands clasped behind his back, looking every bit the soldier. Whether he was more here for me, or for the recruits was unclear, but I was glad nevertheless. He was a name now, he mattered in this regiment. I guess I did too, but I was still far more interested in seeing people look to him with awe. It was too damned precious to watch him squirm. I stand up straight and nudge him, he glances at me and the ghost of a smile appears before it vanishes entirely. Ah right, stony-faced as usual, I see.

"Whoa there..." the driver calls, hauling his steeds to halt and the dust slowly settles.

I'm holding my breath without meaning to, and as I hear those first feet hit the stone path, my heart clenches. These were the new faces I had to protect. The fact I know that in my bones, hurts. I guess I hadn't really learned much, had I? There was no way of saving everyone. Some would fall the moment they left the gates, some would pass by without their names even being remembered. I watch them get out the back of the wagon; all walks of life, but all determined hearts. Shit, Erwin's words are in my head and I find myself putting stock in them. The git had a good silver lining to his tongue sometimes. Not that I was ever going to bloody say that out-loud.

"Cadets, fall-in!" Mike barks. Even I jolt a little. The man hardly said anything most of the time, so why so loud now?! My damned ears are ringing. He was laying it on thick for the new recruits clearly.

They line up as ordered, one in particular catching my eye as she shuffles forward when almost slipping into the background. Strawberry blonde hair, bright hazel eyes, even shorter than Levi. Dammit, why was there someone no bigger than a doll here? I instantly know she's a fighter, it's clear in that set jaw and firm line of her lips. She's doing her damnedest to belong. She knows she's small, she knows she's got a long way to go. That's promising. The ones that look at ease worry me, but then again, there's also ones with simple determination. A good mix at least.

"Welcome to the Scouting Legion HQ!" Hanji coos and a couple recruits look confused about her happy manner, I just hope they're ready for the rest of her personalities.

I nod to anyone that looks my way, but frown when noting a suspicious look being given by a kid with hard set eyes. At least, I think it's a kid, he looks rather aged already and that dusty hair looks almost grey. Is he an older start? Whatever his circumstance, he can quit eyeballing me like that. Either that, or his ass is hitting the ground sooner than he expected.

They're assigned rooms, given cloaks and it's all officially begun. Wow, and with so little ceremony. How funny. For some reason, I remember my own beginning here with Levi as a big event. Then again, maybe they all saw it like that on the inside, and to us seasoned soldiers it was just another batch being brought out the oven.

I shake hands with a few of them, and that blonde girl comes over when the crowd has cleared a bit. Her eyes are intent on me, and she shakes my hand tighter than anyone else. Interesting.

"Welcome to the Scouts. I'm Katsumi, and you are?" I grin at her and she blushes a little bit, saluting before answering. Whoa, she's a serious one.

"Petra Ral, at your service. Sorry for approaching without permission, I simply had to talk to you. When you spoke at the recruitment drive, you really hit home with a lot of us. Thank you, for the inspiring words."

I blink.

She wavers.

"Um... sorry, did I speak out of turn?" She looks around anxiously, and I pull myself together.

"No! Sorry, I just... I didn't think I'd done that well with the speech side of things." I snort and look to Levi who just raises a brow at me and clicks his tongue. He then holds a hand out to Petra who jolts and shakes his hand eagerly. His eyes tighten; the grip took him by surprise as well I wouldn't doubt.

"Katsumi has a bad habit of not knowing when she's done well, don't do the same." He says curtly before he turns and leaves. His job was done apparently. Petra looks like she wants to say something, but her mouth just closes a little and she bites her lip, blush deepening.

I lean in slightly. "He has a bad habit of being an arse, think nothing of it." I say and she nods, still blushing when she looks after him and then focuses on me.

Oh, oh, is that a crush forming?! Oh god, that's too cute. Oh honey, you pure and sweet little thing, I'm almost glad he's with me so he can't crush your petals.

"So where were you assigned, Petra? I'll show you the way if ya like?" I offer, bending down to grab her bag.

She blusters. "Oh, no! Please, I'll handle that, you'll have better things to do than-"

"Hey now, they might put on a tough-act, but this is a family, okay? Let me help you." I adjust the strap on my shoulder, seeing her assignment on the paper and then heading that way before she could protest again. She was definitely eager to please. As we go, I point out the training grounds, the gear store, the mess-hall, everything that she would need to know over her first few days.

"You're not exactly how I imagined you." She admits in a small voice as we climb the stairs to the cadet quarters. I glance her way with a raised brow. She blushes yet again, kid had her emotions on her sleeve. I almost hope it stays that way. "Well, we heard a lot about you whilst we were training. They kinda used you and Captain Levi as a means of example, you know? I didn't like it, but they did."

"A means of example? Petra I think you're a little higher educated than me, wanna tone it down and speak pleb for me?" I laugh and she bites her lip, kid was pretty anxious too. That, I do hope will change.

"Well that's kinda what I mean. The trainer... he kept referring to you and the Captain like you were somehow an amazing exception, because of where you came from. Kept making out that it was unbelievable that you'd managed all that you had. Kind of, 'if those rats can, then so can you,' deal. Does that make sense?"

I nod and set my jaw a little. I make a mental note to have a word with the training corps next time we crossed paths. Cross-sworded fuckwits needed reminding of a few things like manners. And worth-of-mouth.

"Anyway..." she continues, "I hated it."

I look her way and frown, that set line appearing on her lips. This girl had a lot going on in her head, didn't she? Highly intelligent and eager to get going. On reflection, I think I was entirely wrong. I don't think she knows she's small at all.

"They belittled everything you'd done," she sighed with a sorry shake of her head. "Simply because of where you'd come from. Was stupid! Ugh, anyway, I'm just glad you're so... well, you're kind. Or you seem it. It's nice to know you can stay like that even when out there doing what the Scouts do." She tucks her hair back and I see something in her that has me aching to see Chai all over again. This girl, this sweet thing had that same fire, didn't she? Knew the odds, knew the danger, but was willing to fight for it. It was good to know it wasn't only in the darkness of the Underground that fire glowed brightest.

Okay then, I'll make a compromise with you, world.

If I can't save everyone, I have to at least try saving her.

"Thanks, Petra. That means a lot. Ya don't even know me and Levi and yet you're defending us, that's gotta be one of the kindest things I've seen on the surface in a long time. Thanks, kid. I think I needed that." I chuckle and then stop, her stumbling a little with my sudden halting. I gesture to the door and she opens it, there's a couple other beds in there, but I have a funny feeling she's gonna have her own room in no time. This kid was going places. "Out of curiosity Petra, where did you rank in the class?"

"Out of sheer stupidity, Katsumi, could I not tell you?" She smiles and I chuckle, shaking my head.

"Oh I like you already. Oh, and Petra? Call me, Kat." I wink and she grins broadly, sitting down on her bed and looking around. I see awe there yet again. I need to leave before I actually start cooing at her. "You're really here, kid, now make it count, okay?"

"I will, Kat. I promise."

I believe you, Petra.

* * *

There's a mission planned for about a month's time. I sigh and sit in front of yet another planning meeting. This was just getting tedious now. Didn't they get it? Same path, same shit, all we had to do was be on our toes for Titans. We were once again trying this new formation of Erwin's, I think it's brilliant, but Levi seems to think it's a pain in the ass. Well he would, after all it hadn't exactly nullified our losses, but it had decreased them. I was willing to give credit where it was due.

Finally we're released, and I head along to the training area. For the first few days, the new recruits were just going through the motions. We wanted a good read on their movements, their strengths and of course their weaknesses. It was a different playing field to training; at that point they weren't graduated, so we had to make sure they had staying power and not just the drive to get grades. Some issues wouldn't be known until we were out there, after all, it was fine and dandy to do things in theory, but until you were out there, you just didn't know for sure.

I watch Petra sparring with Oluo, the guy with the weirdly lined face. I have to admit, I'm impressed. She had good form, and even better grounding. She was a lot shorter than Oluo, but damn, she was holding her own. I wince for the poor man as he slams into the dirt yet again. I head over and sit on the training ring fence as Petra has a quick drink, she waves and leans on the fencing barely panting. Kid had stamina too.

"How'd the meeting go, Kat?"

"Oh, y'know, _fascinating_ as usual." I laugh and lean back, swinging my legs slightly and enjoying the sunshine after being all cooped up. I look towards Oluo and once again find him eyeballing me. I sigh and sit up, gesturing him over. He does his best to find someone else to send over, but no, I'm just staring at him and waiting. "C'mon, boyo, I clearly mean you."

"Um... what did I do?" He demands, slowly making his way over.

"What the hell is with the staring?"

"I wasn't!" He protests, but I just sit there and wait, and judging from the way he flinched back when looking at Petra, she is wearing a similarly 'give it up buddy you're rumbled,' look. He shrugs and scratches the back of his neck, already starting to blush. "Look, I'm really sorry. I'm just a bit confused."

"Confused?" I repeat, and he nods. I wait, but he doesn't go any further. I lean forward a bit and narrow my eyes. "Confused... What, you've been attracted to men all your life and now I'm making you question everything you ever knew? My, my, I'm flattered." I drawl with a raised brow. He jolts and stares at me with wide eyes, shaking his head frantically. I laugh. "Oh c'mon, I'm joking! Confused about what?"

"Well how'd you get up the ranks so quickly? The way the trainers at camp were speaking, you weren't exactly the crème of the crop, y'know?"

"Ah... So it's your snobbery causing problems. No bother." I nod and he leans back, yeah buddy you're getting a speech. "Where I, or indeed the Captain, come from, has nothing to do with our current ranks. We worked hard, gained respect, and it went from there. In this regiment it doesn't matter if you were born in the gutter, or with a silver spoon shoved up your ass, in the end we can all die under a Titan's foot, or indeed gnashed between it's overdeveloped molars. They don't tend to care about the vintage they're gnawing on." I explain and watch the colour drain from his oddly lined face. "Look, kid, You seem like a hard-worker from what I've seen so far. Keep it up, and you'll garner recognition. Spend all your time worrying about your rank, you'll likely end up just another statistic at the end of year round-up."

"Sugar-coating doesn't come naturally to you, does it?" Petra said with a wary look but I see a hint of thanks there as well, I winked at her and she smiled instantly. I was just making a point. Oluo is as red as a tomato and when he tries to further dig his hole in the ground he suddenly yelps and some blood comes out his mouth. Ouch.

"So anyway, how's the training going? Beyond the self-inflicted injuries." I add with a glance to the man hopping back and forth with his whimpering. Petra leans back and swigs from her water pouch, she had a strange elegance to her.

"Good so far. We've been working with a couple guys who were already here. One's called... Gunther I believe, and the other one... um... Dammit, I can't remember. But he's the tall blonde one, over there?" She points and I peer.

"Ah, Eld. Yeah they're both great. They get on quite well with me and Levi actually. Good team players, but not stupid sheep either. Always a hard balance to find sometimes with new recruits. They joined... last year I think, maybe the year before. It's all a bit of a blur for me by now to be honest. Keep up the good work, I know you'll be assigned Squads soon. Got any specific in mind? Like preferences, you don't really get a say." I snort and she looks to the side with that all-too familiar blush crawling up her neck.

"Well, I mean I'd quite like to be on yours, to be honest." She admits. I grin and nod, shrugging as I see Erwin's window swing open out the corner of my eye.

"Yeah, well our Squad is having a bit of a revamp actually, so who knows. The Commander and Captain have been having long chats about it. I think we might be sorting into new Squads with everyone else, but I guess we'll see." I frown and see someone waving at me from the window in question, and when I peer harder, I see it's the Brow-endowed one himself. The heck did he want? I was just in a damned meeting. I sigh and get down from the fence.

"You mean the Captain doesn't tell you everything?" Petra asked as I brushed my hands off on my trousers. I frown and look up at her with a quizzical brow. "Sorry, I just thought you two were... well you know... I saw you heading to his office and assumed..."

"Oh right!" I laugh, "I mean, yeah we are, but that's not to say I need to know everything that's going on. He's got his own shit to deal with, like I've got mine. What's life without some surprises?" I chuckle and gesture to her sparring partner who seemed to be slowly recovering from his bloodied moment. "But yeah, don't go sharing that information, okay?" I nod to her and she returns it thankfully.

I then wave to the still waving idiot, and head along to the Commander's office. Just what did he want now? Surely he can't have changed the plans already, that was annoying, even for him. The corridors are fairly empty due to the nice weather and fresh bout of training going on. I knock and hear the usual distracted rumble. He just summoned me, how can he have gotten into paperwork already? Daft man. I get inside and close the door, the familiar scratch of a quill greeting me, and when I turn to him I once again see nothing but the top of his head as he bends over documents. Good thing he had a decent head of hair, there'd be no hiding a thinning top with that bad posture. Didn't make much sense really, he always stood so stock straight when out and about. Then again, maybe he had to due to this shebacle. He just never stopped.

I wait and then clear my throat, finally garnering that so easily swayed attention. He blinks and then stands up form his chair, looking awfully official as he nods and then paces round. Pretty sure I just heard his back give a nice crunch as well. Whilst he gestures to the chair for me to sit, I just shake my head and wait for him to begin. He clears his throat and fiddles with that damned bolo-tie. He pauses, he sighs, he almost starts, and then I click my tongue.

"Today, would be grand, Erwin."

"Apologies Katsumi, I simply don't want you to over-react."

I fold my arms over my chest and tilt my head. "Well that's a sure-fire way of getting me to. The hell do you want, Commander?"

"I was wanting to discuss Hanji with you again, but hopefully without any unpleasantness?"

"From me? I think we'll be fine, but if you're about to start spouting shit about holding her back again, I think you'll find the unpleasantness is coming out of your own damned mouth. Now say what you've got to say, and let's get on with this." I sigh, unable to avoid the glare I'm giving him.

He shakes his head and sighs again. "All right. Look, she's given me yet another proposal about catching a Titan, but this mission is far from the right time to do so."

"Is there ever going to be a right time?" I snap and he now glares back at me. To his credit, he gave as good as he got.

"Look, with the new recruits in tow, it isn't the time to be testing out such a dangerous and new technique. I don't want to risk the rookies being swamped by Titans simply because Hanji wishes to-"

"Since when did you worry about swamping rookies?" I counter, and his jaw sets tightly.

"Set aside your damned grudges, for one moment? I simply don't want unneccessary danger being caused just to pander to Hanji's need for-"

"Furthering your fucking cause." I promptly interrupt before he said something that really pissed me off. He huffs and smooths back his hair again.

In all honesty, I was still struggling to see his real issue with this. Yes it was risky, but it was risky every time we went outside the damned walls. From what Hanji had shown me, and what we in turn had made this Blonde blockhead listen to, the whole exercise would prove incredibly useful. The sheer amount of things we didn't know about them yet, was staggering, and in all honesty, I'm kinda glad I was ignorant of our ignorance when I first went out. I'm amazed we've even figured out the nape thing at this point.

"I want to help her in this, truly I do. Hanji is one of my best and brightest. But right now, I need you to help me delay her." He breathes, looking down for a moment and then back up.

Something was strange about his demeanour, he had slowly melted from Commander, to just Erwin. That wasn't a commanding tone, it was pleading. Why was he pleading with me? Was it simply a new tactic to get me on side?

I sigh and relax my posture, unable to stay angry at him when he did this wounded puppy thing. He didn't suit looking defeated. Not one bit.

"All right, Erwin. I'll look after her, I'll curb her passion for now. But I ain't attaching a leash. You know the second we do, she'll tug harder, and then she really will get herself or others hurt. Don't go blinkering her vision by cornering her." I raise my brows as I wait for his retort, but then he disarms me. He smiles. Dammit man, be consistent! Stop going all abnormal on me.

"Thank you, Katsumi. Sincerely, thank you." He loosened the bolo-tie back to where it had been before, and he headed back to his desk. "I'm glad to know you at least believe part of my intent. I'll accept that you don't believe all of it." He chuckles and sits down heavily, looking relieved and yet exhausted at the same time.

I tilt my head. "Okay..."

"I know we can learn a lot, I do understand that, but it really is about timing. I realise trust doesn't exactly fall easily between us, Katsumi, but I like to think you don't really consider me a murderer anymore?" He says it, but there's far too much uncertainty in there. Confidence was nowhere to be found in his tone. That was wrong. This was surreal.

I lean on the back of the chair opposite his desk and stare at him, trying to read him a little better. It doesn't go well.

"Erwin... since when are you oh-so-concerned about my opinion?"

"Hm?" He blinks and actually looks down at himself like I'd pointed out a coffee stain on his shirt. He clears his throat. "I value the opinion of my soldiers, especially those that have proven themselves reliable both in the field and here at HQ. I thought that was obvious, Katsumi."

"Yeah... I mean it is, but seriously, I'm nothing more than a soldier. I don't even have a proper rank yet."

"Because you refuse to take one." He says with a slightly more pointed stare.

I blink and snort at his sudden return to seriousness. "I ain't built for titles."

"You're built for anything." He retorts, but before I can question him on that weirdness, he has looked back to his paperwork, and the slightly quickened scratch of that quill would tend to indicate, 'bugger off, I'm done with you.'

"Is that everything, sir?" I ask, standing straight and giving a salute. He hates when I do that, because he knows I'm just trying to push his buttons. The way those big blues tighten when seeing me, I know it's worked once again.

He nods. "That will be all, thank you."

"No problem." I wink and walk away, leaving his door slightly ajar in my wake. I hear a sigh, some long strides and then wait for the click. Only it comes a few seconds later than expected. The man was getting weirder by the day, I swear.

* * *

 **So there we go, Katsumi and the gang back together and things are happening!  
**

 **Sorry about the slight hiccup with timelines and such, that's just my bad, but I hope I can be forgiven!**

 **Please leave a fav, follow and or review, I love to hear from you all and will surely respond with the next update. See you in 3-4 weeks!**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **MadnessIs Contagious:** Ah the good old wall of text! I am sooo thrilled you liked the twist with Erwin, I was so nervous putting it in, so thank you! Hanji and Kat... not something I thought about but, haha I can see it! Your comments seriously get me through, they really do, and they are a gift. I will indeed let you know when I have edited RBW, it is not something I'm all that proud of right now, not until like... halfway through lol. I look at my old writing and cringe. I love writing Kenny to be honest, because there's a lot of freedom with him, he's so ambiguous that he is up for interpretation. Which is why it was always confusing for me that he was always written in the same manner. Ugh your praise on how I write Levi, damn, I don't think I deserve it, but it means the world, it really does. My ass came strutting in? My, my I had no idea! I'm sooooo glad you liked the Erwin thing, I was worried people would by unconvinced. I'm glad I can keep you on your toes, that to me means you're invested! I know what you mean about multiple OC's, it can be off-putting, but I hoped i had left it long enough to introduce Chai as well. But anyway, I'm glad you like her! Oh god, 100 words, that would be like... i dunno, a really really short author note! I end up with a couple thousand simply from responses to reviews! Yeah, the lack of response is just... I dunno, it was grating on me and still does to an extent. But its awesome people like you that keep me going, never doubt that. I hope this update was good for you, and once again thank you so much for reviewing!

 **AnimeLover1106:** Thank you so much for your review, it was lovely. And I'm glad you like my characters ^-^ that means a lot! I will not abandon these stories, I promise. Thank you for reviewing, I hope it wasn't your last, but I thank you for the support all the same. I hope you enjoyed the update as well!

 **ShadowPheonix34:** Was it fun? Eh? Sorry I don't know what you meant!

 **AotLover:** I'm glad you enjoyed my style! Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you enjoyed this update!

 **Iff:** Your english is fine! Likely better than mine before I'd edited, haha! I'm so glad you like all my stories, I love when people can read all 3 and still enjoy each individually, so thank you for pointing that out. Wow your praise is seriously too high, thank you so much. I am a writer by trade, so high word-count etc. isn't too much of a problem for me. In all honesty I do regret doing 3 stories at once, but I still manage. Ugh realy, 2 years?! Wow, haha I didn't even realise to be honest. Thank you so much. I never really considered myself important to the fandom no, but I'm touched you think I am. I am deffo returning the long distance hug, haha! Oh wow, I made your days better? That is seriously what my aim is, to make people's days that bit brighter, so thank you, and Im so glad my work was able to give you that. I also sincerely hope the hard times are behind you now. Thank you so much for reviewing, I hope you liked the update and I hope you're still here!

 **GermanWinter (you did reviews for 3 chapters or so, so i've put them all together):** First off, oh my god thank you so much for all the feedback, seriously, you're a gem for taking the time! I'm so glad you saw the response, I always worry people won't! I love responding to people, with good and bad things, I love to have a dialogue with my readers. Your emotional void gave me much pride indeed, hehe! Wow, your second point... I just... pfft, I cannot even explain how wonderful it was to read. That's totally it. I am still passionate about AOT, but nowhere near as much as I was in the beginning. Like, I started writing these stories simply because my brain was going to implode if I didn't get them on paper. I got about 50,000 words into RBW before I actually posted, originally I wasn't even intending it as something for public consumption in all honesty. So yeah, having been doing it for so long, I really do look to reviews and other people's excitement sometimes to carry me over when I'm less motivated. But tbh, that's totally my own failing, and also partially due to when I overwork myself in my personal writing projects (currently converting Red Burning Wings into entirely my own content, so... that's a heavy workload. 1st person to 3rd is INTENSE and annoying, haha!) So thank you so much for writing that second point. It meant a LOT to me, to know that someone gets it that much, thank you. Ach a review with some mistakes is fine, it was wonderful! And I'm sure my responses have some mistakes in them... if not a lot ;) Oh wow, it actually means soooo much when people say I have given them something to aspire to. If you are working towards publishing on here, my main piece of advice? Upload after you're like... 3 or more chapters ahead of yourself. Give yourself a cushion. I had that initially with RBW, but then got too excited about uploading and caught up with myself... oh woe is my younger self. So yeah, upload at MOST once a week, but stay ahead of yourself if and where you can. That's my main advice, haha. I assure you, my first drafts, are totally cat vomit. Yeah writing this after that section was HARD, I seriously let my work slip on this story to be honest, I will always cringe over that. And yeah, the skip is a big one, I wasn't sure on it myself, buuuuut I am so very glad to hear you be more convinced as the chapter went on. Thanks for highlighting that! Hehe, I find sex dreams so funny to write, so teasing :P YAY you liked the Underground! It was great to be back there again. And YYAAAAAY I am thrilled you liked the scene with Erwin and Mike, so glad! I was so nervous when putting that in there! Yeah I didn't wanna be too subtle and have people asking what the HECK they were talking about - trust me, it has happened I totally know what you mean about his dialogue there, it was reworked so many times that eventually I just had to accept that in that situation, he was never going to sound TOTALLY convincing. So yeah, you're totally right on that one. I might eventually get it right, but who knows, haha. The timelines... yes... the timelines. Not gonna lie, I thought the OVA was BEFORE the Colossal Attack so... a reshuffle has been done. Bad author, *bops nose* but I avoided it, mainly... haha, sorry about the hiccup. Thank you soooooo much for the support, seriously your reviews are always so wonderfully meticulous. You have a sharp eye, and its awesome to have a reader like that. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope the characters were okay for you! Thanks again!

 **FairyTactician:** So glad you liked it! I really enjoyed writing her interacting with the kids, it was nice to have her back in that situation in all honesty. Thanks for the review, hope the update was good for you! See you soon!

 **CuteButPsycho824:** Thank you for saying so! The next batch is just before that actually, gotta have Petra etc. turn up, but to be honest I did screw up the timelines a bit. Erwin shouldn't be commander yet. But I kinda explained that up above - so I won't bore you further, haha. BUt yeah, sorry about that! I look forward to her meeting Mikasa etc... but then again... will she live that long? YOU NEVER KNOW! Haha, thanks so much for the review, glad you're enjoying it, and I hope you enjoyed this update!

 **VictorieThePoshTotty (awesome name, haha!):** I love your name! Thanks for the note on Katsumi, I love when people get attached to my own characters, it really means a lot. Thank you! I hope you enjoyed the update!

 **Xokiihs:** Hello! A new reader, welcome! Thanks so much for the praise, its wonderful. Yes, they FIIIINALLY got back together, I did take my time over that, didn't I? Aw wow, you're a gem, thank you so much for the kind words. They mean the world. I look at the lack of reviews as confusing tbh, I see reader stats going up but no one speaks. But thank you for taking the time yourself! Really, means the world. People really don't like OC's normally, but I have seen my fair share of awful ones. Mary Sues and all that, so really I can't blame people for avoiding OC stories sometimes. I'm glad you like it! I shall keep doing it, don't worry, nothing is going to be abandoned. Thanks for reviewing, I hope you enjoyed the update!

 **L:** Erwin's Brows are praised! I am indeed back, and I sincerely hope you enjoyed the update! Thanks for chiming in, always nice to know people are glad to see me back!


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello my lovely readers! Slightly closer to the 4 week mark I know, only two days late! But that last scene went through a couple versions, not gonna lie (muhaha now you wanna know what happens at the end!) but I hope it was worth the wait!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT ^-^**

 **Note: Again apologies about the timeline being a bit skewy. But basically we are heading towards a mission, and that mission will be the one you see the Scouts returning from right before the Colossal Titan appears. I just wanna make that clear for you all, as frankly I'm rather mortified about how badly I buggered this timeline up. *sniffles* Sorry guys! I KNOW Erwin wasn't commander on that mission, and I'm also fairly sure Petra etc. weren't on that mission either, BUT, this is also kinda canon divergent anyway, its fanfiction after all. But still... sowwy! *runs the hell away and lets you read the damned thing now***

* * *

"I was thinking of putting a specialised team together." Levi murmurs out of nowhere as we sit and eat breakfast, the day after my weird little meeting with Erwin.

I blink and look around, wondering if Levi had been talking to someone else and I'd just happened in on the conversation late. But no. It was just us. He's looking at me, and waiting for a response to that random statement.

I look at him and tilt my head, he waits and then sighs and shakes his head. "You really are kinda useless without your coffee. Drink up."

"A specialised team of what? Dancers? Cleaners?" I raise a brow and take a long slurping sip of my coffee, watching irritation light in his eyes. His buttons were too damn easily found these days. Open book, Ackerman, open book!

He narrows his eyes. "A specialised team for out on the field. A Squad of my own," he explains and I slowly nod. In all honesty I had seen this coming. It wasn't that Levi was born to lead, he'd take orders if they made sense. It was just that, more often than not, orders simply didn't make sense to him. And that was usually because his skill-set usually made little sense to leaders. So yeah, him and his Squad brings a smile to my lips, and I see that ever-so-slight tint of pink take to his cheeks. He still wasn't great at being open, but I like to think we're getting there.

"Squad Leader Levi... now there's an odd one." I chuckle, and he shrugs whilst sipping his coffee.

"Yeah, I wondered, if you're not too busy being a smart-ass, if you'd want to help me. Or even be on it." He adds with another shrug, hiding in his cup as he awaits my answer. Blasé was slowly becoming difficult for him, wasn't it?

I tap my foot against his.

He hesitates, but he does tap back eventually.

"I'd love to. Your very own squad to boss about, they'd have the shiniest shoes in the regiment."

"Damn, brat." He says with a shake of his head, but I saw that smirk.

I grin. "Nah, all jokes aside, Levi, I think it'll be great."

"Yeah?" He raised a brow and I nod.

For all his confidence in the field, and training ring, the man was rather poor at believing in his own ideas. Then again, I guess that stems from when we lost them. It wasn't technically his choice, but I'm sure that's how he sees it. Maybe one day he could move past that? I'd like to see that, then again I guess I'd still like to see a lot of things.

I shake my head at myself, and focus. "Now then, who were you thinking? Or hadn't you got that far?" I ask, leaning in. He plays with his food. I tilt my head. "Why so nervous?"

"I just can't be sure I'll even be allowed to do it, that's all. Let's face it, I'm not exactly a favourite of Smith's."

"Oh, worried Erwin won't want to give you that much control?" I suggest and he nods with a pursing of his lips.

I could see where he was coming from. More often than not lately, especially since we returned from the UG, him and Erwin had been knocking heads. I don't know why, but judging from the shadow in Levi's eyes, he wasn't sure either. If he knew what he was fighting, there was clarity in his gaze. I think he's as unaware as I am. Dunno if I'm glad of that or not.

His eyes cast around. "I'm not keen on our current squad."

"Well I know that, you're hardly a subtle man, Levi. But they're not so bad when you—"

"They're mediocre, and I can't stand that it's gonna get one of us hurt eventually." He interrupts and clears his throat afterwards. "Sorry. It's just damned useless to know how shitty they are, but being able to do nothing about it."

"All right, noted. So, you're wanting me to have a word with the Holy Commander himself for you? Reckon I have more sway with him?" I suggest and I see that evasion and slight nod. He didn't like to openly admit I had an advantage in this area. I dunno why, but it always made him prickle. "I'm gonna have to hear it outright, Levi."

I think he might hate me a little bit right now.

It was set to be another slow day of training, I had to have something to keep me going, right?

He sighs and shakes his head. "You're an ass. Katsumi, please help me sort out our own Squad, so that we don't have to be endangered by the mediocre crappy brats we were originally assigned as a team." He drawls, glancing over my shoulder and then just staring.

I bite my lip and glance back, groaning a little when I see the pink face of one of our teammates. Levi totally knew he was there. Levi, you're calling me an ass? I give a little wave, and to his credit, our teammate waves back before sitting down with his crestfallen breakfast.

I turn back to my obnoxious counterpart and glare.

He smirks into his tea.

"Okay I'll help, can't deny I've been getting a little anxious about Steln being on your flank, her instincts aren't quick enough. So now that I'm all set to do your begging for you... _Did_ you have anyone in mind for the team?"

"Sounds like you do." He raises a brow.

I glance over to the newer recruits table and share a smile with my Strawberry Blonde chum. She was always looking around the place, still seeming amazed that she had even made it this far. I hope she never loses that. Levi follows my gaze, and Petra looks away with a blush building up over her ears. Oh dammit, she was too cute!

"Petra Ral." I say, when Levi looks back with question in his eyes. He'd said hello, he'd made the initial effort, but I guess he'd had no reason to actually remember her name. Poor kid didn't stand a chance.

He glances over there again and then frowns at me. "She only just joined, right?"

"That's got bugger all to do with anything." I point out to that slightly dismissive tone. "We were fresh out the fucking gate when we made our names for ourselves. Her form is brilliant, and she has good instincts. Not seen her fluff up a cut yet. Not to mention she cares about people a lot, which tends to indicate she'd be a good team player."

"Either that or her sentimentality would get in the way of orders when things got tight." Levi retorts and I pause, slowly closing my mouth again. It was true, compassion did have as many pros as it had cons. Petra caring about her team too much, could easily come round to bite her perky arse.

Levi runs a finger round the rim of the mug, and I glance to that table again.

Would Petra's compassion get in the way? Would she actually get out there, and simply fall into the mud? Red hair flashes before my eyes and I shiver, putting my coffee down and swallowing hard. My leg aches.

"Shit." I hiss and reach down to massage that damned leg yet again. He watches me and I know he knows what the heck just went through my head. He looks guilty now. Bugger.

"I didn't mean she was doomed. I only meant... counter argument type of thing." He struggles and I nod, eventually able to let that throbbing pain go so I can sit up again and properly meet his eyes.

"I know, it's all right. Just can't help the parallels."

"I can understand that." He nods, setting the cup down a little harder than he meant to.

"Anyway, what about that Gunther guy? He's always been pretty happy to work with us, and as I remember, he has a decent skill level too?" I gesture over to the older recruits, their boisterous laughter echoing all over the place.

"I'd actually been thinking of him as well." Levi nods and brings out a small notepad from the breast-pocket of his jacket. He flips it open and hands it over to me.

His handwriting remained lamentable.

 _Gunther Shcultz._

 _Mike Zacharias._

 _Hanj Zoe_

There's a couple other names I don't recognise, but I slowly lower it and stare at him. He doesn't meet my eye at first. I wait, but still he evades.

"Levi."

"What?" He quirks a brow at me and narrows his eyes as I grin wider. "Don't start."

"You wrote down Hanji's name!" I whisper excitedly.

He picks at his food. "And? Quit grinning at me like that."

" _Y_ _ou_ wrote down _H_ _anji's_ name. Are you drinking again?" I laugh at the end and he grumbles under his breath. "I mean, I love it, and I think having her on the team would be amazing. But _you_ have written that down? Why?" I lean forward, desperate to know and understand where this change of heart had come from. In what way had my wayward and wonderful friend changed this man's mind?

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "She's a nightmare, but damned good in the field." He answers, and I can't deny that my shoulders sag a little, and I might even be pouting. He frowns. "What? I didn't bond with her, or some shit like that."

"Hey, I will continue to hope for you to have normal human emotions for as long as I can." I jab a finger at him, and yes, I see that ghost of a smile you frustrating man. I see it clear as day. "I think it's great that you thought of her, but I don't think it'll work."

"Oh?"

I shake my head "She's meant to have her own team soon, pretty sure I heard her talking to Sniffer about that. I just... I can see it happening. And Mike? Nah, he needs to be near Erwin at all times. But then again, having Sniffer around, would be fun..." I hum and shrug my shoulders.

"But we're both agreed on Gunther?"

"Seems so, I think Eld might be a good pairing with him actually, they work really well together. And they're already popular with Petra."

"Oh, she with one of them?" He tilts his head, and I know what he's thinking. Too many romantic attachments in one team would be bad. His mind was always ticking over these days, like this regiment was nothing more than a chess game to him. I shake my head and smile, he quirks a brow and nods. "Ah, she just likes how they work? Fair enough, sounds good to me. I'd thought of Eld, but I'm never quite sold he's all right with taking orders."

"He's built to be a Captain, and I think he knows it." I nod and watch the man in question laugh away with Gunther, clapping him on the back and joking with some others from their class. "But I think he also knows he's not at that stage yet. He'd take orders from you, he respects your position and title."

"Mm... might try him out then. See if the Shitty-brats have got what it takes. Anyone else?" He asks, writing that name down as well. I have to admit, I'm touched that Levi has put so much stock into my opinion.

I hum and haw, but no one pops into my head in all honesty.

"Not sure... maybe just try things out and keep an eye on other stats for the time being?" I suggest and he nods, mulling things over as we sit there.

Levi was really set on this.

I just hope I can get Erwin to listen...

* * *

Considering my previous conversation with Erwin, it was safe to say I wasn't confident in success. In fact I doubted it entirely. But I had to try. It had been a good long while since I saw Levi really invested in something up here. He was present, he was doing his job, and now that we were together he was more open behind closed doors but... not to anyone else. He was still closed off. Slowly he had warmed to Hanji, perhaps even Mike, but otherwise he was basically alone. I know he's a lone-wolf, I'm not claiming he needs a gaggle of chums to get him through the day. But I know why he isn't being out there more. He's afraid of connecting. He seems to wince whenever he learns a new name, god dammit. Like he's immediately had to scrape it onto a headstone. So I had to try and make this happen. If he had his own team, he might actually take the chance to invest in them. To try again and build a new family. I'd give anything to see that.

Even an awkward as hell conversation with Commander Pursed Lips.

Erwin had been weird with me for a while now, but that conversation had rather put the gravestone in place. Something was up with him. Maybe he had been given some reports from MP's more carefully outlining my previous crimes? Maybe rumours were starting up again about me and Levi supposedly being involved with the black market? But these options are soon quashed from my mind. Erwin would have been upfront about any of that, he was in the beginning, so why stall now?

As I head along the corridor to that office, I see Sniffer talking with some recruits. Maybe I could see what his thoughts on the situation were? I head over and nod to him, he finishes up his discussion. He then leans against the wall and smirks at me. I am immediately suspicious. He knew something. Then again he usually does.

"All right there, Sniffer boy?"

"Not doing badly, thanks Claws. How're you? On your way to see our esteemed leader?" He chuckles and glances to the door in question. I hear rumbling behind it, and assume that meant the Bolo-bearing one was in a meeting. I lean against the wall for the time being, might as well get comfy.

"I'm all right, been sent here by the grumpy one. I seem to be every man's little errand girl right now. You know Erwin's been asking me to keep tabs on Hanji, right?" I glance his way, and Sniffer purses his lips. I know where I stand with Mike, he was quiet, he was reserved, but he was always willing to hear me out. Even if he did usually side with Erwin these days.

"I know. He's asked the same of me, Kat, I assure you. But to be honest, having known Hanji that little bit longer than you, I know where he's coming from. She has hurt herself too often to not be cautious. It's as much for her, as everyone else."

"Mm... I'll try to keep that in mind." I murmur.

"He's a hard-ass, but he does care for her an awful lot." He mutters, looking to the door again and smirking.

I tilt my head, there had definitely been something suggestive in that tone. "Are you telling me, Erwin Smith actually has the hots for Hanji?" I whisper and go wide eyed when he does that funny little double-take at me. I grin broadly and chuckle to myself, watching his usual composure flicker out of existence for a moment. "Wow, ha! Never would have seen that coming, I have to admit." I chuckle again and hear him sigh.

"Yeah… that's one way to look at it."

"Oh c'mon, backtracking now?" I waggle my brows at him, and he rolls his eyes at me.

"I wouldn't say he has 'the hots' for her, no. In fact I wouldn't say that about anyone, where do you get these phrases? But seriously... Erwin cares about Hanji, but not in the romantic sense. That's a very carefully calculated thing for him… usually." He adds with another odd little shake of his head.

Sniffer was being odder than usual today, I don't think I like it.

For three years I've basically been able to call his behaviours.

"Usually?" I repeat, and I see that wince. "So he's being reckless at the moment?" I suggest, and Sniffer adjusts himself awkwardly. Holy crap, I'm right! I look to Erwin's door again and jig about slightly.

Mike groans next to me. "Don't say anything, please? It's really not what you think."

"Oh c'mon, when do I ever get to have any fun around here? I'm going in there to ask a favour, so I might save my teasing for later, but I am making you _no_ promises, Mike." I snort and shake my head, his expression going a little odd for a moment. Was that regret? Indecision? I swallow my mischief and lift one of the big flaps of hair that hide his eyes so well. He holds my gaze sternly. "Um… if it's really that much of an issue, Mike, I'll leave it alone. Sorry." I add, letting the hair fall and hearing that sigh again.

Was I just making it worse?

"Sorry Kat, it's just a complicated thing, that's all. It's fine really, have your fun. God knows we could use it around here, hm?"

"Yeah..." I mumble, feeling rather awkward, what had I just stumbled into?

"So how're you finding the new recruits? I've seen you with that little one a lot. Petra, is it?"

"Yeah, she's a gem. A real talent. I think she'll do well. Oh! Actually, on the subject, kind of… not really, but hang on, bear with me!" I laugh as he looks confused. "I'm right in thinking you wouldn't wanna be in a Squad too far away from Erwin, right?"

"Kat, if this is you about to create a theory about me and Erwin fucking? Don't." He laughs, and I just snort and shake my head, a strange image flashing into my mind before I quash it. Too much tallness for my brain. "All right, where're you going with this? I pretty much like to have him in sight, yeah, why?"

"Just as I thought, no worries. Levi is wanting to set up his own team, and he had initially been thinking about you for it. I thought you'd want to stick to your buddy though." I smile, and actually, I am a little in love with how touched he looks at the idea he was thought of. As if we wouldn't think of the man who used to be Humanity's Strongest.

"His own team?" Mike says, tilting his head and the smoke starting to come out of his ears. "So Levi would be making his own choices and such?"

"Yeah, an elite Squad if you will. Think Erwin'll go for it?" I ask, and those eyes shift back to that door, lingering as his mind ticked over. Its great to have an insight into Erwin's mind via a shaggy door. Without the man even knowing about it, too. But I do wonder why it is, that Mike knows Erwin so well. I reckon they've been through a lot together. Probably too much, knowing this place.

"I think so. That Squad you're in right now, clearly doesn't work well. The amount of times Levi's ended up ranting in Erwin's face about the other members, I'm amazed he hasn't just killed them himself." He chuckles and then stands away from the wall when that door finally opens.

An older guy, with a big beard leaves and nods to me and Mike. I vaguely recognise him, but it isn't much more than an inkling. Someone from the Brass, would be my best guess.

Erwin looks at me and Mike, pausing and raising a brow.

"Mike, Katsumi, can I help you?" He says as he glances at the man heading down the corridor.

Mike shakes his head. "Nah, I'm good, Kat was wanting a word though. I'll go make sure the major gets to his carriage all right." Mike nods and strides along after the elderly bloke.

Major?

I wander over to Erwin, meaning to go into the office. Except I stumble when he hasn't moved yet, bumping right into him.

He looks down with an amused smirk. "Someone's eager."

I wrinkle my nose at him. "Someone's in the bloody way. Move it, would ya? Or you checking out the Major's ass?" I waggle my brows and he sighs with a sorry shake of his head. He still wasn't great at humour, was he? I follow him in, and close the door. "Everything all right, with the Brass?"

"For you? Yes." He answers, sitting down at his desk and tidying some papers. I go over and sit on the edge, his eyes glancing my way before continuing to tidy.

"I meant the whole lot of us, Grumpy."

"We're doing all right yes, he was just giving me some information about upcoming recruitment drives and how the Brass are rather irked that my new form of encouragement worked so well. The Garrisson has never had such low numbers."

"The wine stocks will overflow!" I gasp, hands to my mouth, and am very glad to see him actually give me the shadow of a smile for the first time in what seems like forever. Crap, had I actually missed it?

"Indeed they will. Now then, Katsumi, what can I do for you?" He asks, leaning back, but at least now he looks a lot more calm and casual.

That's my preferred version, after all.

Although, after my little conversation with Mike, my imagination is whirring away. I can't help but wonder what Erwin, this man of absolute composure would actually be like in a romantic setting. I reckon he'd treat a lady well, buy her dinner and whatnot, and be gentlemanly. Then again, considering how leaden that silver-tongue can be at times, he might also be an absolute cluts. Now that would be hilarious to witness. The great Commander, tongue tied and blushing.

"Katsumi?" He asks and I blink, where was I going with this?

"Sorry, Erwin, miles away. I was wanting to talk to you about a possible change for me and Levi in terms of Squads." I begin and he nods slowly, hands clasped under his chin. "You know how much Levi hates that Squad we're on right now."

"I am vaguely aware, yes." He says with a click of his tongue. "He's hardly withheld about the subject. What kind of change was on your minds?"

"Well that's just it. I think you already know how well Levi would do in place as a leader. He was talking to me about setting up his own Squad. So I'm here to see if we can sort out-"

"Why isn't it him here, then?" Erwin suddenly interrupts and looks irritated.

I stop and slowly close my mouth.

My cheeks grow a little warm as I try to think of a way to answer that, in a way that wasn't 'you're nicer to me'. I'm not doing very well though. But why such hostility?

"Is that a no on the whole Squad subject then?" I ask quietly, not sure what had just happened.

Erwin's eyes narrow and he glances at the door. "What were you and Mike discussing just now?"

"Mike? Me and Mike were just chit-chatting about nothing at all really..." my voice trails off. I was really putting my foot in it today, wasn't I? "Um... Look, Erwin, sorry if I've spoken out of turn or something. I just wanted to see what you thought-"

"No, you wanted to cultivate my good will." He interrupts again, and I feel my heckles rise. There was that weird tone. Cultivate his good will? Like I had some special sway over him beyond our mutual respect? What the hell? I'm not 100% sure, but I don't think I've ever tried to have my way with him, simply to get my own way. How dare he? Erwin clicks his tongue again too. My patience thins. "Kindly tell Levi to come to me himself if he wishes-"

"Do I look like a fucking messenger pigeon to you?" I demand, smacking my hand off the table. Erwin blinks, frown deepening soon after and mouth opening to further annoy me, but I cut him off "Erwin, before you go and piss me off even more. I'll admit, I came instead of Levi because he thinks I have more sway over you, and I guess I agree with that. _But_ that is because I know that recently you two are impossible."

"Excuse me? Impossible? What on earth could you mean?" He demands, knuckles paling.

I roll my eyes. "You two spend more time measuring dicks and being prideful ass-holes than actually _speaking_ about shit. Nothing else. I came to talk, because I thought we could sort something out. I'm sitting on your desk, don't act like I'm bending over and fluttering my lashes at you. Not that I think that'd work either, obviously." I sigh and shrug, sitting back to tug my hair tighter into it's tie.

I don't need it falling out right now, I was trying to be composed and blisteringly up-front with the man. But as I tug on my hair, I see that blush and I pause in my movements. When was the last time I saw that man blush? Why had he asked about my conversation with Mike?

I take a second and tug on the reins of my damned brain in.

I look at him and tilt my head. I then glance back to the door, taking into account the fact that Mike had been acting weird as well. Especially when I joked about Erwin fancying Hanji. _That's a very carefully calculated thing for him… usually._ He insinuated Erwin was being reckless, odd, not his usual careful self when it came to romantic inclinations. _Don't say anything, please? It's really not what you think._ Oh my god. I look down at myself. Really? That was why Mike insisted I say nothing, because the Golden Commander 'has the hots' for me?! No. Really!? Fucking hell. I let my arms drop and I slowly turn back to the twat himself. The coin has finally fallen down and thunked to the bottom of my thick-assing-hell mind.

"You're shitting me." I say with pursed lips, and to his credit, Erwin does his damnedest to look innocent.

But that blush neither suits him, nor fades.

"Erwin Smith, I better be misreading this situation, because if I think what's happening, is happening? It ain't happening." I narrow my eyes at him and he shifts in his seat.

"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about, Katsumi."

"Oh, no? No idea, _sir_?" I question, standing up and leaning over that desk in an accusing manner, I am _not_ shoving my tits in his face. At least I don't think. I quickly look down and am glad to find those shirt buttons done up like a good little sunday-school teacher. I then look back at him and watch those eyes tighten. He's trying to think his way out of this.

"I think you should leave, Katsumi."

"I think you should fucking explain yourself."

"Mind your tone." He mutters with a dangerous look, but I've stared down too many Titanous bastards to even quiver right now. Not only had he been acting weird for ages, but now he was insinuating I was trying to use my 'womanly wiles' on him? I purse my lips and raise my brows. He backs down slightly. Good choice buddy, but too little too late.

I put on my best composed smile. It twitches. "Explain, _please, sir._ "

"There is nothing to explain, Katsumi. It was a simple misunderstanding on my part."

"Uhuh... bullshit. You've been acting weird for weeks, a proper passive-aggressive twat on a stick if you ask me."

"I didn't ask." He looks down at his clasped hands and then back up, oh-so-very composed now. Not for long though, something was making him uneven. This was about as unstable as I'd ever seen Erwin in this room. In this building actually. Those eyes were shining with something, and I'm dumb enough to want to know for sure what it is. "It was nothing."

"So me 'cultivating' that good will has nothing to do with me having been talking to Mike, a guy you probably confide in about most things, including when you've gone ahead and cultivated a little crush?" I suggest, and his jaw tightens.

"No. It was simply-"

"Which in turn would explain Mike's weird evading of my own jokes along those lines only five minutes before now. And you having some kind of newfound affection towards me, but not wanting to admit to it, would _also_ explain the twattishness I previously mentioned." I continue and he sits back in his chair. "Am I wrong, Erwin? Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong." I insist and he still evades me. Still denies me eye-contact.

I stand up and cross my arms.

He glances at me, but nothing more.

"Smith, I'm gonna count to five, and then I'm leaving with a shit tonne of assumption and even more annoyance. I'll assume you've got a school-boy crush, and that you're withholding permission for Levi's squad simply out of petty rivalry. I'll even leave before the Squad question is resolved. Oh dear, that's a lot of loose ends. I know how you hate those." I add, and watch him start to think.

Yeah, he doesn't want this to get out of hand.

He doesn't want me letting this fester in my warped little mind if that isn't what's happening. And if it is what's happening? He's trying to think of a way to make it work. Dammit, what the hell had come over the big brute? I'm just the other mongrel he dragged up from the gutter, I've threatened his life more times than Hanji's caused an explosion, so why the _hell_ would he be attracted to me? It makes about as much sense, as Levi enjoying a mud-bath. Now there's an image...

I watch Erwin form the words, and fail to release them.

I head for the door.

"Katsumi, wait."

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm your commander and that's an damned order." He barks and I can't withhold the snort that escapes me. Rank? Really, Smith? You're gonna pull rank on me, right now?

"My _Commander_ isn't some spineless child who fawns over me from a distance, then acts coldly towards me simply because he doesn't have the balls to be upfront about it. You gonna explain to me whether _this_ is the reason you've been acting strangely towards me. Or you gonna continue to not even look me in the eye?" I ask, still making for the door when I hear him stand up, his chair skidding back.

"Please!" His bark turns into more of a yelp, and I hear him sigh. "Just... just give me a moment."

"A moment, to what?" I demand, hand on the door-handle, holding tightly. "I don't want some calculated speech, Smith, I want the truth. Simply. So just be a man and spit it out, would you? It'll save us all a lot of time, drama, and misunderstanding."

Silence.

I grit my teeth. "Go ahead and explain how I've misunderstood. Go on."

"I... I can't." He admits at last, and I half turn the handle simply out of holding it so damned tightly.

What the hell?

Chai was going to get one hell of a laugh out of this.

How had Erwin Smith, the infallible Commander himself, let himself be this stupid?

I hear him take a couple strides towards me. "Please let go of the door-handle, Katsumi."

"Why should I?" I snap, feeling a little childish myself. My heart's fucking racing. I'm not built for this shit. "This makes no damned sense to me. I like to think, I'm a fairly straight forward woman, and yet I find myself in some weird little love triangle bullshit."

"No, no, that isn't what I intended. Please, I can explain."

"Then hop to it." I say, looking back at him and watching him approach. Suddenly I feel intimidated. Why? Why did I feel anything other than the high-ground here? I'd done nothing wrong, and he was the one being a weird little snot. I turn properly and take a step back towards the door. "First off though, you take it back right now."

He pauses, looking confused.

"What you said about me cultivating your good will. I would _never_ intentionally manipulate you, or any comrade, like that. I would never use unsaid feelings like a fucking screwdriver for my own means." I say, setting my jaw.

He nods. "Of course you wouldn't, I know that. I was... I was foolish, and being a defensive idiot. Katsumi, I'm sorry."

"All right." I nod, swallowing again and trying to calm down. "Now why is it that you think I'd have your 'good will' to cultivate anyway? Am I just reading into things too much? Or are you being weird with me because there's some kind of affection going on here."

He breathes through his nose. "I shouldn't have even mentioned this situation to Mike. In fact I had no intention to, but he has a way of reading me." He sighs and continues to approach until I'm against the damned door. It's kind of cold. I gulp and he pauses a couple steps away, noting my retreat. "Katsumi, you know I won't hurt you, don't you?"

I nod and look down for a moment, my heart still hammering. No, I didn't think he'd force himself on me, he was being weird but he was still Erwin Smith, not an animal. "Y-Yeah I know that, I do. I'm just a bit fucking thrown right now. Gimme a second."

"Would you like the seat brought over?" he asks, and I half-laugh, his gentlemanly side sounding so very odd right now. This is too damned surreal.

"Nah I'm good with my buddy the door, to be honest." I say with a nod, and he mirrors it, scratching the back of his neck and loosening his bolo-tie. You know, right now, I really am missing the emotionally incapable and non-speaking version of the Commander. Not this 'by the way I totally fancy you, Commander babies?' version. It was such a normal thing; affection, attraction, confession, and yet from him it was like watching a Titan try to do the waltz.

He licks his lips and clears his throat. "I truly didn't intend for you to ever know. I'm sorry to have inferred you'd ever use it against me. Forgive my foolishness?" He asks, and for a second I wonder if he's about to go to his knees. If he does that? I'm just running away.

I will bolt to the stables and say cheerio to reality for a while.

"Yeah... Yeah, I'll forgive you. Just... just don't do it again." I finally reply, thankfully getting a nod in return. He still doesn't meet my eye though. "Look Erwin, I know it's kind of gone unsaid due to the grey area of the rules but... You know I'm with Levi, right?"

He smirks coldly and looks to the side. "I had a hunch, yes."

I tilt my head again, I'm turning into a dog. "Is that why you've been so strange with me since we returned to the HQ? Punishing me for being with someone else?" I can't help but wrinkle my nose at him, for him to have been so childish.

He balks and shakes his head, holding his hands forward. "No! By the walls, no! I assure you it was nothing of the sort. I simply - what I mean is - whilst you were away, Mike caught wind of what was going on. I suppose I had been acting oddly. He confronted me, and that was why I was so strange with you when you returned. We'd discussed it mere hours before you'd got back in the carriage." He explains awkwardly.

I nod slowly, and a blush rises on my cheeks. So he'd been confessing his crush on me to his buddy mere hours beforehand, I get back to HQ and immediately busted his balls. The man was obviously a masochist.

He continues. "I'm sorry, truly and deeply sorry. I've been a damned fool, simply trying to avoid the issue, attempting to duck out of it and pretend it didn't exist. I thought I had a better poker face that that." He grumbled and ground his teeth together.

"Yeah, I had that impression as well, to be honest." I snort, and he looks at me with something like hope.

I sigh, really I can't be mad at the man, it was a compliment. But this wasn't gonna go anywhere. And he had to know that. I'm sure Erwin meant well, but I was going to be about as compatible with him, as a cat marrying a dog.

"I sincerely hope I haven't ruined what relationship we have, I promise I never intended to act on it." He fists a hand into his hair and tugs, clearly out of his depth. I think I had been right in the clutz area. When he looks my way, still not meeting my eye, I huff and step forward, making him look at me by grabbing that damned chin.

"Look. You've got feelings, I ain't gonna pretend to understand them, nor return them, but no, you haven't ruined anything. Yet. Make another dumb-ass accusation though? That might well change, am I clear, Commander?" I let go of his chin and he nods, staring down at me still. I narrow my eyes. "What is it, now?"

"You've only ever loved him, haven't you?" He asks, a strangeness to that voice.

"Yeah, pretty much since I met him. Why?" I feel something shiver inside me, that gaze a little too intense for me to feel entirely comfortable. The cunning nature had returned, that much was clear. He leans in slightly, looming in a suggestive manner. I put a hand on his chest, which shouldn't be strong enough to hold him back, but it does. "You've never known another option."

"I've never wanted to." I point out, and I see hurt light his eyes. "Look, don't ruin this already surreal conversation, by being an arrogant fuck that's assuming the only reason I don't want him is because I'm being _ignorant._ " I say between my teeth.

His eyes narrow. "I hadn't intended that, but perhaps it's something to consider?" He retorts, anger rising. I have to push against him a little harder. "You can't truly know that for sure."

"Erwin I know my own damned mind, I've been in love with Levi for most of what I can remember of my life. That isn't a mistake."

"But it is all you know." He says determinedly, frowning as his mind whirs.

"Before I respond to that first bit of shittery, Commander, lets focus for a moment. Now that you know I'm not using my womanly wiles upon you... Does Levi have the go ahead for his own Squad? To make an elite team for the formation of his own design?"

He stares at me for a very long moment.

That shiver has burst into a shudder.

I feel like there's a blade dangling over my head right now.

"Will you be on that team?" He asks, and I note the hope there. I guess he knows I'm safe if I'm with Levi, that was something. He wasn't becoming an entirely blinkered moron. Then again, I don't know what else I expected, it wasn't like Erwin Smith was going to suddenly become a love-sick fool who tried to pry me and Levi apart with his bare hands. We wriggled too much for that.

"Yeah, I will be. Levi asked me to help choose the team."

Erwin nods. "Then yes, he has the go ahead."

"Thank you." I nod, and let my hand fall away when I feel him no longer leaning. Perhaps reason had come back into his head. Perhaps this wasn't going to end badly. "Now then, I need you to be clear, Erwin. I am with Levi. I love Levi. And I'm not about to-"

He kisses me.

The bastard kisses me and has me fucking pressed against the door!

Dammit he's strong.

I was kissing the man I'd once called murderer.

His lips move against mine, hands tangled in my hair and pinning me to that cold wood. A man with vision, I guess, having always forged ahead no matter what. This was just another battlefield to him. Well I'm not a damned formation! I push back against him, trying to tell him to get the fuck off me. But he takes that opportunity and runs with it, thrusting his tongue into my mouth and holding my hair tighter. Never mind running, he's at full gallop. I growl, his tongue caressing mine, forcing me into the kiss and demanding my response. I'm just struggling, but dammit I'm barely moving him at all. His hurried breaths combine with mine. Shit, he knows what he's doing. I can't deny the strange fizz that runs along my spine as he works that practised technique. A clutz when speaking of romance, but I'm getting dizzy from the physical skill. A sigh coasts through me from his lips. A sound of absolute relief from him. What is happening?!

The kiss slows, and eventually stops.

A mere peck seals it before he pulls away, and puts his forehead to mine. Everything is so quiet now, after what felt like thunder beforehand. He stares as he pants, lips reddened and cheeks flushed. My lips remain open, mind not really comprehending what had just happened. He fucking kissed me. I look up and blink as I see real elation in his eyes, real 'amazement' for want of a better word. He looks so young like that.

Then I kick him in the balls.

I kick him so hard, my foot hurts.

Why the _hell_ hadn't I thought of that before?

" _You son of a bitch_." I pant, wiping my mouth and staring down at him in disbelief.

Oh yes, you can bet your ass he is on the floor right now. I kicked so hard I'm amazed they're not lodged in his damned throat. I smooth myself down and I stride forward. I grip that damned bolo-tie and wrench it upwards.

"You remember why I'm called, Claws, don't you? Only nod or shake that fucking head, I don't wanna hear your voice at a new octave after I smacked your jewels back into your body."

He nods, his eyes wild.

Not with fear, but still that damned elation.

I grit my teeth and pull the tie tighter, his breathing panting against my face.

"Do anything like that to me again, Smith? You'll not be alive to fucking attempt an apology. And you _will_ be apologising, but not right now. Right now, I'm gonna leave this office, I'm gonna let Levi know he has a new Squad to make, and I'm gonna try and not come back here to tear you apart. _How fucking dare you?_ " I growl.

He tries to speak, but with my foot immediately against those bruised-up bits, makes him wince back to silence.

"I said I didn't wanna hear it. Just because you've decided you like how my ass looks in a uniform, or how my tits move when I'm panting after a hard training run. Or whatever the damned reason for this lunacy is, it _does not_ give you the right to question _my_ choices. I have chosen Levi, and I can tell you this, Smith. I will always choose him. Call that ignorant naivety if you like, but don't do it in front of me, and don't belittle my choices simply because I haven't sampled the oh-so-fucking wonderful skills of Mr. Erwin Smith. Got it?"

He nods.

I drop him and he slumps back slightly, still panting, still looking unfocused.

I reckon he just lost his mind for a couple seconds, impulse over-ruling that composure for the first time in a very long time. But that didn't make it okay. Not to me. Not right now. I turn and head for the door, leaving without another look back and I slam that door behind me with all my might.

I march along the corridor and see Mike coming towards me.

Not now Sniffer.

He gives a smirk and a wave, totally normal. "Any luck with the Squads?"

"Yeah, done and dusted." I respond, unable to unclench my jaw right now. He frowns and then holds out a hand to me to get me to stop. I am sincerely glad he didn't try to grab me, there was no way of telling what I'd rip off right now if he did.

"Whoa there... Kat, the hell happened in there? You look ready to kill someone." He looks me over and I just grit my teeth tighter, cheeks flaming. My lips tingle, bruised feeling. Mike goes wide-eyed, likely noticing them being a bit too pinked to have only been having a conversation. He then looks back along the corridor. "Oh... shit."

"Go scrape him off the floor if you want." I sigh, my fury melting away to plain irritation now.

He swallows hard and nods, looking between me and that damned door. "The stupid bastard..."

"My sentiment exactly." I grumble, shrugging past him and heading for the mess-hall.

I'd do exactly what I said, but after letting Levi know we had the go-ahead, I seriously needed to ask Hanji for some homebrew.

Sometimes you really needed to just check-out for a while.

And right now?

I needed to check, the-absolute-fuck, out.

* * *

 **GermanWinter:** Haha, yeah I was a little mortified when I realised how badly I'd kinda skewed the timeline. I MIGHT try to fix it if/when I edit, buuuut I make no promises. Hopefully I can be forgiven eventually :P Lol, Oluo doesn't _actually_ have a crush on Kat, he was genuinely being a bit of a snob there, she was just joking that he had the hots for her. Glad you enjoyed the scenes though, it's a lot of fun getting to write them as in my other two fics they're um... they be dead. And I will not confirm nor deny whether I plan to keep this canon or not, so who knows, they might live in this fic ;) OR THEY MIGHT NOT. Muhahahaha. Anyway, glad you liked it. Hehe, I hope the whole 'Erwin got a crush' thing is working out okay for you, it has many ways still to go. You are too sweet, seriously, don't apologise for review length! I love to hear from you no matter what. Feedback is amazing be it big or small. Oh... I have to rip your heart out to get a lot of feedback... hmm... considering my reputation as a cruel author, that is NOT what you wanna tempt me with! Ach, not at all, I'm glad you looked ahead. I really worry when people review early on, that they'll miss the response to their review. I always wanna take the time if I can, as I think it's amazing when people do review. Plus, lets face it, not a lot of people bother, so I have to make the most of it when kind people such as yourself DO take that time. And you are now one of my awesome regulars, so thank you, seriously you guys keep me going. Haha, glad you found the advice helpful, if you have any other questions feel free to ask, if I can help, I will! We all cool ^-^ Sorry it was closer to the 4 week mark, I rewrote the last scene a few times, hehe. As usual, thank you so much for reviewing, you're amazing for doing so. I hope this update was worth the wait! And just so you know, we are heading back towards action soon, in case this one was a bit slow for you. But I just really love setting this stuff up... lol like that isn't obvious by now. Anyway! See you soon, thanks again!

 **MadnessIsContagious:** Thank you! I am soooo glad you like the Erwin twist! The scene between him and Mike was SO fun to write. I hate anything of mine I look back on; Writing, Art, you name it, i'll hate it. It's kind of bittersweet to be honest, I'm glad to have improved, but I also know I THOUGHT that writing was up to standard at the time. So now I look back in horror, and so NOW I worry that THIS writing isn't actually up to standard, I'm just fooling myself. Vicious cycles and all that. Um... well RBW _was_ my most popular I think, it's certainly the longest, but now it's definitely CW that's more popular. I think people find Alexia easier to bond with than Robyn. Dunno why, but tbh it could be the writing is just that bit better on CW. I have nooo idea! Kenny is... yeah, he's a lot of fun. Tbh they all are. I think the only one I wouldn't enjoy writing, and it's likely why I haven't, is Annie. I have never... 'got' her character. I find her rather boring in all honesty, but at the same time, I haven't really _tried_ to know her either. So it's not like I _hate_ her, i'm just... mleh towards her, haha. The creepy dude is called Zeke, no worries ;) just so I know, are you up to date with manga/anime? I've found, in a lot of fanfics, Petra is either made out to be this sickly sweet innocent, or this deranged "I LOVE CAPTAIN LEVI AND WANT HIS BABIES" freak. I see her as neither of those. To me, she's a badass, holds her own, but also has an inherent kindness to her. So that's what I wanted to portray her as. Basically I see a lot of similarities between Kat and Petra tbh. Anyway, I'm glad you're liking how I write her. It's a new one for me :D I think I do end up with a lot of word count with my responses yeah, but I just love talking to you all, it's really awesome to have these little conversations. Tbh I think reviews are just sparse at the moment. CW does pretty darn well, so I'm grateful for that, and this one is a smaller story anyway, so it's doing just fine. In all honesty it's RBW that's just... I dunno, I fear people just don't give a shit anymore. And it's actually made me cut out some arcs from my plans, and aim for a quicker finish. Not a rushed job, of course not, but I'm gonna save those other arc ideas for other stories, because... well, why waste them on a story that's losing interest right? Plus it's soooo fucking long now, it could likely do with an earlier finish. Yeah Kat is deffo noticing the twattish ways of Erwin. I hope you liked the exchange in this update, I rewrote that final scene like... 5 times. And trust me, it was a couple different endings! : *winkwink* lol. PAHAHA, have I ever said that in response to someone? "Fuck off mate!" because trust me, a couple times, I have been tempted. Never apologise for a 'late' review, dinnea be daft! it wasn't anything like 'late' if that word even applies, haha. You always take so much time, and it's awesome, so thaaaaaank you once again for sticking with me. I'm actually so excited to get round to editing RBW and knowing your opinion, haha. I just have so much other shit to do first. Hope this update was good for you, and I'll speak to you again soon I'm sure!

 **Kylnee:** Haha, sorry, yeah I talk too much in general. I hope you like reading... haha! Glad you seem to enjoy my work, and I look forward to seeing what you think about the others. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you enjoyed the new chapter!


	25. Chapter 25

**Hello! A little closer to the 4th week this time round, sorry about that! But here we are!**

 **Its a slightly shorter update this time, but I think you'll see why in the end, muhahaha.**

 **Hope you're all well!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.**

* * *

In all honesty, I'm not sure what the hell I'm meant to think about the situation. Was I still meant to be angry? Was I meant to be upset and quivering in a corner? I have no idea. For the time being, I sit in the breakfast room having not slept very damned well. Levi had already got up and headed out for training. Since our esteemed leader decided to become a desperate horn-dog, lavishing me with his fucking tongue, I hadn't seen much of Levi for the rest of the day. I don't know if it's a good thing or not, that I haven't really had to hide this unease. I mean, I don't really want to tell him. It would only create more tension, and we hardly needed more of that in this damned place. For a while now, Levi's relationship with the Blonde-fuckwit had slowly been improving. I mean... very slowly, to the point that you wouldn't much notice. But it had been a few days since he openly mentioned wanting to hurt the man, so I don't particularly want to ruin that. Yet, at the same damned time, why should I cover up for Erwin Smith? He was in the wrong here, not me. I had done nothing! I hadn't even returned the fucking smooch. And yet here I sit, worrying about it and getting my stomach in knots.

This has to be the most annoying move from the universe yet.

I sigh and sip my coffee, hoping that the training was going well at least. If I could focus on a new team, I might be able to simple compartmentalise my way out of this mess. To think my way out of this irritation and confusion. Ignore the twerp for a couple weeks, and then simply smile at him like nothing had happened. That might even prove to be the most effective means or torment, act like he didn't exist, and that nothing had happened. After all, I'd already sent his presumptive ass to the floor, so there was no misunderstanding. He knew he wasn't wanted. Right? Then again, I hadn't thought there was a misunderstanding to begin with. Yet, that shithead had thought he had the right to kiss me?

I grit my teeth and stare at the steam rising from my coffee. Bull-headed moron. I think what annoys me most, is that from him, a man built on the art of diplomacy, I'd have expected words first. A long-winded explanation of attraction, a mind-fuck of exposition about when his attraction had began. But no. He broke the trend, and just threw himself in. Dammit, why couldn't these predictable men stay that way? What was next? A serenade and heartfelt love-letter from Levi? By the walls, if that happens I'm gonna have to go ask Petra to slap me into next week. Then I might find my marbles again by the time I catch up.

A hand taps my shoulder and I jolt, looking up and blinking at Mike who hands over an envelope. "Word from Chai I believe, hope it's good news." He nods and makes to move away. But I grab his sleeve. He pauses and looks over his shoulder at me, but once again not meeting my eyes. When I continue to hold on, he sighs and turns more. "Kat?"

"Look, Sniffer, would you stop avoiding my eyes, like it was you being a perverted arsewipe? C'mon, it isn't your fault he took leave of his senses." I say and hold firm when he shifts his weight and clears his throat. Under that shaggy fringe, a blush brews. "Mike..."

"I know I'm not to blame, I just can't help but wonder where the hell it came from." He murmurs, sitting down next to me. "We talked about it before you'd returned from the UG, and in all honesty I have to consider that I might have pushed this issue. I might be why he so suddenly... snapped."

I blink and shake my head at him. The blush deepens.

"Mike Zacharias, no. Stop that idiocy right now. Just because you had a conversation with a comrade about the fact he wanted to diddle me, doesn't make you accountable for the idiot going ahead and trying to choke me with his tongue!"

Mike winces. "Diddle?"

I snort and shrug. "It's only breakfast time, trying to cut back on some bad words before lunch."

He then nudges my shoulder. "Well I'm grateful for the pass. But I'm also amazed at your restraint. He was still bearing all the right bits when I found him on the floor."

"For the time being." I mutter, sipping the coffee and leaning against the big-ass tree. "He's a fool, that likely thought himself into a corner. As usual." I add with a roll of my eyes. Mike nods. "So... what _was_ he like when you found him? Please say sobbing like a girl and rocking back and forth."

"Unfortunately not quite that dramatic." Mike shook his head, and I pout.

"C'mon, at lease a snivel?"

"He was sitting in the middle of the floor, with his head in his hands. He didn't even hear me come inside the office, damn good thing I wasn't a cadet or something. Not seen him look that pathetic in... well... must be years. Eventually, he looked up at me and I gave him a swift punch to the jaw."

"You didn't." I laugh and Mike just looks at me.

"Of course I fucking did."

I smile and feel my own cheeks blush. Good to know I had my defending knights on call, eh?

"It ain't right what he did, Kat. And, he knew that. Kept thinking of ways to make it up to you, kept pacing once he got off the floor, and tried to manoeuvrer his way out of it."

"Oh god, what's he come up with?" I can't help but lean away.

Mike smirks. "Don't worry, I told him the best thing would likely be, to leave you the hell alone for a good month. Maybe six." He snorts and I nod, the man knew me well. I drain my coffee and he taps the envelope still in my hand. "Think he meant to give you that yesterday, only got it in the morning post, so don't worry, it isn't much delayed."

"It's fine, the post is so slow it likely won't have made a difference if it got stuck in his slush pile for a week." I hum and undo the envelope.

"Fancy another cup?"

"Why not, I'd enjoy the company too in all honesty." I add, glancing his way with a dash of hope. He nods again, that smirk almost glimmering into a real smile. He was a gem. He heads away to get a fresh cup of energy for us both, and I unfold the yellowed parchment carefully. She'd gotten some fancy stuff. Hopefully that means things are going well.

 _Dearest Kitty Kat,_

 _We're all doing great down here, for the time being. We've been on the spring cleaning madness, so naturally all the kids are grumpy little buggers with me. They like cleaning the house as much as they like cleaning themselves. Still, never known the place to polish up so good! Morale's been superb since your visit. No more weird shadows in the windows, or rattling at the door. I really think your visit did the world of good, so thank you my dear, once again thank you so much! To Levi as well of course. I hope things are going well there. I've obviously known of your feelings for the man for a long time – who the hell wouldn't? But I have to say, I was taken back by the way he looked at you. Like, damn woman! Whenever you weren't looking, my fiery friend, I swear his eyes were glued to you. I think I even saw the hint of a smile once, you can imagine the willpower it took not to faint from shock!_

I chuckle to myself, cheeky mare that she was. My cheeks are burning already, and I'm barely into the damned letter. It was unopened thankfully. If it weren't, I'd be wondering if these well meaning words had been what lead to Erwin's moment of madness. As it was, there was no connection, just a weird coincidence the world had sent my way.

I accept the coffee from Mike and continue to read as he looks over his own mail.

 _So really, I hope that's still going well between the two of you. Just please don't let yourself think your way out of it. I know I'm a sucker for romance, and I know you think I trust men too easily, but in Levi I really saw something good. Even with his connection to that god awful man, Kenny. And best of all, I think Levi is good for you. Please let yourself be happy whilst you're out there frighting for us. I won't pretend to **not** know that that is what you're doing, Katsumi. You go out there and you fight those huge beasts for us. And it means the world. I keep making you the star of our bedtime stories, the Adventures of Claws against the Mountains. The kids love it! Maybe I should write them down? What do you think? Heh, could have my own little book series in no time! _

_Tessa is doing really well. Almost back to her usual boulshy self! She was helping me paint the outside of the house today, and she started singing again. She has such a lovely voice, and she keeps singing all those old tunes you used to sing whenever you were looking after the kids for me. It's like having a mini you around the place. Not the real thing – but she does have a slightly sweeter voice, sorry love._

I laugh again and shake my head. A sweeter voice wasn't heard when I sound like cats being thrown into iced water. I turn the page and sip my coffee, the mess-hall is filling up and conversation burbles around. What a normal feeling morning. There's a little stain on the top of the page, but it just makes my smile broaden, that was tea. I wonder if one of the little ones clambered onto her lap during writing? Wouldn't be the first time. I can't deny, my heart aches a little bit.

 _Do you remember the little boys down the street? The ones that used to come and sweep the porch every morning? Well they're growing up nicely. I think Tessa likes the eldest one, but she's done no more than glare and blush at him – see? Mini you! Anyway, the boys work for the merchants now, but don't worry, they ain't becoming thugs. I have personal promises – such dears. They spend most of their time helping clean up the area, actually. I dunno who they're trying to impress more, me, Tessa, or the MP's. Either way, they're not doing bad in all areas. They've sorted out three abandoned houses already, and two families have moved in, and one is in the process! Not all doom and gloom down here – just wanted to remind you of that before you write yet another apology about us not being up there with you. Seriously, stop that rubbish. I know you're looking into it, but I also know how difficult it is. I know I'm blonde, but give me a little credit you daft wench. Don't let it rule your days, Kat, we're doing just fine!_

 _Anyway, I hope the recruitment drive went well, and that you have a whole host of new minds to sort out! I'm sure they'll be brilliant soldiers under your care – just don't scare them too much, all right? Not all kids are as hardy as our lot down here, keep that in mind. Tessa was talking about signing up when she's old enough, if she isn't already, I wasn't sure. What do you think? I told her I would ask you, so here I am, writing it out in front of her and assuring her you'll look into it. Would that get her to the surface? Or can you get that big blonde Commander to help us out? Perhaps flutter those long lashes and wear that buttoned shirt a little lower, eh? Haha, only joking love, but I would be glad to know your thoughts. As would Tessa – as she's just reminded me for the... thousandth time I think._

 _Let me know, stay safe and look after yourself! (And I do mean eat properly, woman!)_

 _All the love in the world,_

 _Chai and the kids (there's not enough parchment for their names, as well as not enough hours in the day)_

I sigh and put it down, leaning on my hand and grinning at that scrawled handwriting. She was a dear. Tessa in the army though, that would be intriguing to say the least. The trainers wouldn't know what hit them! I look to Mike and he puts his post down, smiling softly.

He nurses his coffee. "Everything all right?"

I nod. "Yeah, superb actually, didn't even see any code phrases or anything. Just genuinely good. I was wondering though, Chai mentioned Tessa wanting to sign up... could she do that? Is that something that's allowed?"

He hums and purses his lips. "In all honesty, I'm not sure. I could talk to Erwin about it, get his take. In all likeliness you could ask him for anything right now, and he'd serve it up on a silver platter... but still, I'll go ask on your behalf."

"Likely the best idea." I chuckle and hold the coffee close, the warmth pleasant. "I reckon Tessa would do great up here, I'd just have to worry about where she'd sign up."

"Wouldn't want her with these ruffians then?" He chuckles as a bickering match breaks out two tables down.

I shake my head. "It isn't that, Mike, and you know it. Nah, I'd worry that she'd follow me simply for the sake of following. Not that she'd want to, but because she'd feel she had to, make sense?"

"It does indeed." He nods and taps the paper. "I'm glad to know it's going well though, at some point I'd really like to meet the woman herself. It's a great thing when someone from such a place, can turn a small piece of it into something good."

"Whoa, getting a bit deep there, Sniffer." I smile and he shakes his head at me. "I'm joking, old man. I think she'd love ya, she'd find your height ridiculous, but yeah, Chai would take to you. If she can take to Levi..." I laugh and Mike chuckles along with me.

"Reckon she could take to just about anyone then."

"Yup, she's not a picky woman. Thankfully." I hum and slide the letter back into the envelope, putting it in my pocket and patting it lovingly. I had kept all her letters. It was nice to look back over stories of the everyday, especially in the wake of a mission.

"So then, you heading out to see how that new team is shaping up?"

"Yeah, guess I better," I drain that second cup and stand. "I wanna see how Ral's doing, she's excited but nervous as hell. Wants to impress, Levi." I wink and waggle my brows.

Mike tilts his head. "Uh oh, cat-fight on the horizon?"

"Hardly! I think she's adorable for being so smitten. It's cute!"

He raises a brow. I think. "Not a normal reaction, I have to say."

"Ach, she's a good gal, she's allowed a crush." I smile and pat his shoulder. "Don'tcha worry Mike, just because I slammed Erwin to the boards doesn't mean I'm suddenly a brute again."

"Again? When did you ever stop-" his voice cuts away as I skiff the back of his head and then walk away. His chuckles follow me out the door which I slam a little bit. His chuckles turned into laughter.

Cheekiness was making the rounds.

I head over to the training ring just as Levi takes off with a couple more candidates. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was avoiding me. Good thing I wasn't the one being naughty, or I'd be a wreck of worry. Petra is by the fence, drinking from her tankard. Sweat's gathering on her pinked brow and along that freckled nose. Looks like she's fresh off the course. I head over and sit on the fence, booping her sparkly nose and grinning.

"How's it going out here?"

She wipes her brow. "I think, well? The Captain doesn't say much, I have to admit. But I think he was pleased with my time. We did some hand-to-hand this morning and I nearly landed a hit so..."

"That's damned good, kiddo." I grin, hearing orders barked around the trees. "If he hasn't said anything that's better than a lecture. If he actually says 'good job' or even 'not bad' you can consider yourself set for life."

"Really?" She bites her lip and goes all bright-eyed. Is that a bushy tail too?

I tap her nose again. "Yup, so don't worry about silence. Silence is, good. Oh! I got more word from, Chai. Seems she's doing real well. Kids sound fine and seems like the visit downstairs worked. No more boogie men."

"Oh, that's wonderful. How's, Tessa?" Petra asks, and I'll admit that I'm touched she even remembered the name. I'd been chatting away to her, and realised my mouth had run on for far too long, but bless the girl, Petra was hanging on every word.

"She's doing great, thanks. Apparently thinking about signing up to the military... I've asked Mike to see what the Commander thinks."

"Oh? How'd you feel about that one?"

"I mean if it's what the girl wants, hell yes, but personally I'm worried she's only wanting to do it, because I did." I sigh, and Petra pats my knee. "I know, I know, I'm worrying about there being nothing to worry about. Just hope Mike gets an answer sooner, rather than later."

"Surely you'd get further with that?" Petra laughs, but it dies away when she looks at me. I hadn't meant to react, but clearly I had. Apparently I wasn't doing well with masks right now. I clear my throat and try to move on, but those hazel eyes are honed in on me and a pale hand lands on my knee and squeezes. Ah, shit. "What's up, Kat? Did you end up arguing with the Commander, or something? He gave the go ahead for the team, so I kind of assumed your meeting went well."

I sigh and hang my head. "It went fine, I just... He was a bit of an ass. Let's leave it at that, all right, Love?"

"Sure thing, Kat." Petra pats the knee and lets go.

"So anyway, how're you finding serving under Levi?" I ask, and my grin reappears when she does a double-take. Yeah, I meant that innuendo. I meant it 100%. I giggle as she pouts at me, blush brewing under those freckles. "Oh c'mon, let me have my fun!"

"The more you tease, the more I worry you actually think I'm going to do something untoward!"

" _Untoward_?!" I repeat, shocked and appalled, hand to my chest and the other fanning my face. Petra glares, and I tug her over to ruffle her hair. She sighs and leans in to hug me. "You are too sweet for your own damned good, woman. You really are."

"It is just teasing, isn't it?" She looks up at me, eyes big. "You don't actually suspect that I would..."

"Be untoward?" I suggest with a wink, and she smiles despite the brightening blush. I hop down and lean on the fence next to her. "Petra Ral, you're allowed to be enamoured with your Captain. Adore him all you want, in all likeliness, my dearest wee cherub of a sweetheart, he hasn't noticed at all."

She keeps smiling and bites her lip. "But I rather hate that you have!"

"It's a crush. An attraction that frankly, I have no basis to deny you. I'm with the man, I don't own his looks for fuck's sake. He's an angry little shithead, most of the time, but let's face it, he's got a nice looking ass and a undeniable... something." I shrug and smile at her, glad to see her relax.

"You're an amazing woman, Kat."

"Hardly love, I just have a bit more perspective. But really I mean it, like I said, adore him all you want. I trust you, and I trust him. Plus, I know _exactly_ how to kill you if you ever take my trust for granted." I wink, "I can bleed you out in ten seconds sweetheart."

She laughs, taking another swig of her tankard and sighing. "I don't doubt it, Claws."

"Good to know."

"I'm glad to know you're a reasonable woman, Katsumi. Well... most of the time." She adds with a nudge and I take the drink she offers. "However, all jokes aside, I do promise it's nothing more than a silly school-girl crush."

"I appreciate the sentiment. But it is nice to know, someone else is potentially here for him." I murmur, feeling a slight chill run down my spine. I guess, that had been going on in the back of my head, hadn't it? If I were to die, if I were to suddenly be taken out of the picture by the inane will of a Titan, someone else would look at Levi like a man. Not a trophy soldier, not humanity's strongest, not a pawn. But a man who can break. It was a comfort to me, even if I hadn't really known it till now.

Petra tugs on my hair. "Kat... I'm not sure I like that weird tone." She grumbles. "I'm not a replacement for you."

"Wasn't suggesting anything of the sort, I make no plans to be leaving. I have too much fun still to have." I wink and she nods, still watching me though. That bright gaze was loving, but it was intense too.

My gaze has turned to the trees, and I take a deep breath – really, the issue would be his own stubbornness. Maybe it was time I actually wrote that damned letter. I'd planned to since we properly joined this madhouse, to jot down my wayward thoughts and spell it all out for the fool that I love. If I am gone, he had to keep going, just like I would try to keep going if he were gone.

"Oi! Kat?" Petra waves a hand in front of my face and I blink, looking to her and shaking my head. "Didn't hear a damned word, did you?"

"No, sorry, million miles away." I chuckle and she clicks her tongue.

"I was saying, it looks like a storm's coming in, can you help me sort out the horses later on? After patrols?"

"Oh right! Yeah, no bother." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Did Levi mention that he might need me for training, or..."

"No, I think you can go about your day however you want." She nods and grins. "Take the time off whilst you can, eh?" She pats my shoulder, and then tightens her straps. The group haven't even got back yet, and she's eager to go. I think she's definitely gonna be on the team, Levi likes a hard-worker, and Petra Ral was that to the bone.

"You still training for the time being?" I ask as I hop back over the fence, taking a deep breath and sighing. She was right though, rain was in the air for sure. Might even have to call of training tomorrow.

Petra tucks her hair back. "Yeah, we ain't all allowed to decide our own training regime. Talk later, Kat. Good luck with Tessa!" She says, waving as I meander back towards the HQ and wonder what the heck I'm gonna do with myself.

Well, I guess I could write that letter?

No time like the present.

I hum and head for my room. A pot of tea, some parchment and a quill with ink. What a homey set-up I'd have. I could kill a couple birds with one stone, couldn't I? Write my letter to Levi, one that I hope never has to be opened, and also write back to Chai. I could let her know the wheels are in motion. With any luck, by the time I finished the letter, Sniffer might be able to report back from the Blonde Brute himself.

* * *

 **3rd person POV**

In the bowels of the earth, where air grew stale and light faded to nought by flickering lanterns, smoke rose to the chained heavens. It twisted. It coiled. It writhed and smothered everything in it's drifted path. The tomb-like ceiling of the Underground City was lightly shrouded in dark black mist, that crawled along and told everyone the same thing.

Something had happened.

Something bad.

The city was bustling like always, cats fought down alleyways and merchants overcharged for mediocre produce. But gradually, it trickled through the streets. People smelt the air and noted the extra sharpness. Like a needle grazing their noses, and tickling the back of their throat. The kind of sharpness to the air that preceded screaming. Only the screams were long gone. They had echoed up into that blackened soot and faded away. They'd happened in the night. They'd melted to eerie silence paired with the groaning of charred wood. The further through the city you went, the closer to the black trail you got, the sharper the air grew.

The thicker the mist gathered along the roof.

The heavier the silence grew.

Two boys, two innocent boys who had grown up to be decent men working for merchants, and cleaning up their home-area, stood before that sharp smell. They stared. Only the night before, they'd swept the porch like always, they'd brushed down that freshly painted door. They'd accepted sweet tea from that kindly hen-mother, just like they had since they needed more milk in the cup than tea. What had happened during the night? What happened after she waved them off with a smile and a fond farewell. What had turned the ceiling so dark, the air so sharp, and the silence so cold?

In the bowels of the earth, where air grew stale and light faded to nought by flickering lanterns, smoke rose from the husk of a home.

* * *

 **Well, well, well, what have we here? Another horrible cliffhanger, I know, I'm so sorry. I cannot help myself. Hope you enjoyed and see you in 3-4 weeks (i'll aim to be bang on time for the 3rd week this time around, keep the waiting to a minimum and all that...)**

 **Please leave a fav, follow, and review, I love to hear from my readers!**

 **SHOUTOUTS:**

 **GermanWinter:** I'm glad you liked the first scene, I liked it too! I really enjoy writing them when they're doing normal things. Having a cuppa, planning things out. It's a nice reprieve to all the action. I'm glad you were uncomfortable, haha, that was indeed the intention so thank you! That's a big bit of praise for me! I would wholly agree with you, yes, normally Erwin is the type to be withheld. But basically, I wanted to let a less refined side out, if that makes sense? I also didn't wanna do the cliché unrequited love shit, because... in a way I didn't think THAT part would fit Erwin. He's way too driven, so yeah, whilst I agree he would normally hold himself back, he's also far too driven to **never** act on it. Lol.. bit of both in the end, I guess. Haha, yes, Katsumi took no prisoners here, she was NOT to be played with. I cannot stand it when a female character 'claims' to be oh-so-annoyed, but doesn't do anything but complain about it afterwards. Woman, hit that bugger for being such a perv! For the name, I wanted something like Katherine, but I wanted it to have a link to Japanese culture, or perhaps a more old-style European (the two main cultures referenced in the series). I went with the Japanese name Katsumi and generally it means 'victorious beauty' but that's a simplification. Basically the two parts of the name mean 'victory, triumph' and 'purity, or beauty', which to me made a lot of sense considering her initial mission to save Levi from his darkness ^-^ hope that answers your question! I don't usually bother too much with 'meaning' behind names, but that was an instance of "oh hell yes." I felt that it kinda hit both the Asian and European thing, the full name Katsumi sounding rather Asian, whilst Kat is more European ^-^ Haha, I am serious, if you have a pressing issue etc. seriously just ask. I love teaching people and offering help whenever I can. I owe a lot to helpful writers, so really, I'm more than eager to give back!

I think if the "Petra is actually a psycho in love" thing is done consistently, and well, it can be fascinating, because we see her ability to turn violent in the anime etc. BUT it so often isn't done well. She's done cutie-pie then murderous whore, the strangest bi-polar you ever did see, haha. I felt, in the anime and manga, that was she was just a very... normal person. Kinda like the Jean of her own group, she has aspirations, and she had human emotions too, like fear and love, but really they were masked by the fact she was a damned hard-worker, and more often than not focused on the mission rather than anything else. But we see that she's kind, she takes time to talk with Eren like a normal person, whilst Gunther etc (and rightly so, don't get me wrong) are a bit more... stand-offish to him. But Petra made a point of calming his fidgety-ness when they were cleaning the HQ, she's the one that's demanding to have Eren's trust, because I think it really matters to her, to know that she can be trusted. Sorry, haha, i'll stop now! I don't 'love' her character, but I really liked her role. She was the only woman in Levi's Squad, and I thought that was great, she was obviously a badass, but they didn't bang on about it like they kiiinda do with Mikasa. Petra was a quiet badass. Anyway, that's just my read on her, I hope you're still liking how I write her, I'm certainly enjoying writing it!

I guess this was a slightly slower chapter again, so yeah, sorry about that, but I hope the cliff-hanger kept you intrigued ;) shit is going down my friend. Thank you once again for being so wonderful and reviewing, it's amazing that you take the time, really! Hope you enjoyed the update, and I'll hopefully speak to you again in 3-4 weeks!

 **MadnessIsContagious** : You seriously need to stop apologising for reviewing 'late' as you call it, you really have nothing to apolgise for! I'm glad I kinda caught you off-guard, but also it didn't come out of nowhere with the Erwin thing. It's the right balance, so thanks for highlighting it. Erwin did fuck up, yes, yes he did.

Thank you for the praise! I actually went home the other day, found my old book series on my parents computer (that shit hasn't been touched since like 2009-2010) and I am gonna be cringing for DAYS over that. CW deffo has a more BOOM start-up, for sure. Yeah, I love the opening to CW tbh, I really do. You're rambling is wonderful as always.

Yeah, Annie is just... mleh. Haha, she's there, she's a plot device, but mleeeeeh. Tbh I don't feel like I really know Zeke's canon character. In the more recent chapters I have reeeally felt like Isamya has let the characterisation fall to the side a bit. Its a shame, because it was the characters that gripped me into the series in the first place, so yeah, I'm really just winging it with Zeke and making him into my own thing. Oh, well let me know if and when you watch the second season - it's beautifully animated by the way, stunning. I love interacting with my readers, it's wonderful! I really do appreciate your reviews, every time! As for Petra, I just really liked her. She isn't my favourite, and personally I never saw much of the whole Levi x Petra thing, but I am having a lot of fun writing her. I find it actually helps me to get to know the characters more, if that makes sense. But anyway, glad you're enjoying her portrayal! I appreciate my regular reviewers SO much. This month I only had 2 reviews on this story, it's my baby one anyway, but it's still like "oh... anyone reading this?" but then I get you, and the lovely GermanWinter commenting, and I just grin from ear to ear. I love it. You guys keep me going, ya really do. Yeah, I can't stand it when people just leave the story, they don't give notice of a Haitus, or any indication of coming back. It's very annoying, and it's a big part of why I stopped reading fanfics, too many authors just don't seem to care about the audience they've cultivated.

Yeah sorry, I need to finish one or two of my current projects first, its just a lot of work tbh, and even the monthly updates are tricky. Meh, if people unfollowed because I called someone out on a dumbass comment, then frankly I don't really want their readership, I suffer no fools, haha! I hope you enjoyed this update, it was a bit shorter I know, but really it's just setting up for a shit-storm ;) thanks again, speak soon!


	26. Chapter 26

**Hello, Hello, Hello! Back again, on time, with another update for you all! Sorry (ish) about the cliffhanger of last time, but I hope that just makes you all eager to see what's gonna happen now! ^-^ hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT, just Katsumi**

* * *

 **KAT POV**

 _Dearest Levi..._ I roll my eyes at myself and pick up a new bit of parchment. I wasn't writing this for anyone else, it would only be read by him, and hopefully not even that. It would be sealed in a drawer, until someone went through my things if I died on the field. Formality could take a back seat. I knew they went through people's things because, of course, over our time serving, I'd had to do it enough times already. It was common practise, for people to have left letters for loved ones, tokens for secret attachments, and after being carefully sorted through, they were sent out. It was how we bid farewell to them all. How we helped them find peace, I guess. I knew it, and I hoped it wouldn't be any different with me.

A chill runs over my skin and I smirk, looking round my room. I wonder who might take it, if I did leave. I snort at myself, really? Leave? Like I was just upping and moving to the city to live a life of leisure. The only way I was leaving this place, was if I stayed on the plains, staring up at the sky. Then again... I bite my lip, and glance to the door. Would Levi want to remain here forever? If he wanted to leave, I like to think I'd go with him, but even that idea has a tremble running through my hands. Whilst I want to be with him, and the fact that I now was, still makes foolish knots appear in my gut, I have to fight. It makes their loss worth it. And it isn't just Isabel and Farlan, but all the souls we had lost since then. The fight made the fire keep going, the fight made their memory thrive and endure. If we left. If we went to the inner walls and lived a wholesome life, would it be an insult? Or would they have wanted that? It was easy to imagine a roll of Farlan's eyes, or an impatient huff from Isabel, but after so long, I have to consider that I'm just letting myself off easy. It was getting harder to remember their faces.

I sigh and shake my head.

I'd known this letter would send my head into weird directions, but damn that had turned ugly a bit too quick.

Maybe I should have started with Chai's letter.

I pour a glass of scotch and sip it slowly. It was fine. I could write this letter for Levi. Nothing was happening. The world was relatively calm – or at least our version of it. All I was doing, was preparing for the future, being ready for the inevitable, or indeed the freak-accident. We had a mission looming closer with every day that passed. I wanted, no, I _needed_ Levi to know everything. Nothing could be left unsaid. I needed him to have a really tangible thing to hold onto. I swallow hard, thinking back to how he had been after we lost those two. He really had been close to losing himself, hadn't he? I stare at the blank parchment and feel my eyes grow warm. There was no point in trying to avoid that completely, the man was allowed to mourn, he was allowed to rage at the world. Hells on horses, I knew I would. If Levi was snuffed out, I'd be tearing down buildings before they'd calmed me down. Even if he left me the most eloquently beautiful letter in the world, I'd still feel rage in my veins for days on end. Then again, it would be more likely that he'd leave a scrap of parchment with "stay out of trouble, wench" or something like that. I smirk, then again, he could be oddly sweet when he wanted to.

The liquor warms me.

I sit up straight, shuffle the seat forward and put quill to parchment.

 _Levi,_

 _If this has been found, then I guess I wasn't there to hide it any more. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for leaving you to look over this letter, and feel all that anger, hatred and likely resentment..._

The words flow out of me, and I decide to simply let them. I was planning on being more careful, on delicately constructing the letter to be perfect. But no. This wouldn't be neat, it wouldn't be poetic, but he knew me. He would know this rambling tirade of emotion and explanation would be my real feelings. I chuckle as a lump forms in my throat; he'd read it in my voice and pause occasionally to roll his eyes. At this point, likely wrinkling the parchment in his strong grip, a small part of him would probably hate me. And that's okay. If he ever left me alone in this world, I'd likely hate him too.

By the time I scratch my name onto the bottom of the pages, my scotch is gone, and I'm amazed that I've withheld my tears. But it was done. And whilst it was daunting as hell, it is a weight off my shoulders. I know that he'll have it, I know that he'll have all my thoughts and feelings. I know, not even his stubborn-ass-self, can deny the ink upon a page, nor the fact I took the time to write it. He'd know. I seal it in an envelope, and use the wax thing to make it all official.

It wouldn't be opened until absolutely necessary.

I sincerely hope it never is.

I put it in a drawer and wonder if I should write other letters. It wasn't like my only attachment in this place was Levi, not any more. Not by a long-shot. Mike was a dear friend, not to mention Hanji and now Petra. Even Smith would likely merit a few words. I swallow hard. Those could wait, my brittle old heart could only take so much emotion in one afternoon. If I wasn't careful, I'd end up fully human again.

I get up and head to the window, pulling Chai's letter out my pocket and browsing it against the sill, as I enjoy the breeze. Time for a fun letter. Time to simply think over the past while and let Chai know what was going on. It was nice to know I could write this one without code, without having to impatiently wait for the response. Normally, when there was a code, my imagination would go wild. I'd think they were on the run, that they were homeless, starving, freezing. I'd see every little face tear-stained and calling my name. Damn, I enjoyed to torment myself, didn't I? I lean my head on my hand and watch some cadets down below. Our family was strong for now, we hadn't had any huge losses recently, and that recruitment drive had gone well. But there was always room for more fresh hearts.

Tessa would do well here.

I'd worry myself sick every mission, of course, but she has the drive to be a great addition. Hell, I reckon that girl has the drive to do absolutely anything. She could be the next Commander if she so wished. I know we're not technically meant to have favourites, but I also know that's technically bullshit. I hadn't actually noticed much, but I wonder if she's grown out of those freckles on her nose, or if they've gotten darker with age. I smile and watch a training squad land. Funny things, growing like weeds.

A knock sounds at my door.

I look over my shoulder. "Come in!"

Mike opens the door and whilst I smile and ready myself to ask what the answer to our query had been, I find myself stalled by his expression. Grave; it was the only word for it. I hadn't seen the man look so sombre in a long time. I lower the letter and turn to him properly. He remains at the door, eyes downcast beneath that fringe. He's gripping the door-handle very tightly.

This was bad, whatever it was, it was very bad indeed.

Oh gods, was his father sick again?

"Mike? What's-"

"You need to go to the Commander's office." He interrupts, swallowing and straightening himself out. Business mode. Though he's still holding onto the door, like he needs it for support.

I frown and look him over. "I need to go to the Commander's office... Why? Did he refuse to even consider, Tessa?" I take a couple steps forward, but as his lips purse into a thin line, I feel my temper rise. I hit the nail on the head, didn't I? The parchment crinkles. "Seriously? Is he actually going to punish a young girl, because I didn't accept his affection?"

"Kat."

"Ugh, this is so typical! For fuck's sake, the arrogance is-"

"Kat!" Mike pleads, the door creaking against his grip. My mouth closes. Instinct making that chill return to my skin. "Please, just go see him. It isn't what you think but... I can't explain here. It isn't my place. Please, just go see him. He'll behave himself, I promise." He nods and then shifts the hair out of his eyes. I've never seen him look so desperate, and it scares me like hell.

I deflate a bit. "All right."

"Thank you." He nods and finally lets go of the handle, somehow it isn't crumpled. "I'll be in the mess-hall, if you need me, I'll send Levi along as well."

"Levi?" I head towards the door, and he nods, striding off without another word.

The hell was happening? Had there been some kind of accident? No, if we were needed for civilian aid, then there would be more urgency. I stop trying to figure it out, and head along to Erwin's office. I fold the letter and put it back in my pocket.

As I approach the door, the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.

That chill moves all over me, but it settles in my gut.

My instincts are telling me to run away.

I ignore it all, and press on.

I knock and head inside once there's an unenthusiastic rumble from within. The door creaks closed and I find Erwin staring out the window. He glances my way, hands clasped behind his back tightening as his knuckles go white. Seemed everyone was rather tense.

"Good afternoon, Kat. Please, sit down."

"Erwin, what the hell's going on? Mike was in a right state. I don't like the cloak-and-dagger shit, you know that. Could you just spit it out-"

"Please." He insisted firmly, but whilst my heckles rose, I know that tone was without malice. Again, pleading. Erwin Smith was begging me to sit down, to not be angry. What the hell was going on? These men didn't suit pleading.

Perhaps I should have listened to my instincts?

I sit down and clasp my hands on my lap. He takes a deep breath and then pours me a drink, the liquor glugging in as silence hangs. Without without meeting my eyes, he hands it over. Our fingers brush for a moment. Ice grows within my chilled gut. The drink remains untouched in my lap. I don't want to drink, I want to understand.

Erwin shifts his weight. "Katsumi, before I explain what's happened, please know that this is a safe place, and there's nothing you could have done."

"Y-Yeah, okay. Erwin, please just tell me. The waiting is freaking me out." I say, throat pinching and forcing me to sip the drink. My hands shake.

He nods and sits on the edge of his desk, rather more casual than I would have expected considering his previous words. It's like watching an abnormal appear on the horizon; I can feel thunder in my chest, and I know deep down that I need to dodge. But right now? I have no idea where it's actually gonna hit me; will it be my own body, someone I love, or simply pass by with nothing more than a painful memory? I watch him form the sentence, the words building on his tongue like a pot about to boil over. He was being so careful. I feel like my head's going to explode if he doesn't say whatever the hell it is, but I don't press him. I don't want to.

"It's about Chai and the Orphanage." He begins, and I feel my pocket suddenly get very heavy. Someone I love was being hit, then. Okay. I can handle this. I stare at him and the glass trembles in my hands. I nod for him to continue, he looks thankful. "I received word that, early this morning, there was reports of a blaze in the Underground. It appears, the Orphanage caught fire during the night."

"Oh gods..."

"I'm sorry, Katsumi," his expression looks helpless, and I hate it. "There are no reported survivors. I realise that there is hardly a decent civilian register down there, but I have confirmed everything possible. Thus far, all known residents of the Orphanage, in terms of numbers, have been accounted for, within the building. It would appear none of them escaped."

I stare.

Ringing floods my ears.

My heart thrums, seeming to rock my whole body with every panicked throb. It's like it wants to climb up my throat and escape. But it didn't make any sense, they were fine. I had read those words of comfort, of pleasant peace, only a short while ago. Casually reading over a cup of coffee. There was no code, no warning between the lines.

So what did he mean?

What did he mean by 'no survivors'?

I know the words, but they simply don't make sense. Not in that context and certainly not in that order. Impossible, it was fucking impossible. Every little face had been tear-stained and screaming. A rattled breath falls out of me. I blink. Tears roll down my cheeks, feeling hot and they dribble off my chin. This wasn't real. It couldn't be real. The air tastes stale, like I've been asleep for days and have only just woken. Then again, I might as well have. I was just sitting there, laughing with Mike whilst smoke rose out of that wholesome house.

There was no more laughter to be heard. No futures to plan for. No more walking to the sun-wells and letting dashing feet scramble over rock and muck. They were gone. That freckled nose would never point up and be paired with a proud salute. They were all gone.

It's like I'm not even connected to this body any more.

I don't want to be here.

Something had given way, and I was floating.

"Katsumi, look at me, please." I hear him, but I don't see him.

There's nothing but this bleared room of colours and shapes. I don't want reality right now. It was a horrid thing, one that only ever took pleasure in wrenching the rug from under my feet. I hate you. His words are repeated, concern shining through. Hell, he should be worried. I don't know what's going to happen. Am I going to faint? Am I going to lash out? Am I going to vomit? Maybe, I'll just start screaming at him. It isn't that I blame him, obviously not. Erwin Smith, wasn't to blame for this. I don't know who is. But still, this rage, bubbling within me, brewing into something toxic, it needs to be unleashed.

I grip my knees and try to take deep breaths, but they just catch in my throat and burn. Chai will have died, wondering if I got her letter, wondering why I wasn't there, wondering what the world would do to me. She'd have thought of everything but herself, whilst the flames gorged on her. I blink again. He's knelt in front of me. One of his big hands is on top of mine, his skin feels scalding hot. Was that because I'd turned to stone? I grip my knee tighter. His other hand extends towards my face, his expression nothing but concerned and worried.

Dammit, no.

I don't need tenderness, I need answers. I need a target, I need something to destroy. My head aches. My heart splutters. My old leg injury flares.

So many more people that I'd let down.

More names etched into my back, of those I'd abandoned.

I gulp and steady myself, leaning forward to put a hand on his shoulder. He easily holds me up, strong and stable. How could he be anything but wobbling now? How was anything still standing? I blink again, and look at him. He didn't even know who I was mourning, he didn't know their names or faces, he was just concerned about me, right? Just worried he was gonna lose a soldier to grief. I wasn't worth it, I wasn't worth worrying about. I left them there, I abandoned them in that squalor and went about my day like it was nothing. I almost envy Erwin in that moment. To him it was nothing but a few scrawled names, and numbers on parchment. He didn't know the smiles that had been scorched to ash, he didn't remember the laughter burned to smoking silence. He didn't know.

Dammit.

"Do they know who did it?" I say, my voice sounding so odd, choked by sobs but gravelled by anger. It's not me. It's Claws. I can't be Katsumi right now, she was useless, she had let this happen and now it would be Claws that had to fucking fix it. But... b-but it couldn't be fixed could it? Pain lances through my skull.

"At this point, the MP's are calling it an accident. I've sent word to some personal contacts to investigate further, we'll find out what happened, Kat, I promise."

"Don't." I shake my head and stand up, knees wobbling, but holding. "Don't promise me a damned thing, nothing can be fucking promised right now. I promised them I'd get them out... but... it's all empty words." I frown and the letter feels like it's made of lead.

"Kat, this isn't your-"

"If you dare claim that this isn't my fault, I swear I will pummel you myself." I snarl, toxic rage overflowing. It pours out in those hot tears, it gusts out in my panted breaths. I must look deranged, but I guess right now I was.

Erwin frowns and stands, looming over me. "This isn't your doing, Kat. It's vital that you understand that."

"I don't understand anything, right now." I hiss, shaking my head. "I need to go down there, I need to see it for myself, I need to-"

"Play right into the hands of whoever did this?" Erwin snaps, taking hold of my shoulders and shaking me. But he'd need to try harder than that. I feel like this letter is dragging me down into sand, soon it'd pour into my mouth, fill my lungs and choke everything out of me. He shakes again. "That's suicide. That'll be exactly what they planned."

I struggle, staring at his bolo-tie, not daring to meet those piercing sky-blue eyes. "This isn't one of your fucking games, Smith. This isn't tactics, this isn't chess, this isn't something you can be cunning about. This is my family, and it's just been torched to the ground. I need to go there!" I yell, his grip only tightening.

"Why? So you can stare at brittle ash and torment yourself with what you could, or could not, have done? I refuse to allow it." He yells back, holding tighter onto my shoulders.

I bare my teeth, but he just holds firm and I feel something else give way.

"I'm not your pawn, I'm not here to be protected. Fucking let go of me!" I yell, dislodging his hands and shoving him back.

He staggers a bit, but it's enough. I turn to leave. He grabs my wrist. I growl and let my control go. I don't have time for this. I haul him closer, using his momentum to tug him forward, shift my back under his chest and fling him head over heels. He slams into the wood, but it still holding my arm. It must have hurt, but his grip never fails. This was wasting time, dammit! I snarl, but he just holds on. I lunge, my elbow smacking into his ribs and my boot cracking off his head. Finally, he lets go. He winces and rolls the other way as bruising blossoms over his skin.

"Kat, d-don't do this!" He tries to get up, but I just kick him down again, the momentum carrying him to hit off his desk. I make for the door. "Dammit, Kat, stop!"

I don't listen.

I never fucking listen.

* * *

 **LEVI POV**

Can't say I'm glad to be summoned, yet again, to the Commander's office. The bastard had legs, didn't he? Why couldn't he come out to the training area himself, I have a team to build up. Then again, I guess he doesn't care much about the duties of others. I leave them to do drills, knowing that Ral woman would keep things going, whilst getting ready for patrol. I can see why Kat likes her. She had good drive, I'd give her that already, didn't need to see her in the field to know she'd get shit done. I sigh, and unclip my gear, handing it to a cadet and heading inside. Damn blonde shithead better have a good reason for sending his Sniffer down to get me. I'm not a fucking dog. Then again, at least Kat's been asked in too, right? Wasn't that what the Big-ass Sniffing Tree said? I ensure I'm at least half presentable before reaching to knock on the door.

But it's already open.

It creaks away from my hand.

Weird.

"Oi, I was asked to come... see you?" I raise a brow as I see Smith gradually getting up from the floor.

He's dishevelled, and has obviously had a decent amount of his daily shit, kicked out of him. The hell had happened? Was this why I was summoned? I'd want to join in the shit kicking, rather than help him recover. He knew that, surely?

"Levi, you need to stop her." He gasps cryptically, holding his side and leaning back against his desk. Blood runs down from his right temple. He's holding onto his ribs too. I note the points of impact and have to deduce this was actually Kat's handiwork. Not her best, but still, her strike pattern was fairly obvious. Especially on big brutes like him.

I glare. "The hell did you do to her, to make her smack you aroun-"

"Chai and the children... they're dead. Someone burned down the Orphanage." He explains, swallowing hard and wincing again. I know the words, but dammit if they made any sense in that moment. Chai and the kids? What? Burned? I blink and shake my head, wrapping it round it and then looking the man over again. Oh.

Shit.

Kat.

"Stables?" I ask, and he nods, waving in vague permission.

Yeah, I'd do all that I could, I don't need your damned orders for that.

I turn, bolting down the corridors with the vague hope I might happen upon her deranged ass, before she'd got onto a horse. If she got onto one, she'd be making for the city as soon as she could. The idiot would be wanting to get down there, to wreak havoc, to get answers, to tear shit down as the pain won over logic.

I get the door open just as I see a dust cloud settle.

Shit.

I don't even hesitate, I can't afford to. I grab my horse, still saddled for patrol, and race after her. She was the better rider though, so I'd have to push the poor beast hard to even hope to catch up. What did she want to accomplish? They were already gone, and whilst that hurt like hell, running down into that place and getting herself killed wasn't going to change that. Then again, logic wouldn't be working for Kat, not right now. I remember the blinding hate, and rage I felt when we lost those two. It didn't matter what you should do, what you were supposed to do, sometimes the darkness just fucking won. I groan to myself and push the horse faster, turning the corner and seeing her in the distance.

"KAT!" I bellow out, but she doesn't even flinch.

Thunder rolls overhead and I look up, the clouds were getting thicker, and they looked fit to burst. We'd be drowned rats by the time we got back. But I'd get her back, one way or the other, even if I had to knock her out and sling her over my horse. I wasn't about to let her go charging into battle only to get herself killed or arrested. If this was an attack, and let's face it, not many accidents happened in the UG, then whatever sick bastard did it, was clearly after Kat. She was playing into their hands. But I guess she doesn't care. She wants to see if she can find anyone, but judging from the Commander's words, there was no one to be found. He was a git, but in matters like this, he didn't fuck around. His words left no room for life, they were all dead. If there was even the chance of survivors, Smith would have had a carriage ready. He was a pain in the ass, but he did seem to genuinely care about Kat, at least. Not that he had any right to – manipulative bastard.

I'm catching up.

"KAT, FUCKING STOP!" I bellow again, and at least this time I know she heard me. Her head lowered and her horse sped up. "Dammit, woman! I'm not letting you do this, so just fucking talk to me. You're just gonna get yourself killed."

"Just go back to base, Levi!"

"Like hell. You think this is what Chai would have wanted? Stop being an ass!"

Her horse slows slightly, forced to by the damp ground where the rain had already passed through earlier presumably. I push my own horse harder and gradually catch up.

She didn't even have gear on, I can see that now.

I grit my teeth. "She wouldn't want this!"

"You have no fucking idea what Chai might have wanted." She snaps, staring ahead, riding like there was nothing to stop her. I'm almost alongside now. "I can't just let this go, Levi, not this. I can't just let them mean, nothing!"

"They don't have to be avenged right this second, in order to fucking matter! Stop being an idiot, and think for a second. Either it's Kenny going back on his word, and it's a show of what backing he has. Or it's some other old grudge that you have no memory of, or no idea how to handle! Getting yourself hurt, killed or arrested isn't gonna make that fire not have happened. In fact, it'll just let the bastards win all over again. Stop!" I try to reach for her reins but she dodges and slaps my hand away.

"I need to see it for myself."

"Why?"

She chokes out a sob, knuckles white as she clings to the reins. "Because if I don't, I'm gonna wonder if it really happened. I'm g-gonna fool myself, into thinking maybe, just maybe I didn't fuck up."

"You didn't, this isn't on you." I try to grab her reins again and she just groans and pulls back on them, halting her horse and making me have to round back to her.

It's annoying, but at least she'd stopped for now.

Damned woman was all over the place, but really I couldn't blame her. It wasn't something to fight against, it wasn't something she could prevent. It had already happened, and now she was just left in this horrible wake. I approach slowly, and she has her head in her hands, tugging on her hair. No matter how hard she tries, there's no thinking her way round this. But her words are true, I can't deny that. She has to know for herself, I can understand that. If I hadn't been right there, to see what happened to Isabel and Farlan, I'd have needed proof. It would have driven me mad without it. But this isn't the same situation. This isn't the fields, this isn't an open battlefield. It was the UG, it was a closed space, it was too easy to be trapped. She can't go there, so I just have to convince her myself.

I swallow hard.

I just have to hope my own assurance can get through.

"Kat, listen to me."

I wait, and eventually she looks up. Those eyes are about as lost as they've ever looked. So many times she got herself into trouble in the UG, so many times she'd come home bruised up and angry. She was older now, wiser for sure, but there was still something of that gutsy kid lingering. Still something, that I needed to protect.

I hold her gaze and set my jaw. "It happened. It really happened. Smith wouldn't lie about this, and he wouldn't tell you unless he had it confirmed. They... Chai and the kids, are gone." I frown, but chance it anyway, I reach to put a hand on her arm. She's trembling, but she nods. Seems she's past denial. "I'm not saying it to be cruel, but you can't go there to confirm it. Not now, at least. We can go back some day, but not when they'll be so closely watching for you. Whatever this was for, it ain't good."

"I-I know... I just... fuck, Levi, what's the point?" She sobs and tugs on her hair again. I don't know how to answer her, and I feel yet another wave of uselessness. She was the one who knew what to say. That had never been my strong point. When silence is only interrupted by the thunder getting closer, she gives a bitter laugh. "There isn't one, is there?"

"Kat, stop it." I say as a knee-jerk reaction.

All the way through, she had been so determined. She had hauled my sorry ass out of my pit, she had dragged me out of the cold hearted bastard I was becoming, she had never given up on me. So I can't have her giving up on everything else, instead.

Her hands fall away from her face, and she swallows hard. "When we l-lost them, when we lost Farlan and Isabel, I knew we had to keep fighting. We had to make it worth it. But..." She stares forward. The rain starts. "B-But we've been fighting the good fight, for fucking years now, and where's it led? To nothing. Nothing, has fucking changed. The world's still cruel, and it isn't even the Titan's fault this time. Those kids... Th-they were the big bright light. They were the unsaid fucking promise from the world, that I was actually gonna manage to make a damned difference, that I had escaped with nothing but a broken leg for a fucking _reason_." Her voice cracks and I flinch.

My mouth feels so dry. "You've already saved many lives, you've already proven you survived for a reason, Kat. We both have."

She looks at me and I swear, I can't remember the last time her eyes looked so empty.

That gutsy kid is dying.

I try to keep going. "This... This messed up tragedy, doesn't change what you've accomplished. Nothing could. What more, could you have done? Chai knew you were trying to get them out, we went down there ourselves to help when she asked."

Kat sniffs and grits her teeth. "I don't know... I just know, there has to be something."

"Why?" I demand, and she purses her lips. "Why, does there have to be something else? So that you can wallow? So that you can have an excuse to rage out, and kick the shit out of your Commanding officer?"

She blinks and a blush appears on her cheeks. "I... Well he... I didn't mean to do that, but he wouldn't let me go."

"And I'm fucking glad he didn't."

"But-"

"No, Kat! If he had, just let you go? I'd have never caught you, you'd have wandered down into a trap, and then _yes_ , there really would be no point. Dammit, Kat, this isn't just about you. You _know_ Chai wouldn't hold you accountable. So don't do it either. If you wanna talk about there being no point, then there's really no point to the blame game. You said to me, when we lost Isabel and Farlan, that our memories let them live on... So what the hell is the difference here?"

She sobs again and shakes her head.

She doesn't know.

I know she doesn't know, all I need is for her stubborn head to admit that.

I smooth my hair out of my face, it growing damp in the rain. "Come back to HQ, I'm sure Smith is looking into it more anyway. He's a nosy bastard, like that. Come on." I reach for her reins again and she lets me take them, shivering as her adrenaline drains, seeming to wash off with the oncoming downpour.

"I'm sorry." She mumbles.

At this point, I have no idea if she's talking to me or to them. Either way, the apology is without worth. She had nothing to apologise for.

This world was messed up all over again.

"We'll find out who did this, Kat. I swear. And then we'll hunt them down together, okay?" I offer, raising a brow at her, and glad to see her nod, and a little bit of cloud clear from her expression. Focus. That was what she needed. I knew my Kat, I knew what those claws needed. Once she had something new to focus on, she would be unstoppable.

"You think it could be Kenny?" She asks after a while, the rain is really coming down now.

I try and speak over the thunder. "I can't say, really. I haven't known the man recently enough to predict him. If he's still got a shred of his old values, I'd say nah, he gave his word, it shouldn't be his doing. Then again, I can't say for his boss or anything... Kenny could be connected, but I doubt he... I doubt he did the deed." I add with a wince.

I was about to say 'lit the match', fucking hell, Ackerman, a soft touch _might_ be a good call here.

Ass-hole.

"Yeah..." she nods, hands slack on the reins and eyes still rather glazed. She was burnt out, she wasn't really there. I can understand that, but I ain't all that practised in helping her back either. Kat always spoke about my darkness, about my demons and shit, but she never seemed to admit to her own. Not very often anyway.

I shift closer and try to get better hold of her reins. "Pass them here, I can lead your horse back, okay? Just hand them over."

"Mm... Y-Yeah." She frowns, and looks down at the leather like it's a foreign object.

Shit, she's broken.

I try again, but flinch as a extra loud thunder-crack sounds above us. The horses grow restless and Kat clumsily holds onto the reins to steady her steed.

"Kat focus, we need to get back before this storm really gets going. C'mon we need to-"

FLASH.

Lightning cracks down into the earth behind us.

Blinding light fills the world for a moment and a tree to our left creaks before falling to the ground. Shit. That had been close. My own horse is jittery, irked by the sudden light and sound, but Kats? It's all over the place. She pulls on the reins, but the thing's spooked, and before I can even right my own horse, another thunder-crack sounds and her beast has bolted.

"Kat!" I yell, kicking my horse into gear but it still struggles for a couple seconds.

They race off into the trees, far too thick to be galloped through safely, and I feel a coldness pool in my gut. This wasn't good. I give chase, but in this maze it's hard to keep track of her, except for the desperate yells every so often, that is. She's doing her best, I can hear that from the swearing and pleading. But it doesn't seem to be working. The horse was panicking. More thunder rolls around, and I just hope the lightning doesn't follow suit.

FLASH.

Fucking hell.

The yelling stops.

That was never a good sign.

I keep going, but there's nothing. With every empty patch of treeline and undergrowth, I get more panicked myself. There was no way I was losing her to a damned thunderstorm. This was insane.

"Kat! Katsumi, answer me!" I yell, halting my horse and standing atop the stirrups.

But the rain's so heavy, so loud, I doubt she'll even hear me.

Then, I see her horse bolting through the trees, a small flash of white before it's gone. I head back along it's wake, slower now, not wanting to risk hurting her if she's been thrown into the muck. Which, I'm hoping for at this point, there was no sign of her on the beast, and there was plenty soft muck to be found. Then again, if it had really gone wild, she could have been thrown against a tree or gods knows what. She could be unconscious, bleeding, crushed. I take a second to steady myself. It was just the situation getting to me, she would be fine.

"Kat?" I call, about to turn around and try in the direction of her horse, when I hear a small cry. I peer, and see a hand reaching up, covered in mud. "Kat!" I yell, mainly to let her know I'm there.

I get down and head over, my horse calmly by my side. Kat lies there, body slumped against an overturned tree. She looks pale and small, dutifully keeping her arm up with her head lolled down against her chest.

She coughs harshly, and a shiver runs through me as I watch blood splatter over her shirt. Its so bright against it. Then I see the other patch of red, spreading across her side. Broken rib, I guess. Maybe even a punctured lung. Her horse must've thrown her down and she'd landed against the trunk. Typical. It wasn't like there was 10 other perfectly soft places she could have landed. I kneel down, and touch her cheek. Her head slowly raises and then I hear her laboured breaths. She's wheezing like mad, but at least it sounds like she might be getting a half-decent lungful. Or one at least.

Her eyes are dull, one partially red from the impact of the fall, and a nasty gash along that side of her head. She'd be black and blue in the morning. I move to lift her, only pausing to let her confirm or deny permission, she nodded and I scoop her sorry-ass up. She's still too light.

I hold her close. "Stay awake, okay?"

"Mhm..." she coughs again and I know there's blood on me now too.

At first, I'm thinking she should get on the horse behind me, but she couldn't withstand riding like this, not when I don't know the damage. I don't want to make things worse. It takes a couple attempts, and a couple small inner panics on my stupid behalf, but eventually I find the trail with my horse wandering along behind us.

The trail seems to go on forever.

I was sure it took us mere seconds to race along it, but it feels like it takes hours to trudge back the way we came. But she's here, in my arms, not going anywhere.

"Nearly there, Kat."

A group is loading a wagon as I get in sight of the gates, the idiots seemed to be preparing to come after us. Speed was key, you idiots, not fucking food supplies or blankets.

"Get a stretcher!" I yell, Kat shuddering in my hold and her grip round my neck loosening. I glare. "Don't you dare. You've had enough dramatics today, no passing out just as we get to HQ. You're heavy enough without rag-dolling." I rumble at her, glad to see a smirk pull on her blood speckled lips. "If you can smile, brat, you can stay awake."

"What happened, Levi?" Shitty-Four-Eyes calls, as she runs over with her weird little helper, stretcher in tow too. I lay Kat down and we make for the main building, Kat keeping those eyes open for now.

"Her horse got spooked by the storm and bolted, she was thrown against a tree I think. Looks like a broken rib, maybe a punctured lung, to me, but I'm only going with the blood on her side and what comes out when she coughs. She ain't breathing so well either, and her eye's gone kinda red."

Four-Eyes nods and her glasses flash in lantern light. "All right, thanks, you did well to keep her awake."

"Praise me when she's patched up." I snap, and the weirdo nods before racing off up the stairs with her assistant.

Hopefully they could keep that idiot alive till morning. Then, and only then, would I make a point of sitting her bruised-ass down, and go over the fundamentals of horse-riding. Namely, stay the fuck on the saddle and don't let the animal freak out.

"Levi, good work." I hear Smith behind me and I sigh, I don't need this. All I want to do is go take a hot shower, change my clothes and drink a god damn cup of tea before sitting by her bed for the night. I won't sleep, but then again I never fucking do.

But still, appearances counted, or at least Kat said they did.

I stop walking, and glance back. "Thanks, sir, that all?"

"Not quite, do you know what direction her horse fled in?"

"The fuck away from here." I drawl, turning more and shrugging. "I was a little preoccupied, by the blood all over Cadet Katsumi. I'm sure you can appreciate that. It'll turn up. Those beasts always head back to us, even on the plains. It'll shit itself for a while, then come back in the morning once it's hungry."

He nods slowly and looks along to the stairs. He already had a couple bright bruises forming, one covering most of his forehead and temple by this point. She had one hell of a hit on her, didn't she? Can't deny, that sight makes my day a little better.

He clears his throat. "Thank you, for going after her."

"I didn't do it for you," I can't withhold how my nose wrinkles, the presumption on this guy never ceases to amaze me. Like I would have done any different if he had forbid me going after her.

His eyes look weirdly distant. "She'll likely not be able to go on the mission."

I grit my teeth. "Yeah, how inconvenient."

"I only meant, you should take it into account for your new Sqaud's training in the meantime." He retorts with unusual lack of composure, the distance gone from his expression and now only irritation being there instead.

I nod and shrug yet again. I know that annoys the shithead. "I can handle it. Just be sure to leave her alone, for a while." I say, about to turn when he gives me this weird look. Was that panic? Or... I dunno what the hell it was. I blink. "You know, she'll be in a mess over this fire thing? About the Orphans? No point in you being her punching-bag twice, right?"

"Right... Indeed." He nods, seeming relieved by that for some reason.

Weird bastard.

He seems content to finally stop talking, so I take my leave and head for that hot shower.

Why do I feel like I just missed half a conversation?

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed the beginning of the shitstorm! Please leave a fav, follow and review, I shall see you all in 3-4 weeks!**

 **SHOUTOUTS!**

* * *

 **MadnessIsContagious:** Haha! Your reactions are the best, I swear! Sorry (lol not sorry) for the cliffhanger, I just couldn't resist. It wasn't originally in there, but then I roughdrafted that section as the intro for the next chapter and... well, haha. So glad you like the relationship with Mike, I wanted to use him a little more, as he tends to be forgotten about etc. and I really like his character :) I'd love to explore it more tbh. Still loving writing Petra, and she has a couple good scenes coming up with Kat, so look forward to that ^-^ Foreshadowing is something I love, but false leads are too ;) Haha, I can understand deducted points, I was hella brutal, and actually that incident was initially gonna happen RIGHT after Isabel and Farlan died, so... yeah... I decided to delay it a bit.

I'm glad you saw some build up for the Erwin thing, I didn't want it to be long-winded, but I also didn't want it to come out of nowhere. Hard balance to strike! I love Mike as a character tbh, and yeah, whenever I've heard extra info on him and Erwin, it seems like they're really close. Brothers almost. So I felt, what with his connection to Kat too, he would just smack Erwin in the face and call him out. Erwin's a bit of a punching bag right now. 7 years man, 7 years. I've been writing since I was 14, so there's older files still, but tbh I have been reworking that series over and over, so the originals are LONG gone. Phew! I think CW has my favourite opening, but I also like how RBW simply slips into things, it's not a huge event etc. Same with this one, just another day, then it goes haywire. ^-^ I like those kinds of things, snapshot types. I think you're right about the characters, I have pretty great readers, I don't think anyone would get too bent out of shape, but I do still get the occasional "Levi was rather emotional there" or something, and I do kinda find them funny. Like, yeah, he's a emotional because he's developed beyond the need of a mask with this character, or indeed when he lost Isabel and Farlan. I've had quite a few notes on that, claiming his over-reacting etc. and tbh, I probably will alter it whenever I do go back to edit, but at the same time, he does go BESERK in the OVA. So it's just a development on that, behind closed doors. But hey ho, people can be odd about their fav characters. Well, if you ever do get into the second season, let me know what you think, I loved the animation, it was STUNNING. Though the smaller amount of episodes was 100% bullshit, so that was annoying.

To be honest, the thing with Petra's father at the end... I feel like it gets misinterpreted a lot. Her father thinks she's in love with Levi because she used the word 'devotion' that doesn't actually mean she was. Hell, if he had said that to Petra herself, she might have been mortified, lol. I just think its an easily done ship because she happens to be the only woman there. I have nothing against the pairing, I just... I dunno, I think if anything it would be a relationship of convenience, stress-fucking that kind of thing. Haha, thanks for the reassurance, it really is down to people like you and my other regular reviewers that I'm still going. I can't stress enough how much your reviews/notes mean to me. Yeah, I can understand being annoyed when an author doesn't respond though. At least a thank you, eh?! Takes very little time, and why wouldn't you wanna talk to amazing people that review?! Fools!

Yeah, the stopping and starting of fics is why I barely read them anymore. I mainly follow oneshot series now, so even if it is a long time between updates, it's so episodic that it doesn't matter. Lol, I am a total hypocrite when it comes to telling people to not apologise, then I go ahead and do it myself, whooooopsies. I think if it was an outright moronic comment (I once got one on here, that just said "Katsumi is an idiot" and that was it, I was like... I agree in many ways, but could you narrow it down? Lol, so I don't think I bothered responding to that. Obvious Troll. But a very weak one too, haha!) In all honesty, I think some people are just too sensitive. Same with, I have had people get annoyed if I counter their criticism by trying to explain what I had been attempting, they see it as me ignoring their note, and I'm like, no, I just wanted to explain what I had _attempted_ and clearly _failed_ to do, haha. But then again, sensitivity is such an issue these days, people seem to think being offended automatically makes you correct. Nope. Nothing happens when you're offended, it matters very little actually, welcome to la real world, here there be monsters and the need for a tougher skin than wet tissue paper. *rainbow* the more you know *rainbow*

I hope you liked the shit storm! Its only the beginning of it, MUHAHAHAHA. Also, heh, yeah the not allowing more than one review thing, I don't get, buuut then again I guess it avoids spamming or abuse etc. Anyway! Thank you so much for reviewing, hope you enjoyed this rather more EXPLOSIVE update, and I'll speak to you soon!

 **GermanWinter:** It isn't bad that you enjoy the macabre, if you didn't, then I wouldn't likely have you as a reader, haha! Thank you though, i'm glad you liked that section, I was rather proud of it. It was going to be the intro for this update, but I couldn't resist putting it in as a last minute cliffhanger. Well, I guess you got some Kat and Levi time in this update? Lol, dunno if it counts, but rest assured there will be more in the next one! ^-^ Thanks for showing an interest in her name, I think you're the first person to ask me. I hope you enjoyed tumbling down, and I can assure you there is plenty more tumbling to come! Thanks so much for reviewing, I love knowing how you react to things. And seriously, that note about my ending section, ugh, made my month. Thank you so much! Speak again soon!

 **WhatName:** It's you! Haha, you've done so well to plough through all this. Well done, my friend! I'm glad to have you obsessed, and I hope you enjoyed the update as well! Thanks so much for taking the time across the board, for reviewing, by the way, it really is amazing. So glad you're enjoying, and I'm eager to know what you think, going forward from here! Speak soon! Also - sorry for setting the bar high, I didn't know I had, nor intended to just... lol, I have a lot of practise at writing I guess! Thanks again!


	27. Chapter 27

**Hello, hello, hello! Another 3 weeks, another update!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.**

* * *

 **KAT POV**

My mind swims with noise and colour. The storm merges with the bustle of the Underground, the rain sloshes with the old hose we used for a shower. The creak of boots against floorboards melts into scampering feet, that try to wake me earlier and earlier each day. I know it's just my mind playing tricks, yet I don't have the fortitude to make it stop. I want the memories. I want them to run around my head as long as they want, it was the final playtime available. Someone occasionally dabs my cheek; mostly I reckon it's Hanji or Levi, getting rid of pointless tears that run down from under my lashes, but sometimes it feels like Chai, comforting me through yet another infection after getting in a bad brawl. So much kindness, in one gnarled, tough-as-hell heart. On and on, my mind torments me with snapshots of what had already been scorched from the earth. There was nothing to fight. There was nothing that could be changed, no matter my hate, no matter my fury. As this goes on, the heat of my pain cools, and I feel yet another layer of steel mould round my bruised heart.

As I finally open my eyes, forcing myself into the waking world, I take long and shaken breath.

They were gone.

There was no bringing them back.

The world had gotten that much darker, yet again.

I stare at the ceiling for a long time. The light from outside the windows flickers occasionally, so I can only assume a breeze is shifting branches out there. Nurses come and go, and voices burble around. The day carries on. The world continues to turn. I don't understand how it does that, but I'll just have to accept it all over again. Like I said goodbye to Isabel and Farlan, I now have to say goodbye to Chai, and her wonderful charges. My teeth set on edge, but I slowly walk myself through the names, the faces, and I try to bid them farewell. There was no point in wallowing. It only deepened my bruising, and wore upon everyone else's patience.

I don't want to look to the side, to see what foolish soul was sat beside me, watching over my sorry ass as I lie here in the infirmary. What had even happened to me? Why am I here, again? I lick my lips, the tight skin itching as they quiver. I rode out onto the trail to town, didn't I? I sought revenge. I lashed out pointlessly, as usual. But then Levi was on my tail. Right. Then the rain came, and my horse bolted. I swallow hard, hands curling into the sheets as I recall the fear of simply clinging to that panicked animal. Every jostle tore another scared whimper from me, my body slamming against the panicked steed. It surged through the trees, spooking yet again and flinging me down against that felled tree. A crack. Had it been my back, or my ribs? Pain lights up my memories anew. I wriggle slightly and sigh as aches flare in my side. It had been my ribs. From the feeling of these bandages, it was pretty bad too. Maybe I'd broken them? I grit my teeth, if they were broken, or even fractured, that would make me unable to serve. The mission would go on without me.

Damn it all.

"I dunno how she does it, but that Glasses wench gets it right every time." Levi murmurs, coming into view with two cups of coffee. He rounds the bed and sits down, my eyes automatically following him. "She said you'd wake today, probably in the morning. Crazy git's got a sixth sense for these things." He says, sitting down and setting my coffee on the side. He then looks me over once or twice and raises his brows at me.

I just nod and feel my cheeks flare.

"You should sit up." He says, leaning forward and scooping under my arms carefully. I move with him, wincing slightly, but mainly fine. Despite being such a brute, he really could be gentle. His eyes scan again, but come up clear, handing me the coffee after that.

 _In Levi I really saw something good... And best of all, I think Levi is good for you. Please let yourself be happy whilst you're out there fighting for us._

Dammit Chai, you're never gonna let me away with anything, are you?

I lick my lips again.

I want to apologise for dragging him out into the storm, but when I open my mouth to speak, my teeth snap shut again. It's like my voice is just waiting to be released, so I can start crying. I'm done with that. It did no good. It wouldn't wash away the ash and reveal living bodies beneath, it wouldn't breathe new life into scorched corpses. It only made my heart ache more.

I sniff and hold the coffee tighter, enjoying how the warmth bites into my hands.

"Take it slow, brat." He hums, sipping his drink and getting comfy on that seat. How long had he been there? "I'm hardly expecting a bountiful conversation. Just... Take it slow." He nods and watches my hands. I loosen them on the cup and he gives a small thankful nod. I guess, he just wants me to stop inflicting more pain.

We sit there in the quiet for a while.

I sip the coffee, and feel it's warmth sink into me.

He got me extra sugar.

I look down at the bandaging on my side, and then see that it reaches up over my shoulder too. I thought the tightness was just bruising. Damn. I run my hand over it and sigh, what a mess I'd gotten myself into. I look to Levi, and he glances up over his book, tilting his head and looking at my hand.

"You got a good beating out of it. Couple broken ribs, nearly a punctured lung. Your collarbone was pretty fucked too, but apparently not broken. Bruising all over you of course, and some heavy trauma to your head. Basically, you're a mess." He summarises with a small shrug.

I sniff and nod, but as he gives me that 'you idiot' smirk I can't help the small half-sob, half-laugh that breaks through. I feel like such an idiot, but I was glad he had stopped me. My head had been up my ass. If I'd gotten to the city, all that would have been accomplished, would have been the malicious bastard's would have won. Whoever did this, had wanted my attention. Levi had once again saved my life.

I look at him and gnaw on my lip, how do I even begin to thank him?

His pale eyes tighten, and his smirk almost reappears. "I know." He ssays, leaning in and sitting on the edge of the bed, his arm round me and letting me be pathetic, against his side. I nuzzle into him, and make weird noises half way between whimpers and words.

His head lays against mine. "I know." His hand runs up and down my arm and whilst I continue to tremble, he really does make me feel more steady by the moment.

* * *

Of course I'm bed bound for the time being. My bones needed time to heal correctly, to seal into place and settle. If I didn't let them do that properly, I'd be fucked for the long-term. And my patience could only take so much. I have Levi with me for the morning, but duties still had to be tended to, so he has to leave eventually. But then it's Sniffer's turn, and he gladly takes up that warmed seat, smirking at me and tucking my hair back.

My big gentle giant.

"You spooked us about as much as that horse."

"Apologies Sniffer." I bite my lip and he nods.

"She's fine by the way, back in her stall, fed and watered. Thankfully she's in better shape than you, though." He snorts, and then shifts forward in his seat. "By the way, Erwin got all the confirmation possible. He didn't want an uncertainty to haunt you. But he also figured you'd rather have this conversation with me." He added with a shrug.

I pick at the blanket, throat already feeling clogged. "No survivors, then?"

"Unfortunately no. I'm truly sorry, Kat. But I won't say more than that. You don't need words, you need time." He breathes, putting that big strong hand atop mine and squeezing gently. I sniff into another half-laugh, half-sob. It's like my body can't decide whether to allow the pain or not, and so I'm stuck in a choked limbo. "I'll have to let Ral in here soon though."

"Petra? Is she all right?"

"I think she was more spooked than your horse." He explains, that smirk becoming a proper smile. He nods back over his shoulder. "She was here all night, until Levi finally ordered her to go rest. She was pretty worried you'd end up with a fever."

I blink at him in confusion.

Since when had Petra become my mother hen?

He smirks at me, those eyes crinkled under shaggy hair. "Seems she's rather attached to you, Claws. I'll let her in here once I've had my fill. Sorry to say it, but I was a bit shocked when they brought you back in like that. I ain't used to seeing you so small." He squeezes my hand again.

I nod. "S-Sorry."

"I'll take that, as long as you make it your last." He hums, and I nod again, smiling properly this time. "I'm just sort of glad to know you still have that kinda emotion in you. A lot of people around here lose that as the years go by. They get numb."

I raise my hand. "Still a wreck."

"Glad to hear it." He chuckles and then leans forward again, voice becoming a little hushed. "By the way... I found your letter."

I stare at him.

He glances around and then shrugs. "Erwin asked if he could see the letter from Chai, to see if he could detect any secondary meanings, just in case. There weren't any, of course. But whilst I was looking, obviously then finding Chai's letter on you, when they checked your uniform, I found the letter for Levi."

"Did you open it?" I ask, unable to avoid the hint of anger in my voice.

He flinches. "I can't deny, it got under my skin. Considering what condition you came back in, and the way you ran out... My stupid head thought-"

"A suicide note?" I interrupt in amazement, and watch his blush grow. I lean in. "When would I have had the fucking time to do that?!"

"I dunno!" He blows out his cheeks and scratches the back of his neck. "Call it a blonde moment, a moment of madness... I dunno! I was... I was worried." He rolls his eyes at himself and hangs his head. "I'm sorry. I put it back where I found it, and I guess you'll have to reseal it once you're back in your room. I genuinely didn't intend to... Well.. I mean all I wanted was to... ah shit."

"Mike." I sigh into a baffled laugh, patting his head and shaking my own at him when he finally looks at me. "You're a fucking idiot, and apparently a panicky mess at times. But... under that, you're a sweetheart. I'm going to assume, and hope for the sake of your current survival, that you _didn't_ let Levi see the letter? Nor told him about it?"

"Of course not." He clears his throat when I glare. "Seriously, I didn't. It's hidden away, he doesn't know about your sudden capability to express emotion in a slightly healthy manner." He held his hands palm forward and spoke far too quickly for my liking.

"Go get Petra, you cretin." I sigh, and he grins, leaning in to kiss my head before doing just that. It was lucky for the big brute, that I'd grown so fond of him during my time in the Scouts. Someone with a lesser spot in my heart, would have already had their head smacked off the wall.

In all honesty, I can only assume Petra has been cutting onions. I watch her approach, and she is kind of staggering. Generally she heads in this direction, wavering a little, in what I can only assume is a sleep-deprived stupor. She stares with wide, pink-rimmed eyes.

"Um... Petra?"

"I'm s-so sorry!" She wails, shaking her head and covering her face.

I blink and wonder, if that's what was normal for a fresh recruit. To be frank, the open emotion is rather refreshing, even if it is a little displaced. And disturbing. My heart aches at the noise of her sobbing, but at the same time, I find it disjointed. She's not upset for Chai, she didn't even know her. Instead, Petra is upset for me. And yet, all that was wrong with me was that I'd been an idiot who tried to ride a horse through a thunderstorm.

"C'mere Petra." I hold my good arm open for her, and she kind of curls up against me, blubbering something into my side, but I reckon a response is a secondary need. I guess I scared the kid. "It's okay, you know? I'm doin' fine."

She blubbers something else.

"I'm healing up nicely, you know?"

A wail, and snort, through another sob.

"Petra, please revert to human, after this? I don't speak piglet very well." I hum, and she jolts, sitting up and mopping at her face with an already overused handkerchief. I smile at her softly, and push that strawberry-blonde hair back, waiting till those shining hazel eyes have settled on me properly. "Now then, fancy running that dialogue by me, again?"

"I was j-just apologising for my current pathetic-ness." She clarifies as she gnaws on her already chapped bottom lip. I'm about to argue when she keeps on going. "I know you don't need it, I know it doesn't help... I just... I'm just so sorry this has happened. Such an awful thing, and the last person that deserves it is you. Those bastards."

"Does everyone know?" I ask, feeling like every glance my way now, is another portion of pity.

Petra shakes her head. "No! No, sorry, of course not. But the Captain and the Commander agreed that certain people needed to be informed. So they told me, Mike, and Hanji. I... I hope them telling me was all right. I was just so worried about you, when I saw you bolting for the trail like that..."

"Petra I don't object to you knowing." I clarify, putting my head against hers. "I simply needed to know that not everyone in this place knew what had happened. It's... It's my issue, my tragedy. I just... I didn't want to think of it having been paraded around the whole base." I breathe, and feel her hug me lightly.

"No, don't worry, it's still your pain. I just think, both the Captain and Commander wanted to know that certain people would be able to look out for you as well." She sniffs and squeezes a little. "And I will be looking out, Missy, so no mistreating yourself."

"Mm, keep an eye on me." I translate and sit back, her coming with me thankfully. "I guess I can understand that. Although, hell if I can understand the idea of those two agreeing on something."

"You're important to them both, I guess." Petra says with a shrug, with no idea what she's actually saying. I look at the ceiling and wonder just how guilty, or not, Erwin might feel when talking to Levi. If the man had a shred of decency, he would feel terrible. I bite my lip, wondering what Chai might have made of that news. That Erwin had taken such assumptions with me. I snort to myself, she'd have marched past the MP's with rolling pin in hand, stormed the whole way to HQ, and given the Commander a right talking to.

I snort again. "Has he been in to see me?"

"The Commander? Yeah, he popped in every-so-often, but never lingered. He would just check-in, look you over from the end of the bed, then nod and leave. Was a little weird." Petra breathes, and I can feel her going a little slack. She hadn't slept at all, had she? Poor kid really had been rattled by my ridiculous ways. Don't start trying to look after me Petra. For one thing, that's my job towards you, and for another, it's really a lost cause at this point.

I run my hand up and down her side. "Well, he's a little weird, so that fits."

"Mm... guess so..." she sighs and I just smile as I feel her head get a bit heavier on my shoulder. It was my good shoulder, so I'm more than happy to have her here. It was good to have company amongst ghosts.

As Petra's breathing deepens, and her movements reduce down to nothing more than the occasional nuzzle or wriggle, I just concentrate on feeling that heartbeat. With my hand resting against her side, I can feel it thrum inside of her. Strong. Dependable. Young. Someone was still here. There was still plenty to be fighting for. I feel my eyes getting warm again, but I just ignore the want to suppress, letting the tears fall. It had to be released one way or the other, so the sooner I run dry, the better. Chai would have given me such a lecture. I look down at those strawberry-blond locks and sigh. The new Squad was going to have to be on mission without me. I'd really fucked up.

I dunno how long I was lying there, but eventually there's approaching steps. Too long a stride for Levi, too purposeful a stride for Sniffer, so when I glance that way, I'm not surprised to see the Commander himself. Though he seems surprised to see me awake. He glances back the way he came, and I can only guess that he considered backtracking. Thankfully he isn't feeling quite that spineless.

"I um... It's good to see you awake, Katsumi." He nods, straightening his bolo-tie without need, and smoothing his hair back. Was this the first time I'd properly seen him since his moment of madness? Judging from that brewing blush, I would guess yes.

"I hear you've been popping in occasionally? Thanks for the concern." I nod and keep my expression neutral. He was still a presumptive ass-hole, but at least he had made the effort to check on me, right? I wonder if I'm landing on "too kind" or "too harsh", but then I quickly stop caring.

"Of course, I was sorry to hear the extent of your injuries. You'll have to remain here when the mission takes place."

"Mm, I'd gathered. Sorry to throw such a spanner in the works."

He shakes his head and clears his throat. "No, not at all. I was simply sorry to hear you were that injured. We can adapt, though of course you will be missed. Should I ask Ral to go sleep in her own room?"

"You'll do no such thing, sir." I rebut, and he blinks, nodding and glancing back along the room again. I bet he wishes the floor would just swallow him whole. "This is what you'd call welcome physical contact. I consented to this." I say slowly, quirking a brow at him and watching that blush brew further and further. It was a thing of beauty.

"Perhaps I should leave."

"Perhaps you could explain what the hell you were thinking, c'mon Smith, I have nowhere else to be, and she's sleeping like a ba-" I pause and close my mouth, clearing my throat soon afterwards. "She's out. So sit your ass down, and face the figurative music."

For a second, a very bold one, it looks like he might just bolt out the door. But he seems to think better of it, and he slowly sits down. I just stare at him, waiting for him to start, because I'll be damned if I'm gonna lead him. He was a grown man, he knew what happened. I was the one who was in the dark.

"Katsumi I... There really isn't much to explain. I was a fool-hardy idiot." He clasps his hands tightly and stares at his lap.

I clear my throat and nod once he's looking at me. "I'm aware of that, I just need to know why you thought you had the right to do that to me?"

He stares.

I continue. "After everything we've been through, as a team overall, as well as just you, me and Levi... I thought you at least respected me. Even if only a little." I say, and am glad to see shame appear in his features. It should be there. I realise, by comparison, this incident seems trivial, in the wake of what happened in the Underground. But it was a needed distraction. Not to mention, it still needed sorted.

"I do respect you, Katsumi, I do." He says, knuckles white as he holds his hands tighter.

Come on Commander, don't try to think your way out of this, just be honest with me!

"Then why did you just-"

"Because I was done thinking my way through everything." He explains, and sighs. I stare now. "I was done thinking it over in my head, and I decided... I decided to just be honest with myself. Granted it was stupid. Granted it was foolish. And wholeheartedly granted, it was presumptive and disrespectful towards you, _and_ your attachment to Levi... But in that moment, I wasn't thinking like that. I just knew what I wanted, and for once I decided to take it." He sits up and wears his mask as best he can. I can't fault him for that, I'd want a mask too in this situation.

Well.

I'd been hoping for honesty, and dammit, I got it.

I have to avert my eyes, when he looks at me. I just stare at the ceiling again. It had been what I thought at the time right? That his head had finally given way to his heart, and he'd just gone with it. I guess in the end, it was just him being a bit weak. I feel more tears roll down my face and sigh, this was so silly. Why was I upset by this?! Then again, it could easily just be left over from Chai. It could all just be swirling around inside of me, I'm not known for being in touch with my emotions.

"Katsumi please..." He sounds so distraught, guess I'm uglier than I imagined, when I cry. "Do you wish me to leave? I can keep my distance permanently, if that's what you want. But please, please be assured that I do respect you. I respect you above many."

He's so damned sincere.

I can't help but laugh gently, keeping it down to let Petra sleep.

He frowns. "I mean it."

"I know, Smith, I know." I breathe, sniffing and looking at him as more tears bubble over to sink into my pillow. I smile and watch surprise light his features. He looks so young when the world catches him on the back-foot. Guess it doesn't happen very often. "I thought that might be it..."

"You've always got me pegged, don't you?" He raises a brow.

"Damn right, sir. I mean, you're still an ass-hole for having done it, but as long as you promise to not do it again?"

"Of course, you made your standing on the issue, very clear." He murmurs and sits up again, looking calmer but still very embarrassed. "I truly am sorry, I let go of control like that. I do indeed sincerely promise to never do it again."

"Thank you. I'll work on the forgiving part, okay?" I murmur, eyes feeling heavy.

He nods. "Of course, take all the time you require, I'm merely overjoyed to know I haven't entirely burnt this bridge." He stands and pulls the blanket a little higher on me. "You should sleep."

I hear Hanji in the background and I smile, with a shake of my head. "I probably should, but I don't think I'm gonna get the chance. I think that's Hanji on her way, probably eager to tell me all the gory details on what I managed to do to myself."

"Damn, you have sensational hearing..." he mutters, eyes glancing along that way and his head dipping into a silent greeting. I can only assume that was aimed at Levi, as of course, Hanji enters with her usual-

"ERWIN! Hello!"

"Hanji, please keep in mind there are other patients in here." Erwin sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Petra stirs next to me, and blinks into the waking world, jolting upright and blushing brightly.

"Kat! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep, are you all right? I didn't hurt you did I?" She fusses, and I just chuckle at her panic, shaking my head. "Y-You sure?"

"Petra, if you'd hurt me, I'd have just flung you off the bed." I wink, and she gets up, straightening herself out and looking down when seeing the disapproval from her Captain. Not much I can help with there, unfortunately, kid. "So c'mon then, Hanji, what's the consensus? Have I fucked myself up completely? Or only temporarily?"

"Hopefully the latter." Hanji chirps, heading over and sitting where Erwin had been beforehand. The files land on my lap and I smirk as Levi rolls his eyes. The woman fusses about for a bit, before finally gathering what she needed. Petra was lingering, looking unsure, but seems comforted by my look when I grin at her; she was more than welcome to stay.

"Glasses, you told me you were ready." Levi muttered, clicking his tongue.

"Oh I am, I am... Impatient old men are the worst..." Hanji shakes her head and then looks to me with those big sparkly eyes. She enjoyed looking into people's health, a little too much. "All right then! So, basically your bones should be fine, we got them set properly pretty quickly, but my main concern right now is the muscles themselves."

"Shit, did I tear them?"

"Almost." Hanji nods and turns the page of her notes, tapping to some medical wording that goes right over my head. "Basically, if we don't keep them moving, they could tighten too much and then-"

"I won't be able to do shit on the gear." I offer as a summary to whatever long-winded explanation she was about to fall into. Hanji grins and nods, apparently excited about my possible inability to move my limbs. "Right, so there's ways round that though, yeah?"

I'm glad to be on the mend. And I'm glad I seem to be out of danger for infection and such. But I need to fight. The idea of this shoulder seizing up and preventing me from being on the field, makes my stomach clench. I need the fight, in order to keep going, especially in the wake of Chai's demise. I had to make it count. I had to turn my survival into something that mattered.

Hanji nods excitedly. "Of course! I'll do what I can, but there's a couple specialists in along the road to Shiganshina, and in the town itself. I'm gonna contact them, one in particular is very good with things like this. I'm going to write to them all, and see about appointments. Sound good?"

"I'll do just about anything, Hanji."

The woman is gone in a puff of parchment and ink. A wake of dodging people behind her.

Levi shakes his head and then looks to me. "I've told the rest of the Squad that you won't be coming on the upcoming mission. They fully understand." He explains, shooting another look at his subordinate.

Petra quickly takes her leave.

He watches her go, then lets those eyes land on me again, raising a brow. "Why was she asleep in here?"

"She probably didn't sleep at all last night, leave the girl alone." I sigh and it melts into a yawn. "I guess I should catch up on some sleep too, really."

"Go ahead, I'll bring you some dinner when it's time." He nods and sits down, taking his book out and then looking at Erwin out the corner of his eye. "Unless the Commander needs something?"

Erwin takes the hint, and leaves.

I know I'm not a subtle soul, but Levi was verging on sledgehammer territory.

* * *

I won't lie, a couple weeks in bed, and shuffling around the place, wasn't fun. It was plain boring. Then again, I can't be sure who it annoyed more, myself, or those around me who had to deal with my irritable nature. Poor bastards. But finally, Hanji managed to get me in contact with a doctor in Shiganshina, or his wife at least. It wasn't the one she had been hoping for, but apparently Dr. Grisha Jeager was a damned fine physician. Although, the third time she said it, I was starting to suspect the guy of being a fake. The sort that drew a licence onto a pub receipt. Nevertheless, with the regiment heading to the town for the mission, timing was rather perfect.

Really, I don't think I need to see this guy, but Hanji's still not happy with my collarbone situation. So I'm along for the ride, even if its only to placate my worrisome friend. The muscles are a little tight, but I still feel like I could fly about easily enough. Might sting, but it was doable. Apparently that wasn't the right frame of mind though. Or as Hanji put it, "put the fucking bravado away before I shove the gear into your colon!".

As the regiment moves into the quaint little town, and readies to leave by the main gate, I head for my lodgings. Levi helps me get set up. It's a cute little Inn, near the centre of town, and thankfully the old woman who runs it, is one of our few fans. That means discount. And discount, is always good.

Levi helps me unpack a couple things, and of course makes the staff change the bed again. I chuckle at his fussiness, and wink at the maid when she worries her bottom lip. I'd have to make amends once he had left. Politeness did not come easily to him.

He fusses, he tidies, he checks the whole damned building, but eventually he's happy.

As he opens the window to let some air in, he sighs. "I still don't know why you agreed to this. We could have asked the Doctor to come to us."

"I felt like taking the journey myself, Levi." I reply from the bed where I sit.

"He can't see you for a couple days though, right? You could have easily stayed at HQ for the time being. Someone could have brought you in later."

"Levi, for goodness sake, I can handle being in Shiganshina on my own for a couple days!" I laugh, and he mumbles something under his breath. I snort. "Funnily enough, it's an easier stay than the Underground, or even the Capital. The most that happens here, is that people don't pick up their dog shit." I laugh, and he turns to me with a frown. I sigh. "I haven't even got my uniform with me, no one will kick up a fuss, and if they do? I know almost all the Garrison soldiers in this town, they'd help me out, no problem."

He wrinkles his nose, and looks out the window. "We'll be no more than three days. Smith's assured me of that. When exactly is your appointment?"

"Well that's just it, never got one, did I? His wife was nice enough to get back to me and Hanji though, and she said the day after tomorrow was the best bet for catching him. Once the sun's come up over the wall." I explain with a small smile. "I did tell you this beforehand..."

"Sorry, guess I wasn't listening." Levi mutters, eyes still scanning the street. You'd think I was the one heading out to tangle with Titans, the way he's worrying himself. "Don't wander around after dark, all right? I've got a bad feeling."

"Levi, c'mon, I'll be fine. It's a holiday essentially, an indulgence to avoid me going bat-shit crazy in HQ, waiting on you returning." I go over and hug him from behind, nuzzling against those wings.

His hand lands on mine. "If we come back before you've been seen to, I can come here and stay with you."

"Unless there's a lot of wounded to be tended to, mister. You're not ducking out of paperwork for my rickety ass." I chuckle and he half returns it.

"I guess you can always get the Garrison to give you a ride back."

"Of course, they owe us plenty." I hum and kiss the back of his head. "C'mon you're gonna be late, and then Smith will really pitch a fit. You've got your first outing as a Squad Leader, to your own picked team. Time to focus, Ackerman." I smile and for a moment's moment, he returns it.

"Be sure to be on the mend, when I come back, brat." He murmurs as he turns in my hold, cups my face and kisses me lightly. "I want my Claws back, good as new." He kisses me again, before we head out the door together.

I head over to the squad, and wish them luck. I have another quick hug with Petra of course, and end up holding her a little tighter than I meant to. She would be great. They would all be great. Just because I wasn't there, didn't mean the worst had to happen. The world wasn't quite so blatant with Karma all the time. Petra gives me a firm order to try a list of cafes that she presses into my hand, and I notice one of the addresses is also her house. I nod. Her father worried far too much, I'd go see him and talk him down a bit. Or indeed leave him more worried than ever – I wasn't known for my emotional tact.

I grin at them as they mount their horses. "All right you lot, stick to the plan, and trust in this grumpy bastard." I wink at Levi and he clicks his tongue before barking out orders to enter the formation. I wave them off and head along to the main street, wanting to see the regiment leave as a whole. As if my witnessing it, might give them luck. I was a superstitious fool at times, wasn't I?

There's a bit of a crowd gathered, but thankfully someone sees my bandaging and allows me to take their place atop a crate. Kindness did exist in this world. Or at least the smaller communities of it. I thank them and peer around. The familiar faces are all psyching themselves up, the chains of the main gate softly rattle, and there's a sense of withheld breath. I think even the civilians are getting an inkling of that excitement and apprehension. I feel a twinge of it in my veins, and as I catch sight of my Squad, I give them a fond wave. I can't help but chuckle when Petra stands atop her stirrups to return it.

Sweetheart, come back okay?

"Scouts! Prepare to move out!" Smith bellows from the front of the line, and when my eyes cast that way, I find his coasting over the crowd. It was important to him to see a little support, wasn't it? He'd never admit that, of course, but I know the occasional smiling face of a civilian helps him sleep at night.

When he spots me, he blinks, and I give another wave. He hesitates, but he returns it, and then fires his flare into the sky.

The gate groans and the stone grinds upwards inch by inch.

The outside world peers in through that small tunnel, and I find my heart withholding too.

Just come back okay.

Please, just come back.

* * *

 **So... she's in Shiganshina... mm... this can only end well...**

 **Hope you all enjoyed! See you in 3-4 weeks, please leave a fav, follow and review!**

 **Shoutouts to my awesome reviewers!**

 **GermanWinter:** I simply appreciate you taking the time now, really, thank you! As of right now when I'm writing this response to your review, you're the only one that has this month so... thank you! I hadn't realised the lack of response my previous chapter had, so that kinda sucks, but hey ho poeple are back to school and such. Don't feel like an ass! I'm glad you found it so intense, haha, that was the intention! You're quite right, I haven't finished a story yet, but the endings are all planned ;) muhahaha, and I won't say how far away or close they are. The fact that you're stunned is an AMAZING reaction! That's major for me, thank you! The idea of me having stunned someone is amazing, makes me all the more motivated! I hope you enjoyed this one, and sorry for the kind of cliff-hanger. I don't really know what counts as one, or not, anymore! Oh wow, your praise is seriously way too kind, thank you so much. Yeah, 3 stories was likely a mistake to be honest, but I'm managing, haha. I am a writer by trade, but I'll admit it can get overwhelming. But thank you for the praise, I'm glad to know you think they're all to a good standard. A constant worry of mine, I assure you. Titles! Don't apologise about asking questions, I said you could, haha. To be honest, I hate making titles, I really do. With Red Burning Wings, and Chained Wings, it was more that I wanted it to be linked to the Scouting Legion logo, and all that it symbolises. Along with the fact 'Red' (Robyn's hair, blood, passion etc. etc.) and 'Burning' (destruction, her past, the future, the burning connection between her and Levi, and regular motif) both tied in well. And of course, 'Chained' works overall for Alexia's story, both in terms of where it begins, and just the general theme of containment. As "Flight From Darkness", I wanted to keep the wings in there, but didn't really have a decent idea. Trust me, I tried! But then I considered that (for a long time), Kat and Levi aren't part of the scouts in this story, certainly not in their hearts anyway. And their whole connection, is about escaping the underground / their pasts, and of course their regular experiences of loss. The idea of escaping, and the underlying motif of darkness within the world, and themselves, just seemed to tie it all together. Lol, sorry if that was WAAAY more info than you wanted, but that's basically the rundown ^-^ Whenever I'm making a title, usually for my books, I tend to do it at the end. For these stories, I like 40,000ish words in, before I titled etc. I HATE titles, but find them easier when I have more tangible feel for a story. Does that make sense? I like seeing Kat and Levi together too, haha, but yes, that was a sliiightly less fluffy encounter. I am hoping you didn't fall off the seat, but if you did, please let me know, haha! I hope you enjoyed the update! Thanks SO much for reviewing, really, you made my month with this review, it really helped me through those last bits of editing, knowing someone is still genuinely hooked and willing to let me know why. So thank you, please never doubt how awesome it is that you take the time to get in touch. Sorry for this being rather rambly too, speak soon!

 **MadnessIsContagious** : Haha, yeah I used the letters to the extreme degree. Sorry about that. Mike is indeed an underused character, and I myself find it easy to forget about him more often than not, but really, I think its because he never gets much development, (he was Humanity's Strongest and is an old friend of Erwin's). Its certainly all I remember, anyway. Yes. I'm glad I did the delay, it would have been too rushed. Oh I'm glad you thought the balance worked! Oh I totally agree, both stories begin where a lot of fics do, but I have found that you kinda need to do that in this kind of community. People aren't great with change, haha! But thank you for the compliment, I do try and keep the plot's varied, and to keep people guessing. Not sure what you meant in terms of RBW, or did you mean that it doesn't start with a major event? But I do see what you mean by some authors allowing NO breathing room whatsoever. It's the same with all scenes, (including the smutt we mentioned a couple replies ago) if you throw them in every 2 minutes, they lose impact. Drama works best when things have been allowed to calm down again, or rather, the audience has been lulled into that idea for a while, and then SUDDENLY there's two big problems in a row. "The hell you mean Levi is emotional"? I mean he has emotions? Sorry, I don't understand the question, he's stoic, but he's still emotional as a character, just not floundering all over the place about it like Eren. The Levi and Erwin ship at least makes some semblance of sense to me, like there's at least a history there, and a relationship beyond comrades. I don't see it as romantic, but that is a ship I can at least go "ok, possible." But the Levi and Eren one just creeps me out, it's the age gap! So if it's written with one or the other being older/younger, and closing said gap, then I can at least give the story a go, but rarely is this done. You still don't count as late, when the review comes in before the update, haha! Fair enough on the oneshot thing, each to their own, I don't mind them, depending on the style of oneshot. But they vary. I just find them safer than longer fics, when I have no idea if an author will actually continue it or not. Kat is an idiot a lot of the time, but at least they could have specified, lol! Yeah, those reviews are very common, and I feel bad for the writers who don't know that THAT is a troll. It'll hit them deep, I bet. I'm glad you liked the shitstorm, and I hope you're enjoying the lead up to this next one... ;) I'm glad you found it emotional! That was indeed the intention! Thanks so much for reviewing again, you're awesome, hope you enjoyed the update!


	28. Chapter 28

**Hello readers!**

 **Another instalment, another update.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.**

* * *

The gate groans closed again.

The world is reduced to this stone-built bubble.

I hadn't expected it to feel quite that strange, watching them leave with me staying here. But it had. It had been the oddest feeling ever, like an outer-body experience or something. I was meant to be with them. I sigh, and look up to the few clouds skirting by. I wish the squads luck, side flaring as I consider how many will come back in again or not.

"They'll be fine." I murmur to myself, turning away and making my path back through the town. There was no point lingering by the gate. With the spectacle gone, the crowds had dispersed, and mainly what was left behind, was the shit-talking ass-holes. It was so very tempting to drag them to the top of the wall, and then dare them to say the words 'arrogant idiots' again.

But as I said.

No point lingering.

Instead, I focus on my few days of peace. I hadn't much planned, and I had plenty time on my hands. It felt strange to be in that position, without snow being everywhere. To walk around in the warm sunshine, without training to do, was downright strange.

Shiganshina had always been a pleasant place to visit. They had lovely Christmas markets, which were ripe for getting Levi a birthday present. He'd always grumble, right until he smelt the new blend of tea I'd managed to find. He wasn't a hard man to please, when it came down it. Clean the room for him, get him some tea, help keep away the over-enthusiastic cadets. Simple. But of course, this wasn't the winter, and so there were flower boxes on windows, and pies cooling on the sills. It seemed so much more like a village to me, than a town. Maybe it was the wider streets, or the quiet atmosphere? I can't be sure. But people say hello to each other, I see neighbours talking over fences, and watch smoke rise from chimneys.

Perhaps 'quaint' was patronising, but to me, that was what this place felt like.

The morning had broken properly, at long last. The light filtering up over the wall just before the sun did. How much longer would the days be, without the horizon being cut so short? I hum to myself, and meander along the cobbled lanes, stepping out the way of racing dogs, and chuckling as I watch kids scamper after their busied mothers. It was good to know some children were allowed childhoods still. Chai would have loved this place. Though she wouldn't have approved of kids running around so brashly.

I smile, and pause in my wanderings to enjoy the sunshine. I think I'd try one of those cafés Petra had given me a list of. It doesn't take long to find the first, and frankly it's as charming as I'd expected. Red painted door, little bay windows, and the sweetest smell of pastry filling the air once you stepped inside. The owner greeted me kindly, and was fascinated to learn I was a friend of Petra's. I get the feeling she regularly used her leave to visit this place. It was good to know, she still had strong roots.

And really, that's how my couple of days goes.

I wander, I enjoy, I sample the simpler things in life. Levi would have likely been bored out of his mind. Or then again, would he? I hadn't ever really seen him 'wander' anywhere. But then again, he always had somewhere important to be. Not to mention, 'wandering' wasn't the best idea in the UG, it usually just made you a prime-target for pickpockets.

On the third day, I rise early as usual, and take my time in the shower. Hot water was so common here, damn it was amazing. I can linger for a full fifteen minutes, without hearing angry cries of my selfishness. Today should be when the regiment returns, and if all had gone well, it should be early afternoon. I've already resigned myself to likely needing a lift home, after they'd passed through. My appointment would likely be after, or during their return. There was no point in rushing back to HQ, once I knew Levi and the Squad was all right. And as soon as those town bells ring? I'll be in line like everyone else, watching for familiar faces.

I just have to distract myself, until the bell tolls, in the meantime.

I have a few hours until it'll be socially decent to head to the good Doctor's home, so I head for the gate back into Maria's main body. The meadows beyond Shiganshina were particularly nice this time of year; beautiful patches of blue flowers spread out over the hill sides. With the mills softly whirring in the background, and the trees coming into blossom. It was about as idyllic as the walls got, in my humble opinion. Then again, to anyone having grown up here, it's probably mundane, boring, bland.

For a moment, I feel glad to be able to appreciate it. I was a stranger here, a tourist enjoying the sights. My hand coasts over a small wall that runs alongside the river, one of the many barges groaning as it goes past. I'm not on duty, but even so, I feel responsible for these people. Seems I can't fully take the cloak off. They don't know my name, they likely never will, but every time I slash down on a bastard's nape in the field, I'm trying to make these civilians world bigger.

Do they even want me to?

I sigh and shake my head at myself, this kind of thinking would do no good. I was only thinking along those lines, because I knew the regiment would be back soon. For the past couple days, my mind had been very free of military ideas. It had been a nice reprieve whilst it lasted.

"I don't see why it has to be done, almost every day!" Moans a young boy's voice from behind me, soon coming into view as he passes by with an aggravated huff. "I didn't even get to see the Scouts leave the other day!"

"Stop whining. It's not going to take long." A young girl beside the boy sighs, walking past, both bearing wooden frames on their backs. I tilt my head, slightly confused as to why the girl is wearing a scarf on such a lovely day, but then again, she could be ill. I assume they're siblings, and I can't help but smile, as the bickering continues when they pass me by. Their little legs hurry towards the woodland area. Firewood collecting, I guess.

Good to know we still had a couple fans, even if they happened to be whining kids.

"That's mean." I sigh at my cynical self, and kneel down to appreciate the varied flowers someone had purposefully planted just beyond the gates into Maria. Blues and yellows, with a couple red thrown in there too. It was beautiful. I breathe deep, the air was so clean here, and despite HQ being in the open, here there wasn't even the hint of stable.

The barge finally docks again, and I see them unloading supplies. The men chatter to each other, and laugh about the everyday. It was so simple here. Maybe one day, I could stand to live in such pleasant surroundings. I look up as golden light breaks over the walls, and within minutes the world seems to have woken up. Damn, these people got to sleep late. I sit on the little wall for a while, nibbling on a baked roll I'd bought from the bakery next to my lodgings. The river's water flows gently. I bid a good morning to some locals, and spend some time petting a curious cat that came along. The thing was well fed, it's belly swinging too and fro as it purred it's way over my lap and then carried on towards the dock. I hope the men give it some fish. Then again, maybe it could stand to skip a couple days?

The sun continues to rise, and I hum. It would likely be a more sociable time now, to go and visit this Dr. Jeager. Civilian time was so much more... fluid, than ours. I didn't want to intrude upon his family breakfast, or anything. I head back through the gate, flinching as someone doesn't quite move enough and knocks my shoulder. Sods law dictating that they hit my injured one. The pains barely there, but I hardly want a set-back. Apparently there were still obnoxious pricks here too.

Speaking of which.

"Mornin' little lady, you all right there? Tomson ain't so great at movin' his big ass outta the way." A Garrison soldier chuckles from the mouth of the small tunnel, to which I smile and nod. He didn't recognise me out of uniform, did he? Then again, knowing Hannes, he likely didn't remember much of anything these days. Poor guy, used to be a decent soldier back when I first came to the surface, but I guess boredom had driven him down the bottle-neck properly now. I head to the mouth of the tunnel.

"I'm fine, thanks. So is it Pinochle today, or are you failing at poker, all over again?" I offer, tilting my head and watching the confusion slowly dribble through the wine sodden sponge of his soused head.

He blinks.

I wait.

Then he grins. "Shit, that you, Kat? Haven't seen you in what... a year?"

"We're usually passing through when you're tugging your head outta your toilet." I wink, and he laughs, about to slap me on the back, when I grab his wrist and point to my shoulder. "Rather you didn't, buddy."

"Oh damn, that's right. You ain't on the mission, didn't even think. You hurt, or something?" His eyes clear a little bit, and that endearing kindness shines through. It was what made it impossible to dislike the man.

I nod, and tap my shoulder and side. "Got into a spot of bother in that storm that passed through a couple weeks ago. Horse threw me and let's just say, the tree won the argument."

"A horse threw you? Yeesh, Kat, don't tell me you're followin' my example and drinkin' on the job!" He half-laughs, but I know he wants to know how it happened. He was a nosy bugger, but its borne from concern.

"I wasn't being careful, let's leave it at that for now, okay?" I nudge him and he nods, thankfully still being sober enough to know when to not pester. His fellow drunkards glance over and give incoherent calls to their comrade, but he just waves them off.

He looks at me hopefully. "Don't suppose you'd like to join us? You stayin' till the Scouts get back, or what?"

"They'll likely be back before I can leave, I'm waiting on seeing a Dr. Jeager. Know him?" I ask, and Hannes nods, glancing back through the tunnel for a moment. Then he gestures back into town.

"Yeah, good Dr. Jeager lives over there, want me to send ya with one of the boys, or even myself as an escort?" He offers, that blush permanently in place, as the wine likely turns me into three women instead of the one.

I smirk. "Nah, I'm good, I just wasn't sure of the direction, from this side of town. Thanks, Hannes, try and have some water in-between that oh-so-good grape juice." I pat his shoulder and head on my way, pausing and glancing back. "Don't suppose I can count on someone for a lift back to HQ this evening, though?"

"I'd be glad to m'lady! I'll be sure to dry-up for you!"

"Thanks, I'll meet you here." I nod and head away, hoping that he smelt at least like the afterglow of a night-out, rather than the thick of it, by then.

I head along the main road, and whistle softly. I know vaguely where I'm heading, I just needed to find the right corner. Damn, this place really was a bit of a rabbit-warren sometimes. I look around, and think I have my bearings, just as a noise pierces the air.

The town bells.

They throng through the air, and birds take to irritated flight.

I feel something pool in my stomach. It was a bit early in the day for the regiment to have returned. That tended to indicate either a supply wagon had been lost, or they'd re-routed early. I swallow hard, and continue down the main road. The bells rang early anyway, I'd make it in plenty time. Gradually I make my way along, until I can get to higher ground, allowing me to look over the mob of grumbling civilians.

It was fine.

I would keep my cool.

Their opinions were blinkered by ignorance anyway, it was fine, the words of fools meant nothing.

I peer down the lane, only being a few hundred metres away from the gate itself, as it groans up the wall and clanks into place. In the same moment, it felt like mere hours ago I had said goodbye to them all, but it also felt like years. The pale light beyond, still has that eerie quality to it, and a hush lands over the crowd. At least they had a slice of revere for that sight. The regiment gradually pours through, and I clench my hands as I watch the thinned numbers arrive.

Dammit.

It had been bad, really bad.

Sombre souls traipse past, and as each familiar face trudges onwards, downcast and bandaged in various ways, my heart speeds up. So few of them had come back. But I just focus on those still to come. C'mon. Where's, Levi? Where's the Squad? Is Petra all right? Sniffer, you're okay, aren't you? Fucking hell Hanji, you better be on a horse, jabbering away like normal. My palms sweat, and I can't stop fidgeting where I stand. Dammit, I'm even hoping to see Smith by the time my neck is aching from all the craning I'm doing.

Finally!

I spot Smith amongst his cadets, head held high, but eyes lowered as his horse slowly walks along the stonework. He's pale, and has bruising across his face, but there doesn't seem to be any blood. All right, that was something. He passes by, only having glanced up for a moment, before his head once again hung in shame. He didn't even see me. Dammit, so many others are just crawling in, some holding each other up, many more piled into the back of a wagon, more bandage than uniform.

What the hell had happened out there?

Gradually parents arrive, and start calling out various names. It's harder to deal with, standing amongst them. Their worry is as palpable as my own. I recognise some of the names cried out, but am rather ashamed by how many I don't. Bit by bit, the numbers pass through, and I feel myself start to tremble. I still don't see that damned Squad.

Come on.

Come on, not you too.

Don't leave me here alone.

"Prideful fools..." someone sighs, and my eyes snap to the back of their head, wondering how they'd feel about a prideful boot being shoved up their slothful ass.

But then I see him.

Sat atop his horse, expression composed as ever, with minimal scuffs on his person, Levi rides into view. Oh thank the fucking walls, and their shitty inhabitants. I feel like my knees will give out, but I hold myself up on a crate. Behind him is Petra, Eld, Gunther, hell the whole Squad is there! Only a few places behind, appear Mike and Hanji too. It's selfish, and I know I'll feel terrible for it later, but relief washes over me.

My world could endure another day.

I wipe away the tears I hadn't realised I'd shed, and I head towards the road, shuffling through and then giving a small wave to Levi. Thankfully he sees me, and his horse trots over. Whispering rises amongst the crowd, as the revered figure moves towards a supposed civilian, but they don't stare.

Levi dismounts and briefly touches my cheek. "You're all right." He says, eyes having done their usual scan of me.

I sniff and shake my head at him. "Shut up, you idiot. Of course, I'm all right. I was so scared you weren't gonna come through that gate." I hug him, not caring what people saw.

He hugs me back, but then clears his throat and composes himself. "Conditions got bad, formation broke down... It was a bit of a mess to be honest. Smith did his best, but really it was just a sham. Our Squad had to help bring up the rear, so many wounded." He looks to the side as the Squad passes by, and I smile up at them all, greeting them back with my pointlessly happy tears.

"H-How did they do?" I ask him, when they've passed by, and I've given a little wave to Hanji and Mike too.

Levi smirks. "They did great, worked as a team, figured shit out. It wasn't anything to do with them, that things went south. Seems we picked a pretty good group, Kat." He takes my hand and squeezes. His eyes land on the bit of bandage still visible at my neckline. "Guess you won't have been seen to, yet?"

"No, was heading there when I heard the bells. It's all right though, I have a ride set up already. I'll be back by nightfall." I squeeze his hand in return, and then glance along the road. "You should get going, or you'll be left behind."

"I could stay?" He offers, but as the murmurings rise up amongst the civilians, I shake my head.

"No. Your Squad will need you anyway, and Smith will probably want to debrief the Squad leaders. Not to mention these fuckwits would love to start something, and I can't guarantee I could help much like this." I chuckle, trying to lighten things, but knowing it was pretty pointless.

He nods and takes a deep breath. "Yeah... I guess so. How're you doing anyway?"

"I'm doing great, only aches now, but don't worry, I'm still gonna see the doctor." I add when he looks at me in suspicion. I straighten his cloak. "Go on, now. Don't wanna get stuck in amongst the mob."

"Stay safe, I'll see you tonight." He breathes, squeezing my hand again before getting back on his horse with a slight wince, and then riding on.

He was hurt, of course, but I really hadn't seen any blood. With any luck it would just be bruising. With any luck, Hanji would notice, and make the idiot have a check-up.

I watch the gate close again, and then head back along the road. I had a doctor to see, and then I had to get home. Now that I knew they were heading that way, I wanted to follow. I wanted to check on how Petra was dealing with everything. I needed to know if Eld had managed to keep his nerve when helping with orders. There was a lot to discuss.

It'd be just gone lunchtime by the time I get to the house. I just hope I'm not too late to see Jeager. He was supposedly the expert on lung issues, so if anyone was gonna help this last bit of recovery speed up, it was him.

As I head up the lane, I can see a woman outside the house, speaking to a young girl. Wouldn't you know it? It was the girl from the meadows earlier. Dark hair, nice little dress, strange little red scarf. Small world. I head along, and give a wave as the woman straightens up, I'm assuming that's Carla Jeager. She wipes her hands on her apron and smooths herself down, smiling politely as I get closer.

I bow my head to her. "Afternoon, are you Mrs Jeager?"

"Yes, yes I am." She greets warmly, but then her expression goes worried and she puts a hand to her mouth. "Oh! Oh dear, are you the soldier that wrote? Katsumi?"

"That doesn't sound good." I say with a sigh to follow, she blushes at me and bites her lip.

"I'm so very sorry, my husband just left. He's been called out of town for a week or so." She's full on blushing by the end of the sentence, and I withhold my disappointment as best I can.

A week?

God dammit.

I hang my head and chuckle. "Sods law, really. Well, thank you anyway. He's a busy man, I understand." I shrug and look towards the gate where Hannes was. "I guess I might as well see if I can get that ride back to HQ."

Mrs Jeager wrings her hands in her apron. "Please, won't you come in for a cup of tea first? I feel so terrible for not having made him wait, it totally slipped my mind after..." her voice trails off, and she looks at me with fresh purpose. Why do I feel like I was just sucked into something? "A-Actually... Could you please stay, for a bit?" She repeats, only now it isn't polite offerings of tea, her voice has an edge to it. A desperation.

I blink and nod. "Yeah, I suppose so. I likely can't get a lift till the evening anyway. Is everything all right? Mrs. Jeager you look a little pale." I approach and tilt my head, wondering if the woman was gonna swoon or something.

But she's perfectly steady, setting her jaw and glaring down an alleyway behind me. I sense something's gone on in this house today. I've stumbled right into the thick of it, haven't I?

"I'm fine, I just... I was simply wondering if I could ask you some advice, considering you're a real Scout, it would be perfect."

"Uhuh..."

She smiles broadly. "Please, do come in, I'll make some tea. Have you eaten? We just had lunch so the bread's still warm."

"Never turned down home-made bread in my life, Mrs Jeager." I grin and follow her inside.

It's a charming home, and the smell of lunch is still in the air. My stomach gives a rather telling grumble. I blush, and try to apologise, but she's already serving up bread and stew. I guess I kinda forgot what Mother's are like. I nod in thanks, and sit down at the kitchen table. For a few minutes, she doesn't speak, busying herself with boiling the water, and preparing a teapot. But I can see her mind whirring away, so I just eat in polite silence. Something was rattling around that woman's head, and clearly she needed my help. If anything, this trip could help someone.

Eventually, the kettle whines, and she pours the water into the pot, swirling it and then setting everything on the table.

She sits down, and smooths her apron. "Is it all right if I just call you, Katsumi? Or would you prefer your rank?"

I blink. "Um... Kat's fine, Mrs. Jeager. No need for formalities."

"Very well, and by all means, call me Carla. I really am sorry about the mix-up with my husband's schedule. I was rather distracted by a revelation we had over lunch."

"All right... I assume this revelation is what you wished to discuss? I might add, before we begin, this food is wonderful. Thank you." I grin and dip the bread into the left over sauce. She nods her head in thanks. "But please, do go on. I only hope I can help."

"Well... You see..."

She goes on to explain that her son, Eren, was keen on joining the Scouts. Apparently she hadn't been aware that he was serious about it, until her adopted daughter Mikasa blurted it out over lunch. I nod along, unsure as to what she wants from me. At least, until those bright eyes land on me. The power of a sincere Mother sinks into my bones. Dammit, she was intimidating.

"So with all that in mind, I just wanted to know... Is it any kind of a decent life?"

Her words hang in the air.

The wind outside, picks up a little.

I cup my tea between my hands.

"I um... Well... Something you need to know about me, Carla, is that my perspective's a bit warped." I explain, and she just sips her tea. I lick my lips. "I grew up in the Underground city. So to me, simply to see the sky is amazing, to see the horizon? It's mind-blowing. So from my perspective, yes, its a very decent life. But my decent, and your decent, are likely very different."

She frowns a little, but eventually nods. "I see. Thank you for being so upfront."

"You're welcome. I would say though, in terms of how the cadets are treated, trained, and generally looked after, we're a close knit bunch." I carry on, and I feel her eyeing me. "It's not perfect, but we do care about each other. If he had the skills, then he could well be a successful cadet. But that wouldn't even be determined until a good long three years of training." I tilt my head, and watch the steam rise.

"But... Excuse me, but your death tolls are so very high." She swallows hard. "It's a hard thing to look past, you know?"

"But they're also steadily decreasing. Commander Erwin Smith, is known as ruthless, in these parts, right?" I ask, and she blushes with her nod. This woman is that strange mix between headstrong, and oh-so-polite. It's hard to read. I clear my throat. "But really, he's just focused. He has a goal, and to achieve it, he needs manpower. Every life lost, is one he considers a failure on his part."

"Oh." She tucks her hair behind her ear. "I thought he threw away lives, as fodder. That's what the stories say anyway."

"I'm sure they do. A villain is far more engaging." I smile at her deepening blush, and I shrug. "Don't get me wrong, Carla. He's no saint. I've wanted to kill him myself, a couple too many times. But at the end of the day... Even I have to admit that he's fundamentally a good man. Determined to make the most of every soldier, to wield them, like extensions of himself."

She nods along, but is wringing her hands together. Really, when it came down to it, I don't know what this woman wants from me. And I guess, she doesn't know either. For a few minutes, she goes quiet, and I look outside and watch the washing flutter on her line. She was just a mother concerned, she wasn't trying to say I had a bad job. I know that. But I think she's worried I'll take offense, if she speaks freely.

"You see it as foolish, don't you?" I say gently, and I watch her recoil from the truth. I chuckle and sip my tea. "Really, Carla, don't worry about it. I think the same thing, I know it's insane to venture out there, to antagonise Fate. But I have to."

"Why?" She breathes, trying to understand her son, by understanding me.

But it isn't that simple.

"Everyone has their own reasons. My own are rather complicated, but to put it simply, I have things to make up for. I have losses, to make right. At least that's how I see it. Your son... Is it the adventure that appeals to him? Or a need to know what's out there, like an insatiable curiosity?"

She blinks.

I feel like I hit the nail on the head.

Her lips quivered slightly. "I... How did you..."

I shrug. "He's a headstrong young boy. I figured it was either a need to prove himself with a quest, or simply a want to know the world beyond the bubble."

Carla stares at her tea. "It's the latter. He doesn't want glory, he just... It's like he _needs_ to know what's out there. To try and make the world bigger. I... I don't really know where he gets it. We have a happy home, I do my best to provide-"

"It's not an attack on you, Carla." I interrupt, having taken her hand as it trembled on the tabletop.

Her eyes, so big and shining, betray her truth. She was scared for her son, but also scared, this insane idea of his, was her own doing. I'd seen a similar fear in Chai. When the children grew up, and sometimes got into the wrong crowd. She automatically landed that issue at her own feet. But it wasn't so, it was simply a way for them to learn about the world. A child's mind is like a sponge, and sometimes, they want to absorb the risky, as well as the safe.

I squeeze her hand gently. "It's probably partly to do with, him wanting to make your world better as well. But... Unfortunately, if it _is_ curiosity, I can't see how you can avoid it. Maybe training would beat him back, make him realise how harsh the life can be... But otherwise, it isn't something you can tame. Suppressing it, would only make him hunger for it more."

"I was afraid of that..." she sighs, and our conversation continues.

It bubbles between us, and eventually I get her to smile again. She has a pleasant smile, the kind that warms you, simply by getting to see it. I think talking it out has helped, but I'm also glad she hasn't asked for assurances. She seems like a smart woman, she knows I can't give her those, without lying. I guess, having a husband who's a doctor, she probably knows a lot of harsh truths. Just because she's a civilian, didn't make her foolish.

As the afternoon carried on, I saw the sun heading towards its bed. Soon enough, I'd be able to get that lift. Carla's started making the dinner, and I know I'll have to leave before she starts properly cooking. Or else, the smell will keep me captive, for sure.

Carla looks out the window and groans. "Oh damn... I forgot all about the washing."

I glance to the window, the sheets moving that bit freer now that they had dried. "I could grab it for you? Happy to help, after that lovely lunch you so kindly gave me." I stand, and she's blushing.

"W-Well... If you wouldn't mind? I wouldn't ask, but I've gone and started all this, and my hands are-"

"Carla, you didn't ask, I offered." I grin and head out the backdoor, whistling to myself as I approach the fluttering laundry ghosts. It was frustrating that I hadn't got to see the Doctor, but at least I'd had a decent day out of it.

As I gather the first sheet, I chuckle at the sound of a domestic in the next yard. Something tells me, that husband isn't going to be sleeping in his bed tonight. Better get used to the sofa buddy. I hum to myself, and fold the sheet into the basket. When I straighten up, I look around. The other sheets had fallen so very still, the breeze having suddenly vanished from the area. Weird.

The hairs on the back of my neck prickle.

My eyes narrow, and I look around again. Something wasn't right. It was like the world was holding it's breath, something within me telling me that I should too. My eyes glance up, and I tilt my head. Weirder still. The afternoon sky, bleeding into the pinked colours of sunset, is patched with swirled clouds. I frown, they swirl over towards the main gate, above which no cloud lingers. Like the eye of a storm.

Everything's so still.

My body tingles all over, and when I breathe in, the air feels heavy with intent.

BANG.

Lightning strikes the ground. A golden bolt, like the sun itself, slashing through the air, blinding me for a moment and making the very earth under my feed shudder. I stumble and blink hard. What the hell was that? When I can finally see again, I peer towards the gate, wondering just how the hell Lightning had gathered with so few clouds. Not to mention, how had I seen it so clearly during a sunlit day. My body thrums. This wasn't right. Something was coming. But I don't get much time to theorise, as I watch what seems to be smoke billowing up over the wall.

What?

Had a cannon backfired or something?

Was this simply human-error that I was reading into?

No.

That... That isn't smoke, is it? It's coiling too much, twisting in the air like steam from a teacup. Steam? Yes, it was like the steam that rose from the body of a Titan as it decayed. I try to swallow, but my body's not working right now. Holy hell. My eyes blink hard, unable to accept what they just saw reaching up, over the wall.

It lands, it grips.

Something's on the wall.

Something huge, red, and clinging.

It's a hand?

I blink harder, but it's still there, grasping on, cracking the wall around it far too easily. No, this wasn't right, this wasn't possible. How the hell could a Titan get that big? It had to be 50 metres or more. I'd never seen one over 20, and even 20 had only been a guess during a storm. I shake my head, but it won't disappear. It's real. My heart is thundering in my ears, and I find my breath stolen as I watch the rest unfold. A huge face leers into view, steam billowing out between clenched teeth. It was enormous. It was colossal. It was fucking terrifying. It gleamed red too, muscles exposed, and bone shining in the dying light of day.

The world has fallen still, silent, scared.

I can't even think right now, my whole body trembling as I try to comprehend one of those beasts being that large. It's nape had to be as broad as... a-as... dammit, I can't even think how big it had to be. How could you even attempt to kill it? I feel so vulnerable, so useless.

The thing's shoulders move.

My spine quivers.

What was it doing? Was it trying to climb over?

Oh god, no.

No it's going to break thro-

BANG.

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 **So, hope you enjoyed, please leave a fav, follow and review. Real quiet around here right now, maybe it's school? Anyway, hope you guys are still enjoying? See you in 3-4 weeks!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hello my lovely readers, if you're still here!**

 **So after that horrible cliffhanger, here we have it, the day Shiganshina fell! Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own AOT.**

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BANG.

The explosion obscures the gate, and I feel the wind whip past me even from back here. Dust consumes that area, and the screaming ripples through the town. What the hell? I stare as boulders the size of houses fling upwards, rubble pouring down upon homes and families alike. Those screams build further, and I feel them thrum into my body. They echo all around as the masses of stone fall to earth, claiming everything in the path.

This is madness.

A blast hits nearby, presumably a boulder having made it's way over here too. I'm thrown to the side by the sheer force. Stone and wood scratch over me, pulling apart my skin and clothing like tissue paper. I cry out and curl into a ball where I landed, waiting until some semblance of quiet has returned. I'm trembling already, but I guess that's just my body being unable to fully accept what it was witnessing. I blink past the dust, and immediately my eyes are glued to that wall again. The huge skinless head slowly sinks back out of sight. It was leaving? But I guess that doesn't matter, the damage was done. If it had broken that gate down, then this quaint little world was opened to the elements. Opened to those beasts. They would be able to simply wander in, and feast. It would be a massacre. I tug on my hair. Civilians everywhere, panicking and screaming, scrambling over each other as they try and save themselves. Oh gods, this was going to be hell.

I try and get up, knowing I had to keep moving. If I simply laid here and succumbed to fear, I'd be devoured like everyone else. I groan as my head swims, my feet unsteady at first. Blood run down my cheek from some new cut on my head, and it trickles down my arms from those newfound welts and gashes. It was scrapes though, no more than that. My shoulder isn't happy of course, but at least it was still bound up in the bandaging. I was far from peak condition, but I was still a damn-site better qualified to help people than the Garrison. I could still do something.

I can help.

I swallow hard and focus, one thing at a time, Katsumi.

And then the dust settles, and I wipe me eyes once more. Holy shit. The boulder that sent me flying, it hadn't landed "nearby" at all, in fact it had almost landed on top of me. I stare at the Jeager House, or rather at the boulder than now replaced it. Grit falls away from it, and a sense of dread settles over me. It was mere metres away. My feet feel rooted to the spot. It had been so close to me, too fucking close. My body would have never even been found. But wait, what about Carla? She had been in the kitchen, making dinner. Had she heard the initial lightning, and gone into the street? Or was she... was she...

"Shit. Mrs. Jeager? Carla!" I yell, running round the side of the house as soon as my feet have woken up. I hope to find her sprawled on the street, or even just staring at her home in disbelief as I had just been. Please? Please world.

As I come round the boulder, I hear a young boy's scream that tears me right through the heart. I know my hopes are dashed.

" _Mum_!" His cry rings out over and over, getting closer as I scramble round onto the main street.

She's not on the road. I don't want to look, of course I don't, but I force my eyes onto that house and my stomach lurches. Carla upper torso is visible amongst beams of wood and broken walls. But there's no wriggle room at all. Dammit, she's trapped. The kids approach fast, their shrieks catching up. I try and find something to use as leverage, but Carla grabs my ankle and squeezes. As soon as I turn towards her, she's clutched my sleeve and hauled me to her level with surprising strength. When I meet her gaze, I swear her eyes stare right through me.

Her hand shakes. "Get them to safety, Katsumi. P-Please."

"Carla, wait. I can-"

"Please, you have to get them out!" She begs unevenly, voice choked by the air she's fighting to breathe. Her eyes dart behind me, and she wipes the blood away from her mouth quickly, refusing to let the children see it. I open my mouth to speak, but my tongue's like lead. I've never spoken to a dead woman before.

The children arrive.

My heart grows heavier as I hear the young boy's sheer determination. "C'mon Mikasa grab that side and hoist with everythin' you got!"

The boy, I assume Eren, doesn't hesitate as he grapples that main beam and groans against the weight. The kid was a bit insane, but dammit, maybe he had a plan. Maybe we didn't have to just give up and move on, right away.

I have to try as well. I hate to ignore the pleas of a desperate mother, but for all I know they weren't warranted. I couldn't just abandon her. My bones ache against the weight, body screaming at me to stop. It was right, I couldn't do this much longer, my injuries are probably already relapsed. My shoulder's throbbing, and the blood runs down my cheek with fresh vigour. But I wasn't useless. I look down at Carla, at those pleading eyes that beg for me to run. The beam won't shift, but I could at least try to get the children out. I grit my teeth.

No! We could try a little longer at least!

But the steady strides are already surrounding us. I peer over the road and watch Titans meander through the town. Their glassy eyes scan around, perusing their next meal with those damned grins. It was so surreal, to see those creatures here in the town. They were meant to be on the far horizon, or in amongst trees, not ambling through civilian streets. Shit. It wouldn't be long at all before they reached here.

Something blocks the dying sun. My blood runs cold.

I stare in horror at one with a particularly wide grin that has sauntered onto the far end of our road. It seemed ecstatic to be there, as if it had finally found something long-lost. It's lips are pulled back tight over bright red gums, yellowed teeth gnashed together and beady eyes honing in on us. It groans happily. Oh gods. My hips feel so heavy with the lack of gear.

"Eren!" Carla shrieks. "Just take Mikasa and run!" Her hand claws at my boots. "Katsumi please! Save my children, for the love of god get them out while you still can!"

"I-"

"First we need you on your feet!" Eren groans, cutting my words away instantly. The wood creaks under his desperation. The power of a desperate child. He wasn't ready for this world, but unfortunately he didn't have a choice any more. He'd wanted the Scouting life, and it had decided to come and meet him halfway. If not closer than that.

I however, do have a choice. And it fucking hurts like hell.

I meet Carla's gaze and feel myself grow cold to my aching bones.

Her eyes are determined as she stares into me, and yet speaks to her panicking son. "Sweety listen to me, my legs have been crushed. Even if you can get me out of here, I can't run. There's no time!"

She's lying. Dammit she's lying through her bloodied teeth.

I can see it in her eyes, it's why she's looking at me, and not him. She's lying so that they can stand to leave her here. D-Dammit why did the world take those who deserved to live? Chai's face flashes before me, and a sob chokes me as I keep trying. I can't let another mother be stolen away! The wood's splinters sink into me like the ongoing pleas of these two innocent kids. My heart pounds in my ears and robs me of logic as those strides get closer. That grinning devil is looming nearer.

"I can carry you!" Eren wails at his mother.

I swallow hard. No you can't kid, I can't even carry her like this, my shoulder won't take it. Fucking hell, this is a living nightmare. Of all the times for me to be broken, for me to be useless. Damn it all!

"Katsumi please!" Carla screams. "Mikasa, make him listen! You need to run!"

"We have to go." I bark, giving in and letting go of the damn beam.

Eren glares at me, teeth bared. "I can't leave her!"

"You want all of us to die, Eren?" Carla sobs, pausing and gasping as she hears the sound of whirring wires.

I balk and spin round, heart in my throat as my heart foolishly hopes for the familiar face of Levi. I want to see a sea of green capes, and hear a defiant roar of Scouts. But of course, it isn't. I don't. I won't. Instead, I'm staring at Hannes as he lands on the street and runs over.

Carla doesn't miss a beat. "Hannes! Take Eren and Mikasa with Katsumi, and get out of here!"

"Come on Carla, that's not our only option." Hannes is so calm, I can barely recognise him. Where had the drunken fool gone, and left this confident soldier behind? "I'm a trained soldier you know, I can handle this. Kat, keep tryin' to get her out whilst I take care of things." He nods and races down the road.

For a second, I dare to hope it might work. For a second, I can imagine him flying upwards and taking that blonde grinning beast down. But then experience knocks on my mind, and I feel my heart shrink away. He's gonna freeze. I know he is. He was confident in theory, but when had he ever actually faced one of those things for real? The only thing I dare hope for right now, is that he doesn't get eaten whilst trying to help.

I go back to grappling the wood, momentarily egged on by the slight back-up. But dammit it's not going to work. It's lodged in place, and we'd need ten men to get this to even budge. I kneel down and take Carla's hand tightly in my own. Dust, sweat and grit scrape between our palms.

"I'm so sorry, Carla."

"D-Don't be, if you get them out of here." She gasps, clinging to my hand.

I nod. "I'll get them out one way or the other. They will live." I gasp, and she smiles at me in the most heart-wrenching way. A mother's love. The footsteps are getting closer, the shadow of the grinning fiend passing over us again.

"Th-Thank you." She sobs, putting her head against our clasped hands.

I stand up and grab the kids. They struggle against me, but I don't have time to be gentle about it. I drag them both backwards, their feet scraping on the dirt, and their arms flailing in defiance. That's it kids, fight me with everything. It's like I'm burning them alive, and right now, I reckon the pain's about the same. Eren writhes, screaming in my ear and tugging on my hair before he's suddenly grabbed by Hannes. He'd returned whole, at least. He's pale. He's scared. But worst of all, he's ashamed. I look in those eyes, and I see a man desperate to help, but unable to face the devil itself. I can't blame him, he'd be doing that enough if he survived. I release the struggling Eren into the soldier's care, and we run for it. We scramble along the cobbled street as the boy screams again and again.

I glance back.

Oh gods, why did I glance back?

Carla reaches for her son, for her daughter, and she screams with everything she has left in her broken body. "I love you! _You hear me_?! _Stay alive_!" Her voice breaks.

The tears well up and pour down Eren's tormented face.

Carla clamps that outreached hand over her mouth and looks to the side. She's choking on the need to beg. I feel that with every panicked thump of my cowardly heart. She won't allow herself to plead. You brave maniac, Carla Jeager. That's right, don't let yourself beg for mercy. Don't brand your children with that kind of guilt.

I've seen a hundred soldiers or more die at the hands of Titans. I've seen them eaten in every barbaric way imaginable, torn apart, bitten in two, thrown into the muck. But this? Watching that blonde grinning creature pick away the wooden beams like twigs. Witnessing that brilliant woman wrenched from her home, where she had served me tea and pleaded with me for wisdom, it's too much. I stagger and watch, I make myself take it in. This is not something I will ever allow myself to forget, for as long as I endure here. Carla's legs kick in the air, proving my point that she had simply lied to save her children. Bravery wasn't just for those in uniform. I stare, watching her struggle, hearing her cries of defiance as she hits against that meaty fist. Right until the blood is raining down like blossoms from the tree, she didn't give up. I feel some catch my cheek. It trickles along with my tears. I'll relive that until I die. Even if that's only minutes away.

I need that fucking gear.

I turn and run after Hannes, making eye contact with Eren and not letting myself look away from that either. This boy, this boy along with countless other children, their lives would never be the same again. I suppose no-one's would. But those eyes, so big, shining and previously innocent, they had seen the world as it truly was; cruel. Dammit. The stone bubble of their world had been blown apart. I'm so sorry Eren.

Finally we reach somewhere the screaming has lessened, or perhaps not reached yet. It's hard to tell at this point. There's a moment's pause, and then Eren suddenly thrashes the hell out of Hannes.

"Damn it, stop!" Hannes staggers a bit, Eren only attacking him more.

"You son-of-a-bitch! Both of you!" Eren shrieks at us. "We could have saved her! We almost had her out!" He hits Hannes, thumping his fists against the man's head, until finally the old soldier flings the boy along the road. The boy lands in the dirt. I just stare, unused to such a domestic reaction to death, but unable to remove myself from it either.

Carla wanted them out. She wanted them to survive. In order to do that, I didn't have time to be a civilian about this. I was a solider. I was a Scout. The image of Carla lingers behind my eyes, but I just swallow down my humanity and put a hand on Hannes shoulder. I could deal with this. I head over to Eren, kneel down by the boy and catch his arm when he tries to strike out at me too. I stare, waiting until he's got a little clarity available, and in all honesty, I think it appears because he can see how calm I am. It chills him. It probably unnerves him more than anything else. How can a person be calm right now? How can anyone stand to do anything but scream?

I dunno Kid. I'm the one doing it, but I don't fucking know how.

I speak between my teeth. "You couldn't have done anything else for her, you're weak because you're a child."

"But-"

"This wasn't your duty. But do you know what is?" I demand, holding his arm tighter when he wriggles, like he's trying to debunk the idea he's weak. I hold until he whimpers, the girl glaring at me from the side. "Your duty is to do as your mother asked, as she _pleaded_ with you. Stay alive. Go with Hannes to the gate, get the fuck on a boat and make for the nearest town in Rose. That'll likely be where they gather refugees. You will do this, and you will look after your sister in the meantime. Do I make myself clear, Eren Jeager?"

"Who the hell are you?" He yells, wriggling more. His free hand catches on my shirt sleeve, causing it to tug and reveal my bandage. He pauses and looks at the long line of blood from my hairline to my chin. There's probably bruising too. Yeah, guess I was a bit of a sight.

I clear my throat and blink back those incessant tears. "I'm a Scout. Does that make a difference, Kid?" I ask bitterly, and he stops struggling at last. The boy looks to his sister in confusion as I stand and turn to Hannes. "I need your gear. Give it, take the kids to the gate and get yourself out."

Hannes juts out his chin. Of all the times for him to find pride. Bad timing was making the rounds.

"I ain't whimping out totally. I can help with the effort by the gates, it's the least I can do now! There's a store one street over Kat, but you should head to the gate as well. You can't do anything in that condition."

"I've fought outside the walls with worse, I assure you." I sigh and look back to Eren with a grave expression, seeing that he is at least vaguely calm before turning back to Hannes. "Fine, have it your way. Get them to safety though, I can at least attempt helping some other civilians make it out alive. Thin out the beasts a bit."

"I'll get them to the gate, don't you worry. That way to the store, but hey... get yourself out when you need to. Got it?" He says, holding my arm and squeezing.

I grit my teeth, hoping he hadn't noticed how much I'm still shaking. "Got it. Now go!" I yell, and Hannes grabs the kids hands and rushes off for the gate. I watch them go and nod to the girl when she glances back, dark eyes haunted as she tugs on her own hair.

"I'm sorry..." I murmur to the breeze, pausing to let these tears fall. They could have a second of my time, before they could fuck off out of my way. Tears had no place here. Weakness wasn't allowed. I then take a long breath, hear the screaming catching up to me, and then I bolt for the store.

For all his faults, Hannes would get them to the gate, and as they were children, they'd be first on the boats. They would be safe. It's all right Carla, they would be safe. But now, I have to do what I can for everyone else. Too many families were still here, too many panicked voices were echoing around me. The store is abandoned of course, but thankfully fully stocked. I grab gear, get it on in record time and then double check the gas. They were drunken fools, with little better to do than wank and laugh at over-used jokes; but at least they knew how to keep things fuelled.

I head out into the street and feel the ground shift beneath me. There was a lot of Titans in this town. I roll my shoulder and grit my teeth as I head onto a rooftop, preparing myself as best I can. Once I got going, the pain could be ignored. Whatever I find when I'm up on this roof, it's what I have to face. No two ways about it.

My boots hit the slates. My heart hits the bottom of my gut.

It's worse than any battlefield. With the sun dying below the line of the walls, the air is already streaked with red. Like the world wanted to set the scene just-so. Titans roam left and right, their groaning voices accompanying the wayward screams of civilians. If anyone ever got the chance to ask me what I considered Hell to look like? I would describe this.

I set my sights on the nearest beast. No time like the present.

Momentum was going to be my main issue. I run as fast as I can, leaping and sweeping down to at least attempt creating some pull. There's so little height here it's a battle in itself. I swing and curve, slicing into the nape of my first victim and riding it down onto another rooftop. I look into the courtyard it had been leering into, and see a young couple clinging to each other.

I call down to them. "Oi! It's dead. Get your asses to the gate. Do not look back and do not hesitate! Keep moving! Grab anyone that you can on your way there, drag them if you have to!" I only wait till I've been given nods in return.

Next one.

I volley off the roof, skid along the cobbles and hook into the Titan itself. It grumbles at me for a moment, before it's body jolts and slumps to the floor whilst I move onto the next roof. Nothing fancy, just kill them and move on.

The steam is all around me, but there's no wind to shift it. The breeze is non-existent in amongst these high walls. I can barely see where I'm going, and the glimpsing light doesn't help. Damn, where the hell even am I in accordance with the gate? I peer round seeing the gate is still a long way's off, but in that moment I have a large hand clawing at me. Nope. I launch again and make a fairly crappy anchor on the roof I'd been standing on. My shoulder twinges, likely tearing again, but I ignore it and force my body back up into the air with minimal gas. I dunno how long I'll be running around out here, so I dunno how careful I need to be with this gas or not. It's so odd, using it amongst buildings. I swing round, flip over an awning and then hone in on the next nape. Another hand comes for me, but thankfully I skirt past. This was close quarters, and then some. I barely have time to blink.

Where the hell had they all come from?

Well, no, that was a daft question, but why were there already so many in the town? I'd seen the numbers pawing at the walls every time we came back from a mission. Whilst there was a couple here and there, the numbers were never to this scale. It was like that colossal bastard had herded them. Like he'd gathered an army to his call, before slamming the door down. A chill grips my spine as I start running along the roof I just landed on. That meant too much. If that big bastard had thought to do that, then that indicated intelligence. That wasn't possible, was it? I look towards the main gate, the one now broken into little pieces, allowing everything outside to simply wander in. That was a weak point in the wall. The huge bastard had purposefully hit the gate. That wasn't a coincidence, surely. Shit, did that really mean this titan had intelligence? I swallow hard and try to focus, but my blades are rattling in my trembling grip.

I skid to a halt and shake myself out of this mania. Don't think about it. Just don't think about it, dammit.

I get myself moving, and use that fresh adrenaline to send myself flying. I slice into another one, moving on before I can hear what those cries of 'thank you' might end with. There's no helping these people beyond killing the Titans. I can't carry them, I can't guide them, I can only kill and move on. I just hope they get out. My teeth grind together as I try to focus. I'm glad to have saved people, but that wasn't what I needed to train my mind on right now. The civilians had to be secondary. The soldier part of me, is what I need. If I start thinking about every family, every person, every child, I'll just stumble and fail. That isn't an option. If I do, I'll get nothing done. I'll save no one, and this will all be pointless. I can't do that. Too many lives will be wasted by doing that. No, I will focus on killing. I'm good at that.

Focus, Kat, dammit focus!

What would Erwin do? What would Levi do?

I already know what Hanji would do, she'd be salivating and trying to think of how to pen the beasts in. So many test subjects in so little space. A paddock made of a town. No, actually that was probably a little cruel, even she would be horrified at all this mess. Her lab looked tidy by comparison.

I'm easily losing track of how many I've killed. I have no idea what kind of dent, if any, I'm making. I try to breathe, I try to think. But no. There's no room for anything other than movement. I follow the closest screams, and get what people out that I can. But there's so many bodies, that even I'm slipping on blood by the time that sun has finally dipped below the walls.

What a waste. What a damned nightmare.

Gradually I'd headed towards the main road, accepting that there was little I could do for the people on the outskirts of town by now. Time was slipping past. All I could do now, was try to help the stragglers on this wider road. It was an easy one for the Titans to take, so it was the prime field. My shoulder's screaming at me, and my leg aches dully as well. Bruising is all over me, from a couple bad landings and sudden swipes from greedy paws. My gas is holding up, but I know my body's running on little more than adrenaline at this point. My breaths are shallow, and my vision is swimming every now and then. Damn, what I wouldn't give for some back-up.

"Come on! They're headed right for us!" I hear a soldier shouting from the gate into Maria. Seems he's trying to get his men to fire some more cannons. I just wish he would also tell them to try fucking aiming properly.

I skid along my current rooftop and try to catch my breath. I see the numbers the soldier was talking about. Three of them lumber into view straight away. Dammit lungs, just work, I know my ribs are bruised up like peaches, but I can't do anything about it right now! I swallow hard and run along, trying to get a good angle as well as dodge canon fire. What the fuck are they aiming at?! Had they ever even used those things before? I swing off a clock-tower and take one Bugger down, before groaning against the feeling of warmth on my arm. My rubble had caught along my shoulder and torn a fresh welt, superb.

And then I hear it. The clank of gears and the rattle of chains. They're closing the gate into Maria.

One of the cannon shots actually hits home, and takes the smaller of the three Titans to the ground. Nice. I land again, and taste iron on my tongue as I gulp through the steam. Soldiers scramble for that tunnel, seeking safety like anyone else. I pick myself up and chase after the third beast wandering along the road. I launch, push myself forward with the gas, and slice into another nape. My third set of blades snap away. I can't blame those soldiers at all, not for a second. Dammit, this is pointless, there's too many Titans isn't there? I'm barely scratching the surface.

A shadow moves into view, and I lunge simply out of instinct.

A hand slams into the roof where I had been, swiping at my now running feet as I jump onto the next roof, heading towards the gate. A cough rattles out of me, and I taste blood at the back of my throat. This isn't gonna end well for me, is it? Hell, I don't even know if I'll make it through the gate at this rate, I'm nowhere near.

And then something else grips my spine. I stumble a bit and feel fresh fear slither over my mind. I hear something else, something that isn't canon-fire. It's too damned heavy to be a normal Titan and it's too damn rhythmic to be thunder in the sky.

I spin round and watch another abnormal loll into view. What now?

Its eyes glow dully and its body gleams in the dim light of twilight. It's built like a fucking shithouse; broad and stocky. I stagger, knees wanting to give out. The Abnormal was immense, and it seemed to be covered in armour. It's bones seem to merge over each other, like plated steel. What kind of Abnormals were they? First, a Big Shit that can reach atop the wall, and now this walking blockade. Or... my mind quivers, and my eyes flit to the next gate. O-Or is it more like a battering ram?

It strides into the main street and stops. I'm only metres away from it. Those eyes stare down the road, and if it had any lips, I swear it would be grinning. That's not randomly heading towards people, its not even glancing at me. Instead, there's something... purposeful about this beast. Intelligence. Suddenly, it's becoming the most terrifying word I know. My body decides to move before I do, running ahead of the newfound fiend as my mind focuses on that gate. Large bones creak loudly. I glance back whilst running, slipping on some slates but still moving. The Titan hunkers down, and rolls those broad shoulders. Like it's getting ready to run. I look ahead again, and my throat is suddenly bone dry. Oh my god. The gate? I'd been right. It was a battering ram? Can it burst through? Surely it wasn't big enough for that kind of power. It wasn't nearly as large as the first one but... right now, I can't disbelieve much at all.

But if it did charge, if it did break through, that would mean Maria had truly fallen. That would mean all that land beyond would be swarmed with Titans. Where would all the people go? Was there enough space in Wall Rose?

I skid to a halt, dust flying up around me. I turn back to this armoured-looking titan and know that if it got up to speed, there would literally be nothing I could do. I had to stop it before then. The beast braces, the ground crumbling under it's feet, before it takes off like a canon-ball in itself. Holy shit it's fast. The road and buildings behind it crumble, taken down by the sheer force of the launch. Screams of orders bellow up behind me from the panicking Garrison, but right now, instinct rules me. The shithead was getting closer, and I had to at least try. My wires latch onto that clock-tower again. I swing round as fast as I can, using any gas left available to me. Preserving it meant little if that wall fell.

I soar through the air, catching a sense of triumph as my anchors are re-fired and soar towards the Bastard himself. My first hook just ricochets off, making my heart clench, but my second hits home. The bastard's so intent on his target, that he doesn't seem to even notice me. It's a little insulting, beyond being terrifying. He barrels on like nothing's amiss. Like he had nothing to fear at all.

I intend to make that your mistake, Buddy.

My wires retract, and I brace as well as I can. It was now or never Katsumi. Make it count. Make up for some of the shit you'd consistently failed at. Save some god-damned lives, for once. I swing in with my blades at a perfect angle. This bastard's gonna die. I swing down, crying out as my shoulder sears with white hot pain, but then I simply shriek in abject confusion. The blades broke. But they had been brand new! My body smacks against the unharmed nape, and I simply hold on for dear life. My steel falls away to nothing, sprinkling the road behind us. My fingers grip the cold bone as I stare at the unscratched surface, and I swallow hard as I fail to see even the smallest nick. Nothing? Canons blast against the beast, but they do nothing but make it growl.

It's speeding up.

I hold on, tightening my wire until I can grab my last blades and attempt to hack into the bastard instead. I'm trying to dig straight through, but the blades are still breaking. And then the wall is oh-so close. All I can do is hold on, screaming in raw terror as we plough through the gate. This beast cuts through that stone, like my blades should have his neck. Rubble soars away from the impact, plenty smacking against my sorry ass and doing a damn good job in trying to dislodge me. Soldiers, canons, boulders, all flying through the air like fucking autumn leaves, only to slam back to earth as this armoured abnormal skids along.

Finally he stops. Finally the noise falls away. Everything goes still.

Dust billows all around, shrouding the meadows in obscurity, blocking out any sign of how far the refugee's had got with getting onto the boats. I gasp thinly as my ears ring. Blood dribbles past my lips as I hang limply against the Titan's shoulder. I'm only held in place by that remaining anchor. A sharp pain lances along my side, and I guess my shoulder had gotten dislocated as rubble pummelled my back – along with whatever else had been broken in the process. It's hard to tell where the damage is, because frankly everything is pretty damned painful. Beyond that? I'm cold. The breeze shifts against my spine, against patches on my legs and arms. I think it's safe to say, I'm a mess. But it's also safe to say, I ain't as much of a mess, as Maria.

This was certainly the failure of all failures. The wall was breached. Maria had fallen.

There was no way of sealing that up. My bleared eyes stare at that opening and feel the truth sink into me. This could be the beginning of the end. I try and move, try to get myself upright so I can see what's happening with those refugees, but as the titan shifts about, I gag. The pain's drowning me. I can't tell if I'm totally broken, or if it's just shock. I try to move again, hauling myself up onto the shoulder with a weary groan. The Titans jaw creaks open, and I can feel the heat from back here. Steam rushes out, flooding the air with damp fire. It was like the beast needed to cool down, or release pressure. What the fuck was this new hell? How many of these weird Abnormals were there?

The beast shifts again and I feel a hand clamp around me. Oh gods. It wasn't ignoring me anymore. I struggle, but can't even draw a blade. The damp air rushes past as the shithead brings me to where it can see me. It's eyes glow slightly brighter. It's grin leers closer.

"Fuck... you..." I groan, feeling a couple things pop or crack.

" _Kat_!" I hear Hannes somewhere behind me, but hope I'm dead before he can get himself killed trying to get to me. I was barely worth saving at this point. If I ever had been anyway.

I brace, but instead of feeling jaws clamp down on me, I feel a blast of heat against my face. What the hell? My ears ring anew, and pain sinks into my right cheek, jawline and ear. Then I'm unceremoniously flung through the air. Like a puppet with broken strings, my body soars and my voice rips out of me involuntarily. But it's only for a couple seconds. Soon enough, I've found the target, and slam into another rooftop. There's too many snapping noises happening for me to feel anything much at all beyond absolute fear. My gear's broken, one set of gas and blades having already snapped clean away in the Titans hand. Not to mention I can barely breathe, let alone get up to run. Now I know exactly how Carla felt.

I'm entirely slumped onto the tiles of the roof, dangling halfway off the edge, upside down. Gravity doesn't even do me the favour of pulling me to the ground and snapping my neck. I dunno what the injuries actually are. I can feel agony running through every limb, every nerve. What's okay and what's broken? What's torn away and what's hanging on by a ligament thread? No clue. Don't think I want to know either. Blood runs the wrong way, caressing my skin with it's slick warmth. I guess I'll just lie here and either bleed out, or just be helpless when the devils finally arrived. Wouldn't even get a decent view; one eye's fucked and the other can barely see more than shapes. The impact had broken me to a new extent. Even now, moments from death, I'm still experiencing firsts. Wonderful.

I hear the thunder though, and I know a swarm when I smell it.

I swallow and blink, kinda wishing I hadn't after my partial vision clears. That mass of pinked flesh lumbers closer, slowly petering through the gaping hole. Here they come. Into Maria, into our home, into this stone bubble where they could gorge themselves silly. Staring eyes, inane grins, that's all that interrupts the mass of hungry flesh. I look towards the boats and watch the last one pull away. Thank what was left of the walls, people were still managing to escape at least. That was something, that was a little sliver of a silver-lining.

I'm so sorry Levi. I guess you'll be reading that letter sooner than I thought.

My consciousness ebbs. I feel a small shred of thanks filter through my mind. Being out-cold for the buffet would be a small mercy at least. Being awake would only be torment. I think I hear wires though, and I groan, trying to look around, but doing little more than mumble as my remaining good eye rolls back.

I just want to sleep. Please just let me sleep. Make the pain stop.

"Shit. Kat, can you hear me?" My body is shifted onto the roof I think, at least Gravity has stopped tugging my brain against the roof of my head. Something pats my cheek. "Hey, c'mon, look at me... shit..." I hear Hannes of all people, and gasp thinly as I'm moved again by clumsy hands. "You're breathin', so you can fuckin' live."

I dunno if I agree with that logic, sir.

"It might be the end of the world, but I can at least carry you to a god damned hospital." He speaks, and of course I know he's mainly talking to himself, but I mumble at him anyway. It's a good thing numbness is taking over my body bit by bit. "Fuck... look at them all... This... This really is the end."

I wonder if we'll make it. I wonder if I even deserve to.

So many people left for dead. And why? Because some big pink muscle-showing Titan had decided to break down the door. Because I'm weak. Because I wasn't quick enough. Or is it because we're all just a bunch of cowards? Our civilians were never fully informed on what was beyond those walls. It wasn't needed right? The civilians needn't understand, it would only frighten them. But what if they _had_ understood? Would they have wanted the training? Could we have done something different?

I cough weakly and feel something hard under me. Is it the ground, another roof, or a wagon? I have no idea.

But I'm just being silly right? Nothing would have changed this. No amount of training would have helped, it hadn't helped me much.

The world had always been cruel. It just so happened to have suddenly got more pro-active about it. Bastard.

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 **I hope you enjoyed it! Will she live? How injured is she? Guess you'll have to wait and see ;) see you in 3-4 weeks!**

 **Shoutout:**

 **BadWolfFor3ver (is that a doctor who reference?!):** I didn't go anywhere I promise :P I update every 3-4 weeks, so be sure to follow/stay tuned! Thanks for chiming in, hope you enjoyed this update!


	30. Chapter 30

**Hello hello! bit of a slower chapter this time around, but considering everything that happened last time, probably needed, right? Reaching the halfway mark of NaNoWriMo's month, BUT I am already at 45k out of the required 50k ;) going swimmingly!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.**

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When I wake, my body is immediately tensed. Where was I? Why wasn't I dead? I jolt and look around, only to receive an alarmed glance from a passing nurse. I blink and let my body gradually relax back into the bed beneath me. I'm not on the field, and not in immediate danger, that much is obvious. Fog lingers in my head. I am assuming I'm not actually dead, there seems to be far too much pain in this busted body, in order for me to have left the mortal coil. Then again, maybe it was a punishment? I sigh at myself, knowing that tone wasn't going to get me anywhere. I try to sit up again, adrenaline slipping away and leaving me to feel pain lance up my arm. ow. I lie back again with a groan.

"Now really, I know you're a soldier, but have a little consideration for this body!" The flustered voice is soon followed by a blustering nurse.

She tuts away and fusses as she gently, but determinedly pushes on two parts of my body that _don't_ hurt. I do as told and raise my brows in question. She sighs and shakes her head, applying a cold press to my forehead that makes me sigh in euphoria. I hadn't realised until that moment, but I'm fucking sweltering.

"You're in a right state my dear, so you just lie there and be tended to. Don't try to figure anything out, you took a couple too many bashes to that bonce, and let's face it, you could do with the bed rest. The man that brought you in told us all about you, so your regiment has been informed, and I'm sure they're sending people out to find you." She explains efficiently, and for that I'm grateful. No riddles, just truth. She gives careful tucks to my blanket, before rolling her eyes at herself and pulling them back. "You have a bad fever, but it broke to an extent last night. You've been here about three days now, and you're definitely due a bath. Sweating buckets you are my dear, goodness gracious." She hurries off in her whirlwind of movement.

I stare up at the ceiling. Wherever this is, it certainly isn't meant to be a hospital. I can see a bird's nest in the rafters, but it smells and seems clean enough down here. Clearly it was well staffed too. Seemed I'd landed on my feet. Or rather, Hannes had dragged me there.

I'd have to find him and thank him, but as my eyes droop again, I know I won't be moving for a while. Three days I'd been lying here, presumably within this fever the whole time. Clearly my body had taken quite the beating. I don't remember much from the battle in terms of wounds, but I know that'll have only been the adrenaline and fear. I hadn't had time to feel pain. I was good at fighting, but I was shit at dodging. I flinch as the image of that huge hand flashes before me, and I open my eyes again to stare up at the ceiling.

Dammit, Carla I'm so sorry.

I'd have to find out what happened to the kids as well. I swallow hard, trying not to think about all the civilian lives lost, but the dominoes had started to fall. Images of bodies start to resurface, and the echoes of screams run round my head. I can smell the Titan gore everywhere, and the feverishness of my skin might as well be the steam. It had all been so close. The beasts had gotten in. Maria had fallen. I had failed.

I roll to the side, and a bucket appears under me to catch the onslaught of vomit.

"There, there love." A hand runs up and down my back, and as I gag on bile I feel shame wash over me. This was so pathetic.

"S-Sorry." I try, but am cut off by a sob. I hang my head, that hand still patting my back kindly.

"It'll be the fever mostly, but I know that look, you saw plenty horrors out there. C'mon lovey. That's it, let it out, no need for pretence here." The nurse helps me back onto the bed properly, and lets me sip some water to rinse out my mouth. "From what I've heard from a couple nosy parties that recognised you, you did a lot of good out there. Come on now, don't be wallowing, you've plenty to be glad about."

I lick my lips. "Do we know... h-how many die-"

"Right now, it's chaos out there. We've no clue. But we do know you, and the other soldiers did wonders with what you had. Just lie back and try to rest. I'll be giving you a wee wash, so just relax." The woman passes the puke bucket to a passing cleaner, puts some screens in place around the bed and sets down a basin of soaped water. "Here we go..."

The rag is softly chilled, and the soap is plain smelling, but it's like heaven as she helps me roll out of the medical gown I'd been given, and she starts to run that rag over me. I shiver occasionally, but assure her it's good. Apparently Hannes had been in to check on me every day so far, and usually came around lunchtime. I thank her, and she just shakes her head, clearly having already worked long hours judging from the shadows beneath her kind, wrinkled eyes. I keep trying to look down at myself, but she holds my head back each time.

"Now, now, don't be moving that neck too much. The doctors have already had to take a couple too many splinters out that back of yours, just lie still." She shushes me, but I can't escape the feeling she's trying to avoid me knowing something. I submit though, there was no point in fighting it, I was too tired to do much more than listen to the slosh of water.

"How many of these infirmaries are there?" I ask as my eyes close, and she pauses in ringing out the rag, droplets plinking into the basin.

"About four. We've taken over where they were keeping grain and such, all the food supplies have been taken to the central government buildings for rationing. It's a dire situation, but I know we'll pull through. We managed to make do with what we had before, and we will do it again."

"You're a rather optimistic nurse." I hum, smiling and stopping as a bruise on my cheek aches. I feel a tap against my nose.

"I simply take what I can. No point in hollering about the terrible horrors we saw, might as well knuckle down and do what we can." She sighs, and I swallow hard and peer at her from under heavy lashes. She's still bathing me, but her face has grown sullen.

She had her own ghosts.

"You were there? In Shiganshina?"

She nods. "Mm, I was visiting my Daughter-in-law. Girl was seven months pregnant. Titans don't seem to take pity on anyone." She frowned and looked to the side, the cold truth of those words hanging in the air. "If you can't run, there's no helping you. Still, the girl was a fighter, and she demanded I make myself scarce... I could do more good getting through to the refugees, than I could helping her waddle along. Her words... not mine." She sniffs and clears her throat.

"I'm sorry. I guess everyone's lost someone, or everyone's lost everything..." I grit my teeth as pain runs along my leg, but unfortunately it isn't the old injury. It's the other leg. Dammit, couldn't I have at least hurt the same one? Yeesh. I try to look again, but the nurse just pushes me back and passes me some water.

"I'll get you some more painkillers, but really you need to lie as still as you can. The doctor's will be around soon to check on your stitches and such. I'm afraid dear, you'll likely be made a spectacle of." The nurse finishes my bath, helps me into a fresh gown, but frowns all the while.

"Spectacle?" I repeat, and her nose wrinkles.

"A lot of talk's been going around about the soldier who was flying around the place, killing titans and getting people to safety. A lot of them were banging on about it being the spirit of Maria or some nonsense like that, but more and more people passing by you, identified it as yourself. Some stuck-up officials have made a point of mentioning how much your recovery will mean for morale."

I groan. "Oh, fucking wonderful."

"I'd a feeling you'd say that." The nurse chuckles. "You were rather out of it at the time, but when the mayor first came by to speak with you, I believe your words were, 'Titan's shittery, your aftershave is terrible'." She smiles broadly. It suits her more than the scowl.

"Oh dear... not even conscious and causing trouble." I sigh and giggle to myself as well. I wasn't about to become some poster-child for them. I hadn't done it for orders, I hadn't even really done it for the people. Let's face it, I tried my best to make good on the wrong I'd done. I tried to save as many people as possible to outweigh the fact I'd let a mother be eaten alive in front of her panicked son and daughter. Poster-child, I was not.

I take the painkillers and try to get some sleep, but as the noise of food trays clanks around the place, I guess it's time for lunch. Not soon after I've smelt a thin stew being placed by my bed, I hear the rustle of a military grade jacket.

"Hey Hannes." I mumble, blinking and looking up at his surprised face. "Thanks for coming by, again. Nurse was tellin' me you've been by every day."

He blushes and scratches the back of his neck. "Well I wanted to make sure you were doin' all right, not to mention I need to thank you."

"Thank me?" I repeat with a raised brow.

"For all that you did, not just with the other civilians, but for helping with the Jeager kids too." He takes his seat and leans forward on his knees. His face looks tired, wearied by whatever duties he had been given during the past three days. At least he didn't seem injured, that was something.

"Did they-"

"They got on a boat fine, and are staying in one of the refugee camps along the road. They're doin' good, Kat." He touches my cheek for a moment. "Thanks to you."

"I dunno how much help I was, but I'm glad they're all right." I sigh and look at the bowl of stew. "Don't suppose you could help me sit up? My stomach's churning like mad, so I assume I'm hungry." I chuckle, and he nods, carefully helping me up.

"Good to see your fever's goin' down. I was worried you'd just burn out on us."

"Nah, this old body can take a few more hits." I shrug and then wince, looking down at my arm, all bandaged up with splints and everything. With everything in such a haze, I hadn't really noticed. "Ah, so it is broken arm then?"

"Smashed shoulder more like. I was amazed that you'd not bled out by the time we reached Rose." He hands me the bowl, but pauses and takes it back. He gets some stew onto the spoon. I hate it, but considering my arm was fucked, and my good hand had shaken like mad when reaching, it was probably best. An invalid, I definitely was. I take a mouthful and hum in thanks, it was pretty good considering I think it's more oat and water than anything else.

"Mm... so what's the damage otherwise. Guess it's about time I found out, eh?" I wink at his anxious expression, and move my blankets.

I blink at the absolute patchwork of bandaging and stitches that covers me. I'm a mess. Then I see this little framework over my lower leg, the one that had hurt beforehand.

"Shit... I guess a smashed foot too?" I look to Hannes for confirmation, but he looks unsure. A cold sensation pools in my gut. "What's under that frame, Hannes?"

"Kat, stay calm all right. You... you got it busted up pretty bad, the bones were practically dust and they couldn't risk infection simply dragging you down with it. So they..." he sighs and gets up, tugs the blanket back and shows me what's under that little wire cage.

And frankly, it isn't much at all.

A inch or so below my knee, there's nothing. I stare. I'd felt pain there, I'd felt the foot against the blankets. Hadn't I? Trembling sinks into me and I swallow hard, the bandages blotched with red still as that stump glares back at me. One bad leg, and now one half-leg to boot. I put a hand to my mouth and bite back the tears, knowing plenty people had lost more, but shit I hadn't expected that.

I look at my arm and then to Hannes again, his eyes haven't left me. "You said my shoulder was smashed too... are they... d-do they think they'll have to-"

"Don't go trying to predict shit, Kat." He sighs, replacing the blanket, along with the rest, and spooning some more stew into my slack mouth. I eat it, but it's hard to swallow right now. "They got it set into place again pretty damn quick, and whilst it was pretty shredded up, a lot of it was muscle damage apparently. So... if they keep the blood moving, and avoid infection, you should be fine to keep it. Dunno how much use it'll be, but it shouldn't need chopped. Not from what they said." He explains and I nod, hand resting on the bandages and squeezing despite the pain.

If I could feel it, that meant the blood was fuelling it, right?

I lean back against the headboard and shake my head. "I dunno why, but I didn't see that coming. I kinda... I dunno... expected to make it out with scrapes and shit, or not make it out at all."

"It isn't often Scouts get to come back somewhere in the middle. So I can understand your confusion, but just take it slow, okay? This is gonna take time to recover from, no two ways about it." He then helps me finish the stew. Food was fuel, food would help my body fight things off. I'd already lost part of one limb, I had to at least try and hold onto the other.

"Just what in the world..." the Nurse appears again, blustering and putting her hands on those impressive hips. I glance at Hannes and smile softly at her. The Nurse sighs and looks to the frame. "You know then. Mr Hannes, I was not planning on telling her until at least tomorrow!"

"Yeah, yeah, Pretty Lady. But let's face it, as soon as those Scouting boys get here, she's gonna be heading off with them. They've got their own medics, and it ain't likely they'll want her staying here." Hannes taps her hand, making the woman bluster about all over again.

"I'll not hear of it!" She scoffs, and I just wait until she notices my expression of 'can I speak for myself?' which eventually she does. She looks at me imploringly. "You're not well enough to travel, my dear."

"Like Hannes said, we have our own medics, and I'd feel a lot better recovering out of the way. That frees up a bed for a refugee who really needs it, and lets me use up the Scout supplies rather than yours."

"I... b-but-"

I silence her with my smile. "You've been very kind, but really, this just makes the most sense. Although..." I pause and put my hand on the thigh of my diminished leg. "I am grateful you didn't tell me about my injuries right away."

"Oh... you... you are?" She wrung her hands together, having obviously not been too confident in her decision.

I nod. "Yup, I'd have likely panicked and set back my fever a day or more. You gave me the time to soak everything in. Hannes just knew that I needed to know once I'd asked. He's more than aware of how boulshy I can be, when denied my asks." I wink at him, and he laughs lightly.

"She's a bruiser all right."

The nurse approaches and takes my good hand in hers. She holds so tightly. "I sincerely hope you recover fully my dear, you did a lot of good for a lot of people."

I flinch back from that almost adoring look, but that's why she's holding my hand, isn't it? She won't let me escape. I lick my lips and nod, feeling a lump in my throat as my mind rebels against that idea. I had done some good perhaps, but not nearly enough. But then again, she wasn't thinking like that, was she?

I squeeze the nurse's hand in return. "I appreciate that." Then I find myself distracted as I see a familiar figure at the end of the room.

Levi had appeared in the infirmary doorway, looking around impatiently, but with his mask firmly in place. He spoke to a couple nurses, and then finally his gaze lands on me. His eyes only get slightly wider, but I know he's surprised to see me so bandaged up. I can barely even imagine what I'd be thinking if our roles had been reversed. I give a little wave and clear my throat, reaching for the water and trying to calm myself. It isn't that I think he'll scold me for losing limbs, he was harsh, not evil. But I know he won't be pleased about it either. Not that I'm exactly thrilled on the concept, of course. Right behind him, striding with intense purpose, was Sniffer himself. My boys had come to take me home, that makes the lump form in my throat swell.

"Finally, this is the third hospital we've looked in, was wondering if you'd started walking home." Mike chuckled, coming right over and then shaking Hannes hand. "We appreciate the messages you sent. You calmed a lot of panicked people."

Levi ignored the pleasantries of course and came to the other side of the bed. He reached out, as if he wanted to push my hair back, but his hand recedes immediately. He clears his throat. "Good to see you're already awake. They said you were out of it when we got word. Bastards kept us waiting a whole day or more."

Hannes flinched a little, and Mike rolled his eyes. "With everything going on, it's amazing we knew within a month, Captain."

Levi stiffened, but begrudgingly reached over me to shake Hannes' hand too. He then dragged a chair over and sat by my bed, eyes scanning me carefully. He pauses when reaching that lump in the blankets, but thankfully doesn't lift them yet.

I sip my water again. "Yeah I woke up this morning, they've been taking very good care of me. So has Hannes, he visited everyday." I nod to him and he just shrugs as he stands and straightens his jacket.

"I ain't done much but got plenty still to do. I'll be headin' off, plenty watch shifts needing covered, and I might as well pull my weight. Glad to know you're on the mend Kat, good luck." He nods his head and walks off, whistling to himself and chatting to a couple nurses as he goes.

"Is he the drunk guy that messed up the gate signals a while back?" Mike raises a brow at me, and I can't help but laugh. Of all the things to remember about the man. Poor Hannes always made the wrong impression at some point.

"Yup, that'd be him. Though I think it's safe to say he's fairly sober right now." I look down at the blankets and see Levi's hand land nearby. I glance at him, and see his gaze is lingering on that lump in the bed now. I have to tell them right away, it was something they needed to know, and something we all needed to learn to live with. "S-Seems I took quite the bashing out there."

"They didn't tell us much beyond the fact you were unconscious." Mike murmurs, eyeing me a little nervously. His own gaze is fixed on the bandaging on my shoulder area. "Kat, what's the damage?"

I smile nervously, and something like fear lights in his eyes. I gesture to my arm first. "Broken arm and busted shoulder. It's u-um... it's still up for review on being kept or not."

"Kept?" Levi repeats, and even as I keep my eyes on Mike, I know my Captain is staring at me.

"Y-Yeah. Some cuts and bruising all over, probably a fresh fracture in my ribs too. And... w-well... they.." I swallow hard and gesture to the frame under the blanket. "They had to take my lower leg. G-Go ahead, take a look." I nod, and Levi does so carefully, revealing the bandaged stump to them both.

"Shit." My Captain breathes, staring as his hand holding the blanket shakes ever-so-slightly. His eyes dart back to me, and I see that fear in him too. "And you're saying they might take your arm as well?"

"Maybe, but they've done a good job to set it, and get me this far." I reassure him, and he gives a small nod, eyes dragged back to the bloodied bandaging. The silence is too heavy, so I work to keep it broken. "The um... th-the foot was busted up too bad, so they had to ch-chop it before gangrene took me over the edge of the fever." I blink hard and keep the tears back, their pity a little overwhelming in that moment. "Guess I wasn't fast enough."

"The way they've been talking about you, you seemed to have done the feat of the gods. You should hear the stories floating around out there." Mike breathes, looking at me and pursing his lips. "You saved a lot of people, Kat."

"Yeah, the more people say that to me, the more I wonder if I left a trail of bodies behind me." I clench my hand in the sheets. "I won't be able to serve in the regiment any more, will I?" I ask, and neither of them can meet my eye. Either they don't know, or they simply don't want to admit that they do.

"I'm going to speak to the doctor, see if we can get you home today." Levi says, walking off. I watch him leave, his shoulders are tensed and his hands are in fists. Whatever is going on in his head, its loud and unpleasant. I look to Mike, but he's carefully covering up the damned stump again, looking guiltier by the second.

"C'mon Sniffer, it's still me." I sigh, and he looks up in surprise, nodding and clearing his throat. "I swear I feel all right about it, so don't you lot fall apart instead."

"It's not that, Kat." He admits, glancing after Levi before sitting where Hannes had been beforehand. "For that silent day we hadn't heard anything? Levi was a mess. I mean, not literally obviously, but he worked every moment flat-out. He just kept going till he passed-out in the gear store at god-knows what time in the morning. We were all debating whether to simply head here and search, but Erwin just tried to keep everyone calm. Then we found out you were alive and... I think the whole HQ breathed out a sigh of relief, y'know?" He looks up at the ceiling and closes his eyes. "I just know that Levi had it in his head you'd be bashed up, but not... Not like this."

"Mm... I can understand that. I don't even know when it happened." My hand runs along my leg absent-mindedly. Then I swallow as images occur to me. "Oh well... maybe I do." I correct, thinking back and guessing it was around the time I was flung through the air by that armoured bastard. My stomach churns. "I'll need to give a full report I guess, set things straight for Erwin, let him know everything that went down."

"I think even he, will be willing to wait a few days, Kat. I'm not sure you should even travel." He glanced towards the approaching voices of Levi and a doctor. I reached out and took Mike's hand, making him jump a little.

I squeeze. "I want to go home, Mike. Please. I can't stand knowing I'm taking up a bed for some helpless refugee. I need to get back out to HQ, and I need to start helping with the aftermath." I say quickly, pleading with him. I must look a little deranged, but I don't care. I know the longer I linger in this bed, the more the memories are gonna resurface. I'd rather endure them in my own room, in my own bed, where I can scream into my own fucking pillow.

Mike looks unsure.

"Right then, Katsumi," The doctor drawls, and I let go of my friend's hand. "Good to see you sitting up and full informed on your situation." He looked through notes and let his half-moon spectacles slide to the end of his pointed nose. "Captain Levi here tells me you wish to be heading back to the Headquarters of the Scouting Legion today?"

"If at all possible, yes. I'd rather free up the bed, sir." I nod, and the doctor nods, seemingly uninterested in the entire world as he peruses the notes again. His eyes look me over slowly. I feel like a bug under a spyglass.

"Well, I'll have to check your arm, but if it looks all right, and you feel you have the strength, then I don't see why not." He gave a fake smile, before shrugging his shoulders. "Mind you, the mayor won't be happy."

"Fuck the mayor." Levi snapped, and the doctor's brows nearly disappeared under his thinning hair. "She's not a morale boost, she's a recovering soldier who needs to report back."

"Indeed. Well, excuse me Captain, I just need to look over this arm." He says, approaching and then carefully undoing the bandaging. I wince and look away, hoping that the tenderness was normal, and that it didn't mean infection had set in. I didn't mean to, but I seem to be holding my breath.

He pokes. He prods. He hums. He haws. I grit my teeth but eventually I have to look, and I can suddenly tell why Levi had been so quiet. My skin, despite being pinked and generally healthy looking otherwise, has huge welts all over it, and I can only guess that was where the muscle damage had occurred. The bruising is a deep purple, that seems to bleed out into my veins in several areas. I wiggle my fingers when told to, and swallow hard as the arm is bound up again.

"All right, well despite the rather horrendous appearance, the healing is going nicely. The lower part of your arm was very pale when you first came in, so that seems to have lessened. Be sure to get regular check-ups at your own Headquarters, or perhaps even stay in the infirmary there. You're not recovered, Miss, but if you feel up to it, I see no reason for you not to travel." He nods, makes a small bow and takes his leave.

"You'll stay in the infirmary." Levi confirms to me, mask in place, but jaw very tight as he looks around for some clothing nearby, before giving up and going in search for some himself. I look to Mike and find him clasping and unclasping his hands, clearly deep in thought as he moves his lips silently.

"Mike? What's wrong?"

"I just don't think you should travel." He sighs, shrugging and smirking soon after. "But I also know I'll just be told to be quiet. Old bugger being paranoid, I guess."

"I wanna come home, Mike."

"I know, Claws, I know." He nods with that wry smile in place. "Don't worry, I'm not about to argue with you. Not when you look so small."

I want to be offended, but I know it's concern lacing his voice right now. I reach out with my good hand, and he takes it to squeeze. He then lets go, and moves the screens into place.

"I'll let Levi help you into your clothing, whilst I get the carriage closer to the door, or as close as I possibly can."

He heads away and I look to Levi as he sets the clothes down, and moves the screens into place on his side too. He lays things out, pulls back the blankets and then stares at the little frame again. He opens his mouth to speak, hesitates and then ducks out of the screens, coming back with the nurse moments later. Seems he felt out of his depth.

"Right, let's get you ready to head out. He all right to stay?" She asks, nodding to Levi, who's eyes remain on the lacking foot. He didn't even hear her. I smile at her and nod, shuffling forward and wincing. This wakes my Captain up, him coming round the other side and looking to the nurse.

"Can she be lifted?"

"If you're not going to drop her, yes." She nods with a small wink at me, I blush a bit and loop my good arm round his neck. He scoops me up carefully and shifts me to the end of the bed's edge, keeping me steady as the nurse helps me with the trousers. She even pins the unused leg material back for me. She then looks to Levi and me. "I assume you can handle the top half?"

"Just about." He nods, and she grins before tottering off again.

Levi tugs the medical gown off me and then brushes my hair back. He looks so hesitant. He glances around the abandoned seclusion we're in, and then cups my face to kiss me. I'm surprised, though certainly not unwilling, my good hand clutching at his jacket and pulling him closer. His fingers move into my hair, and he breathes deeply. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he'd missed me.

"I'm sorry I made you worry." I breathe unevenly when we break away, I put my head against his chest.

He kisses my hair and sighs. "It's fine, not your doing. I was fairly sure you would be the phantom soldier everyone was yammering on about anyway. You did good, Kat. But even more so, to bring yourself back alive." He runs his hands through my hair, over and over, and I just stay where I am. Maybe he's trying to maintain composure or something, I don't want to ruin that for him. His heartbeat is calming, despite it's heightened speed.

"Gotta keep those memories alive, right?" I whisper, feeling him tense under me. I sniff and feel a couple tears roll down my nose. I can't deny I'm glad to be alive, but now I just have to run through everything I need to remember. Isabel and Farlan, Chai and the kids, they had to live on in my memories. I had to keep them going.

"Yeah, we can both do that. I'm just glad I don't have to keep you there too." He swallows hard, and the tension remains in his body.

I nuzzle his chest. "I just wanted to do whatever I could."

"When don't you?" He murmurs, lips against my hair.

"The Garrison did well but... they weren't ready. No one was. Fuck, Levi it was awful. Not like beyond the walls... For a while, I could barely move... seeing all _that_ inside a populated area? It was pretty surreal." I sigh, and he shifts to tap my chin and make me look at him.

"I won't pretend to know what you've seen, but... keep in mind, you're not alone, all right? This isn't something you need to brave alone. You're gonna need time to heal, and we have that time. It won't be long before the snow's set in anyway, so I doubt Smith's got another mission planned." His hand cups my cheek again and I lean into it. He sighs. "I'm so sorry you had to deal with that fight without back-up though." He kisses my head and then helps me on with the shirt, my arm strapped to my side underneath.

A couple minutes later, Mike clears his throat on the other side of the screens, and we can head for the carriage. At first, simply by habit, I tried to stand up, but thankfully Levi was ready for that mistake. He caught me and held me up, shaking his head before scooping me into his arms.

He clicked his tongue as he strode through the infirmary. "Properly pampered right now, aren't you?"

"Mm, such a demanding woman I am." I chuckle and lean my head against his chest, the movement having made me a little dizzy. But it was good, I was heading home again.

We walk through the infirmary, and many nurses pause to give small nods and broad smiles. Seems I had made a bit of a name for myself, and for once it was for positive reasons. I end up hiding, turning my head further into Levi and blaming it on fatigue. To be honest, that isn't far off. With every sway of his stride I find myself lured into that calm embrace. He was warm, he was steady, he was familiar. My breathing deepens, my muscles uncoil. This was where I felt safe, this was where the nightmares couldn't touch me. My heart slows and I sigh as I feel that last grasp on consciousness slip away.

* * *

By the time my eyes flicker open again, we're well on our way. Inside the carriage, with Levi still holding onto me, I hum and wriggle a bit. I stretch and wince as my bad arm gave protest. Ouch. I push my hair back and look up, finding Levi sitting back with his eyes closed, but of course he isn't really asleep.

"Rest well, brat?" He murmurs.

"Yeah, thanks. You could've just laid me down you know, I wouldn't have minded." I rub my eyes as his hold tightened for a moment.

"Didn't want to risk you rolling off the seat and furthering your injuries. We're probably halfway back to the HQ by now. We had to stop and change your bandage though, the nurse was pretty particular in her instructions." He says, a hint of irritation there.

"She was a kind woman, Levi, only trying to help."

"Mm, well you seem to have been well looked after," he agrees and then shifts his weight. I sit up a bit again and he grumbles. "Just stay still, would you?"

"I can sit on my own, Levi. I won't sleep again for a while, or else I'll be up all night. Your arms must be tired, set me down on the seat you stubborn old fool." Having realised we are alone in here, I kiss his cheek and he grumbles something else before doing as I ask. The seat is cold, and a little hard, but even now he gives his arm a little rub. Silly man. "I assume Mike's driving?"

"I'd hope so." He pinches the bridge of his nose, clearly behind on sleep.

"So what was the situation back at base?"

"To begin with, nothing really. There were rumours about what that panicked messenger had been reporting, but of course, beyond that, none of the brats knew. I told our Squad first of all, and of course that set them off into little panics about you but... it didn't take them long to focus. We sent squads to the various refugee spots but most of our manpower was kept for our own move." He explains, and I pause, blinking and slowly turning to him from the view outside. Unfamiliar countryside rolls past. I frown, and he raises a brow at me. "Well we can hardly stay there now, can we? Maria has fallen."

"Oh... I..." I sink back into my seat and shrug. "I guess not, no. I hadn't thought of that."

"Of course you hadn't, you were fucked-up and passed-out." He clicks his tongue and looks to my leg again, frowning. "I don't really know what Smith is gonna make of that."

"It isn't up for much interpretation, Levi. It's a stump." I shrug and fiddle with the trouser leg slightly. "I want to stay with you, though. I don't care what post I have to take instead, even if its the damned cook, I ain't leaving the Scouts."

"Wouldn't have expected you to, but I'm glad I don't need a medic to explain to you that you can't be an active Squad member any more." He almost smirks and I share in it. To be fair, with my boneheaded nature, it wasn't that much of a stretch that I'd try and claim that. _Oh yeah, I can totally still use the gear effectively. Peg-legs are known for their manoeuvrability!_ In all honesty I was a little tempted to at least give it a go. But in the end, it would only cause more grief. Not to mention hilarity for Mike.

Then a word rings in my ear.

Medic.

I glance outside again. Medics stayed in the wagons, they had the wounded brought to them more often than not. Surely, that was an option? I could get trained up, study over the winter, and then begin my work on the next mission. My work needn't be over. I'm a fast learner, and have basic field medical training anyway. I bite my lip. Would it work? Could I still make a difference?

Levi nudges me. "What's going on in that head, Kat?"

"You think I'd make a good medic?" I ask, looking to him again.

He blinks and I watch it sink through his mind. He looks ahead, lips pursed as he considers it. He then nods. "Yeah, you've always had a knack for tending to people."

In all honesty, I'm surprised he didn't put up a fight.

"Yeah?" I grin. "Thanks!"

"Then again, how badly would you drive everyone in HQ mad, as you waited on our return?" He quips with an almost chuckle afterwards. Oh, he thought I meant in HQ. He hadn't considered for a second, that I might be talking about the plains. Uh oh.

I shake my head. "No, Levi, I meant on the field itself. I could go with the medical teams on the wagons and-"

"Absolutely not." He snaps, jaw tightly flexed.

I feel like a dog that's had its nose bopped by a newspaper. "Levi, don't just-"

"No." His eyes widen slightly. "How the hell can you even consider that right now? You've only just made it through this. You need time to heal, and even when you've done that, if something happened on the field you would be helpless." He glares, looming in a bit, but I don't shift.

"It wouldn't be until after winter anyway. For god's sake, I'll be healed entirely by that point, you know I will! Don't be such an ass." I turn away, but he makes me look at him again, his gaze unrelenting as he grips my chin.

"Who's being the ass? You're seriously considering going out there, like this?" He gestures to my leg and arm and I grit my teeth, eyes feeling warm as I look to the side. He thinks I'm useless now? He sighs. "Kat please... you'd be a sitting duck."

"I can't _not_ fight!" I bark, breaking away from his sighing, his pity, and feeling my trembling return. He stares at me, looking confused. I sniff and swallow hard. "Levi if I don't fight then I... I d-dunno how to live."

"Kat..."

"I can't just stay behind wondering if you're gonna come back. It was bad enough this time. I explored every inch of that town, visited cafes, did what normal people do, but even with all that... I... my mind never left you and the Squad." I gulp and lay my head against his shoulder, shaking it to and fro. "Please don't shut me inside the walls because of this. I can learn, and I can adapt. We've always done that."

"But this isn't the same." He breathes, the anger slipping away. I feel a shiver go through him too. "Before now, I could always count on your ability to run the hell out of danger, to be able to dodge the worst of things when you could. Like this? I can't rely on that. Like this, it would feel like I was using you as fodder."

"You're not using me, I'm volunteering... a-and not as fodder. As a means of healing, as a way of bringing soldiers home when they might otherwise be left on the plains. Please, Levi. I ain't asking your permission, but I want you to understand, at least." I beg, looking up and putting my hand to his cheek, the light dimming from outside as we pass into the woodland area. "At least consider it an option? We have time to think it through... a-and if the medical team don't want me, or think I would be more of a liability than anything else, then of course I won't push for it. I... I just..."

"Want to help." He finishes, eyes closed and jaw finally relaxing. I nod and smile, his eyes softer when he looks at me again, and he carefully wipes my tears away. "I'll think about it, all right? But Kat... you have to know how scared I was."

"I know, of course I know."

"I kept thinking back, and wondering what might have happened if I had lingered, if I'd decided to stick with you and see you to the doctor's myself." He frowns, and the guilt radiates off of him.

"Hindsight is everything, but it's also a bastard." I chuckle thickly, and he nods, kissing me tenderly and making more tears fall.

I'm so glad he didn't have to read that letter.

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed, hope you're still reading? See you in 3-4 weeks!**

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	31. Chapter 31

**Hello all! Hope you're having a good lead up to the festive season. Another 3-4 weeks, another update. Hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.**

* * *

It took a long time to get to the meeting room, mainly because the place is still being cleaned up for our use, but also because we had a horde of people waiting on us. Seems my return was well awaited. A wheelchair's provided thankfully, thus avoiding making Levi haul my ass along the corridors himself. No point embarrassing the poor man. I wave at the waiting faces, and I thank them for the warm welcome. But really I'm just grateful not to have a dozen questions thrown in my face. They're glad to see me, but thankfully being withheld with their curiosity. When we finally make it to the meeting room, I breathe a little easier. I lean against the table, my head on the wooden table-top once locked in place.

"You sure you want to do this right away?" Mike asks gently, his hand on my back as I take deep breaths in and out.

I give a thumbs up, but don't attempt speech right now. Moving at all was really taking it out of me. Had the loss of my lower leg also lopped off my energy reserves? This feels ridiculous.

"I'll get the others." Mike says before he leaves.

I just stay where I am and try to steady myself. I have to give a report now, I have to outline it all and let them write it down. Details upon details, reliving it. Fucking hell can I do this? My body trembles at the idea, but I know wasting time did no one any good. I can just fall apart in my room afterwards, right? My hands curl into fists.

"You ready for this?" Levi murmurs, a soft clunk next to my head indicating I had a fresh cup of tea waiting for me.

I sit up and stare at the teacup, smiling softly at the homey touch. It was so simple, and yet it had me feeling teary-eyed. I don't think I'd thought it consciously, but I'll admit it now, I had wondered if I'd ever be back amongst this again. During that battle, nothing had been certain, and I guess in the back of my mind I had truly wondered if it was the end. This was a new building, but it was the same home underneath that. Same people, same energy within the walls, same pleasant brand of tea softly steaming in front of me.

My lips tremble.

"We should delay." Levi says, sitting next to me. His eyes are fixed on my trembling frame when I glance his way and smile softly, wiping away the tears and sniffing.

"N-No, I'm fine."

Levi glares. "I really don't think you are."

"Levi I promise, I just... i-it's good to be home." I sniff again and nod, picking up the tea and cradling it as I blow gently. "Thank you, I needed this."

"All right, if you're sure. And of course, anything." He nods, sipping his own and moving his chair a little closer to mine. "If you need to stop, then just say. I don't think even Smith could demand things of you right now."

"Don't jinx it." I murmur, sipping the tea and sighing as the warmth sinks through me.

"I don't need to worry about jinxing anything." He puts a hand on my leg and pats gently. "I won't let anyone drag you through this, more than you're ready to."

I smile against the cup. "My ever faithful, Captain." I glance his way and note the slight blush threatening upon his cheeks. He shrugs, managing to compose himself before we hear footsteps approaching along the corridor.

Show time.

Gradually they all file in. Hanji staggered a little, having been reading notes whilst walking as per usual. But then she blinks at me and looks on the verge of tears herself. I haven't exactly looked in a mirror, but I guess I don't have to right now. Covered in bandages, bruised to the hilts, from the look on my dear friend's face, I'm a bloody mess. She comes over and hugs me carefully.

"I'm so glad you're back, Kat. Thanks for pulling through."

"My pleasure." I chuckle at her odd choice of words before she hurries away to her seat.

Other Squad leaders arrive in dribs and drabs, nodding to me, or taking the time to come shake my hand. It's a little harrowing to be honest, knowing all these people would be hanging on my every word. I don't even know if I can help at this point. The horse had bolted from the stable, and now we had to try and clean the shit left behind. Then again, if it was ever going to happen again, we had to be ready. Of course, that idea alone has my head in a spin. It could happen at any time, couldn't it?

My horrible reverie is thankfully broken when I see me and Levi's team. I look at them all, and they stare right back. Petra's eyes are pink round the edges, and I'm glad she comes over for a proper hug. The poor girl looks like she's been a mess for days.

"How you doin' love?" I murmur in her ear, and she laughs into a sob, head against my good shoulder. She's shaking like a leaf.

"Much better now that you're back with us."

"Yup, I'm like a bad penny. You just can't get rid of me." I chuckle and pat her back.

Her hold on my tightens a little. "You really scared me there, Kat."

"I'm sorry."

"Just... just don't do that again, okay?" She sits back and stares at me hard.

"I'll do my best." I kiss her cheek and she heads back over to the side, sniffing and thankfully being held close by Eld. He kindly puts an arm round her. He was a good man.

Erwin strides in last and has a similar reaction to me, as Hanji had. It wasn't often you caught the Commander looking surprised, so it was a sight to behold. He comes over and shakes my good hand, bowing low in respect before heading to the other side of the table. We don't sit at opposite ends though, thankfully they were taking into account, I'm not exactly in the best shape to annunciate across a room. Erwin sits with parchment ready.

It takes a couple attempts, I won't lie. My lips tremble a little too much too often, and my breathing hitches as I delve deeper into the details. I outline the time-frame as best I can, in hindsight it hadn't been very long at all, but during the fight it had felt like days. Endless days of blood, screaming and steam. I describe the civilian reaction and evacuation. I mention the good work of the Garrison, and highlight the speed at which they became over-run by Titans. It wasn't a couple, it was a fucking swarm almost immediately. They flooded through, as if drawn there by the big bastard himself. Like a call to arms or something.

I explain where I was when it started, how I got my gear, and the numbers I think I managed to help. Then I give as much detail on the 'Colossal' to them as I can. Many faces look horrified, and I'll admit I can't blame the ones that look disbelieving. Had I not been there myself, I likely would have doubted it too. My knuckles are white by the end of my description of the Colossal, the image itself making me start to tremble all over again. I couldn't get it out of my head, a Titan that large, capable of smashing through the wall. It came out of nowhere.

I have to pause for a couple minutes, just to avoid my voice turning into a rambled mess. Thankfully patience is filling the room, so I just calm myself down and continue. Then of course I move onto the 'Armoured Titan'. I hadn't known the bastards had been given titles so quickly, but there it was. I have to recall him as carefully as possible. After all, it was him that truly broke through Maria.

I explain it all as best I can, and earn a couple concerned, and slightly annoyed looks when I explain just how close I'd been to the Armoured.

Mike leans in. "So you managed to latch onto it?"

"To an extent, yeah." I nod, and lick my dry lips. "My first hook just bounced off, but thankfully the second took hold. But my b-blades... they just snapped against his skin." I swallow hard and look at my hands, remembering the way the shock-wave had rattled them. "Broke like dried twigs. He was huge, fast, and intelligent."

"Intelligent?" Levi repeats, slowly lowering his cup to the saucer, his eyes narrowed.

I swallow and nod. "He... h-he didn't just randomly start running, it wasn't as deranged as a regular Abnormal's charge. It was c-calculated. He went to the main street, looked at the Garrison like you would if figuring out a manoeuvrer."

"How close were you when you think you saw this?" Erwin asks, glancing up and blinking at my glare that had fallen into place. He clears his throat. "I'm not suggesting you're wrong, I'm only keeping in mind you were in the heat of battle, Katsumi."

"Don't disregard what I'm saying because I might've been soaked in blood." I mutter at him, and he nods, looking down at the paper again. "It _was_ calculated. He went to the main road, the straight line to the inner gate, and then he..." I swallow hard and sip my water.

"It's all right, take your time." Petra says gently, and I give a nod.

"Then he hunkered down, readied himself to run and just... b-bolted. He aimed right at the gate, like he knew it was a weak point. It was calculated and thought through." I explain, sitting back as I try to steady myself.

"So you were on it's back when it went through the gate?" Hanji asks softly.

When I look her way, I see no manic curiosity, in fact I see more horror than anything. I nod and swallow back the pointless sobs catching in my throat. My emotions are all over the place. I was fine, I was home, I was safe. The beast wasn't near here, and he wasn't about to throw me across another roof. I was fine. There was no need to panic right now. Yet even with all that in mind, my heart is thundering, my palms are sweating, and my head is pounding. Dammit, I feel so foolish.

"It charged through, skidded to a halt and then r-released a shit tonne of steam."

"He released it?" Levi doesn't look disbelieving or anything, just damn-well confused.

I nod. "It was like he needed to relieve pressure of something. That... th-that was when it noticed I was there." I look to Eriwn, his quill having paused as he stares at me. The room seems to get smaller, and I feel a cold sweat gather on the back of my neck. Pressure builds round my torso, as if gripped by that armoured fist all over again. "It reached out, grabbed hold of me, and threw me into the buildings a good half-mile away from where it had stopped. I think that was wh-when my leg got fucked up, and my shoulder."

"Hannes said he found you on a rooftop." Mike nods in confirmation.

"Y-Yeah. I was basically out of it after that, and Hannes got me to the medical wagons... I... I don't remember anything else, s-sorry." I lay my hand flat on the table and try to just fucking breathe. This pressure is building around my body still and I'm just hoping it'll pass.

Silence reigns and I feel my pulse in my mouth. Am I going to vomit? Am I going to pass out? I stare at the tea-cup and wait for someone to react. I'm a little surprised no one has called me a fool yet, that no one has pointed out how useless the whole endeavour was. I'd nearly got myself killed, and prevented nothing. Maria had fallen. The day was lost. Yet here I was, sat chatting about it with a cup of tea.

"It didn't try to eat you?" Hanji breathes finally.

I shake my head, sniffing. "No."

She looks to Erwin. "That's remarkable. I don't think we've really ever seen that before..."

"Remarkable, and rather disturbing." Erwin agrees, noting more down. He nods to me without looking. "What _exactly_ did it do, when it grabbed you, Katsumi?"

"Do we really need that amount of detail?" Levi growls, his hand having landed on my leg again. "She told you, it grabbed her and threw her. What more could you want?"

"We need every detail we can get."

"Why?" He snarls, but I can't stop him right now. The touch of his hand had started to beat back the crushing sensation at least, so I was just concentrating on refilling my lungs.

Erwin sighs. "This is a new beast to be dealt with, Levi. A whole new level of terror. I don't like to drag Katsumi through it again, any more than you do. But we need the detail whilst it's fresh."

He was right, I know the Commander's right. It just doesn't help keep the sting of bile away from the back of my throat.

"It's fine, Captain." I whisper, and Levi just grumbles and sits back. But his hand stays where it is. "When it had f-finished releasing the steam, the Armoured growled. It grabbed me and brought me round to its face. A-At first I thought it _was_ gonna eat me, but n-no, it just kinda looked at me. Its eyes they... th-they seemed to get brighter when it studied me. It squeezed me, breathed its rancid hot breathe on me, and then th-threw me. Like I was nothing more than a stone in its shoe." I gag and put a hand over my mouth. Levi's hand moves to my back. A couple tense seconds go by, but I manage to swallow down what little water and tea I'd drunk. "I-It was like it knew I couldn't do a damned thing. But it wanted to make sure I couldn't anyway." I mumble through my hand, curling in on myself and gripping my jaw tight.

I need to push through it, I can't fall apart, not here.

"Just breathe, Kat." Levi mutters, and I nod. I breathe in though my nose and raggedly out my mouth. "I think that's enough for now anyway, right? She's given you everything. We can't do anything for the time being anyway. Maria's a no-go zone, and after our losses on the field during the last mission, we're in no state to be back out there before the winter's been through."

"Whilst I would prefer to head out on a damage assessment patrol, you're right, Captain." Erwin sighs, and I hear the parchment being patted together into a file.

A tragedy of immense proportions, family lives torn asunder, and it was all neatly tapped together. Dammit, I can't stand it. I just want to forget it all, I don't want to hear those pleas for mercy, those families I had to leave behind in order to make for the gate and help where I could. The numbers I had to abandon, far outweighs the numbers I saved.

"I think we can all agree, you showed immense skill and courage on the regiment's behalf, Katsumi." Erwin says, and I know he's standing. I peer up, still holding my mouth closed for the time being. He nods and salutes, everyone else, bar Levi, doing the same. My shame thrums within me. "We offer our thanks, our condolences for what you have had to live through, and our enduring gratitude."

I nod and look down again. People start to move, and conversation bubbles up all around. But I know I have to ask right away, I can't let Levi try to talk me out of it.

"B-Before we end this meeting, I need to ask something, Commander."

"Anything."

"I wish to be trained as a medic." I say and I hear a couple confused murmurs rumble round the room. Levi retracts his hand and sighs. I continue anyway. "I know I can't be an active Scout any longer but... but I don't wish to be taken out of the fight either." I breathe, studying my lap as I feel the stares boring into me. Levi has at least stayed quiet for the time being.

"Kat..." I hear Petra say, her steps approaching, and her hands resting on my good arm as she kneels by my other side. I glance at her, and only see concern in those hazel eyes. Don't doubt me, please? "You really think you could stand to go back onto the field?"

"Of course." I sniff, and am amazed as a soft smile takes to her lips.

"You're impossible."

Levi clicks his tongue. "Agreed."

"I just can't stand to think I can no longer help. I h-have to try." I breathe, closing my eyes and feeling those useless tears roll down. Petra sighs and wipes them away with those delicate fingers.

"I can understand that. I think we all can." She says and I sniff at the sound of agreement in the room. Dammit this is too kind to me. "Good thing we have the winter at least, to get you sorted though. God knows a force of nature is all that'll hold you back."

"Indeed." Erwin speaks at last, and I look at him uncertainly. He draws a deep breath, clasps his hands behind his back and nods. "I see no reason to avoid you learning a new skill, Katsumi. However, I do not agree with you returning to the field."

I tense, about to argue when he holds up a hand to me. The man knew when I had a rant ready to go. Dunno if I should be glad he was learning, or concerned.

"However, I also know that a simple refusal will do no good."

"Since when?!" Hanji scoffs, earning a slight glare from her superior.

He clears his throat. "So I will agree to you being trained, and to the field medics putting you through your paces over the winter months. It will be _their_ decision in the end. You do not need to convince me, Captain Levi, or anyone else in this room. We all know you're determined enough to do anything, however, you will need to convince the head medic. Am I clear?"

I nod, unable to speak as I feel an overwhelming sense of dread and relief at the same time. I wanted it, of course I did, I wouldn't have asked if I was unsure. But now that permission had been granted, I was also anxious as hell. Once the snows had melted away from the world, once winter had given way to spring, I would be put to the test. I just hope I can hold my nerve when the time comes.

I'm wheeled out of there by Levi and taken to the infirmary. Just like he said. I know I'll be here for a while, by all accounts I'm still totally broken. But really, this was the prime place to be when wanting to learn about the medical profession. Here are the brains I need to pick at, to bother about learning. I'll drive them mad, won't I?

I already know many of the medics, but I have to admit I'm glad to see Moblit Berner (Hanji's over-worked assistant) approaching my bed. Considering his stress-levels, the man has an incredibly calm demeanour about him. Right away, he sits with me and discusses some of the basics that he knows, and the ones that come in most handy when out on the field. He's a tome of information, and as his mind flits about the place, guessing where I might have gone before even I have. I can see why he works so well with Hanji. Poor man, but a brilliant one all the same.

As the lanterns are being lit, Levi gives into his impatience. He tugs the notebook out of my hand, and asks Berner to leave. I lie back and Levi pulls some screens into place. It was a good start, but really my head was already feeling a little soupy. He knew that didn't he? He always seems to know my weaknesses before I do.

Levi sits by my bed and leans on the mattress. I roll towards him and prod his hands that are clasped atop the sheets. He smirks, but stares at the linen rather than meeting my eyes.

"Levi?" I murmur, prodding again and glad to see him look up at last.

"You do know I'd still care about you, if you weren't a soldier right?"

"What?"

"This... this isn't my doing or anything, is it?" He asks, frowning and pursing his lips.

I blink and tilt my head at him. "What isn't your doing?"

He sighs and hangs his head. "This need to be in the fight. I haven't done that, have I?"

When he looks back up, he looks torn, confused. He doesn't suit it at all. I lean in and put my head to his, my hands over his and I hold tight.

"The world did it, Levi. Not you. I know you'd still care about me, but this... this isn't about you. Not at all. This is about me." I explain, and he nods, surprising me with a gentle kiss to my lips.

"All right, that's fine then. I just wanted to make sure you weren't being a brat about it. I'll... well I won't deny I still hate it in every way. But I'll do what I can to support you in this. Hanji was blabbering about making you a false leg of some kind. I don't think it's going to be a normal wooden leg either."

"Normal? From Hanji?" I chuckle and am glad to see a slight murmur go through him as well.

I was home now, we could regroup and plan. As long as the enemy was going to allow that. I swallow hard and open my eyes again, that giant red hand swimming into view. Such a normal day, thrown into chaotic hell.

"Kat?" Levi puts his hands over mine. "Hey, what's going on in that head?"

"You... you heard what I said about the Colossal, right?" I purse my lips, trying to keep my voice low to avoid any panic other than my own. Or the fresh bout of it creeping into Levi's gaze. "It just appeared, without warning. It was a normal day, nothing led up to it..."

"Kat you can't live in fear, don't let the big bastard win." Levi puts a hand to my cheek and makes me look at him. He's so certain, and whilst I saw panic creeping into place before, I know he's sincere now. It was true, living in fear only meant the Titans were winning. We couldn't let that be the case, not after all this time, not after all our previous battles.

"Y-Yeah... you're right. I know you're right. I just... d-dammit it was fucking massive. And I guess I can't help but just wonder, why. Why is it they even hunt us down? They don't digest us, they don't need us to keep living... I... d-dammit, I sound like a fucking fool." I lean into his hand and he runs his thumb under my eye.

"No, you sound like someone who's just been through a literal hell."

"You are being way too soft with me." I snort, and I hear him sigh yet again. I was exhausting him.

"Just give yourself time, Kat. You're not just healing this busted up body, but your head too. This wasn't something we were prepared for... I mean no one fucking was. We're all reeling. It's fine." He breathes, putting that hand into my hair and holding me close.

* * *

The snows fell, the days grew shorter and my body continued to heal. My own progress seems to be the slowest though. Bit by bit the windows were filled and the glass was frosted over. If it hadn't been so bitterly cold out there, seeping in through gaps in the old window sills, it might've been very pleasant indeed. The patrols carried on doing their work, resorting to foot patrols when the snow was finally too deep to make the horses worth the effort. This new base had plenty woodland around it, and so plenty places for people to linger if they so wished. Perhaps it was paranoid, but considering all the letters Erwin had been receiving from the MP's regarding my whereabouts, no one was taking chances.

At first it seemed to be the want to thank me, to ask that I might come to town and accept the ongoing gratitude of the MP's for having stepped in when I did. That was fair enough. I mean, we politely refused, but their gesture was appreciated. Then, when Erwin remained vague on my condition and whereabouts, the tone shifted. They wanted to know where I was. The needed to know where I was. And for some reason, they were rather vague about why. That was never a great sign. Erwin offered to send them my full report, after all, I had nothing to hide. But this was not sufficient. As this weirdness went on, Levi spent more and more time by my bed in the infirmary. He worked there, and eventually he was sleeping there too. I get the feeling they aren't telling me everything, but considering my continuing issue with energy levels I haven't the mental capacity to demand the truth. Whatever was going on, presumably I was safe for now.

With the world falling so quiet otherwise, I guess everyone is slightly on tenterhooks either. It was hard not to be. After so much chaos in Shiganshina, it was strange to have the winter months of peace so immediately following it. Like slamming into a wall after a three mile sprint.

But beyond that, things were going well in terms of healing and such. My arm was out of the sling in a month or so, and we were working well to keep it moving. Unfortunately it would likely always have the issue of being prone to locking up, and I could only raise it so far, but I could at least still use it. My leg, though gone below the knee, was healing well. No infection took hold, and beyond some deep bruising, I was doing very well indeed. It turned out Hanji had been working on a leg for me, and had managed to give me one with a little bit of give in it. Not just a wooden stick, it had some kind of mechanism that took the edge off the impact from my steps. It made for a much easier transition, almost feeling like an ankle. It didn't mean I was able to use gear effectively, nothing would every allow for that, but it did make the everyday easier for sure. That was a gift in itself.

The first time I tried to stand on it, I fell on my face. It wasn't the pain, though that had been surprising in itself, but it was the sensation of numbness. I was standing atop something I could not feel. Beyond anything else, it was damned weird. Slowly though, with physio-therapy and careful diligence by my ever-caring comrades, I was able to get the hang of it. After about a month and a half, I was able to walk around on my own. Not great distances or anything, but enough to head to the mess-hall and such. It was amazingly freeing, to be honest.

Whilst this is all going on, I've had my nose in the books as well. Whenever I wasn't going through the journals, taking down notes or revising practical applications, I was nattering away to any medical officer available. Soon enough, I was a known nuisance throughout the HQ. Only now it was for different reasons. Then again, it had to be done. Books were grand, they were great, but it was the hands on stuff I needed the most. In the end, as I'd already guessed might be the case, it's Moblit Berner that proves to be my saviour more often than not. He was glad to be freed of Hanji's cabin fever really, and it gave him time to rewrite her notes whilst I studied and occasionally asked for his insight.

By the time we're heading back to springtime, I'm nearly ready for my first test. There were different levels of medics of course, and so I was happy to simply aim for the lowest rung for now. I could build from there, time was on my side at last.

During the winter, we also received word from Shadis - the old Commander, and now seasoned training officer. As a training man it didn't seem likely that he left much room for a kind word. I almost feel sorry for those recruits. In his letter he was genial enough, asking after everyone and generally messing about until getting to the damn point. It was safe to say I wasn't amused, and I just stared at Erwin with as good an 'you are bloody joking right?' expression as I could muster. My Commander thought the suggestion was sensible, I thought it was fucking stupid. I glanced at Levi to see him edging towards agreeing with Erwin, but the raising of my brow quickly shut him up. Shadis wanted me to go and work with him, to help train up new recruits and form the new soldiers of tomorrow. Oh yes it sounds lovely when you put it like that, but quite frankly all the suggestion sounded to me, was being put out to pasture. Like Shadis was saying I was of no use here, so I might as well be put out of sight and out of mind. Levi assured me that wasn't the case, but I saw how Erwin's gaze wavered. He couldn't outright deny it at least, that was clear. I hadn't even had a chance to try out being a medic yet, so dammit no, I wasn't going to throw my hat out of the HQ ring just yet. Thankfully neither men argued with me on this. They thought about it, of course they fucking thought about it, but it soon passed.

The first day we get an inkling of Spring being on its way, I walk along towards the courtyard after breakfast. The temperature looked kinder today, and that I had to try walking around solo occasionally. I was still near people, so if I fell on my ass it would be easy enough to wail for help. As it was, I just slowly make my way along, keeping a hand on the wall just in case. It was still odd, like trying to walk on a foot that I'd sat on for an hour. Nothing but a dull thump against the end of my stump. It was good to know there was little to no pain any more, but it did rather confirm my assumption on me never being able to properly use gear again. Not without a hell of a lot of retraining anyway, and without risking a lot for the teams. No, I might be able to use it to train people here, to help with drills, but I wouldn't ever use it beyond the walls again. Didn't matter how carefully I trained, I couldn't predict the angle etc. of ever tree we came across. The variables were too high.

The courtyard is freshly swept clean of snow and debris from the winter months, but even so, a delicate layer of frost clings to the stonework. It was quiet and pleasant in the sunshine. Really I hadn't left the HQ in a couple months, so it felt nice to breathe deep the crisp air of a new day. Looking back, I have no idea how I endured the UG. Then again, I guess I had no idea what 'fresh air' meant. Today I'd wanted to get out, in order to think about where things were going. With every extra minute of sunlight that world enjoys thanks to winter's regress, I have to consider the first mission of the year getting that bit closer. I had studied well, and was prepared to apply it to the real thing. My 'exam' was tomorrow, to get the official rank of lower medic, but really everyone considered me that already. I guess, I just don't know how my fears are going to react to being back on a mission. Will I be held back by it? Will I freeze solid at the sight of a Titan? I can't imagine that I will, I took the normal bastards down fine. I guess what I'm worried about is expecting the Colossal, the Armoured, or heaven forbid something even worse.

My hands shake.

I raise them up and watch them tremble in the pale sunlight. I try to think back again, but I can't remember ever seeing my hands do that when I was in the UG. Everything there was grounded, it had boundaries. It seemed black and white on what was possible, or not. Here though? The box of possibilities hadn't just been opened, it had been thrown all over the place. We had no idea what was possible or not, not any more at least. As my fingertips turn pink in the cold, I clench my hands, but the fists continue to shake. Dammit. Should I just accept this weakness and indeed remain here? I could do good work in the HQ. I could still be a vital part of the regiment, simply not beyond the walls. A lump forms in my throat, and I try to swallow it down. If I stay here, within the walls... is that me abandoning _them_? My heart aches at the idea, my closed eyes haunted by the image of crossed blades marking that grave-site. Would staying here mean absolutely severing my connection to Isabel and Farlan?

"Y'know I didn't give you the gloves just for the show of it." Hanji's voice burbles from the door way. I jolt and look at her, not having heard her at all beforehand. Either she was getting sneakier, or I had really zoned out.

Hanji grins and walks over, boots crunching against the frosty stone as she holds out the woollen garments. They were a deep green with delicate stitching on the back with our wing insignia. I love them. It was a gift for the solstice, despite the fact I hadn't been able to get her anything this year. My gift giving rather fell by the wayside due to physio-therapy and everything else running around my head. It was sods law really. This had been the year everyone wanted to get me stuff. Was it because I survived? Or because they pitied me? That idea stings me, and I know it's just bitter self-wallowing, but it just keeps coming back. These were good people though, they were kind and hard-working. They knew the ordeal I'd lived through, and I think they're just genuinely glad to have me still around. Silly beggars that they are.

"Thanks Hanji." I put them on and wiggle my fingers as they come back to life. The trembling has died down a little, but I know she'll have already spotted it.

"Looks like the big thaw might be round the corner." She hums, rubbing her own gloved hands together and blowing into them. "You shoulda worn a jacket too though, missy. You're healing well but lets not jinx things, m'kay?"

"Yeah, yeah doc." I nudge her and sigh contentedly. "I didn't expect to be out here to long. My mind just started wandering, I guess."

"I know the feeling." Hanji rests down on her haunches and traces a pattern against the stone, melting the ice with her gloved finger. It's beautiful. "How you feeling for your exams and all that? Moblit's been singing your praises non-stop." She murmurs, glancing up as her glasses slide down her pinked nose.

"He has?" I chuckle, unsure why the young medic would be doing anything of the sort. Hanji just shrugs and nods. I rock on my heel gently. "Well he's a very good teacher, very patient as well actually. I think I'm ready... I know I'm certainly eager to get it done. Once I have, I can start the practical applications of things."

"To an extent, but don't go round trying to get people to break bones just so you can practise a splint okay?" She laughs and shakes her head. "It'll be weird knowing you're not in a squad. But then again it was odd on that mission as well." Her voice trailed a bit at the end, her finger still on the stone.

"Yeah?"

"Of course. We didn't have a vital member in play." She smiles up at me, and I feel the cold-induced blush brighten. "It was fine in the end of course, but it did feel like heading out with a handicap." She explains, standing up and brushing her hands down.

"Well now I _am_ that handicap." I snort, patting my leg off the stone with a dull thud.

Her eyes flit downwards and she smiles softly. "No, you're an example of stubborn-ass-self strength."

"Uh, I mean-"

"Don't downplay this one, Kat." Hanji says, suddenly stern. "Many would be hiding in a city somewhere. Refusing to venture anywhere ever again."

"Many would be foolish then." I smile and she frowns. "The attack didn't happen out there, it happened in here, in a city with walls of supposed safety." I breathe, voice growing thin towards the end because frankly how could it not?

I curl my fists again and feel the nails biting through the gloves. I know she's watching me, but dammit I cannot even risk seeing pity there right now. It was true. I was afraid of seeing Titans and knowing what they might trigger in my mind, but I was also afraid of staying here. Bit of a catch 22, huh? By staying within the walls, it felt like I was a fish hovering near the hook. This falsehood of safety had been smashed for everyone, and whilst many had fallen prey to religion's wholesome call, I felt cold truth sinking into me. I'm sure all soldiers did one way or another. There was very little that could be done in the long run. We were out-gunned in all manners, on the battlefield. At least now the Garrison were taking things a bit more seriously, and I think even the MP's have had the sticks in their arses removed for a while. These were positives, but really, we all knew how small we were now. It doesn't bode well for overall confidence. 'Tenterhooks' was likely the best way to describe the feeling in these walls.

No one knew when it might happen again,

No one knew how to predict it.

No one knew really why it had happened anyway.

Why had the Titans suddenly become impatient, suddenly so much more ravenous for their unneeded quarry? It made no sense, but then again that was why they were terrifying, wasn't it? They didn't need to eat us, there was no logic behind it apparently. It was just mindless, horrifying violence of the worst kind.

"Oi, Kat?" Hanji shakes my shoulder a little, and I blink. Her eyes look to the heavens and she smirks. "Didn't hear a damn word, did you?"

"Mm... nope." I bite my lip and she pats my shoulder, leading me back inside as the cold nips our noses. "Sorry love, what were you saying?"

"I was saying, that I think it's good you've accepted what happened. You know where the danger was, you're not... I dunno... you're not regressing to simply fearing the Titans as a whole. It was the situation itself that shook you, right? Seeing them there, amongst the buildings, inside the walls?" My friend sees right through me, and yet is staring right at me as well. I was a bug under her microscope. She helps me up the stairs, and once we reach the top we head for the mess-hall for a hot drink.

"I guess it's good yeah... doesn't really help me sleep at night, but I'm sure it's good in the long run. I just wish I had some way of predicting how the field was gonna affect me." I sit down with her, and run my fingers along the rim of the cup as it steams. "I can't predict my own fear, like we can't predict when the next attack might take place. F-For all we know it could be another 100 years, or e-even..."

"Or within the next hour." She nods, blowing the steam from her cup and then glancing around at the watchful cadets. It had been a couple months, but they were still staring at me like I was a ghost. It was interesting to be such a hot-topic again, but I can't deny I've grown bored of it very quickly as well.

"Has Levi mentioned my first mission to you?" I ask gently, hearing her mind creak as she tilts that head at me. I smirk. "I assume he does occasionally speak to someone about what's going on in his head? He'd be fully insane if he didn't."

"Well it isn't me, I'm afraid. All he says to me, is threats concerning Moblit. Apparently if he's screwed up your training, it's my ass that's on the line." She explains, and I feel a blush take to my cheeks. He'd done what? I open my mouth to apologise, but she just smiles and shakes her head at me. "Don't worry about it, Claws."

"He can't pin that on you though. He needs to-"

"He needs to feel like he has some way of controlling this, let the man brood." She waves a dismissive hand and snorts. Hanji was a godsend.

Above us sounds a low creaking, before a dull slipping noise and then a loud "thump" outside. A cadet trudges in moments later, covered in snow, looking very unimpressed by the thawing world outside. I smirk into my drink and feel the sun on my back.

Spring was coming.

My exam was tomorrow.

I'm scared shitless.

* * *

 **So there we go, spring is approaching, and with it the first mission 0-0 how will it go? Will Kat have the nerve to keep going? Sorry if slower chapters aren't your thing, but I felt it was needed for the recovery section.**

 **Please leave a fav, follow and review, I really do love to hear from my readers and these past couple months have been so quiet! If you'd prefer to show your appreciation through other means, then please go ahead and check out my profile on Ko-fi! Same name and picture ;D**

 **See you in 3-4 weeks! (depending on Christmas etc.)**

 **Shoutout:**

 **Atreides03:** I'm really grateful for this review! It's really helped with the upload this month, so thank you so much for taking the time to chime in. So glad you're enjoying the portrayal of Levi, I had a lot of fun exploring the younger side to his character in the earlier chapters. I think he can be cold when it's _needed,_ but like you say, deep in his heart I think he cares deeply about people. Thanks so much for the praise, and for highlighting what you like about Katsumi! There's usually such OC bias in this community, so thank you, that really means a lot! Out of my three stories this one has the longest still to go, so don't worry there's plenty content still to come, haha. Thanks again, this review was a great boost before uploading, means a lot that you took the time :D hope to see you back again!


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